Terrence Loves You
by Hack.Drawer
Summary: Two men get to know each other better in a drunken night of passion. Neither of them expected for things to go further than that; from dysfunctional backgrounds, they end up carrying the mess even further. AU *COMPLETED*
1. You Are What You Are

In which Law is an angry man - Sanji is angry at men. But neither can resist each other.

* * *

Both of them were "friends" with Luffy, so they had run into each other's company once or twice. They knew each other's names, they were aware of their lifestyles, they passed each other no second glance. All Law knew of Sanji was that he was some sort of chef and smoked constantly while drooling over women like an embarrassing virgin; all Sanji knew of Law was that he kept to himself with a dirty look to his face while saying as little as possible - a rude motherfucker that spoke like everything offended him.

"Luffy, where did you meet that guy?" Sanji had asked skeptically as Law ate most of the chicken wings without regards to a napkin or any shame. Luffy looked at Sanji with the same sauce smeared face, looking over at his older friend with consideration. "In a fucking barn?"

"I think at Walmart," Luffy answered, puzzled while the bar erupted into cheers. "Produce section."

Sanji snorted because he could not see Luffy in any produce section.

"Are you aware that most boys outgrow and leave their nannies by a certain age?" Law had asked Luffy when he caught sight of Sanji snarling at their group of friends for looking like a bunch of lost ape babies one night after a pizza party.

Luffy looked at his shirt, puzzled by the suggestion. Sanji had just forced him into one of his own button shirts because Luffy was a mess after eating. "I never had a nanny...?"

"I'll drop him if he tries that shit with me," Law threatened low, gripping his feathered jacket tightly with both fists. Luffy laughed because Law was hiding a pizza stain on his shirt and Sanji pretty much ignored other men anyway.

So one night all of them gathered at a reception hall in a hotel downtown after Robin and Franky's quiet justice court wedding, and everyone was having a great time celebrating the surprise occasion. Law stayed in the darkest corner of the hall, sullenly taking advantage of the free bar and Sanji flirted with all the single women. None of them even spoke to each other; neither of them even glanced each other's way. Alcohol flowed, and merriment caused a chaotic scene that was near excruciating to deal with.

Law left without saying anything, tugging on his feathered coat at coat check. He met Sanji outside because Sanji was just helping a couple of women into their Ubers.

In the cold of the night, the air so frosty that it stung, Sanji looked at Law with a skeptic frown as Law grumbled during his search for his keys.

"Obviously not a great idea to drive if you drained the bar," Sanji snapped at him. "Robin took everyone's keys earlier..."

"That bitch," Law cursed, angry expression causing Sanji's own to mirror his. "I'll break her stupid hands for touching my shit."

"Fuck you for being so damn rude! Walk your dumb ass home, or," Sanji then suggested, shivering in the cold wind that knocked icicles from the nearby overhang, "take advantage of a free room here."

Law couldn't resist the sound of "free". "All to myself?"

" _Duh_ ," Sanji said, leading the way. He was dressed in a fancy suit with a black duster that made him look expensive, but Law imagined he'd only rented for the night. "I'll show you and you'll stay there with yourself by yourself. Fuck bringing anyone else with you, too..."

"Like I'd think of hooking up with any gold digger here," Law snapped at him, huddled within his coat. "All of Strawhat's little fan girl groupies are nothing to make any mistakes with."

"Don't you have golden nuts?" Sanji sneered at him as they made their way to the front desk. "Let me tell ya something, scrouge McUgly, nobody sober would take a second gander at you, anyway. Creepy neck beard of an incel..."

As he asked for one of the free rooms, Law looked at him incredulously. "Who are you calling 'ugly'?"

Sanji looked back at him as he noticed the tone. The woman prepared a room card as he said, "You look and act like an awkward Squidward...probably play clarinet like a pro, too..."

Law understood the suggestion, eyebrows lifting.

"Okay, Mr Ramsey," he said sarcastically, "your edgy insults really gutted me. You win."

Sanji took the key and gave it to Law. "Don't piss in any elevators on your way up."

"Thanks, dumbass," Law said, snatching the key from him and heading to the elevators. "Avoid sketchy offers from dudes wanting to show you their dick pics. You look like the type to fall for it."

Sanji followed him to the elevator, red in the face. "You look like the type to send them!"

Law smirked at him as he pressed the Close button. "And you look like you collect them. Have fun."

 _Any dude in that much denial is gay as fuck_ , Law thought to himself as the elevator took him to the sixth floor. He just stepped out when Sanji collided into him, breathing heavily and red in the face. Law almost fell at the unexpected action, feathers fluttering about as Sanji grabbed him by the lapels and snarled, "I'll not hear any gay shit coming from a man wearing feathers on his fucking coat!"

"How did you-?" Law exclaimed incredulously as Sanji shoved him away, loosening his tie. "Did you just -?"

"Any man even suggesting that I bat for my own team wants his ass kicked," Sanji wheezed, hands on his knees as Law escaped the closing doors of the elevator in time. "You don't know shit about me!"

"Any other straight dude would leave it at that," Law said, looking for his room number. He ventured towards the left. "Not pursue it to prove it. Don't worry - I don't care about your dirty little secrets."

"The only reason I'm following you is because Robin asked that I oversee the task," Sanji said after catching his breath. "And she judged you right."

Law paused after taking the corner, feeling his teeth grind together. "That woman knows shit about me!"

"It's easy to tell what kinda loser you are," Sanji said, turning the corner to look at him with a smirk. "The type that sticks to himself, says edgy things, expecting to be praised for being your type - Luffy took advantage of a loser to try and make him feel better."

"I don't need to be Strawhat's friend to feel any better about myself!" Law snapped at him, using his height advantage. "If it's free, I'm taking it!"

"You must not get it a lot then, because you look the type to be desperate about it."

"I don't need to try, unlike you," Law said, looking him over. "I see you walking to your room alone, too. Any dude as desperate as you are can't be that successful with any female. Hoping to lose your virginity tonight? Good luck with that."

Sanji grit his teeth, red boiling up from his neck to his forehead to make veins bulge.

Law made a swinging motion to indicate a home run before turning around and looking for the number to match his card.

Sanji laughed, causing Law to pause in mid step. Looking back at him, he scowled.

"I get why Luffy picked you up," Sanji said, digging for his cigarettes. "You're pathetic."

"No man," Law felt himself get heated, "picks me up. I decide who I take pity on."

"Right. Which is why you came here alone. Now that I understand, I guess I'll let up on teasing you. Sleep tight."

"Just to make it clear," Law interrupted him, "I'm not anyone's pet project. I am not anyone's pity project. I am no project!"

"Right," Sanji said skeptically. "Sleep it off, dumb ass. You want me to call any of your crackhead friends to get you?"

"What about me makes you think I do crack?"

"It's funny how you can't drop this ridiculous confrontation," Sanji said with a snort, turning away to meander back to the elevator. "You try hard for a final word, but you'll not win this one..."

Law snorted, turning to walk away. Once he was at his doorway, he shoved his card into the lock, muttering, "What a malicious prick...flirting just to have my attention - "

"No one is flirting with you!" Sanji snarled, suddenly at his shoulder, causing Law to shout with startled fright because the man's colliding weight against his back sent them both tumbling against the door.

"How are you doing that?" Law cried, feathers fluttering about as he tossed Sanji off his back. "Are you an Olympic sprinter?"

"And are you a child, still talking about me behind my back?" Sanji panted, winded. He lit the cigarette he still had and blew smoke into his face, causing Law to shake with building rage. "You fit right in with these assholes with that childishness! That's why Luffy adopted you! Despite your age, you're just like them - "

"You take that back," Law snarled at him, wearing his most displeased expression. He snatched the cigarette from Sanji's mouth, putting it out on his coat. Sanji stared at him for a moment then attacked. Both of them fell through the door, pushing at each other while searching for an opening.

But as they crashed against the table, knocking over chairs and sent lamps to the floor, Sanji ended up with a ripped shirt that seemed to billow open and Law lost his jacket, revealing a ripped vest and collar. Both of them had blood dripping from either nose or lip, stiff hair mussed and expressions fierce.

"No bra?" Law wheezed while Sanji's expression darkened as he gathered the material of his shirt closed at the collar. "So demure..."

"Don't look at me so closely," Sanji snapped at him, reddening,"or I might get the wrong idea!"

"You wish!"

"Maybe that's why you think of women as lower creatures than you," Sanji said with a smirk. He attempted to fix his shirt. "Don't worry, your secret is safe with me..."

"The idea would excite you, wouldn't it?" Law returned, removing his ripped vest, "After all, I played right into your little ploy. You've cornered and trapped me, started undressing me immediately. My chastity is in danger."

Sanji's face purpled with rage. "I did no such thing! You lured me here with your childish comments!"

"Because you baited me, you imbecile!" Law shouted at him, unbuttoning and rolling up his sleeves.

"All you had to do was walk away!"

"You followed me!"

"You ruined my coat!" Sanji snarled at him, grabbing his collar. Law grabbed his, both of their shaking fists pushing into each other's throats.

"You forced me sober!"

"You pretend to drink to allow yourself to be taken advantage of! Pathetic!"

"I don't need to pretend anything," Law snarled, tasting the ash of Sanji's breath as they leaned in to butt heads, "I'm very obvious. You're the lie here -!"

"Only a neckbeard could play such a victim game!" Sanji growled, their sweat causing their foreheads to stick together, "Blaming others for their own behavior!"

"You'd know that game very well, huh?" Law wheezed, then kissed him. Sanji bit him, hands transferring to his shoulders before following Law's jerk backward to bite his neck. Law's hands transferred to Sanji's hair to pull him back, returning the gesture.

"Stop leaving hickies on me!"

"You're only making me look bad!"

"What straight man does this?"

"What man _kisses_ another...?"

Both of them mashed their lips together, breathing hard as sweaty skin stuck to sweaty skin. Both of them could taste blood, ash and alcohol. Law forced Sanji's head to stick to his, their teeth clacking together as they bared teeth to growl at each other. Sanji's tongue swept over Law's teeth, causing Law to open his mouth with alarm.

Someone's heart was beating hard and fast as their heated breath transferred between them but neither of them would admit it was his. Sanji shoved his tongue in to choke Law, who coughed and gagged as he jerked his head back. He threw Sanji onto his back on the floor and covered him with his body, Sanji struggling to roll him off. Law braced himself over him, arms and legs spread out as Sanji snarled at him.

To get his revenge, Law licked Sanji's closed lips - he grabbed the man's jaw to hold his face in place, biting his lower lip. When Sanji opened his mouth to curse, Law licked his gums, dragged his teeth over Sanji's.

"Fuck you!" Sanji cried, tilting his head back to escape Law's mouth. Law bit his exposed throat, causing a rather strange sound to escape from Sanji.

"What a fag," he sneered as Sanji breathed heavily with rage.

Sanji bumped his hips up against his. "You're the one that's hard, you fucking homo!"

To get him for that,Law dragged his teeth over Sanji's chest, Sanji grabbing handfuls of his hair. He used his legs to grip the taller man, grinding up against him.

"I bet you like that, don't you? ...you do!" Sanji accused him as Law reddened. Sanji ripped his shirt open, hands sliding up to Law's throat to choke him.

Face filling with pressure, Law managed to straighten up to poke Sanji with his dick. Ripped his pants open to grab his dick outside his underwear. Sanji's hands dropped to cover his, trying to push while pull his hips down. Both of them struggled against each other, but both of them were trying to grind their erections against the other's.

"You're so fucking gay!"

"Fuck you, with your dick out!"

To shut him up, Law covered his mouth with his. He gripped Sanji's dick with one hand, stroking him with hard, fierce pulls. Sanji gave a weird exhale that shuddered into a gasping pant, Law tasting his breath. Sanji's hands went to his hips, gripping strongly before sweeping up to Law's chest, nails raking against his skin.

Releasing his dick with one hand, Law adjusted position to dig his out, which was straining mightily against his underwear. He pressed it up against Sanji's, both of them breathing heavily.

"For someone over six feet tall, you got a small piece of shit dick," Sanji cursed at him.

"No one's complained but you," Law retorted as Sanji snagged him with one sweaty hand, squeezing tightly enough to make Law grunt. "All my bitches beg me for more!"

"That was only to make you feel better about yourself!" Sanji snapped at him. "Can't have you killing them out of a rage, you woman hater!"

"Feel my dick, you piece of shit," Law cursed against Sanji's sweaty cheek. He ground them together, Sanji meeting him in the middle. Both of them had a hand wrapped around the other's, moving vigorously against each other.

"You're so into it," Sanji panted, feeling like he couldn't breathe deep enough, "it's so obvious you're fucking into dick."

"You hate it so bad, then stop touching me."

Both of them gave frustrated noises, actions speaking oppositely of their verbal directions. A slip of the hand caused Law to drop his grasp, briefly crushing Sanji as he lowered himself with one hand on the floor. Sanji shoved him off, sweaty hair slapping against his face as sweat dropped down his jaw. He sat astride Law's hips, dick bobbing just above his briefs. Law pulled him down, their mouths moving clumsily over the other's. Sanji growled, bracing himself above him while Law grabbed his hair to prevent him to moving. Sanji reached between them to stroke himself, ignoring the obvious between them.

Law bit his tongue, causing Sanji to drop what he was doing to curse. The blonde yanked away from him, Law pushing him off. Making to get away, trying to fix his pants at the same time, Sanji grunted as Law pushed him into the floor. He sprawled over the other man as Sanji struggled to push himself away from him. He gave an angry cry once he felt the other man's dick against his ass, but it changed into something different once he felt Law grab his.

"You are so damn gay," Law snarled against Sanji's sweaty head, panting so noisily that he felt like he was close to passing out. "Still so fucking hard."

"You're the one with your dick up against my ass!" Sanji growled back, covering his hand with his. He bent his head forward, bracing it against his folded arm. He couldn't decide on getting away or getting his - he had so much excitement racing through him that his feelings were confusing.

Adjusting his position, Law straightened up onto his knees. He pushed Sanji's hips down onto the floor, then shoved Sanji's shirt and jacket up over his waist to expose him.

"You're a slut," he wheezed, fitting his dick between Sanji's warm thighs. The man squeezed his legs together - his thighs hairy and surprisingly muscled, squeezing Law's dick just right. "Being naked under these clothes...!"

"Fuck you for noticing! Dry humping me like a fucking teenager!"

Law did just that, Sanji pushing his hips up so he could stroke himself at the same time. He couldn't breathe with Law over him, panting against his ear. He cursed noisily, frustrated at the position and the situation. He could feel Law's sweat dripping over him, causing a sticky slick sensation against his back. His neck, face and hair smelled like him, too, their clothes tangled together as they moved roughly against each other.

He heaved upward after releasing his dick, shoving Law aside to get some air. Law grabbed his dick, stroking him painfully hard, Sanji eking out a curse. After a few moments he grabbed Law's and applied the same, angry pressure. They looked at each other, head butting the other moments later.

"It's gay when you make eye contact!" Sanji snapped at him, sweat running down his face.

"Stop trying to make this romantic!" Law snapped back, reaching for Sanji's hip. He grabbed a handful of flesh and muscle, surprised at the substance. Sanji leaned forward to bite his shoulder, using his forehead to push Law's head back to earn him room to his neck. His mouth moved there, sucking before licking the straining tendons, Law hissing out a hard breath.

"You're so fucking gay," Sanji whispered, a determined look to his face, "you're going to cum and never forget me."

"Fuck you and your small dick," Law whispered back, feeling heat build over in his balls. "I've already forgotten your damn name."

In moments both of them came, spurting cum over moving palms and fingers. Sanji managed to bring a knee up, kicking him away before Law could shove him. Angrily, he jerked up to his feet, fixing his pants. He stormed out of the room while Law flopped onto his back. His dick hanging over his briefs, he covered his face with both hands. Then screamed as he realized he'd just slapped his own face with Sanji's cum. He rushed to the shower, discarding his clothes along the way.

After that night, he avoided Luffy's invitations with a vengeance, coming up with blatantly obvious excuses that were rude and borderline hateful. But Luffy just figured that was just Law's personality and never took it personally.

"But why?" Luffy asked with a bewildered face. He'd just invited Law out to their softball league, needing another player. "You and Sanji got weird. He's not coming out either. He suddenly decided he's _too busy_."

"Hmph, I don't care about your stupid friends," Law huffed, feeling his face redden. Luffy gave him a bewildered look.

"Why are you blushing?"

" _I'm not_."

Law found himself thinking of that night a lot. He'd had his private share of fucking around with other men, but he'd actually _liked_ them to do so. It was puzzling how that violence had turned into something so hot and sweaty. He'd never given Sanji any consideration- never looked at him beyond casual conversation. He didn't find him attractive, he wasn't into Sanji's youth, and after his last man, he hated smokers with a vengeance.

Alcohol didn't turn him into some lustful demon that lost all inhibitions, and he wasn't drinking to forget relationship woes. He wasn't in any position to be losing his mind over some stupid exchange - how this turned into that left him feeling angrier than usual.

He didn't say anything about it because it felt like a shameful secret. But sometimes he'd suddenly remember how the man smelled, remember how his flesh felt at his palms and recalled the feeling of his hair.

Sometimes he'd find himself with his hand down his pants, focused on what happened that night. Admittedly, he'd never felt so angry giving himself a rub-off; so it pissed him off even further that this man _ruined_ him. He hooked up with a few people here and there but it wasn't the same.

Maybe what made it worse was the fact Sanji had decided to take his gay ass off to France for some lame ass restaurant apprenticeship excuse - Law had come to the conclusion that the man had used him to explore his goddamn secret homosexuality just to set off some steam. Law didn't know why that upset him so much.

But the more he thought about it, the more it made sense that that blond dick knew exactly what he was doing. Sanji knew exactly where to touch, how to tighten his thighs, how to position himself - Law had to accept that he wasn't Sanji's first man. So Law had himself tested, then subtly asked Luffy about Sanji's history. Now that he knew Sanji was gone, Law had joined Luffy's goddamn softball team.

Luffy laughed while Zoro went up to bat. "Sanji never dated any men! He likes women!"

Ussop snorted, cheek full of bubble gum while Shachi called out encouragement. "Sanji hates men with a passion," he said. "He would not mess around with them. He kicked in a dude's face for even approaching him at a bar one time."

"I was asking _him_ ," Law snapped at Ussop, "in no fashion did I ask for your input."

"Stop being a dick," Penguin reprimanded him from the fence. "Don't worry about it, man."

"It's no prob," Ussop assured him.

"Why you ask?" Luffy then asked Law curiously.

"No reason," Law grumbled, grabbing his bat and stalking out onto the field.

"Why he ask that?" Luffy asked Penguin. "I miss Sanji. He never said he was coming back. Every time i talk about him, I get real emotional."

"I don't know," Penguin admitted with a shrug. "That's the first time that guy's name came up."

Luffy sniffled noisily as Law hit a home run - it made Penguin wince because he'd never seen such an angry home run before. Luffy grabbed his bat, dragging it out after him.

"Sanji! Come home!" he cried as Law angrily rounded the bases and almost slammed into a puzzled Zoro at home plate.

Law decided to let it go. He decided to chalk it up to a notch on his experience archives and chuck the memory to something he'd use for those times when he needed masturbation material. As long as Luffy still grew emotional when Sanji's name came up, Law could relax. He told himself it was just a bad hookup. Kept the secret a secret and choked himself with regret because he chose such a weird bedmate to waste his emotional and mental state on.

But he still grit his teeth when Sanji's name came up at the softball games. He could still smell his sweat and cigarettes on lonely nights. And he definitely made every effort to avoid smokers with a passion, convinced they were exactly like the cancer they were certain to die from. Law was determined to forget him - but he had to admit to himself that he didn't know how.


	2. I Don't Matter To Anyone

The popular hook up app was convenient for Law's use – meeting people, for him, was extremely difficult due to his personality "quirks". So the app allowed him to get straight to the point of what he wanted when he felt like it, and it was convenient to use wherever he was. He didn't have to learn anyone's name, background, and dick pics were encouraged. Well, for men – he didn't dare challenge women unless they asked, fearing the MeToo movement.

On his last night out of town, on his annual trip back home that was out of state, Law used the app to find a convenient hookup at the airport hotel. Ignoring the messages coming from Luffy, Penguin and the others, Law scanned the profiles and availability of any dude that was interested to get to know him for twenty minutes max. He sat on the bed, crunching on Corn-Nuts and slurping down a root beer as he flicked through pick-up lines and bad profile pics. He came upon one that was an out-of-towner like he was.

'Discretion needed. Twenty minutes max,' was the opening line.

 _Convenient_ , he thought, tapping on the message button. He gave the address to the hotel and his room number. The flashing lights assured him of a quicker reply.

'Height? Dick?'

 _Why does that matter_? Law thought crossly, shoving a handful of Corn-Nuts into his mouth and chewing messily. But he sent a good dic pic from his files, along with, '6'3 and 3 inches full.'

'Pathetic. That'll work. Be there in ten.'

 _Holy shit, that worked_ , Law thought with amusement, finishing off the bag. _Must be a terrible bottom._

He considered what he wanted from this encounter, and examined the pile of junk food he'd been consuming. He shrugged it off, figuring whatever that this picky asshole had in mind would be fine. But he took a quick shower and by the time he heard the knock on his door, he was already ready to get this encounter over with. He peered through the peephole, seeing nobody standing there.

He rolled his eyes to the ceiling and opened the door. Whirling away from the side of the door was someone he definitely did not expect to see. He was wearing a hat pulled low over his forehead to cover most of his face, but Law would recognize Sanji anywhere. Once Sanji recognized him, his face filled with utter horror while Law's face drained of color. He slammed the door shut just as Sanji raced off. All the things that Law had been feeling because of _this asshole_ made him reopen it moments later, but Sanji was already gone. Slamming the door shut again, Law raced for his phone, opening up the app to retrieve the messaging he'd used earlier.

'Fuck you, you piece of shit!' he sent, misspelled and with too many spaces as his hand shook. Then, swept up in the moment, Law threw his phone to the floor, feeling his heart slam against his chest with anxiety. He kicked over the nearby chair and paced restlessly as question after question flooded his mind. Did this mean Sanji was back? Was he avoiding everyone because of that one night? What the hell was up with the specifics of his request?

Law drew his fingers over his face. The wounds felt fresh all over again. The anger and the tumultuous feeling of _something_ kept coursing over him. Obviously, Sanji was hiding things from those closest to him. Law had that over him – at the same time, he himself wasn't out with his personal life, so it wasn't like he was going to implicate himself either. But to think that this selfish asshole could run away from him - !

His door rattled with a violence that caused the wood to crack ominously. Law looked over at it with a flustered expression. Then he composed himself as anger made everything hot all over again. He pulled his towel on and wrapped it around himself chest level, not really thinking about it. He peered through the peephole to see Sanji glaring furiously at the door, pacing with the same sort of anxiety that Law was experiencing.

It didn't make sense for Sanji to be angry at him!

"Fuck you!" Law snapped against the door.

"Open up, you shitty piece of shit," Sanji snarled back, rattling at the knob. "What the fuck are you so scared of?"

"You're the one that ran away!" Law struggled to put aside the feeling that once again came up again. He realized where his towel was and re-wrapped it around his hips.

"I was _busy_ ," Sanji ground out, like every word was an effort. "So open the fuck up."

Law sneered at him as he pulled away from the door. He debated on doing so. _Why_ should he? He should just let Sanji suffer with the fact that Law knew his dirty little secret. But then again, if he backed down, _he_ came off looking like a wimp. With a short exhale, he opened the door. Sanji shoved his way in, smelling of cigarettes and cologne. It made Law cough, reminding him why he hated the smell. He shut the door, clutching his towel.

Sanji was dressed near similar as he was that night – except the trench coat he wore had some type of weird bands at the shoulders, like brass buttons. His hair was flat as he ripped his hat off. "The fuck are you doing?" he then spit at Law, like an accusation.

It actually made Law's mouth flap uselessly as outrage filled him. "Like _you_ should be asking me that!"

"You _do_ send dick pics!"

" _You asked_!"

Sanji scanned the wrappers of junk food near the trash can, then had the nerve to look at Law like the older man had personally offended him. "You're so fucking filthy it gives me a damn heart attack!"

"Says you! With your fucking specifics!"

Sanji lurched up to him. He ripped off Law's towel, causing Law an innate amount of distress as he then made his way to the door. Law was busily fumbling with his towel to recover himself, and looking at Sanji with combined horror and alarm that he couldn't really sputter anything else.

"Say _nothing_ to no one!" Sanji hissed at him with warning before leaving the room with a slam of the door.

Incredulous, Law stared at the closed door. His neck, face and chest filled with heated color. He was so floored by the entire encounter that when he cursed noisily, none of his words made sense.

He ended up getting dressed and furiously leaving his room to find a liquor store. He loaded up on good whiskey and got himself plastered just to get his nerves back. It was a relief to finally get home later that night, his travel bag tossed in the direction of his couch as he made his way to the fridge to find something to eat. His phone rang incessantly by the time he settled on a jug of orange juice and a cold sandwich.

Knowing it was Luffy calling him to say the obvious, Law ignored his phone. He sat in his chair facing his television set and turned on the cooking channel to fantasize about the meals. He would have to drop off the softball team – change his address. Delete the app. Screw it, he was going to find himself in another relationship just to avoid this mess. Anything to keep him from running into That Face again.

It infuriated him that Sanji did this to him. A guy Law had never given a second glance to had _ruined_ his whole life – then grew pissed _at him_ for sending dick pics on a hook up app!

He growled, crushing the rest of his sandwich within one hand. Nothing about it made sense, and everything about it made sense. Sanji was obviously a closeted homo – just like Law – and was very angry about it. Which _didn't_ make sense, because he wasn't a religious bastard, nor was he a Republican – which Law knew because Nami spoke of everyone's business when mid-terms came up. For him to be angry at Law – _what was Sanji's problem_? He had nothing to be angry about – Law was the one that was angry!

It was bad enough Law was always in a mood, because Sanji made it so much worse.

He finished off his jug of orange juice, then tossed it in the direction of his trash can. At the polite knock on his door, Law sank into his chair with a hard exhale, lowering the volume of his television set.

"I know you're in there, asshole," Penguin said against the door. "Your light's on."

Law cursed, but managed to get up to let him in. Penguin whistled once he saw him and the state of his mood.

"Bad flight?" he asked. "Or were you cut out of the will again?"

"I evaded murder," Law confirmed with a nod. "Fortunately, I had already put down the knife and his mood was worse, so he was the one to visit the jail cell."

Penguin nodded. Law spoke so casually of his wreck of a family that anyone overhearing them would think he were only describing a tv show plot. But it explained much of Law's general make-up; it explained why he was so angry all the time. Penguin was his friend only because he understood.

"So, I'm guessing you were avoiding your phone? Because Luffy organized a get together for his one hundred closest friends for Sanji's welcome home party."

Law snarled at the man's name. "I'm moving out of town."

Penguin gave him a confused look. "But the restraining order…and what's with the mood?"

"I'm not in any mood to socialize."

Penguin pushed aside Law's travel bag and sat on the couch. "There's going to be real food. Sanji's cooking."

"I. _Don't_. Care."

Penguin glanced at the television set, watching as a steak was grilled to perfection, settled atop of a bright plate with equally as brilliant side dishes. "There's going to be steak…"

"As of today, I refuse to be any friend of Strawhat's. Help me think of a plan to cut that bastard out of my life."

Penguin shook his head, grinning. "Sorry, buddy, but Luffy's going to refuse that. After your contribution to the adult league, he's not letting you go any time soon. Why are you so angry?"

"I just don't feel like peopling."

"Yes, but…it seems a lot different this time. Plus," Penguin added, tracing one of the patterns on the couch cushion, "Sanji asked me to make sure you'd be there."

Law ground his teeth so hard that Penguin had to shiver.

"He's an okay guy, you know," Penguin insisted. "Yeah, he's a bastard of a dude, but he treats us dudes fine if you'd just avoid making eye contact with him, talking to him, interfering with anything the ladies say…that sort of thing…"

Penguin then noticed the man's glower at the television set. Something about Law's mood felt different – usually, he was very prickly after returning from home but this had a different feel to him. Penguin felt that Law was angry about something else entirely. He pursed his lips, eyes flitting around until he caught sight of Law's phone on the floor. Luffy's messages went ignored, but blinked with other notifications.

Law had been downright cranky about making the effort to get back into the dating pool, but Penguin knew he hooked up with others. Penguin didn't know the details, but Law sometimes expressed that he favored older "models" for play things. Penguin could see Law with an older woman but the way he spoke and treated them made Penguin _feel_ that Law didn't _like_ women.

He couldn't ask Law straight out if he swung for his own team. It felt wrong to do so. So Penguin just _assumed_ , and he _assumed_ that something had gone wrong for Law to feel completely fed up with people. Law was an angry person but he was actually very sensitive and that was the only reason why Penguin kept Law's words and actions in check.

Almost similar to keeping a mistreated pitbull contained, but Penguin knew that was the wrong thing to do because the pitbull kept getting meaner.

"Why would he ask that of me when I've never really spoken to him?" he heard Law mutter. "I don't care about him."

"Because Sanji likes Luffy and accommodates him a lot, if you haven't already noticed. C'mon, man, it'll be fun. Just for a couple of hours – there will be so many people there that no one will notice if you hang out in the back."

Law considered this. Considering how popular Luffy was, there would be a ton of people between himself and Sanji. Easy to avoid him if he was cooking for his own damn welcoming party. Law had experience hiding in the back – Sanji wouldn't even know he was there. That way, he could also intimidate the shitty brat with holding this personal information over his head. Let Sanji know that any wrong action or word from him would allow Law to reveal his deepest secret.

 _Why in the world should he allow this man to intimidate him_?

"Fine," he growled against his fist. "For an hour."

"Great! It's going to be at the party hall in the community center – the one with the huge park? You know where it is." Penguin stood up cheerily. "Dress warm – it's supposed to snow again! Bring your bats – there's a home run contest, too."

Law rolled his eyes as Penguin let himself out, sounding cheery. He resumed glaring at the television screen. His fingers clenched tightly as he found himself thinking that Sanji was extra shitty for extending the invitation to him through Law's own friend. What a jerk. What a dick. What was in it for him? Possibly to keep an eye on him with the same intentions that Law had for him.

… _Why the fuck did Sanji request those specifics in the first place_?

Law was determined to get his revenge.

: :

The party did not go as Law intended it to go. One minute he was busy sulking outside while everyone ate inside, the next Sanji was in his face in the outside park bathroom before Law could use the urinal like he'd intended to. Law didn't know why he couldn't even say anything – just that Sanji was kissing him and Law was responding because his mind just went blank. They fumbled their way to the back stall and locked the door.

He had Sanji's hair in his hands, Sanji's tongue in his mouth and both of them were breathing hot, stinky breath from the other as they groped each other fiercely. It was freezing, the stone walls were cold and they could hear the cheerful, loud voices of everyone participating in the home run contest at the field.

There was so much anger and want that made them both resentful and frustrated, but neither of them could pull away. Law could feel Sanji's bite marks on his shoulder, stinging insanely but he could feel swelling on Sanji's hips, where his own fingers grabbed and pulled to keep the smaller man's erection against his. They were dry humping each other, one of Sanji's legs curled around his waist. Not much was being said but they cursed each other angrily, like snarling dogs. There was nothing gentle about their touch and kisses - just slobbering chaotically enough to leave a mess around their mouths and jaws.

Sanji's lips were chapped and dry - they scraped against Law's skin roughly but left just enough of a trace of potential softness. If he were gentler, Law felt it would be fine. But Sanji kissed him like he were holding himself back from attacking him at the same time. His teeth scraped at Law's jawline, clenched with a dangerous threat in trying to muffle his growls.

The bathroom door opened and they stilled long enough for someone to use a urinal, farting noisily as they did so. The sink was used and whoever it was left without leaving any indication as to who they were. Law shoved Sanji's head back to lick the length of his fragrant throat, tracing over his bobbing Adam's Apple. Sanji gave a whine that quickly cut off into a harsh exhale instead, his fingers gripping Law's hair with renewed urgency. Law's dick hurt from the sound alone, wanting more of these sounds, needing more stimulation that dry humping did not alleviate. The smell of Sanji filled his head completely - the smell of his cigarettes, the scent of his skin, the smell of food. His stomach growled noisily, gurgling with the upset of being denied food because Law was too mad at Sanji to eat.

One of Sanji's hands left Law's neck to delve into his pants. Law found him considerate in that Sanji at least warmed them up first. His fingers scratched through Law's pubic hair, and Law thought Sanji would pull but he gave a surprisingly gentle scratching that did nothing to help relieve the built pressure at his balls. Once his long fingers wrapped around the girth and gave a couple of twisting strokes, Law fumbled with his pants to return the gesture.

"No!" Sanji suddenly growled at him, stopping his movement to remove Law's hands from his belt. He shoved them away like Law had burned him.

Law gave him a confused look, breathing heavily. Slobber dribbled down his chin and caught in his goatee. " _What the fuck_?" was all he could utter.

"What the fuck am I doing?" Sanji muttered, pushing away from him. He gave Law a look like he'd just woken up in the middle of all of this. The space between them was suddenly cold and interruptive, like an intruder. He straightened his clothes as cheers erupted outside. Then he left the stall, wiping his face. There were no mirrors in the bathroom, so he left in a huff.

Law stood there with the front of his underwear exposed and couldn't think for a good minute. Then he fixed and straightened his clothes. He slammed the stall door shut and locked it, bending at the knees to catch his breath and regain his composure. His mind was whirling with confusion, disorder blinding him with insecurities and burning anger. Was that guy just playing with him? Using him? Building him up to betrayal?

 _What the fuck was his problem_?

He hit the wall next to him with a fist as the door opened noisily. The sound still reverberated through the bathroom, and Ussop cried out with fear before leaving just as hastily as he'd come in.

" _Ghosts_!" Law heard Ussop cry outside.

Law knew what would come next, so he emptied his aching bladder, washed his hands and dried them hastily at the hem of his hooded sweater. He slipped out before Ussop could return with his friends to investigate. Law left the party because he could not bear to see Sanji's stupid face again after that. He turned his phone off and returned home with such hot, running anger that it made all of him restless.

He took a long, cold shower; brushed his teeth and gargled many times over to erase the taste of Sanji from his mouth. He considered cutting his hair because he could still feel Sanji's fingers in there.

His body ached in a way that it felt alien. He could still feel the man touching him, the heat of his body against his. Like ghost hands.

His mind swirled with confusion and anger for the man's actions and sudden denial. This sort of frustration felt similar to the time when his ex decided he'd left him with the excuse that Law was just "too angry". Law had thought he'd be understanding once Law finally let him in, but the combination of knowing where Law came from and Law's own personality had been too much for him. His ex left and Law was left floundering with the same sort of confusion – he'd opened a door just to have it shut on his fingers.

This was the same feeling.

He didn't understand it because obviously Sanji was wrestling with his sexuality and wasn't anything to brag about. So Law had to attribute it just to the fact that he was just physically frustrated.

It wasn't anything deeper than that. Because he knew shit about Sanji and Sanji knew shit about him.

He should not let this idiot get the most of him like this.

Exhaling low and slow, Law resolved not to let the man dictate their feverish, violent trysts. He could say 'no', too.

* * *

 **A/N** : The title is Lana Del Rey's. And I honestly don't know where this is going because I expected only to do a one-shot and it grew into something else. But Law is an angry man – so much to explore why. And Sanji is fighting his sexuality BUT he's obviously losing that battle.

 **Naghi-Tan** : Hi! Long time no see!


	3. And All Of What's Hidden

The adult softball league only took breaks when there was lightening flashing across the sky, and freezing conditions made the AstroTurf slippery. So on this cold evening the fields were active with games, children running about merrily, and the food stand busy. Law showed up despite his brewing mood, because he refused to have Sanji and his weird behavior chase him away. He slurped on beer through a straw loaded in an empty McDonald's cup – softball was played better when there was alcohol present, but the food stand refused to sell any. So most players loaded up in the parking lot, while he had a couple of extra cans in his bag.

The bastard was already there – he wasn't dressed to play, but bundled up for the cold weather. He laughed and visited with his friends while they warmed up by tossing a ball to each other, talking noisily about their day. Sanji had also brought snacks, pulling along a rolling cart with hot items that his friends were already demolishing. Luffy lit up at the sight of Law, cramming the last of his hot beef sandwich into his mouth before starting in on another.

Law looked down at him with disgust as Penguin and Shachi jerked his bats from his Rawlings pack and took off with them. "That looks like vagina."

"It's _super_ good!" Luffy crowed merrily, managing to swallow and speak at the same time. He was wearing a long sleeved shirt underneath his uniform and basketball shorts, none of it protective against the sharp chill in the air. His cleats weren't even laced up. Law thought to have someone go find his parents and return him to them. "Have one!"

"If I wanted warm beef curtains, I can find them on my own," Law stated, Franky opening up his pack and stealing off with his extra mitt, and Zoro taking off with the gum Law kept. Once he realized that these people were stealing off with his things, Law jerked his pack off and crossed his arms over it. Nami just missed stealing off with his wallet, snapping her fingers with disappointment as she walked off.

Luffy looked up at Law, pausing in mid-chew. His eyes widened. "They make beef curtains? For _houses_?"

"They can be as big as a house," Law assured him dryly as Luffy's eyes then took on a delighted gleam as he looked from his sandwich to Law, considering the very concept. "You're so fucking dumb…"

"Hey asshole," Sanji said, overhearing the exchange and glaring at Law. He was wearing a hideous blue and white snow jacket, white knit cap on over his hair, jeans showing off long, stick legs. Nothing about him was of any attraction to Law. He looked exactly like one of the younger kids running around. It disgusted him how he could have such chemistry – he felt like he'd messed around with a minor. His expression turned crosser because of this. "When you're done with that beer, I have more. Just grab one."

Law speared him with a glare for even trying to be nice to him.

"Sanji," Luffy sang, slinging an arm around the other's shoulder while cramming the last of his sandwich into his mouth, "let me sign you up for the team next time!"

"Sorry, but I don't play with phallic things," Sanji said haughtily, pushing him off and avoiding Law's pointed look as he walked off to bug Zoro for a piece of gum.

Luffy sighed, licking his fingers. He'd left handprints on Sanji's jacket, the blond yet to discover this. "He always plays hard to get, that Sanji. I'll have him swinging my bat before he knows it."

"Seems like he has experience with that sort of thing," Law grumbled as he headed to the dugout. He pulled out his mitt then hung his bag up. Finishing his drink, he refilled it with another can and sat on the bench to change into his cleats. It was irritating how he could pick out Sanji's voice from the others – like a tickle in his ear. But he was resolved to ignore him as best as he could – team sports wasn't really his thing, but he hated to lose.

At the end of the game, they'd overpowered the team and were busy planning on a celebratory dinner at a near pizza place. Law was ready to go home. He changed out of his cleats while ignoring everyone's good cheer and snatched up his bats and mitt – pulled out his cash from Nami's purse when the woman hung all over Luffy for the last home run. He'd just tucked that wad back into his pocket when he felt a presence behind him.

"Fuck off," he snarled, zipping up his pack.

"You don't want this, then?" Zoro asked, waving his gum pack about. Law was surprised that it was only him, and felt self-conscious for his assumption. He ignored Law's snarl as the man snatched it from his hand. "So, you going to get pizza with the rest of us?"

"I got better things to do," Law mumbled, throwing his pack on over one shoulder. "Leave me alone."

"You did great, tonight. Short stop's a tough position."

Law pushed past him to head to the parking lot. "What makes you think I feel like stupid chit-chat?"

Zoro shrugged as the taller man left. They were all used to Law's surliness, not taking it personally. Penguin and Shachi went with him, leaving their small group to gather up all their things. Nami complained noisily once she realized she was missing money, and Luffy tried to help her find it. Sanji looked at Zoro, exhaling smoke harshly.

"That guy always like that?" he asked Zoro, glaring after the trio. " _Rude_ much."

"It's nothing personal," Zoro said, shoving his bat into his pack and slinging it over his shoulder.

"A guy with no manners is a typical thing around here," Sanji huffed, digging out his rental car keys from his pocket. He withdrew his hand to see that it was covered in sauce – he remembered Luffy stuffing his cold hands into his pockets earlier, and felt his forehead pulse with rising temper.

Zoro looked at him pointedly. "Is it _really_ that bothersome?"

"You know I don't like very many people. Rude ones get the worst of my wrath."

Zoro snorted, hiking up his backpack. Sanji couldn't help but feel a sliver of paranoia as the man walked off, yawning. He glanced in the direction of the parking lot, feeling his stomach tighten with anxiety. Panic lit his veins – surely Zoro hadn't been witness to anything…Sanji was quite positive he'd always covered his tracks. Maybe Law had said something after he left. He wouldn't know what unless he asked, and he wasn't about to reveal anything by doing that. He lit a cigarette, aware of his shaking hand, and shifted that paranoia aside to just live the night as it was.

: :

The season ended without fanfare, giving the league a couple of weeks' break until spring. Sanji avoided talking to Law directly, and Law refused to give him his singular attention. Refused his food, too. He'd noticed the tight twitch of curled eyebrow the blond made when Law refused his food offering; the quick look of insulted anger when Law made a comment on the food's appearance. He felt that if this bothered the kid, then he'd do it as many times as possible. He could be petty – enjoyed doing it, too.

He continued finding hookups on the app – but every time he did, he felt apprehensive doing so. Until one day he deleted the app altogether – he wasn't finding any satisfaction in it, any more. A small part of his mind kept running back to that one shitty smoker every time – he'd discovered a craving that felt invasive and ugly, and it really put him in a mood. His dick pics went with it – he was certain that if he chose to take it up again, he'd take better pictures with better lighting.

One cold spring evening, the league moved into their second week for Spring Ball. He was already putting on his cleats when Penguin tapped him on the shoulder for his attention. He gestured with a thumb in the opposite direction, Law looking up for the approach. Once he saw his ex standing near another active field, giving him a greeting wave, Law felt his gut seize with anxiety. He felt like cursing noisily because it felt like a lot of pressure to acknowledge him and fight off his own obvious discomfort in the matter.

"I don't know him," Law muttered to Penguin, tying the knot tight as Penguin looked confused.

"What do you mean?" Penguin asked him, adjusting his hoodie. "Wasn't that your next door neighbor from your last place? He helped us load your furniture. You know him, your mind's like a steel trap."

"What's he doing here, anyway?"

"I saw him come in with a younger lady. Some dork that biffed it walking up to home plate. It was great. Shach and I laughed a little too hard at that."

Law exhaled hotly. He knew who Penguin was talking about. Tashigi was Smoker's co-worker from the police department. With the way she'd looked up to him, Law had always felt that if Smoker turned to women, he'd go right along with her. But it didn't matter. Because that was old news, and he didn't care for inviting exes back into his life. He stood up from the bench.

"I hope he dies of a heart attack," Law said, making his escape to the dugout while Penguin gave him a bewildered look for the somewhat hostile comment. He only stretched his arms while the others warmed-up, tossing neon colored softballs at each other on the nearby pathway. Robin was already working on the roster and Franky was attempting to fix his own hair into some ridiculous ponytail.

He wasn't _hiding_ from Smoker – he just didn't want to man coming up to him to make some ridiculous, peaceable conversation with him while Sanji watched. This made his face heavier with exasperation. Not that he _cared_ what Sanji thought. Fuck that guy. Automatically, Law glanced around to see where that kid was – he was playing catch with Nami, gushing over her form fitting clothes and springy disposition.

"Already in the mood for the game?" Robin asked, not looking up from her neat handwriting. "You're already wearing your game face."

"You are intimidating, bro," Franky said jovially.

"Thinking about all the bitches I'm going to fuck after this," Law muttered, crossing his arms over his chest. "That's all it is."

Franky wasn't sure what sort of face to make but Robin chuckled. "You sure do have a lot of them! It's good to have choices."

Franky looked at her while Law wondered when the woman would stop with her stupid comments. He wanted to tell her that but the others all filed into the dugout noisily, and he didn't feel like raising his voice to be heard. They took to the field right after that, but Law couldn't help but notice petulantly that Smoker had drifted to their field to watch for a bit. It made Law's blood boil with anger – there should be laws against this type of harassment.

When it was his turn to bat and the other team began resetting up on the field, the white haired jerk was in a good place to address Law from the bleachers.

"Hey," he greeted Law, Law turning his back to him. Smoker snorted. "I didn't think you played. Tashigi could have recruited you for her team. They could use a good short stop."

"He's mine, asshole!" Luffy shouted suddenly from the dugout, pressed against the fence and drawing attention. "I recruited him for _my_ team, you aren't stealing him from me!"

" _Shut up_!" Law hissed at him, reddening with the attention as everyone in there looked to see who Luffy was shouting at. The pitcher tossed a couple of warm-up pitches, looking nervous about it.

"But _Law_ ," Luffy whined, clutching onto the fence and shaking it. "I don't want you getting any good ideas! Don't let anyone come and steal you when the season's just starting! We're on a winning streak!"

Smoker gave Luffy a skeptical glance, unruffled by the curious attention. Law couldn't help but glance from the corner of his eye to see if a certain blond was nearby. It filled him with agitation to think that Sanji could also stack this to his arsenal in the event he'd be just as petty as Law was. But Sanji was still talking and mooning over Nami as she encouraged him to fix her hair into a ponytail she liked.

 _Stop looking for him_! Law admonished himself.

"Weird that you chose a team of kids," Smoker then commented, pushing away from the fence as the umpire called out for a go. "You're more of an older crowd sort of guy."

Law steamed, trying to detect something obvious from that comment. But he went up to home plate. He managed to channel his angry energy into a hit clear into right field to bring in Shachi and Franky, pausing short at third base simply because Smoker was still standing there. Luffy howled at his hesitation, Ussop whimpering as he went to bat. Ussop was known for striking out all the time, but Tashigi was making her way over to the older man with a weary trudge of her feet. By the time Ussop struck out, Smoker was already leaving. Seeing him again, knowing that he could return to the field now that he knew Law was there, made Law seriously consider quitting the team.

Not to _hide_ from the man, but because the sight of him pissed Law off.

Nami struck out and Robin hit to first base, so Law returned to the dugout with a disgusted look on his face. Robin was unapologetic to Luffy's whines and Zoro's scoffs, all of them gathering their mitts to hit the field. Law snatched his from his pack, scowling intensely as he thought of how he'd break quitting to Luffy. Maybe he could just disappear – block his calls, block Penguin, move quickly to another part of town while changing his name. But that wouldn't work – they knew his place of employment. Luffy was known to stalk his prey – maybe Law would have to kill him to find some peace. The idea was strangely satisfying.

He straightened up and nearly startled as he realized Sanji was leaning against the dugout's entrance way.

"Not good bringing your exes around where people can see them. They might get the wrong idea about things," Sanji said low, exhaling smoke before turning and slipping away while Law's face filled with heat and color.

What did that comment mean? Not like it affected _him_ in any way – and how could he tell just from that exchange what Smoker was? Law overthought these things, rattled from the inside out. He shouldn't care what Sanji thought – but he shouldn't show anything to reveal just how that one observation could ruin everything.

At the end of the game, Luffy clung to him, whining about losing him to another team. It took some distraction from Sanji to allow Law's escape to the parking lot. He loaded his trunk with his Rawlings bag and slammed it shut. He climbed in and let the engine idle in order for the heater to work. Blowing into his hands to warm them up, he glared out the windshield, which faced the main street parallel from the park. He had a feeling Smoker would 'check in on him' through the phone, because that was what kind of person he was.

Once upon a time, Law had thought that their relationship was a gift because the older man fit his want to please somebody. He'd gone through life feeling like men were unforgiving and trash based off his own perceptions and experiences, and Smoker was the one to calm him into thinking _This is good; there are good men afterall_. But after witnessing just how dysfunctional Law's family was and how it needed more than just a calming presence for Law to change his thinking, Smoker realized he wasn't enough.

'I'd have to get involved,' Smoker had said apologetically. 'I can't just stand there and know that these things happen and turn my head. I can't just ignore the fact that you need help, but you don't want it – if you're not willing to change, then I just can't support you that way.'

Law had hurt for a long time after that. All his walls returned with steel beams in place and he kept his relationships to hook-ups. For Smoker to think that it was okay to approach him in public with their history made Law think defensively. It _wasn't_ okay.

The passenger side door opened, sending his thoughts into a scattered mess. Sanji shoved in his cooler, much to Law's outrage.

"I need a ride home," Sanji said, sitting with a huff as Law shoved at his cooler to fit into the backseat.

" _Get the fuck out_!"

"I would, or I could ask _that_ guy sitting in the tan convertible for a ride home," Sanji said with a heavy sigh, pulling on his seatbelt and buckling himself in. "Three cars to the left."

Law had to adjust his mirror to do so, but damned if Smoker wasn't sitting there in his car, smoking morosely. It filled him with raging irritation.

"So take me the fuck home," Sanji ordered.

Law clutched the steering wheel with both hands. He had the impulsive want to kick Sanji out of his car, then approach Smoker himself to tell him to fuck off. But the first would be awkward because he was too damn tall to fit himself into a kicking action, and the second would be too obvious to everyone else lingering in the parking lot. He ground his teeth so hard that Sanji cringed.

"It's not like he won't linger around for the rest of the season," Sanji then said, examining his nails thoughtfully, "but _at least_ this night will clear your head to take more affirmative action for the next time. Instead of lashing out like a fucking child."

Law rolled his eyes to look at him, wanting to strangle him. He wanted to wrap his hands around Sanji's neck and squeeze until he was blue in the face – but he had the thought that Sanji would like that, considering how violent they handled each other. Sanji fiddled with the radio station to find some jazz, the sounds causing Law's eyes to twitch. He then looked at Law sweetly – the strain of it obvious with the twitch of his own eyes.

" _Thank_ you."

It took a few moments to compose himself. But Law managed to do so. "He's my fucking neighbor," he said, "no one any important."

"Right," Sanji said sarcastically, "anybody could see that."

"It's your own fucking paranoia creating a story. It means nothing to me."

"Okay." Sanji unbuckled his seatbelt to get out, but Law jerked the gear into reverse. After resettling, Sanji fiddled with his knit cap before removing it – this one didn't have a ridiculous pom on top like the other one. Law hated that he noticed these things. Once they left the parking lot, Sanji said, "I wouldn't have done it, but Robin suggested I help you out. It's only because of her that I'm here, so don't get anything twisted."

"I'd sleep with her," Law said casually. "Older women are always starving for affection."

Sanji looked at him murderously, vein bulging at his temple before he miraculously calmed himself. He turned his attention to the window, face scrunched into a glare. The tension in the car was almost suffocating – Law felt like they were much too aware of each other, sitting in such a way in their seats that they were leaning more to their doors. The jazz station irritated him with its saxophone and piano twist, so he changed it to AM, news station spitting out current events.

Sanji only spoke to guide him in the direction of his house – Law was astounded at the distance. His place was located at the outskirts of town, in the middle of a suburbia where every neighborhood looked the same, HOA with a clear grip on everyone's balls. But Sanji instructed him to drop him off at a park that was lightly dusted with snow, where a roundabout could lead Law into any direction of a division that looked strangely ominous.

"Just drop me off here, I'll walk the rest of the way," Sanji said, sliding his seat back to retrieve his cooler from the back seat. Law did guide the car into the park's parking lot, idling alongside some parking spaces.

"Whatever," Law muttered, feeling uncertain about taking the right road back to normal city civilization.

"I do appreciate the ride," Sanji said, looking at him. He drummed his fingers atop of his cooler. "And I do apologize for…those other things. I just can't have you blabbing about it to others."

"Trust me, it's not something I'd gleefully share with others."

"Then we have an understanding."

The way Sanji said it made Law feel like it was a loaded statement. An offering rather than a warning. So his brow furrowed with some consideration, glancing at him. But he couldn't find a suitable answer, so he reached out and turned the news station up to a near deafening quality. Sanji slapped the volume button in to shut the radio off before he scowled out the windshield.

Then he looked at Law again, clearly struggling to release words that had a hard time leaving him. Instead, he seemed to visually devour Law's face, clearly looking to do something Law felt himself steel for. But Law felt the opportunity to say the needed words build up in his throat. The satisfaction in it gave him a welling feeling of smug satisfaction. Sanji didn't look away from him, but he stopped just inches away from his face as Law prepared to release his most powerful "No". It was like a sizzle of electricity that built between them - Law felt like his hair reacted on the thought alone.

"I'll take my leave, then," Sanji then said, pulling away as he grabbed his cooler. Like a wash of cold water, Law felt his expression shift with startled alarm. "Later."

"Wait - _no_ ," Law sputtered with some trouble, "hey, _no_! What the hell?"

" _No_ what?" Sanji snapped, looking back at him. "I'm here, this is my stop. Thank you, good bye."

" _No_!" Law shouted at him, caught by his seatbelt as he made to lean over the passenger side seat to look at him. He fumbled with it to release him. "No, this isn't how it's supposed to go!"

Sanji looked at him incredulously, clearly confused. "Whaddaya mean 'no'? What were you expecting? You think you were going to walk me to my door like I'm some delicate maiden? Fuck you!"

He shut the door then strode down the sidewalk, cooler banging off his legs. Law stared after him, then parked. He shut his car down then left it, alarm jingling as he followed Sanji. The blond picked up his step once he realized Law was following him.

"Go home!" he hissed. "Don't follow me!"

"No, you don't get to tell me that," Law snapped as Sanji stopped short, looking with agitation to his left. Clearly looking to see if the coast was clear. But the row of houses were quiet, lights on display from every one. Snow fell lightly, the sounds of suburbia just as light. "It's my turn to tell you _no_! It's my turn to leave, you can't keep doing this!"

Sanji looked up at him with a surprised expression, lowering his cooler to the sidewalk. "Are you _five_?" he exclaimed. He wore a face that suggested he wasn't sure whether to laugh or grow angry. "What's that about?"

"You do this," Law insisted, the chill of the air hitting him suddenly. He was dressed to play softball, but not dressed to stand around the cold arguing with someone. While he knew he was reacting in such a ridiculous manner, what reminded him that this was _okay_ was the fact that their first night together was equally as ridiculous. "You do _this_ then leave, like - you don't even have any consideration -"

Sanji laughed at him, covering his face with one hand while Law thought that there was a better way of expressing himself - he just wasn't sure how. "That's something every man is familiar with. Blue balls. It's no different as an adult -"

"This is something you get off on? You hookup with men for some sort of power play to pump your ego?"

"...No," Sanji answered carefully, glancing around cautiously. Giving Law an angry look moments later, putting space between them. Forcing himself into a confrontational stage so that anyone looking upon them wouldn't think of them as having more than a disagreement.

He kept his voice lowered. "You're not out, yes?"

Law wondered why he should answer that question. But he did with an ever slight nod. "But I'm equal opportunity. I'll take advantage if the deal looks good. Anything free is a great deal to take."

Sanji glared at him fiercely. " _No_ ," he stated firmly, keeping his voice low, "You do not."

"Don't tell me how I choose my victims -!"

"I _know_ ," Sanji stressed. "I _know_ and I let you because you won't say a fucking thing."

Law stared at him for a few moments, then crossed his arms over his chest. "I have nothing to lose," he said tightly. "I have no reason to hide. I can out you in a fucking second."

Sanji smirked at him, mirroring his stance. "You do that," he said with confidence. Law knew he wouldn't, and this showed on his face. Satisfied, Sanji turned and continued on his way. Law watched him go - then followed.

Halfway down the block, Sanji turned to spear him with a venomous look. "Stop following me!" he hissed, someone's gentle laughter emerging from some backyard nearby.

"Now that I'm in this," Law stated firmly, "I'm not dropping it. Not until I get an appropriate answer."

"Then I'll stand here all night, you shitty bastard. Both of us can freeze," Sanji threatened, dropping his cooler to cross his arms, glaring at him.

Law shrugged. He withdrew his phone from his pocket. "I'll just ask Strawhat for your address because you forgot something in my car."

Sanji cursed, then picked up his cooler, striding off. He led Law to a dark house on the corner. It resembled every other yard on the block, but the driveway was empty. Law wondered if he'd left his car at the ball park, realizing he hadn't even noticed what Sanji drove. He just always seemed to be there when Law pulled up. Sanji dug his keys out of his jacket and unlocked the front door.

There were moving boxes stacked here and there, but no furniture. So every noise made rang out against the high walls, echoed up the narrow stairway. It was a house that should have been built for a family, not a single man. Most of the boxes were labeled in another language, clearly flown over. The smell of his recent cooking still lingered in the air. It seemed like Sanji was stuck between moving in or moving out.

The kitchen counters were clearly the only thing used. The dishwasher indicated that it had finished its load. There were small plants sitting on the window sill overlooking the sink. The backyard was too dark for Law to see anything, but he was sure it faced someone else's wooden fence.

Only one thing puzzled Law enough to ask, "How'd you get the money to afford this?"

"Hush money," Sanji stated darkly. He left it at that, and Law had to wonder what that meant. He set the cooler down on the floor near the walk-in pantry and glared at Law. "I didn't invite you in to do nothing more than talk. So _talk_."

Law felt frozen, considering his actions with what Sanji told him. But he did wind up looking at him cautiously. "Is that something you were planning with me?"

"I have a fucked up family," Sanji stated tightly. "Just so we're clear, I'm not delving into anything personal of me, and I'll not ask anything personal of you. But you want something to satisfy your dumbass mind, so whatever I find suitable, I'll give you. But you need to leave right afterward. You're not spending the night."

Law was astounded at this man's gall.

He pushed him against the counter, knocking over various containers as Sanji flailed his arms to catch himself. But Sanji caught him as Law pinned him there, breath troubled as he inhaled the scent of him. Sanji's fingers moved up to his face, capturing and guiding his mouth to his. Law expected to be bitten or have their teeth crashing together but Sanji kissed him with a surprising amount of tenderness that it threw Law off. His thoughts collided together into a jumble of noises as Sanji's hot breath fluttered against Law's upper lip, exhaled through his nostrils with a strong gust. Then he took Law's upper lip between his before drawing his tongue over his gums, tickling the sensitive places there. Law didn't even know he _had_ such sensitivity there. Before he could adjust, Sanji's tongue swept past his teeth and briefly touched the roof of Law's mouth.

Sanji tasted thickly of ash, disgusting and dry, but Law could not pull away. He was on edge, expecting Sanji to bite or push him away, but the other man's fingers clenched him tightly to keep his head in place. Before Law could return the gesture, Sanji shoved him away.

" _The fuck_!" Law exclaimed wildly, wiping his mouth.

"No," Sanji returned, wiping his own as he looked troubled. "Get the fuck out of here. Get out! _Now_!"

" _What is your problem_?"

Sanji panted a bit before looking at him. It took him some effort to speak. But the moment he tried he ended up closing his mouth with a snap, turning away from him.

"Get the fuck out!" he then shouted at the counter.

Law stared at his rigid back, gesturing wildly. But he turned, muttering, "You fucking headache of a fucking child ..."

He ended up turning back around and snapping, "You had no problem the first fucking time! What the hell changed?"

Sanji kept his back to him, gripping the counter with both hands. But he rolled his shoulders before answering, "Sorry for leading you on. Just...it wasn't anything...I was prepared to do. It happened and...there's nothing I can do about it, now."

"It wasn't your first time," Law argued. "It was not your first time with a man, I could tell!"

Sanji grit his teeth before spitting out, "It wasn't! But it's not something I want to do again!"

" _Bullshit_!"

"I don't want to be this way!" Sanji shouted back at him.

Law was puzzled because Sanji said one thing and did another like it was a natural thing to do. Sanji gripped his own hair with frustration.

"I don't want to be _gay_ or whatever," he continued. "I don't want to find men attractive, I don't want a relationship with one, I don't want to be involved with one. I hate it every time I give in, I _hate_ myself - I don't want to be this way!"

"So do you flagellate yourself every time this happens?" Law asked curiously, interested in the aspect.

"Mentally!" Sanji answered, astounded at his nonchalance. "Spiritually! This isn't something to laugh about!"

" _Please_ ," Law muttered, leaning against the doorframe. "There are worse things in the world than that."

"Some of those things are the things that caused this! But that's nothing to get into with you. Get the hell out of here."

"No. _No_ , I'm not, because I hate feeling this way, too. I hate that you treat me with no respect or dignity and expect me to jump every time _you_ jump on _me_. You punish me for being attracted and you expect me to do it all over again when I made up my mind not to play these stupid games with you. _Who the fuck are you_?" Law then cried with exasperation, as Sanji scowled off to the side, stubbornly crossing his arms as he leaned against the counter. "You think this type of thing doesn't fuck a person up?"

"How can it?" Sanji hissed at him. "You're the type not to care about anything, anyway! And shouldn't it be more convenient that someone gives you any attention at all?"

"I didn't ask for it," Law stated. "But you started this. Flagellating yourself every time for something you can't even fight in the first place is pathetic – you obviously continue to do it because it's something in you to do. You were on that app, too, you got a trail behind you that you made with your own fucking feet."

Sanji stared sullenly out the nearby kitchen window, which was centered over the sink. In the silence of the house, Law could hear his own angry breath as he waited for Sanji to say something intelligent, something that didn't sound like some lame-ass excuse for self-action.

But all Sanji muttered was, "You're on some fucked up level as well. Who continues to allow himself to be treated this way? You say 'yes' to anyone that looks at you nice?"

"Pretty much. You think your family's fucked up? You've never been in the same room as mine."

"I already have an idea of what yours must be like! All temper and loud voices, bullying your way through people like they're lower than you!"

"We must be cousins, then."

"Mine's rich, and can pay off their secrets."

"Mine don't even bother with money – they take guns to them. So _what_?"

Irritated at the one-up, Sanji said, "Mine moved me out here so I wouldn't talk."

"I moved away from mine because I try to kill them. In fact, I used a family pet to shield myself from one then used its corpse to fend off another. So, what else do you got?"

Sanji wasn't sure if he should believe that – Law spoke with such a detachment to it that it seemed like a brag. But he furrowed his brow to say, "Mine shipped me off to France because two of my brothers broke into my house to force my silence. It worked."

"At least you got a vacation."

"They shipped me there so other family members could bury me where no one could find me!"

"All because you're gay?"

"Because they _made_ me gay!"

"What, you play Fortnite?" Law asked seriously, disgust laced in his features.

Sanji scowled at him. After a hard moment, he said, "They used to rape me, and the only way I can get off is thinking about them!"

"Psh. I only settle for smaller guys because my stepfather used to do the same. Not because I'm afraid of him, but because I haven't settled my revenge just yet."

Sanji looked at him, clearly rattled that his revelation was taken lightly.

"Every time I go back home," Law stated, "I start the fights. That's the _only_ reason why I go home. I have enough evidence to put them into prison for life, but I'd much rather kill them myself."

"…why haven't you succeeded?" Sanji asked sullenly.

"They're taller than me. And you know what?" Law added. "My birth parents sold me to them to settle some gambling debts. They raised me to be like them, but they didn't like that I _didn't_ turn out like them. So I have _some_ problems. My sexuality isn't one of them. So don't act like that's the one thing that makes the world turn."

"Then why aren't you out?"

"Because I'm too fucked up for anyone to believe me. You and your fucked up problems are nothing."

"The others have a certain view of who I am, and I'd rather keep that in place than ruin it with what I really am."

"Who."

"The others, the - !"

"No, _who_ you really are. Not _what_. I might be fucked up in the head, but I'm not a _what_. I'm a fucking person. And that's why I'm pissed off at you because you think you can come into my life and treat me like they do, and I'm not letting you do that, too. The next chance I get, I'll probably end up killing you and not regret a thing. I work at the morgue, jackass. I can hide a body."

Sanji's shoulders loosened as he looked at him with amusement. "I wouldn't make it easy for you to do that. Did I mention my family are capable of carrying out government assassins? You think I wasn't trained in that as well?"

"Not with those puny, feminine hands. They're too clean."

"You know what?" Sanji interrupted him, clenching his fists. Law noticed he hid them into his pants pockets at the same time. "This isn't normal. None of it is."

"What's _normal_? And why should I have any idea of what that is if it wasn't mine to have?"

Sanji sighed noisily. "None of this is a fucking joke! I just spewed out my fucking secrets so you can fuck off – "

"I just gave you mine, and you'll still acting like a bitch."

"You have a problem with women."

"My mom was very neglectful. I do carry some resentment. And you have a problem with men."

"Because they're trash!"

"Ah. Common ground."

Sanji stared at him for several terse seconds, unsure of what to think.

"I hate both sexes equally," Law then stated.

"But you settle for old men."

"I'm looking for a good daddy figure."

"…Well. Me too."

"That's settled then. Let's fuck."

Sanji had to snort, but he relaxed his shoulders. "…Alright. Just know it doesn't mean anything."

"Good. Like I'd want it to be anything else."

Sanji just gave him a look, because anyone with that much devotion to making a point clearly didn't know what 'casual' meant.

"I'm not looking for a relationship, I'm not treating you any different, and I'm going to ignore the fuck out of you every time we're in the same range."

"Good, glad you made that clear because you're already written off."

Sanji snorted. He'd heard that before.

* * *

 **A/N** : I imagine this exchange to be similar to Vanessa and Wade's exchange in 'Deadpool'. That shit was so romantic!

 **Naghi-Tan** : lol that was just foreplay for them

 **Harmonica Smile** : Sanji's an asshole – Law's just really obvious about it. :D I've decided this will be a "love" story with many f'd up things, but definitely full of physical things. Wonder what kind of mood I'm in…? XD


	4. Well, It'll Never Grow Cold

Despite the conversation, there was still a detachment between them that allowed Law to think this was a conclusion to the app hookup. But Sanji turned off the kitchen light and went to Law with a heavy sigh, like this was just another chore to finish.

"Suck my dick, then you can fuck me," he told Law, undoing his pants. Law considered the offer, not liking to be told, but as he watched Sanji stroke his cock hard, he gave it a shrug.

He pulled off his team uniform and hoodie, car keys and phone clanking noisily to the counter. He then patted it for Sanji to sit at the edge, and after Sanji hefted himself onto it with his pants and underwear at his knees, he leaned back for Law to lower himself to his dick. The heady smell of Sanji's crotch made him wrinkle his nose, but Sanji's dick tasted like warm skin and tobacco. Sanji's fingers combed through Law's hair, quiet for the first few minutes. With his hand wrapped around the base, Law easily swallowed him, using his tongue to rub as he bobbed his head.

 _Twenty minutes max_ , he couldn't help but think, feeling his saliva collect at the corner of his mouth. He spit a combination of spit and pre-come onto Sanji's dick, looking up to see his reaction so far.

Sanji wore a bored expression. "Is that it?"

"Fuck you," Law snapped at him, enveloping his dick back into his mouth. Using his hand to stroke and twist while bobbing his head, he fumed at the expression. He lightly used his teeth against the underside, tonguing the vein there. He felt Sanji shiver a bit, his fingers clenching onto Law's hair. He shifted his position a bit, hips flexing as he started to assist with the movement.

A few minutes later, Law lifted his head from giving generous attention to Sanji's balls. "If only your goddamn pubes were shaved a bit."

"Nothing wrong with a full bush," Sanji said with a smirk, stroking himself with Law's spit. Said pubic hair was glistening with saliva, Law running his fingers through it to prevent it all from smearing over his face.

He then wiped his tongue, pulling off a curly hair to show him. Sanji ended up grinning playfully, forcing Law's head back down. He was a little more vocal now, his breathing heavy, hips moving to lightly fuck Law's mouth. Law flattened his hands against Sanji's hips, throat open to allow Sanji to do so. His fingers clenched over moving bone and muscle until he pulled his mouth back with a pop.

" _Don't stop_ ," Sanji said breathlessly, stabbing at Law's mouth with his dick. "I'm almost there...!"

"But your dick is boring," Law complained before leaning over to him. "Kiss me like you did before."

Sanji pulled his head back. "This isn't romance. Back up with that shit."

Law grabbed his dick, stroking him hard. Sanji made a whining protest at the strength before Law caught his mouth. He gave Sanji a taste of his own cock, but Sanji either forgot his earlier declaration or changed his mind because when he kissed him back, he was gentler with the action. His hands went to Law's face, swiping hard against skin and cheekbones. Scratching just beyond his sideburns and clutching his ears, earrings rattling gently.

Law softened his hand movements, twisting and stroking just enough to have Sanji moving restlessly into it. He released Law's head with one hand to delve underneath his shirt, pushing the material up. His fingers found a nipple, pinching and pulling so that Law hissed. As he adjusted, pressing his own erection against Sanji's leg to give an insistent rub, Sanji adjusted his touch to that instead.

"You like that, you shitty asshole?"

"Just about as much as me blowing you, dick head. Shut up. Your voice ruins this."

Sanji chuckled low, then laughed. Gentle kisses turned into bites, teeth dragging lightly over lips and chin, saliva smeared over flesh. Sanji stopped touching his dick before fisting his hands into Law's shirt.

"Finish me off before we go upstairs," he said, cringing at the feel of Law's teeth closing over his neck. It stung, his body shivering in reaction. Sanji hissed before forcing Laws hand to his wet cock.

After some strokes, Law took him back into his mouth. Sanji clutched his head, guiding him into the movement with urgency. He felt the bubbling heat rise and spread before clenching up. Law jerked his head away before Sanji could cum in his mouth. Breathing heavily, Sanji stroked the remaining sensations of orgasm away, feeling winded. Before he could say anything, Law yanked him off the counter and over one shoulder.

"Put me the fuck down, you fucking asshole!" Sanji wheezed indignantly as Law took the stairs two at a time. But he ended up guiding him to the master bedroom.

"I'm not going to waste any time on preparation," Law warned him as he tossed him into the bed. "Your ass is probably loose enough."

"For that tiny dick? Of course," Sanji said, kicking out of his pants and shoes. He left his shirt and jacket on. He reached into the nearby nightstand to pull out condoms and lube. He threw the condoms at Law then used the lube for himself, wincing at the mess that was sure to come. "Don't even get comfortable, just get in and out."

"I wasn't planning on staying for longer than five minutes," Law grunted.

"That's all it's going to take? Five minutes?"

"It's one of my better talents."

Sanji snorted.

Law pulled down his pants and underwear as Sanji then rolled over, ass out. It was dark, the dim lighting from outside giving him just enough to see the shape of him. He reached out to stroke a hand up the back of one thigh. He wondered where the slim man got all his muscle.

"Don't look at me, either," Sanji panted. "That's the rule, no fucking eye contact...that makes this entire fucking thing that much gayer..."

Law thought that if he pointed out the obvious, neither of them would be fucking any time soon so he agreed only with a grunt.

Using some of the lube that had dropped down one thigh, Sanji's fingers moving in himself despite his promise, Law stroked himself hard before unrolling a condom on. He then yanked the man's ass to him, Sanji bracing himself with hard breathing as he clutched the duvet. He gave winded growls as Law pushed into him, having to work to do so.

The room was sparsely decorated, with just a mattress on the floor and the nightstand. The blinds were open a bit, allowing a view overlooking the neighbors next door. So Law found himself looking at the other house while sawing slowly into Sanji's ass. Sanji's knuckles whitened, his face twisted with a grimace as he bore the action.

"Is it too much for you?" Law asked casually, rocking his hips back and forth as he judged the fluidity of Sanji's tightening asshole. He then noticed that one of the windows to the other house had stickers all over the bottom – he wondered if the occupant was a boy or girl. Couldn't help but wonder how normal that family was.

Sanji panted for breath, looking back at him. He was wearing a fearsome scowl. "Shut up! Shut up, your dick is tiny and stupid, I don't even feel it -!"

He cried out as Law found it easier to let go of his hesitation, moving slowly to get a rhythm going. Sanji pushed up to his palms before gripping the duvet again. He was already sticky with sweat, his body tight with pain and apprehension, but he was determined to enjoy this. He shifted slightly to arch his back, legs opening to brace himself.

Law felt the adjustment, looking away from the window to see the shape of Sanji's ass. Those rounded, surprisingly muscled glutes encouraged hard grabbing, his fingers clenching tightly over gently rippling flesh and muscle. He could hear Sanji's troubled breathing, but he seemed to be relaxing now, his hips moving slowly to meet Law's rhythm. He reached back to grasp Law's hip, encouraging him to move.

Law's balls slapped against his, noisily filling the room. He concentrated on the movement, feeling Sanji's hand shift from his hip to clutch higher up to his ribs. Law found himself lowering to meet him, their mouths moving clumsily together as their bodies continued to meet. Breathing in his hot breath, feeling how Sanji moved with him, Law's focus turned from the mechanics of the old act and tuned into Sanji. Hearing the hitch of his voice, feeling the confident motion of his body, sensing the change in him as his fingers pulled at Laws hair; his dick slipped out in one mistimed thrust, Sanji using that movement to turn to face him.

Law didn't want the act turned in this manner but Sanji's legs closed around his hips, forcing Law to brace himself or fall clumsily over him. He watched as Sanji guided his dick back in, heaving a groan of relief as he did so. Slowly he rode Law this way, until Law could straighten up. He clutched Sanji's hips tightly, Sanji forming a bridge with his body to give himself that support. His shaky breathing and groans were a definite indication that he liked this. He pressed a hand to his mouth once the room begin to fill with their combined heavy breathing, the sounds of their movement echoing off the bare walls.

Law liked the shape Sanji's stomach took in this position - tight, with light skin rolls that were caused by movement. The way his hardened dick bounced before he could grab it, stroking in time with Law's thrusts. He liked the desperate feel of Sanji's body clutching him, from his long legs to his ass. He avoided looking at Sanji's face because that was too personal, feeling sweat drip down his jaw as he gripped and pulled at Sanji's hips.

Every little while noises of his own would escape his dry throat. He felt like he was winded, like his head had escaped into the clouds. He heard Sanji give a strange hitch of his breath, unable to stop himself from glancing up at him. The man had his hand to his mouth, teeth clasped around a finger as his gaze settled high above them. The expression on his face was so unlike the ones Law had seen so far that his stomach clenched suddenly.

His hips sped up, pushing deeper into Sanji. Sanji gave a startled noise, legs shaking as he nearly slumped onto the bed before repositioning his hips to take it. He caught his flopping dick, stroking fiercely. He came with a clenched groan, tightening around Law with force. Law pulled out of him, removing the condom quickly. He rubbed out his spunk onto Sanji's hip, watching it drip and dangle from his dick and hand to pale white flesh.

Both of them struggled to breathe, the quiet of the nearly empty room abruptly heavy. Law wiped his hand on the duvet before pushing away from the bed.

"I feel like I should pay you," he said lightly as he fixed his pants.

Sanji wiped a forearm over his sweaty face, hiding most of his expression. "You were _almost_ better than my older brother."

Law scowled at him. He then dressed and left before he could retaliate with a good comeback. He couldn't think of one, anyway - his mind was blissfully soothed by a satisfying orgasm.

He'd think about things later.

: :

Sure enough, Smoker left a couple of messages on Law's phone, so Law changed his number. Bought a new phone while he was at it – he knew he couldn't avoid the older man forever, but he could be petty being obvious about it. The man didn't approach him at the park, but Law imagined he could feel his studious gaze looking after him. It made him irritated to think that Smoker had the right to be 'concerned', or whatever – not after what he did.

Law understood that he was quite bitter and angry about their break- up. But how could anyone _not_ be? But Law didn't yearn for him, he didn't think over all the memories that left with him – he cut those short by thinking of Sanji instead.

Life was difficult with the memory of seeing Sanji's erotic expression from that night. It made him immediately start _remembering_ about that night, which led to some tension, which sharply reminded him that nothing had changed since that last encounter. Sanji had seemed pissed when Law saw him after that – but Sanji avoided looking at him. Turned his back and deliberately ignored him – it made Law feel like he didn't exist, but at the same time Law was grateful for it because he didn't know what to say to him.

It was nearly halfway through the spring league, and nothing had changed after that night.

One night, he wondered if Sanji still used that damn app. He couldn't quite remember certain details of Sanji's profile, only that a singular line had been used. The profile pic had been nothing but a general egg with basic information.

 _Not that it matters_ , he thought, watching the Food Network and slightly drooling at the same time. He continued to reject Sanji's food because that would be breaking protocol. _Because I don't care_.

Just because they hooked up one night with some revelations didn't make them any closer. Law noticed that neither of them used what was revealed against each other. He wondered why. Law registered he himself wouldn't be happy with the outcome. It felt like a sort of betrayal if he did. That part bothered him a bit – it sounded like he was developing _Feelings_ , and _Feelings_ were dangerous. They were broken doors and crumbling walls and invitations to ruin. He scowled at the television set, clutching a beer in one hand.

" _Feelings_ ," he growled out, the word stretched with heavy weight and revulsion. He didn't register any want to have Sanji's company for longer than what was necessary, and he was quite sure Sanji felt the same way.

Sanji wasn't his type, anyway. Law's type were older men that were already confident and secure, with decades of life experience that could put Law in check and motivate him to do better than those he already knew. Sanji was barely in his twenties, Law had found out. And sometimes, dressed as he was at the ball park, Law mistook him for a teenager from behind. Sanji only dressed up if it were a formal event or something that served wine on the menu. He was rank with the stench of cigarettes, he was trying to grow ugly chin pubes, and his floppy hair had too much styling product to it. He often fell into the silliness of his dumb-ass friends and behaved as a child whenever someone called him out for his women's only preference actions.

But sometimes… _sometimes_ he was attractive just standing there. While playing with Nami's hair, grinning brightly at a compliment, when he wore something that didn't look like he'd swept it out of the kid's section…definitely that time when they were messing around and he had _that look_ on his face –

Law changed the channel. He focused on the news with a renewed sense of urgency because he was clearly overthinking things. He was probably only doing so because he'd deleted the hook-up app and he hadn't had any since that one night. His phone vibrated with a message, and the unknown number told him that Round Two was coming to him tonight. He ended up thinking about his trip back home – Doflamingo must've been released from jail, then. He had to consider the amount of time between then and now, and nodded with confirmation. It was about the right time for that.

He pushed up from his chair, feeling a different sort of mental energy strumming through him. Walking into the kitchen, he plucked out his knife sharpener and began sharpening every one of them.

There was only one person that threatened him constantly, and his stepfather was that person. He wasn't lying when he told Sanji that his birth parents had sold him off – in this epidemic of abuse of prescription drugs and tight money situations, they'd given him to Doflamingo to raise for a large sum over a span of some years. They had told him this was only a 'vacation' – they called him sometimes, visited with his sister; but in the amount of time for them to pay off the debt, Law had gotten attached to the chaos of his other home. His alcoholic, shady working "stepfather", his cocaine addicted brother, their ring of friends that brought a constant stream of activity to their mansion that had promised Law a life of adventure and grandiose ideas.

But then he became a teenager and things soured suddenly – to a point where leaving town was not only necessary to appease to his shaky morals but because abandoning all of them was another adventure to explore.

It wasn't uncommon that Doflamingo threatened him, and not that rare when he showed up out of the blue. Normally they fought with the police showing up minutes later, but ever since the last time Doflamingo had tried, he'd wound up with a gunshot wound in the gut, thanks to an observant CCW carrier. Considering it had been awhile, Law figured this one would be the _last_ encounter.

It was considerate of Doflamingo to warn him of his approach – the man was sick like that.

Once Law dressed in clothes that allowed him to breathe during a confrontation, he set his apartment up with some weapons he could grab just in case, then resettled in front of the television set with some cereal. He was nearly finished with the bowl when something scraped at the door. Setting that aside, adrenaline starting to pump, Law put his bowl away. He tucked a kitchen knife into the waistband of his sweats, adjusting the hem of his shirt over that. He gave a deep inhale then exhaled in a controlled manner as he sent Penguin a text to call him in twenty minutes.

Only Penguin and Shachi were aware of these circumstances, and took the warnings seriously. The trio had grown up in the same area together, had gone to school together, so Penguin had his own system to work with when Law sent these types of warning to him. Penguin would usually call the cops on his way over, so Law hoped Doflamingo would be dead by the time that happened tonight.

With a determined expression, Law opened the door with his hand on his back. Sanji looked at him skeptically while Law quickly dropped his arm. Then Sanji's expression turned confused as he looked around Law, eyes narrowing with suspicion.

"What's with this atmosphere?" he asked, finger waving about. "This is a murderous vibe, here."

"I was expecting someone else," Law answered, having to blink repeatedly to clear his mind of his deadly intentions. "What are you doing here?"

"I texted you earlier. Didn't you get it? Or is this why it feels the way it does?"

Sanji took the advantage of Law's confusion by walking in, looking at everything with a judgmental expression. Law shut and locked the door, removed the knife from his sweats, then hurried to his phone to alert Penguin. Law sent the text, he looked at Sanji with irritation.

"What are you doing here?" he repeated. "How do you know where I lived?"

"Shachi," Sanji answered, relaxing. "What's going on?"

"I…nothing. Nothing was…why would Shachi tell you where I lived?"

"Oh, you left something at the ballpark the other night." Sanji removed his hand from his jacket pocket to reveal a crumbled gum wrapper. It could have belonged to anyone. "I felt you needed it returned."

Law stared at him with a flat expression as Sanji tossed it towards his trash can. Sanji then looked him over, eyes lingering a little too long in one spot before looking at him.

"You're dressed like a slut in those sweatpants," he stated. "Were you expecting someone else? I can leave, if that's what it is."

 _Oh, that's what it meant_ , Law thought belatedly. Determining that no type of threat was coming to him, his mind shifted to other places. Relaxed his tense shoulders. It took a few moments to get proper thought running through his mind, though.

"Again?" he asked, unable to stop the puzzled tone that laced his words. He had to clear his throat before saying, "I thought you stated that nothing more would come from the last time."

Sanji stared up at him with a rigid sort of expression, then tucked his hands into his jacket pockets. "You're right. I did. Let me out."

"But I guess I have time," Law said, unmoving.

"No eye contact," Sanji reminded him, removing his coat.

: :

At the game the next evening, Sanji didn't show up. Law's back was still feeling raw from the scratches that made wearing a shirt uncomfortable. Luffy was pretty devastated about the lack of food that he couldn't bat or catch, forcing the others to pick up his slack. He heard Zoro tell Penguin that Sanji said he had a cold and couldn't come out, but Law knew better. He'd been pretty rough the night before – the very memory of it caused his face to change with a secretive smirk as he changed into his cleats. Sanji had told him to climb up into his guts and Law had made the attempt.

Wearing a turtleneck and a hoodie to hide a bite mark on his neck, Law warmed up with the others. His mind wasn't on Smoker, today. Fuck looking for that guy. All he could think about was last night – disappointed that Sanji kept his face buried in his blankets to avoid looking at him.

Law wondered if that happened a lot. How many men had Sanji hooked up with that followed the rules?

His batting was off because it hurt to twist his back – and his own hips were embarrassingly sore. So his contribution to the game earned more of Luffy's endless whining as Law either struck out or dropped flys into a waiting mitt. Law really was feeling unapologetic about it. Instead of reacting as he normally did, he shrugged it off. In the dugout, while the others cheered for Nami's turn at bat, Penguin looked at Law curiously.

"Pretty sure you hit a homerun elsewhere," he said.

Law debated on even answering that. But he tugged off his batting gloves, tucking them into his pocket. "Over the fence," he said. "But I never know if the ball will be coming back."

"You going to see her again?"

Law shrugged. Nothing was said, and having a somewhat dependable sex partner did have its perks.

"That thing last night? That's what it was, eh? Heh, you dog," Penguin then chuckled merrily. He was happy for his friend's obvious cheer, but he wanted to be careful by not prying too much to scare the already skittish pitbull.

"It doesn't mean anything," Law felt he had to affirm, adjusting the fit of his hoodie. It made him wince, the rawness of the scratches clinging to the material of his turtleneck. "So don't get your hopes up. I just hit a lucky throw."

* * *

HS: All right! XD Because it feels like fun so far!

Naghi-Tan: Lol definitely just foreplay!


	5. When I've Got Those Blues

"This is going to sound real fucked up," Law started, pushing Sanji against the wall with enough force to have the other man grunt, palms slapping against the surface just to keep from bouncing his face off it, "but I think I'm starting to miss our little conversations."

"I'm not," Sanji muttered with an eye roll. Their voices echoed off the bathroom wall. It was agreed that they'd meet at a truck stop outside of town. The stalls were dirty, there was water on the floor, and one of toilets was currently unflushed. Law wondered if there was some unspoken meaning to doing the dirty in a dirty place. But it didn't mean Law was turned off in any way - this was necessary for their own peace of mind.

He groped the man - who was dressed in expensive clothes, complete with expensive watch and shoes that scuffed the dirty water - with rough hands. He felt over his wakening boner, cupping his balls - warming up his hands for whatever came next. It had been awhile since they'd last hooked up, that his appetite felt a little desperate.

"Can't you do this without talking? I'm losing brain cells listening to you bitching," Sanji complained breathlessly, reaching behind him to stroke Law's erection.

"I just think that you're starting to like me."

" _Hah_!" Sanji barked, then laughed lightly. "You wish! There's that goddamn paranoia of yours. Must be all that formeldhyde."

" _Formaldehyde_ ," Law corrected testily, squeezing Sanji's balls and hearing him hiss, "and I just think you're using me."

"Well, five minutes is five minutes," Sanji said dryly. "Tell me…you ever think about dead bodies when we're doing this?"

"As much as you give back, I feel like I'm already indulging into a little necrophilia."

Sanji thought about it for a bit, then twisted his head to look back at him. "Should I pretend to play dead?"

"Oh, you're into adventure, now?"

"Just shut up. _Fuck_. I didn't think you were such a chatty fucking Cathy."

"I noticed," Law said with concentration, "that you let the naughty words slip every time you feel a little threatened. Which makes me think that you actually like me."

Sanji heaved a noisy sigh, giving a shake of his head. He turned to face him, undoing his pants. He gave Law a blowjob in that dirty stall, sitting on his knees in the dirty water. Law pet his hair, watching his mouth move over his dick with warm enthusiasm. He was good at it, his tongue eager to cover every inch of Law's dick and giving his balls similar attention.

He pulled back to suck in air, and Law looked away because of the rule. "Slap me a little," Sanji said.

"Not when your teeth are there," Law snapped at him.

Sanji chuckled and resumed his enthusiastic actions. When Law came, he did force Sanji to swallow, choking him in the process. Sanji coughed and sputtered when Law let go of his hair, chuckling. Sanji spit onto the floor, wiping his mouth with a hand he'd set down to steady himself.

" _Ew_ ," Law muttered as he fixed his pants. "You never take me anywhere romantic."

"Fuck that," Sanji heaved, rising shakily to his feet. He slapped Law's hand away when the taller man reached out to return the favor. "Nothing about this is ever romantic. It's just two shitty assholes relieving stress."

"Or it's something that fucking feels good."

Sanji looked at him. His expression could only suggest welling hate bubbling up to the surface. Law recognized the look because it had settled over his own face many times before.

"Not between _men_ ," he snapped, kicking the door open and striding out. "When was the last fucking time any one of them really cared about what you thought or felt? None! And if you think otherwise, it's a fucking lie! They use you, shit head, because that's what sex is about. It's not about love - it's domination between two dicks to determine who has the bigger dick!"

"Yours is definitely the bigger dick," Law mumbled awkwardly. He raised his voice to be heard. "So, what, you needed to be reminded where you stand?"

"I get too comfortable sometimes thinking that I could change. This reminder lets me know where I've come from and why I'm not allowed anything else."

Law washed his hands with those words ringing through his head. He noticed Sanji didn't even stop at the sink. He walked outside and Law felt that he had done so as part of his complex situation - this was a dirty deed, he was a dirty boy. He would wear his shame and guilt home so he could hate himself for giving in.

 _So edgy_ , he thought with a roll of his eyes.

He walked outside, expecting to see the tail lights of Sanji's car disappear around the bend. But the man was having a smoke near the corner of the building, staring morosely into the distance. Law didn't know what to say to him, so he left without saying anything at all.

: :

At the ball park, he was looking for his batting gloves when he felt his approach before he smelled _his_ smoke. It pissed him off immediately because he couldn't escape. He was sitting in the middle row of the bleachers because there was still a game being played before theirs, and everyone had thrown their things down before racing off to warm up. He was taking his time because he didn't want to look at Sanji just yet. He had to admit he was listening to the guy talk in a completely different way to his friends than he did with Law. _Almost_ wondering if he felt sorry for himself.

Law had been considering the hostilities when Smoker had caught him off guard.

"I know you're avoiding me," Smoker said, looking over the active field. "I know why you're doing it, but it's not fair to continue punishing yourself over it."

Law looked at him with such disgust that he couldn't control himself. "'Punishing myself'? For _what_?"

"For feeling too damaged and broken to have a healthy relationship," Smoker said calmly. "For thinking it's impossible. It's not. But it's not up to another person to save you."

Law rolled his eyes as he finally found his gloves at the bottom of his pack. He tucked those into his sweats pockets. "I'd believe that shit if you decided I was too much for you. I finally understood that it was your age that interfered with your dedication- you couldn't keep up so you chose a graceful way to bow out."

Smoker gave him a pointed look while Law avoided looking at him because that was only a dig and not a truth. In fact, Law had to admit, Smoker was the last man to treat him tenderly. But look how all that turned out.

"You and I are very aware my age had nothing to do with it. I'm not here to remind you of these things, but I thought we could fix a bridge together."

"Oh? You wanna be _friends_?" Law asked, scanning the area to make sure no one could overhead them. But the others were warming up, talking noisily with each other. Sanji was busy arguing with Zoro, both of them standing near the entrance way of a park entrance while Luffy laughed at them.

"I care about you. Despite the situation that ended it, nothing has stopped me from thinking about you. But in a different way," Smoker said as Law grit his teeth. He paused to say, "You still have your real teeth? That habit hasn't stopped, I see."

" _Cared_ ," Law corrected, rising from the bench. "Past tense. Where you belong. Fuck you. You're fake. This approach - you're just trying to remind me who was the bigger dick. Men are like that - after marking their territory, they have to check back on it to make sure it's still theirs."

"That's your own sensitivity warping the matter," Smoker insisted tersely, looking cross. "And it hasn't changed, I see. Everyone is still an enemy."

" _Men_ don't change," Law reminded him lightly. "And they won't because there is no such thing as redemption for those that have already seen the worst of them. Just constant disappointment. I get why women call us trash, because we are that trash. Don't try to clean me up when you've already contributed to the pile."

"You can't clean trash away without pulling on some gloves," Smoker returned crossly. "I realized my gloves weren't strong enough. I chose to walk away because I couldn't do much - it was up to you to commit yourself to wanting to be cleaned up. You chose to remain its victim by letting it eat you. No one can help someone that doesn't want to be helped."

Law looked at him. Then he picked up his bag and left the area, headed for the parking lot to leave. Thankfully no one stopped him. He was moments from taking his bat to that man's face.

He sat at home later that evening, watching the television set with beer in hand. His mind felt numb - ears ringing with a light buzzing that made it feel like some sort of electrical static was making its way over his brain.

 _I let myself be a victim_? he thought, watching men haggle prices between each other. _I. Let. Myself. Be. A. Victim_?

Smoker was a man ruined by his own ego. Law saw himself fighting tooth and nail to escape an abusive situation; he put miles between himself and them to save himself. All for this old man to say Law was a _victim_?

He finished the rest of his beer and tossed it towards the kitchen. The glass shattered at the edge of his counter, splattering messily onto the carpeted floor. His throat felt tight. His stomach upset with roiling turmoil.

The man that Law had thought was a _good man_ was a man that knew absolutely nothing at all.

 _Jai guru deva om_ , he thought with a dazed stare. _Nothing's gonna change my world_...

He couldn't find his anger to _feel_ angry - this static felt menacing and gripping, holding onto him with ten icy fingers and a mouth made of steel. _Why was he so sensitive_? A comment like that should have rolled right off his shoulders and bounced back into the dirt where it came from.

He swallowed tightly, looking at his phone. Then set it down again after not really looking at it. _That man_ \- someone Law had spent hours with, who touched and claimed he cared - _that man_ needed a lesson for wasting his time. For giving Law any hope in that all his thoughts and feelings were valid and important; that _he_ was valid and important. He could feel his hands shake.

A grey haze settled over his vision. _Men are trash_ , he thought.

 _I get too comfortable sometimes thinking that I could change. This reminder lets me know where I've come from and why I'm not allowed anything else._

Law heard that voice cut through the building storm. It took him awhile to realize he'd already picked up the phone, finding that text from that one time. He pressed the call button, setting it on speaker before sitting it on the armrest.

"Fuck you want?" Sanji asked low, voices and activity in the background.

Law couldn't believe he even answered. It took him a few moments to answer. The distraction was important.

"Why are you friends with those morons?" he asked, voice thick with his lingering emotions.

"Why are you asking moronic questions?"

"...twenty minutes," Law said. "You want to be slapped? I can slap you."

Sanji was silent for a few moments, seemingly considering the offer. Then he said, "Is this shit because of that old man at the park?"

"It'd help me accomplish my goals if I fucked something rather than killing it."

"Like I want to be your shitty outlet, you fucking shithead. Who the fuck do you think you are, you bastard? There was no agreement between us being anybody's fucking _friend_ , available at beck and call. But, my house. Be there."

Law honestly thought Sanji was going to tell him to fuck off, but he surprisingly agreed to it. It took the edge off his mood, and he grabbed another beer to finish off on his way there.

: :

They did it in the living room, amongst boxes that were still taped up and cleaning supplies that hadn't been opened. Law ended up choking him unconscious during the act, filled with angry rage just remembering that conversation. Surprisingly, he lost his motivation and ended up staring at the ceiling while Sanji regained consciousness.

He coughed and hacked, but he rolled onto his side with a shaky laugh. He kept his back to Law, his shirt stained with sweat. Once he could breathe easier, Sanji rolled onto his back while covering his lower half with his discarded clothes.

"Mad because he was right?" he asked on a heavy croak. "Because that's the only time you should be mad."

"He's fucking wrong."

Sanji coughed again, clearing his throat a few times. He found his cigarettes and lit one. The house did not smell like he smoked there, so Law figured he was rattled.

 _Who's the victim now_? he thought sullenly.

"I'm not your therapist," Sanji then said, blowing smoke up above their faces. "Because that means we're friends, and that's not what this is. I'm not your fucking _friend_."

"Has anyone tried to save you?" Law asked, ignoring that.

"No man can save me," Sanji muttered in response. "I won't let them."

Law nodded with confirmation. "That's good to hear. Because they're lying to you if they try."

Sanji exhaled lightly, looking at him. "Is that helpful advice?"

"It's a warning. Don't trust anyone that hasn't set a foot in your shoes."

Sanji considered the heavy bitterness in Law's tone. He could detect other things about it, but he refused to delve into it. "I remember telling you this on my own the other night, and now you're repeating it to my face like it's something new."

Sanji flicked ashes onto his own jacket - the one with the brass buttons. The label told Law this was expensive. "I'll never let a man hurt me like that," Sanji muttered. "I know better. It doesn't matter to them if you're blood or a friend that trusts you – there always an opportunity to seize and conquer elsewhere."

Law glanced at him. He'd removed the condom earlier, so his dick felt cold with remaining lube. It seemed to have shrunk so much that it looked like a mushroom tilted against his curly pubic hair.

"That's a good attitude to have. But women are the same way," Law said, as if reminding him. "If you're not perfection to their standards, there's always another man that is. No woman wants a man that's too damaged for them to fix because they'll get tired of dealing with the aftermath."

Sanji frowned tightly. Law wondered just how much experience he actually had with women. He didn't feel like asking because it was just too obvious that he tried too hard with women.

"You only got yourself to blame in this," Sanji then said. "Knowing all this then jumping right back into the same shit you climbed out of."

"One day you'll let your guard down. When it happens, you should think of me."

"I'd rather not." Sanji finished his cigarette, stabbing it out on his jacket and leaving it there. "Okay, I got my second wind."

He rolled over and kissed him, allowing Law to taste the sting of his tobacco, the bite of his slightly chapped lips. He wondered if he could get cancer from secondhand contact by way of kissing.

"Why do you like kissing so much?" Law then asked. "Isn't that breaking the rules?"

"Practicing for my future wife."

"You going to tell her?"

Sanji grit his teeth. He bent over Law to suck on his dick.

"Yeah, probably not," Law said with a sigh, folding his hands behind his head. "Less teeth, please."

Sanji released his dick with a pop of his mouth, looking at him curiously. "With or without dentures?" he asked.

It took Law a few moments to understand. "That shit's personal."

" _Without_! You sick piece of shit!" Sanji snickered. Sucking his lips over his teeth, he gummed Laws dick. Law quickly rose up to pin him to the floor, gently biting his chin. Sanji pushed at him, still chuckling as Law's biting turned to licks and kisses against the warmth of his neck. "You're such a dog..."

"Woof," Law retorted, pulling at his skin with his teeth.

Sanji shoved him away, brushing his hair from his face. "Is this going to happen every time you talk to him? Because I'm blocking your number if so. It's a sign of weakness to let someone get under your skin all the time when you can't avoid them. You coming to me to let off steam only suggests that you trust me to let you. That's some fucked up shit right there."

Law considered the situation. He could definitely count on Smoker approaching him again, because he was patient that way. Using his words to sooth the inner dog in him, to coax him back to friendliness. He exhaled.

Sanji frowned at him, then lifted his chin. "Then get rid of him."

Before Law could say anything else, Sanji then asked curiously, "What's your body count, anyway?"

"Hundreds upon thousands, but only three are buried in the morgue's basement."

"You're stupid," Sanji told him, hands in his hair to jerk his head back before applying gentle kisses to his throat. "You should use the incinerator."

Law relaxed into the gesture. "I like to admire my work."

Sanji paused in his administration, fingers lightly scratching Law's head. He could get used to this mixture of treatment, but he really didn't want to expect that much from Sanji. Sanji was the type to flee if startled, but his youth could be manipulated. He reached down to grab his dick, squeezing hard enough for the other man to squeal suddenly.

"Stop getting personal," Law warned him, using his own words. "Stop acting like you're curious."

"It's just fascinating," Sanji said, kicking him away, rubbing himself painfully. "Because there is actually someone just as fucked up as me breathing the same air as I."

"Does it make you feel better?"

"Not really," Sanji admitted with a scowl. "It just makes me feel… _something_ about it."

"You're an easy one to manipulate," Law said with a sigh, using his mouth to soothe over his earlier grab.

After a moment, Sanji stiffened in his grasp. Law thought he was going to react negatively and push him away, so he lifted his head to judge his mood. But Sanji's fingers tightened in his hair and forced him to continue without being able to see his face at all.

: :

It wasn't manipulation, Sanji decided days later. This man was not using any manipulation tactics, and Sanji could attest to that. Coming from a family that was just as sneaky, devious and boisterous with what they could get away with, Sanji was well aware of manipulation. Maybe that was why he could get along with the older man in the way that he did – maybe that's why it was easier going to him. Law was straight to the point, and that's what made him an unpleasant person. He didn't try to get along with anyone – he _tolerated_ people but at the same time needed to be around them. He needed to be around people because the noise was soothing, and not antagonizing. Sanji felt the same way – the noise was soothing against the noise burning in his soul.

Frustration was a hard emotion to deal with when it came to shame and guilt – it polluted thinking and will to live because it was capable of venturing into any direction; none of these directions of which allowed a sure conclusion. The will to live and the will to die often battled itself because both were equally weighty.

His life, no matter the outcome, was a middle finger to his own family. _You did this to me but here I am, still alive._

He thought that Law was like this, too. That in itself caused Sanji distress because he himself did not trust men but he was starting to trust Law. All this time being around him, being _aware_ of him, gave him absolutely nothing of a deception. This led him to feeling unsteady because his feet did not want to settle atop of that rickety pathway into trust, absolutely sure there was a catch.

 _These were_ Feelings, he thought with some revulsion. He was developing _Feelings_.

Sanji wasn't looking for romance. He found himself thinking _What If_ …? a little more than he thought he should. It was like a drug – it felt illegal to gain, but _oh so right_ in the midst of its use.

 _Was I gay before the rape, or after_? he often thought, confused with the mixture. He'd never know. It hadn't been a one-time situation – it was used to control and demean, and it twisted his thoughts and soul until he couldn't recognize himself anymore. Was his attraction to men really that or just a defense mechanism? Did it please him body and soul or just body, used to its administration? He paid bills his family wired him and searched for men that could hurt him.

Luffy and the others were a candlelight in the dark for him. Because they were so happy and pure, so normal and fun-loving that it blew most of the fog away; they allowed him to feel his age and allowed him to think that things were okay. But the moment he stepped away from their brilliance he felt detached with his own thoughts and fears and confusion. He needed to be around them just as much as Law sought them out because that atmosphere was everything they didn't have.

He never thought of interfering when he saw Smoker looking over at the ball games. It wasn't his place to interfere in that – he'd only done so the first time because Robin was concerned about the old man's impact on the other. He clearly rattled Law just being there – he ended up wondering what the man did to entice Law into some peace with his presence; wondered what he did to fuck it up. But it was apparent Law cut him out of his life with effort, so it felt personally offensive to Sanji that Smoker thought it was okay for him to reach out to someone that didn't want to talk to him.

He imagined his family throwing money into his bank account just so he'd stay away.

 _This is growing personal_ , he thought to himself, kicking Ussop when Ussop whined about being first tonight's batting order. He said something about not upsetting Nami's decisions as the woman wrote down their names, but his mind wasn't in it. He was looking over to seeing Smoker talk to Law with an insistent expression on his face, and while Law's back was to them, Sanji could see his rigid shoulders and closed fists on his pack straps.

But despite himself, he said, "Luffy, that guy's on our turf again."

Luffy whirled, roast beef falling from his mouth and immediately set off to claim Law. He threw himself onto Law's back and snarled at Smoker, who had to wheel back just to avoid being bit. Law spun in place to try and throw Luffy off, but his pack prevented that. Smoker did walk off with an angry expression, Luffy's and Law's shouts ringing out as Luffy stubbornly crossed his arms and legs and refused to get off until Law promised him he wasn't being recruited. That only earned Penguin's moping and Ussop's whining, with Shachi gushing over Robin's mild concern in the situation. Nami went to rescue the older man while Zoro snored in the dugout, cleats untied. Sanji went to wake him up, feeling assured when Law snarled at the others that he wasn't leaving. He threw his pack into the dugout as Luffy finally left him alone, and Sanji ignored Law once Zoro woke up with the underside of Sanji's shoe against his face.

Two weeks later he looked Law in the face and said, "Let's talk conspiracy theories."

Law looked at him with a scowl. This time they were meeting up in a hotel at the outskirts of town – a cheap, rotting place with drug users conducting transactions in the parking lot and a bar spilling out with loud music, shouts and noisy motorcycle engines. Law was cleaning himself off with a washcloth that looked like it had seen better days.

"I don't come out here to talk," he said crankily.

"What does that man want from you?" Sanji asked curiously, rolling onto his stomach. His shirt was opened and wrinkled, and all he had to do was pull up his pants. Both of them had thought the other would come prepared so it was settled with actions similar to their first night. "Make peace? Win you back? Make sure your bills are paid?"

"What's it to you?"

Sanji shrugged a shoulder.

"Are you getting jealous?"

"Absolutely not!" he snapped over Law's lightly given accusation.

"Because I didn't sign up for that. I agreed to your rules."

"I'm just curious," Sanji then said, twirling some hair around his finger.

 _Men don't do that_ , Law thought, hypnotized by the action.

"Because if it isn't a pay off or a threat, then why do you take it so personal?"

"Do you ever think of dressing up as a woman?" Law then asked curiously, alarmed at the unexpected thought. Sanji dropped his hand from his hair and speared him with a warning look. "But to answer your question – it's none of your fucking business."

Sanji looked up at the water stained ceiling, forehead furrowed with thought. "That's what it is, huh?" he then trailed off. He then sat up, pulling his shirt closed. He began buttoning it over his cum-dried chest. "I think we should start fucking other people."

"Why?" Law couldn't help but ask.

Sanji was silent for a few moments before he said, "Because I'm pursuing my curiosities. That means I'm developing an attachment, and - "

"A reliance," Law corrected firmly. "You're starting to rely on me. I know what you mean."

"And it goes against my religious beliefs," Sanji said, finding his cigarettes. He lit one up. "I'm not interested in men, and I don't want to be. So, this is necessary."

"Understandable. But I don't agree with it, and hear me out why," Law said over Sanji's warming protest, "you were the one to start this. I went with it to fit my needs, and we've both kept well away from individual concern for a good amount of time. Of course it's expected that we eventually start showing interest for someone we share bodies with – it doesn't mean that it's wrong. It's like two dudes realizing that they can hang out at the bar with the same interests to watch the same sport. It doesn't mean it'll go any further than that. You're welcome to cut me out of your life but if you do decide to change your mind later on down the road, you're not going to have any way back in. Instead of cutting yourself off completely right at this moment, I suggest a break. Because I do want to point out that for the last six times, I've only called you out once. And that time out of town _does not_ count."

Sanji's lips thinned. But after a few moments he said, "But you must be feeling the same way because your rules – "

"What rules, Sanji?"

Sanji realized that Law hadn't given him any. So he sat there with a sort of dumb look to his face, holding onto his cigarette over one thigh. Law watched him, feeling a little dazed by the quick spew of information he'd just released in order to sway the kid's thoughts. He hadn't meant to speak up like that, but now that it was out it was up to Sanji, now.

Sanji wore a sullen frown. "Just a break?"

"I'll even bow out from a few games."

"You don't need to do that. We ignore each other just fine," Sanji said quickly, bringing his cigarette to his lips as a thick line of ash fell to the bed. "But…to clarify, this isn't…gay? It isn't, like…gay to show interest in another man's life?"

The childish question had Law's mind reeling a bit, but he managed to catch himself. "Are Zoro and Penguin gay? They ask about each other's shit all the time."

Sanji considered it, drawing his cigarette to his mouth once more. "But we're fucking, so, that pretty much…suggests that things could be."

"Are guys in prison gay?"

"Stupid question to ask."

Law shrugged but he really hadn't a response to that. "None of this shit is gay unless we're like…making eye contact and future plans and openly admitting that we're seeing each other. And society says it's fine – "

"It's not for me. _It's not_. It's not 'fine', I don't want to feel this way for anyone for anything!"

"I sleep with dudes, in case you haven't noticed." Law ignored his eye roll. "I don't consider myself gay. Equal opportunity user. But I prefer men because I can be rough with them and it's acceptable to be shitty to them. I don't think I'm a problem. You only think it's a problem because of what your brothers did to you. But it was a self-defense mechanism to make it okay. It happens. They didn't turn you gay – but you're more aware of yourself because of it."

"Fuck all that shit. Fuck your stupid words. You don't know what I feel or how I feel about it!"

"I'm just _saying_ ," Law said quietly. "It's fine to have some interest. But like you, it's not going anywhere. I don't plan on sharing my life with anyone else. It's too messy. I'm too fucked up, you're too fucked up. Neither of us would fix anyone's wounds."

Sanji frowned sullenly once more. He tossed his butt towards the trash. "I'm not looking to be rescued in any manner. I just want…an understanding."

"Which is what you have. I don't care about your past."

After a few moments, Sanji looked at him suspiciously. "I feel like you're trying to sell me something."

"I'm only saying this shit because it's an understanding that is agreeable for me. The deal fits my needs. Finding something else when I've already settled into a comfort zone is a pain."

Sanji had to agree to that, focusing his bitter look to the floor. He exhaled slowly, attention moving to the window. "Then what are your rules?"

"Don't ask about my personal life."

"Fine. I've learned that you'll just share it anyway."

"I think," Law said, leaning down to grasp his jaw so that he could force his attention to him, "that you made a very good decision. Because I know where to hide bodies."

Sanji snorted. "You'd dig it up like that one doc did and mummify me for your sick deeds."

"I'm not that attached to you. I like them warm." Law then kissed him, Sanji responding for a moment before swinging at him. Law evaded the action just in time.

"None of that shitty romantic stuff!" Sanji snapped at him, rising from the bed to gather his jacket and keys. "That pisses me off! I'm not a fucking woman! I don't need fucking assurances and affection! _Fuck you_!"

He slammed out of the room and Law smirked, amused by the obvious.

* * *

 **Naghi-Tan** : I can see that happening XD

 **HS** : It'll be a small amount – but I'm definitely making efforts to keep it from 'Dust to Dust' because I unfortunately repeat myself a lot (the pains of loving a rare pair! I find recycled content in my fics T.T) I hope he does, too. Because he's a darn brat – but then again, Law goes with it because he's comfortable with it – taking the smaller gestures to heart. Which slowly starts to bind them together – as this chapter shows a bit. They're warming up to each other so the dramatics will ensue. He won't do it willingly – he's got a rep to protect in public.

 **Greeny** : Welcome! Thank you for your comments – you can say _anything_ you want! Writers love comments of any kind! It's a question on everyone's minds – he just doesn't like guys (but in canon he does give a very rare few certain respect – ahem, Ace, Law!) so was it his family's fault? But then Zeff's influence does a little something-something for him, too, because Sanji clearly modeled most of his behavior after that old man (I love Papa Zeff so much) It's always a great thing to write about when "making him gay" because I feel like he can't turn gay without already being gay. He definitely has a lot of trouble with it, but he clearly searches for good male influence, too. I feel like I can't say too much about him regarding this story because I'm not even sure how it'll end…


	6. And I Still Get Trashed, Darling

Smoking pensively, Sanji stared out the window and thought about their last conversation. He was restless and felt unorganized, his thoughts vaguely scattered in different directions. There was a panic in his chest that made breathing feel tight, and his stomach in knots.

 _I'm not gay_ , he thought sullenly.

But his attraction to men continued to hound him day by day. He often averted his eyes or kept them leveled to a side object, but the truth was that his eyes often caught and lingered. He thought of Law often but refused to call him.

 _A break_ , Law had suggested, as though their Thing was a common one.

What did he do when he wasn't fucking around with Sanji? Was it better that they could share their angry feelings, knowing there was an understanding between them? Or was this a different sort of attraction?

He couldn't tell if the other man was thinking of him or about him – the difference being that he wanted Sanji for Sanji or what Sanji gave him. Their compatibility was quite good – Sanji could already feel the craving burning deep inside of him, wanting the other man's attention with the sort of hunger felt in craving a particular meal.

At the ball games, Sanji could ignore him and could focus on his friends, but sometimes his accidental glances became purposeful. He wondered if Law noticed him as much as Sanji did. Because of this, his internal battles felt weighty and chaotic.

The subject of being gay felt like it was forced in him after what was done to him; but at the same time he couldn't deny that he _enjoyed_ doing these filthy things with them. He had plenty of contact with women, before. But their touches and bodies just weren't as satisfying. They were beautiful things to be treated gently and admired but his inner self could only accept the rough, satisfying affections from another man. Was it punishment for what he did with his brothers, or a saving gesture? He'd never know.

At the last game for the Spring Ball season, his fingers moved deftly through Nami's layered hair to create a pair of French braids. He enjoyed the action of playing with her hair because she asked him to, and because he was good at playing with women's hair. He was quite aware that this earned him a spot in the friendzone, but it never stopped him from fawning over her because she was a beautiful person, and because her beauty was something he wanted to immerse himself into _because_ she was beautiful. Like lathering one's self into a fragrant bath; appreciating the concept with the sensation of being cleansed.

She hummed as she played with her cell phone and he admired the rich colored strands of her hair against his own soft fingers – she smelled of expensive lotions and was dressed for the light weather, drawing attention from men like a bright lamp amongst desperate moths. She was like a doll Sanji could play with; he imagined it similar to a boy being able to play with something he could not and should not have. Bittersweet and satisfying at the same time.

"Nami, did you switch shampoos?" Sanji asked curiously, leaning in to smell her head.

"I did! Doesn't it smell good?" she asked, pushing her head up against him. "I've been flipping my hair all day just to smell myself."

"It makes your hair feel really soft, too," Sanji said, finishing off a braid.

"Scratch my head," she then demanded, leaning in between his legs, arms settled over his thighs. He abided to her command, gently scratching her scalp with a merry look to his face. She relaxed with a satisfied sound, eyes closed.

"Your eyelashes look fantastic!" he couldn't help but add. "Who is your lady?"

"The one from the Lash Shop downtown."

"Oh! Merida!"

Nami tilted her head to look at him incredulously. "I can't believe you know her!"

"I know _all_ the beautiful ladies, and I know her work," Sanji said, starting up her last braid. "I don't know why you have to go and see her, really. Your natural lashes are amazing on their own."

"I wish I believed all these things you say," Nami said with a sigh. "But bigger is better, Sanji, make sure you believe in that!"

 _Not always_ , Sanji thought with a tepid look to the active field in front of them. He ended up straightening her collar, fluffing out her team uniform shirt that was layered over that. Nami wore a bright smile with the light movements. She reached up and back to capture one of his hands.

"I enjoy our little talks," she said merrily, "because you know _exactly_ what I'm talking about most of the time! Not like those other idiots around here who can't even grasp the concept of medium versus regular!"

Sanji furrowed his brow. "Er, are we talking about soda?"

" _Eergh_ ," Zoro commented, walking up to them with a McDonald's cup in hand. He sipped noisily from his drink as Sanji scowled down at him and Nami waved him off impatiently. "What are you girls gossiping about over here? And what's that smell? It's already making me sick. Like a cake shop."

"Zoro, hun, your dick is showing," Nami said airily as Zoro looked down at himself apprehensively. Examining her nails, Nami said, "Besides you wouldn't understand our conversation, even if we slowed it down and dumbed it down for you. Why don't you run along and play with the kids?"

"I think I will. Standing here, I feel my diabetes kicking in," Zoro muttered as Sanji scowled after him, moving deftly through Nami's hair.

"Sanji," Nami then said, lowering her hand to her lap, "are you seeing anyone?"

"Not yet! Why, are you going to recommend me to one of your friends?"

"I have this friend," she said carefully, drumming her nails atop of one thigh, "and I said I'd ask, but I don't want to commit to the idea until I know what you're comfortable with."

"Time and place! I'm definitely available for one of your friends!"

Nami tilted her head back to look at him. "My friend…is a very dear friend. We've known each other for years. You guys know each other already, but…they're very shy. And they didn't know how to strike up a conversation with you. You're a very intimidating person."

"I'm not that scary," Sanji assured her brightly. "I'll talk to anyone!"

"There are a select few that I've noticed you care not to…but I did say I'd ask. Without revealing their name, I was wondering if you'd like to meet them at a restaurant Friday night. Once you walk in, you'll know who it is."

"That sounds a little like a surprise party," Sanji said, a tad bit uncomfortably. "Especially if you're using gender neutral terms."

Nami thinned her lips for a bit, then said, "It's a guy."

Sanji resisted showing any sort of reaction to her revelation. But his smile was a bit tight as he asked, "Now why would you ever get the wrong idea about my dating preferences? You know how much I can't stand most of them."

"I know," she said with a sigh, shoulders tensing, "but we were both just debating on the thing, and I had to be sure. I've never seen you date or pursue anyone enough to take them out, so…I thought this could stay between us."

He finished her braid, face still tight with a forced expression. Nami was talking about this with a friend that they both knew? How many times had they discussed this subject when he wasn't around? What gave him away?

Very carefully he swept aside her bangs, pulling and tugging from the braid to arrange the fringe the way she liked it over her forehead. Pulled some curls from around her ears and tugged at the ropes to give it a bohemian feel. Once he was satisfied with the way her hair looked, he gave her a pat on the shoulder. "That's how secretive I am about my interests, Nami. No woman should ever fret about that. Most are scared nowadays by men that'll reveal them for everything that they thought personal, but not me. But if you have a woman that's interested in getting to know me a little better, send them my way…"

"I would in a heartbeat, hun," she assured him flatly, feeling her braids once she felt him pat her. Her tune changed immediately. "You do amazing work! Why don't you go to school to do hair?"

"I'd feel like I'm cheating on you," he replied smoothly as she rose from the bleacher, adjusting her sweats to reveal just enough skin from underneath her shirt hem. Ussop dropped his bag onto the pavement, pushing her aside as he sprawled over Sanji's legs. She had to catch herself from falling with an awkward squawk.

"Do mine, too," Ussop said with a relaxed sigh, Sanji furiously pushing him off him. "Aw! C'mon! Dudes like having their hair touched, too, y'know! No homo in any way, of course."

"Of course!" Shachi exclaimed, walking by with a loaded hotdog in hand. He and Penguin had just arrived, carrying food from the stand nearby. "It's not gay unless you make eye contact!"

"We won't be looking into each other's faces, Sanji!" Ussop protested.

"Ugh, I'd rather microwave my fingers off than touch some dude's hair!" Sanji spat, hopping away from the bleachers.

He walked off, feeling grumpy as he did so. He ended up "looking for Luffy" and caught Law cramming the last of his lettuce wrap into his mouth, Penguin trying to clean mustard from his face with a napkin. The pair of them snarled at each other, Shachi cackling nearby as the slur was passed between them companionably. Sanji ended up wandering to the dugout, Robin greeting him cheerily, inviting him to write out the roster for her. He sat to do so while she finished tying up her cleats, her hair already tied into a long braid. He was rattled, and he needed to get himself together.

If he constantly gave into his needs, it was because his brothers had been responsible.

: :

It was a lengthy process marred with a few hiccups, but Smoker was persistent and Law was the type to be considerate if he couldn't find a legal way to avoid it. So after extensive deliberation, he agreed to meet Smoker for dinner one night after Spring Ball ended. It was a free meal after all.

The place was busy with an early dinner crowd – a BBQ place that guaranteed endless ribs and extra side dishes if the main dish was already consumed. He washed his meal down with the draft available and ate like he hadn't consumed a big lunch earlier.

"All I envy about you is your goddamn metabolism," Smoker grumbled across from him, picking at mostly steamed vegetables and a delicate serving of 'light' pork. "But I'm glad you decided to meet me out here."

"It's because it's free," Law mumbled, and Smoker ended up mimicking him from the near start. Wiping his mouth messily, quite aware he had meat stuck between his teeth and sauce around his chin, Law shrugged without shame.

"I know it's tense between us – mostly you," Smoker started, setting aside his knife and fork to pick up his glass, "but I think talking helps. I didn't mean to come off shitty that one time. I wanted to apologize, but only when I thought you'd cooled your head to manage a conversation."

"It wasn't that," Law said, tossing aside his crumbled napkin, "I only agreed to this because I can't let the things you say mean shit to me. Unfortunately it did at that time because I was going through some things, and you only made it worse."

"Oh? Family problems?"

"No."

When Law didn't explain, Smoker let it go. It wasn't his business to know. He picked at his steamed greens, wearing a disgusted expression as he did so.

"Things aren't that bad for you, kid," Smoker said, Law giving him a look for the word, "I think you should remember that. I think being here helps you a lot. Do you still return home, or have they straightened themselves out?"

"Let's not talk about things like you should know them," Law suggested, picking up another saucy rib and chewing the meat off like he hadn't just consumed a platter minutes before. He burped noisily, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand. "Just say what you want to say without getting personal about it."

"I just want to say that talking just like this is fine. It doesn't mean it has to go any further than this," Smoker added. "Working out a type of friendship is fine."

"Why?"

"Now that time has put space between us, it'll be fine, don't you think?"

"I don't want to be friends with you. I chose my friends, and I'll stick with them."

"Those kids?" Smoker asked skeptically.

"Penguin and Shachi are just fine, and those _kids_ are a good excuse to get out of the apartment."

"I take it you're not seeing somebody?"

"There's a line, and you're trying to cross it."

Smoker exhaled tightly. Law dropped his rib down onto his plate, wiping his mouth once more. "I get why you're so hostile. I'm sorry. I think that one day you'll understand exactly what I did. You can grow from it."

"Don't talk at me like I'm some damn kid," Law said with exasperation, swiping more napkins from the dispenser and using all of them to clean his hands. "I don't appreciate that shit at all. All you're doing is clearing your conscience. What's done is done. It and you aren't a part of my life anymore."

"I just want to be involved," Smoker said slowly, "because I believe that all your shitty experiences aren't an excuse to be a shitty person. Watching you interact with those dopes is like watching a teenage boy act out over his younger siblings, and I want to point that out to you. _In case_ no one actually tells you you're being a shitty person."

"Who the fuck are you to try and police me?" Law asked incredulously. "You're not my father. You're not a relative of mine, and in no damn way are you someone whose words I'll take to what's left of my heart. You're just some dude that used to fuck with me."

"Look, all I'm saying is that whatever it is that you feel defines you as an excuse to think or feel some way – that's in the past! Can you please just work on what you are capable of?"

"Why? You planning on grooming me to be of any future appeal for you? Hoping to fix the bridge so you can use it to tiptoe your way over? Pathetic…"

Smoker scratched his ear with some visible frustration on his face. He wanted to reach over to wipe the areas Law had missed, the man stubbornly glaring at what was left with sauce on his chin. For an attractive man he sure was neglectful of himself.

"I have some leftover affection for you," he confessed lightly. "We were together for a good amount of time. I do hope that you change your life for the better instead of letting it rot the way you are – "

"That doesn't mean anything to me."

"Mostly because I feel you're capable of doing it – "

"That doesn't mean anything to me."

"I just think that you're just letting yourself go and that's not necessary to do – "

"That doesn't mean anything to me."

"Will you shut up and just listen like a goddamn adult?" Smoker finally snapped at him, drawing attention from those sitting nearby. He took a deep breath and exhaled slowly, trying to rein in his exasperation. "Fine. If you're comfortable living your life as a hurt child, then who's to tell you differently?"

"Not you."

Rubbing at his temples, Smoker fixed him with a look of irritation. He then nodded, leaning up against the back of his seat while Law continued to look defiantly stubborn.

"I'm sorry I wasted your time," Smoker then said, trying for another tactic while signaling for the check, "but I think I'm getting through to you."

"Once you're cut out of my life, you're not allowed back."

"Because men are trash, correct?"

"Not only that, there's nothing to gain from it."

"Is that how you find your partners? For a gain?"

"Frankly, if they aren't deciding that I'm a piece of shit to wipe off from their shoe, then I'm just a piece of shit. I was raised by pieces of shit, I was taught to eat shit, I survived from shit. I will continue to live my life as shit until it finally shits itself out."

Smoker gave him a withering look, the waiter tucking their check down near their empty glasses. Law saw this, tossed another crumbled ball of napkins atop of the table and got up to walk away without any other expression. Smoker watched him go, then shook his head as he snatched his wallet out.

He managed to catch up to the younger man as he walked to his car. "You know," he said, catching his exasperated attention, "I really hope that your attitude changes one day. You could be a good person."

"I haven't killed anybody yet," Law said, depressing his key fob, "so I think I'm a good person still."

"I'm just saying, you have so much potential to be better than all of that, and you don't even try. You let them weigh you down! You might not have killed anyone, yet, but you keep them away. Not everyone is out here to kill you, you know."

"Yeah, right. You and your eternal optimism. I'm at that age where I fucking know better. I'm not some young dude that's eager for a fresh outlook on shit I've already climbed out of. So don't even fucking start."

"I'm sorry I wasted your time. But you're welcome for the free meal."

Law bowed graciously, then climbed into his car. Smoker was not going to take it personally when Law tried to back into him; he only stepped out of the way with a roll of his eyes. Then cursed to himself as he headed to his.

 _Who the fuck does he think he is_? Law thought furiously as he drove home. _Talking to me like I'm some damn child that needed a fucking pep talk – old ass motherfucker_ …

As he waited for a red light to turn, he started to calm his rising anger. Smoker's words weren't anything to get riled over, but he didn't like how the man was inserting himself into Law's life like he had a right to be there. Just because they had a past together didn't give Smoker any weight to remain there. Law felt that Smoker was wrong – his past absolutely defined him as to who he was today. He was an asshole raised by assholes and that's what he knew. That's why he was an asshole. How could anyone raised in the conditions Law was be a 'better person'?

"What a fucking dick," he muttered aloud to himself, scowling at the red light. "How the fuck am I supposed to know better when I don't know any better?"

Sure, he wasn't the asshole(s) that raised him – he wasn't snorting cocaine to deal, or gambling or throwing back illegal pills; he wasn't grooming teenagers to appeal to his needs; he wasn't taking the boots to someone in the back yard because they weren't paying up loans in time, or sleeping with men's wives to pay off a debt. That's why he referred to Doflamingo as his 'stepfather' – his mother sometimes showed up to do just that while Law visited awkwardly with a sister that didn't know what to say to him.

This sort of lifestyle wasn't something Law pursued because it was dealt to him, but how the fuck was he supposed to be a better person?

He hit the steering wheel with frustration, gassing it once the light turned green. He headed home with all the anger swirling around inside of him once more, tired and frustration with everyone's shit. He couldn't help but wonder if Sanji was done with his drama fit, checking his phone for something that he knew wasn't there. It was tiresome how something he'd found agreeable to his needs was out of his reach. He flopped onto the couch, scowling out at the darkness of his apartment. He could hear his neighbors' kids running about upstairs, and this line of thinking did make him wonder how his sister was doing. They were so detached from each other that neither of them really communicated much unless Lamie was wishing him a Happy Birthday or Merry Christmas. Their parents, either ashamed or just as detached, sometimes sent him the same greetings but never at the same time. He never started the conversation first.

He didn't know what to say to Lamie, but he did wonder how she turned out. Had she fallen into the same shit pit as their parents or had she broken out somehow to be someone different?

His phone buzzed with a notification – he wondered if Sanji had some sort of telepathy.

 _My place, in fifty minutes_.

It took that long to drive there, so Law ended up taking a quick shower and grabbed a few beers from the fridge, feeling slightly uplifted.

: :

"You ever have someone tell you you can be a better person?" Law asked him afterward, both of them winded as they stared up at the ceiling.

Sanji made a face, looking at him with mounting disgust. His face was gleaming with sweat, hair swept back – he looked pissed when Law arrived, but after their activity, he seemed a lot mellower to hold a conversation with.

"All the time. Do I give a shit about their opinion? No. The only ones to accuse this of me are other men, whose opinion I don't give a shit about."

"I get told that a lot."

"…are you considering the effort?"

"No. What the fuck am I supposed to do better? It's like knowing your goddamn job inside and out and having some dick come in without experience to tell you how to do it."

Sanji snickered. "I get that. But if you know what you know, how the fuck are you supposed to know how to change it? Are they going to do it for you?"

"Isn't it enough that I've expanded my surroundings to include those morons that won't stop calling or texting me? I had three shitty messages from Strawhat today that were only Tik Tok videos and memes. Tolerating that is peopling enough."

"Ha ha! C'mon, you have to admit they were funny."

"I am too old for that shit, Sanji. I don't find any of it funny."

Sanji only laughed merrily while Law wondered why he tolerated this constant harassment. "The shit in the toilet one didn't make you at least breathe hard through one nostril?"

"That puppet will only haunt my dreams, admittedly."

"Dish-goost-ting."

"Please don't bring that childishness to my safe place here. I built a box around myself to shield myself from that shit and I don't want it anywhere near me."

Sanji only laughed again. "Okay, Squidward."

Law grumbled noisily because Luffy had called him that too many times before, and the nickname was sticking. He pulled the duvet over his exposed lower half as his temperature started to lower. "I take it you're done with your bitch fit."

Sanji ended up sighing heavily, slinging an arm over his face. "I have my next one scheduled soon. Put that in your phone, make other arrangements."

"I had dinner tonight that ended up pissing me off."

"I know." Sanji made some chewing motions. "I had the pleasure of finishing off the meat left behind in your teeth."

Law did snort hard through his nostrils at that one. "Being told all that shit just fucked me over."

"It was super satisfying tonight, I must admit."

"I was this close to calling my sister when you texted me."

"She pressure you on revealing details to your life, too? Mine does. Like it matters what I say. It only matters what they want despite knowing what drove us away in the first place."

Law thought about it for a few moments, wondering what Lamie told herself to believe in when it came to her older brother. It occurred to him that he didn't know what she looked like as an adult.

"People are so fucking selfish," he ended up muttering bitterly.

"But do you want their fucking pity?"

Law realized he did not. He did not want anyone but himself feeling sorry for him. Mostly because it was their fault in the first place for knowing the stove was hot and putting their hand there anyway.

"What's worse?" Sanji then asked, pulling his shirt closed then folding his hands over it. "Their pity or their selfishness?"

Law felt his face pull into a scowl. "I don't come out here for your philosophical questions. So I'm going to take that home and let it keep me up for the rest of my night. Fuck you."

"You just did, and I'm kinda wondering a polite way of dismissing you so I can take a fucking shower and get some sleep."

Law rolled over onto his stomach to look over at him. "Before I leave, you play with Nami's hair like she's a goddamn doll. So should I bring one over for you as a Thank You gift?"

"Don't bother. I got a collection of my own in one of my boxes downstairs." Sanji looked over at him, forehead furrowing. "Do you have a quota to satisfy on pissing people off around you?"

"I do, and I haven't reached it, yet."

Giving a puzzled look, Sanji then said, "Miraculously, I'm not pissed off. But keep trying."

"Would it piss people off to better myself?"

"What does that even mean, anyway?" Sanji then asked, reaching for his pillows to prop his back against. "What does it mean to 'better oneself'? Saying 'hi' to them first, thinking about them, not saying 'fuck you' every time they say something shitty?"

"I don't know. Is it going to the gym, being less aggressive, saying 'yes' when invited?"

"Don't you already do that?"

"…Do you gym? Because you are built."

"Thanks for noticing. I do. I like to look the way I do because I don't have any other attributes to _gift_ to people. Other than my cooking."

"Maybe I should've become a doctor rather than a morgue technician…"

"Why are you still here?"

Law ignored that, mumbling, "Or go to the gym…"

"You should," Sanji said, reaching over to grab a handful of flesh at Law's midsection. "Because you're getting flabby."

Law punched him with a self-conscious huff.

Sanji just laughed. Looking at him, Law fiddled with his own sweaty hairline to ask, "You were in a mood."

Sanji sighed noisily once more, mouth tightening up. "Just…coming to terms with some things, and admitting to myself some things."

"These things…they'll just keep bothering you every time you deny them. Eventually you have to just accept them."

Sanji looked put off, but he didn't erupt into his usual rage fit. He just looked at Law with a sort of defeated expression before sitting up with his back to him, fiddling with his open shirt. "It's accepting it that makes me feel even worse."

"Well," Law pushed himself off the bed, looking for his clothes, "look at what I'm doing. You'll wind up like me, someday."

Sanji thought about it as Law pulled on his clothes. He then chuckled, but Law wasn't sure what sort of expression was used with it because Sanji still had his back to him.

"Well…it's a good thing we met," Sanji murmured, almost thoughtfully. "Seeing my future arouses a sort of fear in me."

After stuffing his feet into his shoes, Law then said, "I'm actually glad you texted. I can go home without feeling like I need to kill something."

Sanji did turn to look at him, wearing a surprised expression. But then he admitted with a sort of bewildered tone, "Me too. Doesn't mean anything more than that, though."

"Yeah…don't go making up any weird ideas about this, either."

Sanji's skewed smile ended up troubling Law. "Oh, I don't think that's _my_ problem."

 _The fuck was that all about_? he ended up thinking on the way home, bewildered by meaning.

The next day, Law ended up looking for a suitable gym to use, with Penguin and Shachi recommending the ones they use in his area.

While the perky woman showed them around and Shachi asked her unnecessary questions just to see her bend and pull, Penguin elbowed Law.

"What's making you do this?" he asked.

"I guess I'm getting fat," Law said, wondering what a Smith machine did. "That's what I was told."

Penguin rolled his eyes as Shachi asked for a demonstration on the proper squat, citing his skinny legs. She ended up calling for one of the trainers to help out, Shachi trying to backtrack as the man looked eager to demonstrate the proper squat technique.

"The only people that gym are narcissists and psychopaths."

"I'm a psychopath," Law answered. "I need a better outlet. Dead bodies are only satisfying when they're fresh."

"Robin and Franky's anniversary is coming up. You going to their party?"

"Holy shit, it's been a year? He must have a big dick, then."

" _Ahhh_ , I'm going to erase that from my memory banks." Penguin looked at him askance, Law examining the nearby weight benches with a skeptical eye. "Is everything going okay with you? Guys don't normally do this unless they want someone's attention."

"I can't just do this for myself?"

"If you start sending me Snap Chat pics of you at the gym, we're not friends anymore."

"I am…trying to better myself. It was suggested that I do so."

"By whom? _Who the fuck_ is telling you that you need to be a better person? Honestly, you're not a drug head, you're not a fucking alcoholic, you're not – so if you're doing this just to make someone else happy, then you're not doing it for the right reasons."

"While it was suggested that I do so, I'm doing this for myself because…it seems to make other people happy when _they_ do it. I don't care that it was suggested that I better myself, but it made me think that…I can _for_ myself."

Penguin considered this, still giving him a skeptical look. Law wondered if the other man pitied him, or felt some sort of sorry for him.

"As long as you're not doing it to please another person," Penguin said slowly. "Because that can backfire. I think it's great that you're doing stuff, possibly seeing someone regular…but doing something because it makes _them_ happy when it's outside of your comfort zone makes me feel like you could be setting yourself up for a failure. You can't always please other people. You need to be able to do that for yourself."

"This _is_ for myself. I eat like a pig."

"You know who is really good at diet food? Sanji. You should talk to Sanji about that stuff."

Law ended up laughing, causing Penguin to look at him funny. "I'm not asking that prissy asshole for anything."

Penguin grumbled, shuffling in place. "Shachi and I were going through this thing so we ended up talking to him about a meal plan. He emailed us a Snake Diet guide and told us we weren't worthy of his care and attention. Honestly, he's such an asshole…BUT in the end he sent us detailed grocery lists, how to cook ourselves light meals and sent us packaged meals as an example of what we should be doing. So far, I lost twenty pounds and Shachi got enough energy without resorting to Monster energy drinks. His high blood pressure medication was getting expensive, but he's finally at a point where he doesn't have to take it anymore."

Law stared at him for a few stunned moments. "You…lost weight?"

Penguin gave him a flustered look. "You haven't _noticed_?"

"Shachi had high blood pressure? I did not know any of this shit! Why are you just now telling me?"

"Well…I mean, we talk, but personal stuff like that? It's not something that you're interested in. We know you're not someone interested in other people's personal details, because you safeguard your own. It's not a big deal," Penguin added while Law continued staring at him with a stunned expression, "it's just the way we've always been. It doesn't necessarily mean you weren't included, just that it wasn't something that we wanted to dump on you while you dealt with other shit."

Law felt a little hurt and angry at himself for missing these details, for allowing his friends to think that their personal issues weren't 'that important' to him. "I'm sorry you felt that way."

"Don't take it which way, Law," Penguin advised. "Everything is cool."

"Yes, but…you two are my friends, to not know…to make you guys feel like I didn't care was…a shitty thing for me to do. I…do care to know stuff like that. I would appreciate you telling me. Maybe I wouldn't give a good reaction, but…I do care."

Penguin's forehead furrowed. "Okay, don't take it badly. Like…it was nothing to us. We don't hold anything against you or anything, just… _okay_. We'll start sharing with you our dumb shit, but it's really not that big of a deal."

Law fiddled with the pamphlets he had in hand, his eyebrows drawn together with a troubled expression. He hadn't noticed that Penguin had lost weight – he had not known Shachi needed medication. He felt bad for having two men's loyalty but not knowing a thing about them because he appeared disinterested. It sent a barb through his heart to think that this was a wakeup call. He wasn't ready to take it, but it was necessary.

He then mumbled, "This is for myself. I'm tired of hearing people tell me that I can do better. Their opinion does not matter to me, but I'm aware that I am…too enveloped within myself to see what others are doing. This was a bright and shining example."

"Who is this person telling you this shit?" Penguin then asked, crossing his arms. "You are listening to some dick head influence you, and I don't think - !"

"Admit it, Penguin," Law interrupted him, "there are some things that I do that could be improved. After so long, I…want to actually do something for myself."

"Is it that old guy? I notice he gets you pissed off in an instant – "

"My ex neighbor? No. Yeah, he pisses me off, but he's nothing."

Penguin considered his other options. "Let's go over something," he then said as the trainer forced Shachi to squat, the perky receptionist cheering him on, "You may not have said anything, but it's apparent that you're seeing someone. Are there drugs involved?"

"For fuck's sake, Penguin…"

" _Law_."

"…No."

"Are they someone you're comfortable with? For example," Penguin then said before Law could answer, "do they remind you of anyone back home?"

"No. Far from it."

"Are they abusive?"

"Define that."

"Verbally, mentally, emotionally, physically? Just because girls are weaker doesn't make it okay for them to hit a man."

"I'm twenty-six years old. I don't need someone telling me – "

" _Answer_ the question, shit head."

"I think…that what matters in this situation is that…it's nothing serious," Law said slowly, picking the right words for the situation, "but…they know exactly what I'm talking about, can return it, and make me feel less shitty than I did when I approach them."

Penguin wasn't sure if this was a good answer. So his face pulled down with an unsatisfied expression. "So this is a good thing?"

"It's not something I'm switching my life around for, but…it has made me feel like venturing out of my zone to make _myself_ feel…better."

Penguin was unsure of how to take that. But he felt a marginal amount of concern in the matter because he knew his friend. And this was the first time in a very long time he'd seen Law appear a bit optimistic and hopeful. He finally noticed what Shachi was doing, then said to Law, "It's fine if you're doing this for yourself. But doing it to make someone else happy isn't going to make anyone happy."

Law rolled his eyes, then waved a hand about. "This positivity is absolutely toxic to my blackened lungs."

"So, when can we meet them?"

"Never. Because it's not serious."

"I know you see people," Penguin then said slowly, "but I think it's important that you maintain a certain degree of expectations about it. Anything exceeding that is only harmful to yourself. Nothing is perfect, and if it is – then it's too good to be true."

Law exhaled heavily because he didn't want a lecture – but Penguin felt enough to do so. It made him feel reactive to want to deny deny deny but it was too late for that.

"It's true that I want you to do things for you, but…don't take the order from someone who doesn't know where you came from. Their perceptions aren't the same as yours, and it can screw everything up."

"To be honest…they know. And the person that suggested I take the effort to change is no longer in my life – but they continue to insist on it. The other…is only a toy."

"Don't be a cheater."

"It's not cheating. This isn't serious. This is my own self effort."

A little assured, Penguin then nodded. "Okay. Well…if you _do_ want to talk about it, definitely let me know. Not to be nosey, but just to…make sure things are still okay. I can say with confidence that we like to see you happy and succeeding but we don't know when you feel like you are. A little support from the boys isn't a bad thing to have."

Law nodded, unsure of what to tell him.

* * *

 **Naghi-Tan** : He does try, in his own awkward way for old man approval – those damn daddy issues XD Once a child, always a child lol! He's definitely 21.


	7. When I Hear Your Tunes

The anniversary party was held at the same place as the wedding reception last year. It was complete with the same sort of chaos, too. But this time Law didn't sit in the back and avoid everyone; he sat at a table closest to the windows overlooking the building plaza and sipped on water between lite beers.

Luffy's closest friends were performing some sort of karaoke routine while others either cheered or booed them from the floor. The pain of enduring the noise and chaos had Law developing a headache, but it was probably from the new diet plan he was following. Penguin had somehow coerced Sanji into introducing Law to it, the pair of them performing an Oscar worthy performance that indicated an indifference to each other just to maintain that level of secrecy about them.

But the meet up afterward had Sanji teasing Law mercilessly about it, so Law ended up punishing him with some action that had both of them walking funny for the next couple of days. It felt different between them after that one night – Sanji seemed to have reluctantly come to some conclusion about himself and Law had reluctantly entertained the thought that he wasn't as closed off as he wanted to be towards him. They were still rough with each other, but not as angry. Law was still private and Sanji still closeted so neither of them entertained the thought of 'dating'. But conversations became longer and kisses became gentler – whenever one realized what was happening it would change quickly but the gesture would linger long after.

 _I'm not gay but_ …Sanji often found himself thinking grudgingly.

 _I don't want a relationship but_ …Law would think, catching himself oversharing a problem.

… _he's a good listener_.

… _he understands me_.

… _I'm having fun_.

… _I'm enjoying myself_.

… _Next time, I'll say_ …

… _Next time, I'll_ …

…And over and over until next time came and suddenly there was too much to say, so many things remained unspoken and saved for next time. Neither of them pushed for more but both of them acknowledged that "twenty minutes" wasn't enough to fulfill an emptiness that seemed suddenly intrusive.

Because there wasn't a way to continue contact without the safety of the softball league, Smoker hadn't approached him since. But his damn words continued to stick to Law, who stubbornly felt angry about it regardless.

 _I'm not them but I can still be pissed_ about _them_ , Law often thought when he found himself thinking about it. He found himself thinking about his sister. The fact that he hadn't known much about Penguin and Shachi made him wonder if he should pick up his phone and at least get an idea of what Lamie was doing with her life. He didn't give his parents much thought, though. They were dead to him.

Everything had a feel to it that made him think, _tentatively_ , that it was changing. But he was too guarded to think that it was a good sort of change; good things didn't happen without conditions to it. He sipped at his beer and watched as Franky launched into a Top Forty hit that had everyone laughing and clapping. Robin looked the most delighted – so happy that it hurt looking at her. Law wondered what that felt like.

He ended up sliding a secretive glance towards Sanji to see him with his arm slung around Ussop's shoulders, waving a tambourine around while Ussop blew on a harmonica. Their underage friend was screaming the chorus with them, Zoro with his hands to his ears with a pained expression. Their happiness and cheer, while often acknowledged, felt like a foreign gesture. Law couldn't imagine being so happy that he could express himself as naturally as they could.

 _Things just don't magically change because of one smaller change,_ Law thought to himself, cringing as the microphone Franky held sent a feedback noise that caused everyone to react. _And they really didn't change – it just got slightly easier_.

Law didn't want to let his guard down – the last time he did, Smoker had decided he'd had enough. The thought that Sanji would do the same was on his mind – it was an unpleasant, repetitive fear that made him want to pull back and put distance between them. But he couldn't seem to make himself do it. Maybe he was a masochist.

Law wasn't much of an empath but he could sense these things if he were around it enough. Or if he were explicitly told – apparently too selfish to notice others. He was working on that, though. It still made him feel bad that Penguin and Shachi were going through these things and Law hadn't even a clue.

Franky finally bowed and twirled his wife around with a happy roar. Everyone clapped and cheered for them, shouting out their best wishes for another year. It suddenly felt suffocating so Law quietly left the table and headed outside.

It wasn't as cold as it was that night a year ago – but just chilly enough for him to stuff his hands into his pockets. He had to collect himself, debating on whether to go home or return inside, hoping that the cheer had toned down a bit. His phone buzzed at his back pocket so he withdrew it, seeing that Penguin was just checking up on him. After assuring his friend that he was just outside for some fresh air, Law returned his focus to the business of the front parking area.

He thought about Lamie once again. It suddenly occurred to him that she couldn't reach him – he'd changed his number after the Smoker incident. He had her number memorized, so he did create a new contact with her. He debated on sending her a message about this, then wondered why he should bother. Would she even want that invitation?

With the presence of guests appearing in a slow wave to leave the venue, Law figured that sending Lamie his new number wouldn't hurt. He sent the basic text with an expression of trepidation. He didn't expect her to text back, but his phone vibrated nearly a minute later.

'Mom and Dad died in a car accident,' was the reply.

Law lowered his phone. It felt like all the wind left him – feeling nothing for his parents but something in the remaining space for a sister he wasn't close to. He had the panicked thought of extending an offer for her to join him – but was he capable of taking care of another human being? Could he do so with someone he could barely hold a conversation with? Did she even want his help? Was she as ruined as he was?

What should he say?

Awkwardly, he stared at the text, trying to think of an appropriate response. Before he could think of anything, she sent, 'I couldn't take her place.'

'I'll pay for your plane ticket here,' he sent without thinking, feeling numb about it. He could feel anger burn and build at the pit of his being at the thought of that horrid man for even assuming that Lamie could take over their parents' damn debt.

'Wiring me money would be easiest. I have a car. I promise I will be there.'

As a child, Law remembered Lamie being quiet and withdrawn – she couldn't look at him. But her hair was always fixed and she had clothes without holes in it. She was three years younger than he was – he didn't know anything else about her life, other than the texts that she'd sent throughout the years.

But was she influenced by that house, and by their parents? Wiring money sounded like something they would say in place of actual assistance. He could be wiring her money for drugs, to pay Doffy, to use him while doing whatever it was she did while he thought he was paying for her way away.

'I'll just pay for your plane ticket here,' he sent.

'Ok,' she replied. 'I'll send you my information when you're ready.'

Was he doing the right thing? What if she were a minion of his stepfather? Bringing along with her bad habits she possibly picked up from Corazon, gambling debts from their father, a pill addiction like their mother? Did she have a family? Problems that were heavier than his? Could he support them both if she wasn't already self-sustaining? He wasn't equipped to help another human being if he couldn't even notice his own two best friends' singular plights.

He fretted, thinking about the conditions of his living space. The one bedroom apartment surely wasn't appropriate for a brother and a sister; why didn't he think this out more thoroughly? He looked at his phone, wondering when was the last time he'd seen her.

Jittery, he texted Penguin that he was leaving and just went home.

: :

Nearly a month later, the three of them waited near the baggage claim area. It seemed that they were nervous for their own reasons, standing awkwardly as they looked closely at every brunette that walked by.

"I can't even remember what she looks like," Shachi whispered with aggravation, biting his nails.

"I think she's…tall?" Penguin trailed off vaguely, looking at Law. "I think I remember your mom being at least five ten."

"Fucking _giants_ ," Shachi muttered, shaking his head with a bitter expression.

Law just looked confused, feeling panic tear through his system. He was quite certain he'd made a bad decision. _He had no idea how to raise a kid_ , he'd thought many times. What do they eat? What do they require? Can they drink beer? Should he introduce her to his circle of "friends"? How was he going to hide his newly found past time - ?

Wait, she wasn't a kid, anymore…

Shachi pushed his shoulder, pointing off to the side with a bright expression. "That's her right there!"

Penguin and Law looked, catching sight of a tall, lanky young woman with shoulder length brown hair crammed into a ponytail and a face similar to their mother's. She looked exhausted and somewhat malnourished – her clothing faded and ill-fitting. She walked with the self-conscious air of someone that knew they weren't pleasant to be around. Law felt immense guilt rip through his very soul. He could feel it settle over his face, holding his breath.

But she caught sight of them as Shachi waved at her, calling her name.

"Oh, _yikes_ ," Penguin muttered low to himself.

Lamie walked their direction, every step full of hesitation as she looked to her brother. She was carrying a pack over one shoulder and a purse that Law recognized as their mother's. But her thin lips pulled into a tentative smile as she said breathlessly, "I made it."

She no longer had the voice of a child, but that of a very soft spoken woman. She had the resemblances of the child Law last saw her as, but nothing about her was a child. She was just a tired, thin woman that looked as if her skin had seen too much sun and her eyes too many horrible things.

"Hi, Lamie," Penguin and Shachi said together while Law struggled to come up with something to say. Penguin took her backpack from her, Lamie looking at him with surprise as she moved to refuse. But she let him take it after a moment before looking at Law once again with doubt.

Shachi pinched him so hard in the ribs that he eked a strange sound before blurting out, "Good."

She nodded in response, looking at their feet; just as she had when they were kids, when they didn't know what to say to each other. Law struggled to find his voice, but it was lost in the midst of things that felt too bitter to bear.

"Was it a long ride?" Penguin asked her.

"Do you have any luggage?" Shachi asked.

She shook her head to both questions, fiddling with her hands. They were spotted with too much sun as well.

"Were you homeless?" Law ended up asking, his voice a thin, reedy sound that barely made it past his lips.

She nodded again. "It was the only way. But I kept my phone on in case you called."

Law felt his stomach twist with hot shame and bitterness. He wished a hole would open up and swallow him. He struggled with his words. " _I'm sorry_."

"Don't be," she said, her voice a quiet appeasement. Her eyes seemed to shine with a bright relief. "It's fine, now. Um, I only have this, thank you."

"Let's go get something to eat!" Penguin offered hastily. "Are you hungry, Lamie?"

"Yeah, what's your preference? Pizza? Burgers? Tacos?" Shachi asked.

She brushed loose strands of hair behind one ear, shaking her head. "I'm not that hungry."

"Let's show you around a bit before we take you guys home," Penguin said, leading the way. Law felt like he was moving through a nightmare – every step of his heavy and awkward as he fell a few steps behind them. Lamie was a tall woman, but her outward appearance suggested a fragility caused by unexpected circumstances. She hugged herself with the same self-conscious air as she appeared to them as – carrying the stench of someone that couldn't use the facilities thorough enough.

How long ago had their parents died? This year? Last? But the age of her face suggested longer than that. Maybe she'd been long gone before they had died. Maybe she had tried to get out and this was the only way she could do it. Law wanted to hit himself for what felt like obtuse ignorance. How many times had he convinced himself that she wanted nothing to do with him?

 _How could he have been this oblivious_?

So full of these thoughts, he hadn't noticed Lamie sneaking glances in his direction, her lips tight with apprehension.

Later that evening, the silence between them was awkward without Penguin and Shachi there to dispel most of it. Law had cleaned as much of his apartment as he could so she could settle in – he made room in the hall closet for her things, had done some grocery shopping so his fridge and cupboards were full. She didn't look surprised as she observed blank, bare walls, furniture without any personality to them, or that he was single, working as a morgue technician. The only part that seemed to betray her composure was hearing that he actively participated in an adult league softball and had a bunch of happy, childish friends. Her eyes seemed to perk up with delight after hearing of their antics, sneaking glances at her older brother just to see if they were true.

They had shopped for extra toiletries for her, and Penguin offered to get one of their friends to take her to the mall if she needed anything else. But Lamie had declined the offer; she had everything she needed in her backpack. Law wondered how everyone would react to her. He wondered what kind of person she truly was. He still had the sneaking suspicion that she was here only because Doflamingo had a part in it. He felt bad for the suspicion, but considering the situation and his reluctance to accept a good thing, he trusted his instinct.

They watched some shows in silence before he decided to go to bed. Lamie looked relieved, exhaustion pulling at her features.

So he said, "Don't hesitate to say something if you need something. Or have to say something. I won't know until it's pointed out to me. If you're tired, you're tired. If you're hungry, eat."

"Thank you for bringing me here," Lamie returned softly. She looked happy settling on his couch, with an extra blanket and pillow to use.

"You're not in trouble, or anything?"

"No," she assured him. She ended up looking at him with hesitation. "Do you talk to them?"

"No. The last time I went home, _he_ ended up in jail."

She nodded slowly. "I'd wondered what happened to Doffy's dumb dog."

Law didn't feel like delving into that story, but noticed that she looked happy about it. She then asked, "He doesn't know where you are?"

"The last time he showed up, some guy shot him. He hasn't been back since."

Apprehensive, Lamie looked rigid and unsure. She couldn't help but ask, "You think he'll try?"

"I wouldn't worry about it."

She smiled politely at him, but she was too tired to continue talking so Law left her. Once settled in bed, he looked at his phone. He wondered what Sanji was doing, but they hadn't seen or spoken to each other for a few weeks. This arrangement they had felt frustrating but necessary. They weren't dating but it honestly felt empty and tiresome when he couldn't see him. With Lamie now back in his life, he wasn't sure if he could keep this up – Law felt like he had to be absolutely careful with keeping Sanji a secret.

A week later, the four of them were eating at an Italian place nearby when his phone vibrated. He'd labeled Sanji's number as 'Scam' just to keep nosey eyes from paying any attention.

'I heard through the grapevine that you're keeping a beautiful lady company.'

Despite the potential for trouble, Law absolutely had to respond. Shachi was telling one of his work stories and Lamie was laughing, so he texted, "I am. Not sorry."

'I'll introduce myself when we meet up next week. Let me take her off your hands – you're oafish and dumb and probably forgets to set the seat down when you're done.'

'She's used to it, now.'

'Don't be mad when I steal off with her. I like to keep it within the family.'

Law snorted. But he slipped his phone back into his pocket and resumed eating. It was news to him that they'd apparently see each other 'next week', but he was looking forward to it. He hadn't noticed Penguin's suspicious look over the new expression on his face and Lamie's concerned one as she realized Law's closest friend had some reservations about that very faint smile that curled his lips ever so slightly.

Sure enough, Luffy sent him a text telling him to bring his sister to a barbeque Sanji had arranged for Nami's birthday. Law prepared Lamie for the event by bringing her an energy drink and aspirin. Since her arrival, her complexion had improved and she looked more rested – she had been submitting job applications everywhere but hadn't had much luck. Apparently, she'd dropped out before her senior year and had been struggling to obtain her GED.

Because of their parents' lifestyles, Lamie had spent more time with her friends, bumming dinner and safety from them until their deaths. She'd hinted that it was deliberate.

"They weren't interested in paying off any debt," she'd told Law bitterly. "They were living the lifestyle. I didn't want any part of it. This was their way of escape."

"What'd you do with their remains?"

"I didn't do anything. I was gone before then. That man had starting suggesting ugly things about what my mom did that I felt I had no choice. So I left."

Law noticed that she'd said 'my mom', as if they had separate parents. "I wish you told me this a lot sooner."

"I didn't know what kind of person you were," she'd confessed quietly.

It was more reason to hate their parents, to be helplessly angry over their grossly weak choices to choose addiction over their own children. To feel like he'd lived all this time in relative bliss and safety while Lamie was struggling on the streets to avoid being drawn into it. It still hit him with the same, hot force as it had that first time he felt it.

He was able to buy her a few new outfits and essentials so she didn't feel self-conscious anymore. While she seemed to have lost some of her earlier tension, Lamie still held herself back. Quietly observing and giving soft answers to unspoken questions; the only deceptive thing about her personality was the way her eyes glittered when she listened to Penguin and Shachi talk about their adventures. Lamie seemed genuinely happy that her brother was living a good life without the things that had broken their family apart. It seemed like she had been untarnished, but there was still so much she had not said, and there was so much Law hadn't asked.

He reined in his temper around her, but it felt like the anger that had consumed him had lessened its tension. He didn't feel helplessly out of control and overwhelmed by life's unfair choices. Maybe he was too busy to do so.

July had sprung up on them with hot temperatures and overbearing city heat – the venue had changed to the party room at Nami's apartment complex, where the AC was forgiving and there was enough room for all of them to sit comfortably while enjoying the nearby pool area. Lamie looked quite nervous as Law took some aspirin beforehand, washing it down with a beer he wouldn't finish. He had been preparing himself for the noise and chaos, but the summer heat was challenging, adding to his mood.

She watched with some worry as he braced himself against the wall, hearing music boom and voices ring out. Luffy's laughter was the loudest, causing his eye to twitch. "We can leave whenever you're ready," she suggested lightly, eyebrows drawn as she fiddled with the gift she'd picked out on their behalf. "We don't have to stay that long."

"Let's get this over with," Law muttered.

Before he could reach for the door it slammed open on him, Sanji appearing moments later to greet Lamie cheerily.

"Hello! _Welcome_ , Lamie! We've been waiting patiently for you, pretty lady!" he exclaimed merrily as Luffy shoved past him with a wondrous exclamation. "Come inside! Are you thirsty? Hungry? Aren't you a gorgeous thing – you must be adopted, because you look no _t_ hing like that idiot – you're definitely related to royalty, look at those precious freckles!"

"Hi, Larry!" Luffy greeted, hugging her, much to Lamie's distress. "Welcome! Come in! Have some cupcakes! There's no meat, yet, but Sanji's working on it! Come on! Let's go see the others!"

"I'm not adopted," Lamie stuttered helplessly before Luffy tugged her along behind him, shouting for attention.

"Everyone! Meet Larry! Law's sister!"

Law slammed the door shut, giving Sanji a furious look as he rubbed his forehead. Sanji gave him a skeptical one in return, shaking his head. He was wearing some blue tanktop over a pair of jean shorts with flip flops – a pair of round sunglasses sitting atop of his blond hair. He looked ridiculous enough to mock but also managed to remind Law what he had been missing. It was an uncomfortably intimate feeling.

"She's too pretty to be related to the likes of you," Sanji said with a haughty sniff. His eyes seemed to struggle to stay focus on the collar of Law's shirt. "What's with this unexpected development?"

"She needed a place to stay."

After a moment, Sanji asked, "Everything okay?"

"They're dead," Law replied, "but their debt isn't."

Sanji looked up at him with a hesitant expression before he dropped whatever it was he was going to say. It seemed to Law that he'd only looked him in the face for a few moments longer than necessary, and that flustered him a bit. It had been weeks since they saw each other, and despite the amount of time they'd spent together, knowing intimate parts, it felt almost exciting to finally see each other again.

Both of them were with words lodged in their throats. It then occurred to Sanji what Luffy had said, darting inside with a correction of her name. Law ended up opening the door to let himself in, still rubbing at his forehead. Nami was dressed like royalty herself, brilliantly lei'd with flowers that left petals wherever she went. Lami was in awe of the woman, Luffy's arm slung around her shoulder as he casually introduced her to the others.

Seeing that she was handling herself well, Law felt himself relax a little. Zoro offered him a beer from his corner of the room, grunting in response to some question someone threw at him while he watched a movie on the television set.

* * *

 **Naghi-Tan:** They do – they really need to get a grip lol I think Law can be all personalities and handle some spontaneous decisions but only on the right conditions. Not to the point where he's stressed out about it because obviously he can't handle stress that well lol!


	8. But You Are Who You Are

Lami was overwhelmed by the Strawhats' cheer and those of Nami's friends. It was loud, the voices were noisy and everyone seemed to be doing something different. She felt like she was drifting through an unyielding river with too many currents. They were including her in conversations and asking her questions that didn't delve too deep but she felt like her head had begun to swim ahead and leave her behind. Her brother was off in the back ignoring everybody to watch a game he had no interest in, but she felt she couldn't reach out to him. There was a crevice between them that didn't allow either to reach out to each other. She felt that overwhelming pressure build up in her gut as her fingers tightened on her glass, her breath light.

"Come outside with me," Sanji said to her, pulling gently at her hand while carrying a tray full of drinks in the other. His grip meant no argument, and he kicked aside various men that were intent on reaching for a drink. In the hot air of summer, Lamie sucked in a breath she hadn't meant to lose.

He set the tray aside on a nearby table and took the drink she clasped tightly within both hands, giving her a gentle smile. "It's overpowering, isn't it?" he asked, reaching for his cigarettes. "All that noise and chaos can be too much if you hadn't had it before."

"I'm sorry," Lamie apologized softly, feeling her face flush with color. "It wasn't that I wasn't having fun, I just …didn't know how."

"I understand," Sanji said with a nod as his concerned eyes flitted over her facial features. "Have you eaten anything yet?"

"I…had a sandwich but…suddenly it just disappeared," Lamie answered, looking puzzled. "I thought I was dreaming…"

Sanji's teeth cut through the filter of his cigarette. But he managed to rein himself in with a deep inhale and slower exhale, Lamie watching him cautiously as her fingers busied themselves against each other. Sanji pulled out a new cigarette and lit it, looking annoyed. He then pulled out a set of keys from his pocket. "Let's go make you a new one."

He took her back to Nami's apartment, where he quickly made her a lunch from the things Nami had in her fridge and cupboards. The quiet of the place was welcome, Lamie feeling like her mind was set right again. Sanji told her he was going to make a quick side dish, pouring her another mixed drink and turning on the radio – finding the station Lamie liked. All the while he dazzled her with compliments and some light hearted conversation that allowed her to relax.

Lamie thought she'd feel uncomfortable being separated from the others by a single man she had no familiarity with, but there was something about Sanji that gently allowed her to think that she was safe. She wasn't sure if it were the way he fluttered around her, or if it were just the way he addressed women – almost as if they were precious toys to him. But her minimal experience with men had been a terrible sort, where she often locked up and fell silent, her mind racing away once she was addressed. Always searching for the worst before she could see their best.

As Sanji was combing through her hair, fixing the limp strands into a ponytail with some flower barrettes and flowery hairspray, the front door slammed open. Both of them jumped as Law plowed through, looking furiously at Sanji before looking at his sister. The thought that he was interrupting a potentially suspicious situation was clear on his expression as Lamie settled her heart with a guilty look and Sanji scoffed at him before resuming his action.

"What the hell are you doing?" Law barked, Lamie stiffening up as she looked to him to see if he were addressing her that way. But his expression was directed at Sanji.

"Thirty-five minutes," Sanji said instead, looking at the clock on the wall. "It took you _thirty-five minutes_ to notice you were missing something."

Law's face reddened, and Lamie fretted because she'd seen how angry her brother could get. His temper tantrums back home were enough to make grown men laugh and flee for their lives at the same time. She automatically looked for things in Nami's apartment that could be used as a weapon, her breath short in her throat. Sanji's warm palm settled on her shoulder, patting gently.

"You are safe," he told her warmly. He tightened her ponytail and added another clip before looking at Law once more. "Calm your shit, asshole. There's no need for that type of behavior here. This is Nami's apartment – treat it like a treasure."

"I don't give a fuck about her! Get your fucking hands off my sister."

Lamie struggled to speak, but her words were caught in her throat. Looking at Law with terror while Sanji patiently arranged tendrils around her ears and temples. He then pulled back to smile brightly at her. "Does that feel better off your shoulders? The weather here can be quite vicious. Are you wearing enough sunscreen? I'm pretty sure it's time for us to adjoin down to the pool with the others. There's some sort of drowning contest for the others…"

"I don't want to see people drown," Lamie said on an agitated whisper, her hands stiff on her lap as she once again looked to her brother. Law looked murderous, hands clenched at his sides as he glared at Sanji with obvious intentions. Sanji showed nothing of it as he fluffed her ponytail. "I'm sorry, I think I should go."

" _We_ should go," Sanji said, helping her from the chair. "But the moment you start feeling a little overwhelmed once more, I'll be there to help you – "

"Enough with the weak shit," Law snapped, taking a step towards them then stopping short – clearly holding himself back. "What the fuck were you thinking, sneaking off with her to a place like this?"

Lamie couldn't find her voice, blinking repeatedly as her eyes threatened to shed upset tears. Unsure if Law were addressing her or Sanji – blaming her for something unfortunate, or ready to murder if Sanji had considered anything inappropriate.

"Enough with the temper tantrum, you're upsetting her," Sanji snapped back at him. "Coming in here like you're going to rage justice, you're only scaring her. What the hell makes you think that anything within your ill thoughts would happen? Are you stupid? Next time, stop thinking of yourself and pay attention, ass."

"You could have said something to somebody!" Law then snarled, looking to his sister. "Let's go."

"No," Sanji objected before Lamie could say a thing. He took her hands as she rose unsteadily to her feet, chin trembling. To her he said, "You've done nothing wrong. He just can't express himself properly. It's okay for him to be concerned about your welfare, but he doesn't express that very well. He's not angry at you – he's angry at me, a man, to have slipped you away to a private place. He's only protective – don't feel like you've done anything wrong. It was my fault for not saying anything to anyone about what I was doing."

Law grit his teeth noisily, Lamie looking to him cautiously. Sanji turned to glare at him, hand across her shoulders to pat her with comfort.

"Get your fucking hands off her," Law warned dangerously, taking another step forward as if he were going to do it himself. Lamie covered her face with agitation, Sanji quickly stepping in front of her to prevent any sort of physical action.

"Will you please calm yourself?" Sanji then asked evenly. "None of this is helping anything. If you'd like, follow us down to the pool."

Law looked from him to Lamie, noticing how upset she was. He was quite aware that his actions were harmful, but he couldn't seem to stop himself from holding himself back. These were things he had to work on – but his instinct to suspect and instinct to interfere on the behalf of his sister was too strong to ignore. Not that he had anything to suspect – he knew that Sanji couldn't harm Lamie in any way. So there was another sort of anger to comb through and dissect. He felt failure in not noticing she'd been gone for some time, and some discomfort in that he'd suspected wrong doing in the first place. He was aware Lamie could have been secretly overwhelmed; he told himself she couldn't just walk away from it like he did.

Everything was a mistake, and his actions continued to project differently as he felt them.

His fists curled and tightened at his sides. Once Sanji saw him relaxing, he gestured at the couch. "Take a seat. I'm going to clean up real quick. Would you like something to drink?"

"…No," Law answered after a few moments of consideration. Nami's place was expensive and modern, with floral designs in her furniture and walls. It smelled of incense and perfume. Everything looked like something she hadn't bought for herself. He looked to Lamie again, seeing her wipe her eyes tenderly while she continued to look at him fearfully. "Sorry."

Lamie nodded to acknowledge that, feeling relief sweep through her once she recognized that he was standing down. Now that she could think, Sanji's words made sense to her. She felt relief that her older brother could feel protective because it meant he still cared for her – despite his seeming indifference, he just wanted her to be safe. Relief made her react with grateful action. She hurriedly stepped forward to hug him awkwardly.

"I'm sorry I didn't say anything," she said, voice trembling as his rigid strength became unyielding with her contact. "My brain was swirling so much that I couldn't think. Coming up here really helped me. Nothing bad happened, I promise…"

Awkwardly, Law didn't know what to do. His sister was just as tall as Sanji was, but she felt fragile and small against him. He felt like anything he did would hurt her in some way. With her back to him, Lamie didn't see the way Sanji folded his hands together and looked at Law with what seemed like mocking action for the scene. Law glared murderously at him once more before looking away as Lamie pulled away from him.

"Go get some tissue and clean your face," he directed at her as she wiped her eyes again. "Don't draw attention to yourself from those morons downstairs, they'll just swamp you with a different sort of suffocation."

Lamie nodded, and Sanji directed her to the bathroom. Once she was gone, he moved quickly to kick a chair in front of him as Law lunged at him. He used the chair as a barrier between them, leaning against the table to keep his balance. Law was startled that Sanji could use this movement and object in just a fashion that he ended up stumbling.

" _Back_ , you fearsome beast," Sanji whispered, so Lamie couldn't hear them. Both of them could hear her rummaging for tissue in the bathroom down the narrow hallway. "Calm your tits. Getting pissed at me isn't a good look for you – it just excites me."

"You fucking asshole, you keep your fucking hands to yourself, or _I swear to God_ \- !"

"'Thank you, Sanji, for noticing my little sister was in distress'," Sanji said on a whisper, fluttering his eyelashes as he continued to hold the chair up with one foot. Then he glared at Law with warning. "Do better, dick head. _Open_ your goddamn eyes. She's not you. Clearly there are some issues that need working on."

"You ever steal off with her again, and I'll break your fucking head open on the concrete," Law warned, his voice just as low.

Both of them separated once Lamie began moving back towards them, Sanji replacing the chair underneath the table as she appeared. She looked better, fiddling with her ponytail with a shy smile in Sanji's direction.

"Thank you for fixing my hair," she said, her soft voice displaying some delight. "It looks really nice. Are you a hairstylist?"

"I love women's hair," Sanji said in response, sweeping past Law to hug her lightly. "I'm glad you like it! If you ever need assistance again, trust me, you can call and I'll be there immediately!"

Lamie blushed but she nodded as he pulled away. She looked to her brother to judge his reaction to the gesture and saw that Law looked pissed once more. She struggled to pull in her expression, clearing her throat.

"Both of you can sit while I clean quickly,' Sanji said, hastily putting away the dishes he'd cleaned earlier and wrapping up the side dishes he'd made. The pair sat awkwardly on the couch. "Take advantage of the AC for now. Also, shit head, keep your feet off that damn table. I don't care how tall you are, don't dirty Nami's things."

Law glowered at him, bending knees to place his feet down on the coffee table and dirtying it with deliberate stamps while Lamie looked at him nervously. When he felt he made his point to defy Sanji's wishes, he looked at Lamie. "Want to go?"

Lamie considered the offer, swallowing tightly. She'd noticed the efforts her brother had put into preparing for this outing and finally understood why. She felt like she couldn't waste those efforts because Law was a person who spent too much time by himself and while the event was overwhelming, it felt good being around happy people who seemed to not have a care in the world. Like sunshine in comfortable weather after a long storm.

"Not yet," she said cautiously, aware that she was being given a choice. Law scowled, but he didn't look as if he were going to change her mind. "Unless you want to…?"

"I'm fine."

"I'm sorry for causing a mess," she then whispered, looking at her hands. "But I felt safe."

Law glanced at her. After much reluctance, he admitted, "You were."

Looking at him with relief, Lamie stopped fiddling with her fingers. "Please don't be mad."

"I'm _not_."

Nodding just to end it, Lamie exhaled low.

When they finally left the apartment, Sanji went ahead with his side dishes, Lamie trailing after him. Law followed after both of them and when they finally reached poolside, people called out merrily at their return. Luffy dashed towards them, and received a flip flop to the face as Sanji kicked him.

Nami immediately accosted Lamie, cooing over her fixed hair and asking Lamie about what she thought of her apartment. She led her away, giggling like they shared a secret. Law watched her go as Luffy cried out with pain and horror over the savage scolding he was receiving for stealing Lamie's food in the first place. The entire area was taken over by residents and party guests alike, so water splashed about as music and voices muffled the aggression nearby. He found an empty chair underneath an umbrella and scowled over the scene while keeping an eye on Lamie. His sister looked a little more collected than she had earlier while Nami and Robin spoke with her, the pair of them looking like a pair of mother hens. Vivi joined them with a beautifully crafted cupcake, Lola carrying over a six pack of wine coolers that they all could share.

It unnerved him that he hadn't noticed Lamie and Sanji had disappeared earlier; it was only after he'd overheard Nami complaining to Vivi that Sanji better not use up her rosé to loosen Lamie's morals that Law had noticed they were gone. With the fragile way Lamie carried herself and Sanji's somewhat aggressive womanizing behavior, it had snapped his rational thinking in two. He knew it wouldn't happen, but he'd already failed Lamie many times before.

Now he was stewing in anger because of his behavior and because he'd caused such a scene to scare his little sister.

When they returned back to the apartment, both of them were haggard with exhaustion. She could hear her brother's stomach growling madly and wondered why he hadn't bothered to eat anything. He immediately began pouring himself a bowl of cereal and made a sandwich while she sat on the couch with a puzzled expression.

"I ate so much good food," she said softly, patting her rounded stomach. "Didn't you get enough?"

"I don't eat his food," Law snarled quietly from the kitchen. Lamie detected that he wasn't angry at her but his words didn't make any sense.

"Why?" she asked curiously.

"Because I hate him, that's why."

"He doesn't like men, does he?" Lamie then said with a concerned expression. "He's very rude to them. But very nice to us."

"Therefore, I don't eat his shit."

Lamie considered the scene from earlier, feeling a little upset at being the cause of things. But at the same time, it still made her feel warm over the addressing of Law's gestures. All these years she'd thought he hadn't cared about her, so she'd held herself back from contacting him. They were estranged siblings, separated by situation and addiction; whatever it was he went through was different from what she had. But she knew of some of those things; she'd heard their parents talk of it, sometimes.

Sometimes they'd regret their decisions but talk about the next hit in the same breath.

She was surprised when he'd offered to get her away from there; even more so to find that he'd include her in his world without any show of regret or hardship. She didn't know what he was thinking; he only expressed himself minimally. But she was quite aware she was the same way.

She waited for him to sit down in his chair, turning on the tv to fill the quiet atmosphere with the Food Network's prime time cooking shows. With a skeptical expression, she watched his side profile. The way Sanji spoke of him earlier felt like he knew Law enough to be comfortable saying these things that turned out to be true. Other than that confrontation, neither of them said anything to each other. Sanji had stayed on his side of the line while Law kept to his. It felt like she was missing something whenever she looked at them. She wasn't sure what to say, so she kept it to herself.

: :

'You calm yourself yet, you asshole?'

Law saw the text while he was at work nearly a week later. He had been writing his reports when his phone buzzed noisily atop of his desktop. There were others working on a couple of gunshot victims to the left, so their voices were a quiet background noise in the cavern of a morgue. He considered the context of the text with a scowl to his face. He _was_ calm – as calm as one could be in the relative state of things. His temper had only flared at that moment because of what he'd suspected and what he found, and those circumstances were cleared over. It should have been interpreted as an apologetic gesture when he chose to let Lamie decide on what they did.

But it had been intrusive of Sanji for interfere as he did. He should have brought it to Law's attention that Lamie was in distress – not take it into his hands to save her. That felt like a sort of debt Law owed – maybe it wasn't a malicious one like the ones Law already knew, but it felt like he owed Sanji and he didn't want to feel that way.

At the same time…

He picked up his phone to text back. He figured he'd just give Sanji a piece of his mind when he got there. After work, he showered quickly. Lamie looked at him with worry when she saw that he was preparing to leave, the table top full of job applications.

"I'll be back later," he said gruffly, opening the fridge for a quick snack.

"Going to see someone?" she asked lightly. She looked hopeful for that as she lowered her pen.

"I am, but it's not what you think. I just don't want to walk around smelling like dead bodies," he replied. She winced a little, let down. "I'll be back later."

"I'll cook us some dinner," she then said.

"Don't worry about it, just cook some for yourself."

"You don't eat enough – "

"I obviously eat enough, I don't need you fucking nagging at me – " Law cut himself off shortly as Lamie winced again. "I'm sorry. I'll bring home something, but I probably won't be back for a few hours, so you may as well as cook something for yourself. Or I can give you money –"

"It's okay, there's enough here," Lamie said firmly. She tapped her pen atop of the table. "Um, I think it's fine that you have a life, and I'm sorry I interrupted it."

"You didn't. I don't have a _life_. This is nothing."

Lamie bit her lower lip, then said slowly, "If you want, I can make myself scarce so you don't have to go out. It'll be fine. I found that they offer free art classes at the community center and – "

"Lamie. _Stay_. I'll be back."

She watched him go, her forehead furrowed with concern as he did so. She felt bad that she'd interrupted his life, but she was curious because she wondered who what kind of person her brother met up with occasionally. She hoped that the woman was kind and thoughtful, easily forgiving to his moods. He didn't play on his phone nor talked to anyone outside of his friend circle, so she hoped that it was someone he saw regularly and not a prostitute.

She remembered that night out when they were eating and had seen the way her brother's face changed with a simple text. She couldn't help but wonder who this person was because her brother smiled very rarely and never seemed to let down his guard. She sent him a cheery text, along with a smiley emoticon.

'Don't worry about coming home so soon – just enjoy yourself. It'll be fine.'

: :

"We need to establish new rules," Law said, slamming the door shut behind him. The sound seemed to echo soundly off empty walls, a new tower of boxes lining away from the living room to the stairway, closing off the area from the foyer. He paused to consider the newest additions, a little puzzled at their appearance. He didn't hear anything from any of the living areas, but his attention caught to the window near the dining room. He saw the shape of two men walking away from the house, and their appearance caused him puzzled action.

Hearing nothing from Sanji, he watched the pair duck into a car parked at the neighbor's house – its windows tinted black, rental plates in place. He couldn't see details of their faces because they wore hats and sunglasses. The sun was still out so it wasn't as if their appearance were puzzling but it spoke to Law that they were obviously leaving this house and they were obviously trying to be quiet about it.

He suddenly tensed, attuning himself to the atmosphere of the house. He realized that it was stark quiet, that there was lingering tension there. Looking into the kitchen, he saw that the countertops were swept clean, the floor littered with a mess with broken containers and dishes. There were blood stains on the cupboards near the fridge, with the garage door opened.

He wasn't sure what he was walking into, but he grabbed a knife from the kitchen counter and stealthily made his way into the garage. It was mostly empty but Sanji was lying against the trash receptacles in such a way that Law thought he was dead. He hastily dropped the knife and crouched near him, feeling for a pulse. He didn't find one, but thought that the two walking away from the house was an indicator of the time between their actions and their leave. He pulled Sanji flat down onto the cement floor and began administering chest compressions, thinking that there was still time. The other man's face was battered to swollen eyes, bloodied and bruised lips and broken skin – unrecognizable.

It was taking most of his concentration to get the other man to breathe again. His mind raced with panic that made it difficult to form coherent thoughts. Once Sanji started to cough, blood splattering around his face and mouth, his arms lifted in a weak gesture – to ward off another attack, to hug – Law avoided them, sweat running down his forehead and face as he watched the other man's reaction.

"It's me, _it's me_ ," he said in a whisper, pushing Sanji's shaking hands down to the warm cement floor. "Shit. _Shit_ – let me call the ambulance - !"

Sanji shook his head, coughing noisily. Law was sure he had to have broken his ribs – he'd heard cracking noises as he'd performed chest compressions, but all this blood meant something. He just wasn't sure what. There was a river of sound coasting through his thoughts, scattering his common sense. He'd just walked into a crime scene and brought a man back to life – why wasn't he functioning properly?

"They still here?" Sanji managed to say. Law saw that he was missing a tooth, and scanned the floor. He found it sitting in a dark spatter of blood and picked it up. Sanji took it from him, and refitted it back into his mouth with some mindless agitation. It wouldn't fit, his hands shaking too badly to hold steady. Numbly Law did it for him, sure that it was only the shock of the situation that had them doing this.

"No, I saw them leave just as I was walking in."

"Do me a favor," Sanji sputtered, sitting up with effort. "Take my phone. Pretend I'm me. Tell Luffy I had to run to France for a few weeks."

"… _what_?"

"I got cash in the bottom drawer of the downstairs bathroom. Grab a bunch for me. Then drop me off at this hotel. It's out of town, but it's close enough to home in case I need to come back."

Law stared at him with quiet in action as Sanji slowly climbed to his feet, clutching his left side. He stumbled back into the house, crying aloud with dismay at the mess he found. Law pushed himself to his feet, walking in after him on shaky legs.

"Clean this up real good," Sanji directed him, his swollen lips making it difficult for him to say anything at all. That loose tooth rattled around his mouth like candy before he tucked it back between cheek and jaw. "They all got keys. Make it look like this never happened 'case they come by."

" _What the fuck_ …? _Call the goddamn police_!"

"And expose everything? No. Do it. Or I tell your sister everything about us, about you…"

When Sanji looked at him, Law could see broken blood vessels in the whites of his eyes. Mucus and saliva, colored red with blood, stained the collar of his shirt. His nose hung to one side, his hair colored with it. Law had just brought him back to life – he was quite sure he needed to see the hospital and not swept away to a hotel outside of town, hidden away from his friends.

Coughing noisily, Sanji made his way unsteadily towards a drawer, ripping out a recyclable bag. He headed towards the bathroom while Law continued standing there, mindless through the chaotic moment. But he considered Sanji's threat. He thought of how Lamie might react – he thought of the way he felt at being exposed with this little secret they shared. He thought about how shitty his home life was back home, how he and Lamie escaped. It was nobody's business.

After several moments of consideration, he passed Sanji up to the bathroom, snatching the bag from him. There were banded bricks of money stacked in every drawer there, but the bathroom was not used. It was just a storage like the rest of the house. He stuffed several bricks into the bag and made his way back to the man standing stiffly in the hallway. He was quite sure Sanji couldn't see a thing. He looked like someone had stuck his head under a faucet of blood and held it there, except the crown of his head was clean.

"If you die because of this," Law started to threaten but Sanji snatched the bag from him with hands that looked like they'd tried to retaliate. His knuckles were scraped clean.

"I'm too angry to die," Sanji snapped back, blood spattering his shirt just from talking. But his expression was venomous and stubborn despite the damage done to it.

A little skeptical, Law just nodded. He reached out to touch his mid-section, feeling for various tender areas. "If any of this starts to swell or discolor – get your ass to the hospital."

Sanji didn't wince once. He pointed at his face.

"Your brain could swell up with a hemorrhage. Stains pretty easily once the skull is opened. If they roll you up to the morgue, I'm going to add to it."

"Then make me pretty, doc." After some moments of labored breathing, his hand slithered up to his chest. "This only stopped because of a lucky hit. It's not my first rodeo."

In an unwelcomed vision, Law recalled seeing Corazon waking up with startled screams and actions, having stopped his own heart with overdoses and accidents. It was uncanny how the two men were similar like that. Unable to die out of pure, stubborn aggression.

Law then pulled the man alongside him as he found his keys and led him to his car.

Hours later he was on his hands and knees, scrubbing blood from the kitchen. He'd finished cleaning the garage and had just thrown everything into the washing machine with a bunch of bleach. His thoughts were running on static - he kept asking himself _why_ he was going along with this. Sanji's phone vibrated with various messages from his friends with random observations, questions and Luffy's stupid memes. Law responded to every one of them as if he were Sanji – luckily, Sanji kept his earlier messages, so it was just a matter of copy and paste and some quick exaggeration of Sanji's temper.

A random number popped up sometime in the night, asking if he were 'hungover'. Law assumed that this was one of those two men that he'd seen earlier. He wondered which one of them Law reminded Sanji of. It made him feel sick to the stomach to be used as one of them, but at the same time he felt an indescribable anger build inside of him because of this. He sent a middle finger emoji in response.

'Next time, don't let us bring the drinks. We *hate seeing you get that wasted,' was the reply, sent with a frowny face. 'Just say 'no'. It's not that hard to do.'

Law wondered what this was about. But he'd never get an answer. He sent another middle finger and continued cleaning.

By the time he got home, Lamie woke up with a sleepy expression to greet him. He said nothing to her, so numb and buzzing with static activity that he couldn't think properly. He headed to his room without acknowledging her. Quickly, he ripped his clothes off and took a long shower, standing under the spray with a sense of feeling that felt like concrete and fire all at once.

Confused with the way Law had looked when he'd come in, Lamie stood outside his bathroom door. Her words were caught in her throat – concern, disbelief and panic causing her hands to shake. Unbeknownst to the man, she could see blood on his clothes – her own mind was numb with static. But terror made her hot and unsteady – if he'd taken his temper out on someone in a manner like this, what else was he capable of?

* * *

 **HS** : Luffy is light and fluffy and only serious when it absolutely matters. So it's absolutely important to me that he remain this way – lol for my sake! This is an angsty fic – these guys are swamped in it. The development will be a bit slow – they are estranged siblings with little to no knowledge about each other, but they will learn awkwardly what the other is about. I want a happy ending for them because Lamie didn't get to have one : (

 **Snowflake97** : Hello! Welcome back! :D

 **Greeny** : Just a bit – they are still stubbornly clutching onto the Complicated status. D: I'm hoping things perk up a bit after this but…they aren't all superhumans in this fic. Just complicated men immersed in complicated things : (


	9. I Won't Change You For Anything

Sanji didn't trust that Law would keep this event secret for very long – it would prove he had a conscience after all. So while he hid out in his hotel room to recover, he made up plans to help keep his secrets covered up. He couldn't hold himself with his head up straight if his friends ever found out about his past – they'd all come to the same conclusion, and he couldn't bear that. They'd look at him with pity in their eyes, treat him different, release that _Ah Ha!_ expression they'd surely have once they realized that he struggled with men. He figured he could only blackmail Law for a certain amount of time because that man did not care. Although, he had to admit that there was some degree of compassion because he'd gone ahead with Sanji's requests without much of a fight.

Sanji understood that Lamie was precious to Law – this made Sanji feel good because there was a sibling relationship that was good and pure. How lucky were they to have each other? Sanji was envious of that relationship – he found himself hoping that Law got his shit together to keep Lamie safe. She was such a sweet girl.

He spent most of the week recovering from the injuries, using basic supplies Law had brought him the next day – that tooth he lost was gone, but the other three loose ones had reattached to his gums. He was positive his jaw had been cracked but nothing could be done about that. His ribs were in sore condition – it hurt to cough or breathe, but nothing internal felt pierced. He couldn't see much out of his eyes because they were swollen shut, and his nose was cracked; everything hurt. Niji and Yonji had put their boots and fists to him but it wasn't anything that hadn't been done before.

He tried to remember why they'd even showed up in the first place – in the concussed memories he had, Niji had said something about spending too much money. Maybe their father had sent them to somehow eliminate the sole source of their aching bank accounts. Whichever, Judge would be pissed to know Sanji lived.

And it was all thanks to feeling horny and having Law scheduled to come over anyway.

He snickered tightly, then held his hand to his ribs. Room service had stopped by to clean his room and replace items upon request – he gave them a flowery version of a car wreck that had him on pause during a road trip to the East Coast. The hospital had cleared him from their clutches and he was spending time recovering while his insurance sorted out the rental car mess. The cheery ladies were easily accepting of his story, lavishing him with extras while he left them with big tips. Without his phone, he wasn't sure if his brothers were calling him to 'check up on him', but he trusted Law to cover that for him.

Nearly two weeks later, the older man finally popped in to visit. He looked haggard, wearing eyebags that were deeply bruised and a sluggish countenance that suggested he'd spent too many nights awake thinking. Sanji wondered what Law thought about. Neither of them expressed anything to each other that could resemble _Feeling_.

"You aren't dead yet?" Law asked crankily, holding a bag at his side as his eyes visually inspected Sanji from head to toe. Sanji's eyes were open enough to see this inspection, giving a grim nod.

"I'm too angry to die," Sanji assured him, jaw barely moving. The bruises that mottled his face made him look like someone had pulled him from some type of crash. The only crooked thing about it was the angle of his nose. "What's that?"

"Clothes." Law shut the door and locked it behind him. Sanji thought he seemed a little jumpy. His tongue found the empty space in his teeth to worry over while he fought showing any type of expression to encourage the older man into thinking he was some type of weak character. Law then tossed him his phone. "I muted the damn thing. I can hear Strawhat's texts in my sleep."

Sanji looked through his messages. It did sound like his friends had accepted his impromptu visit to France with much agitation and dismay. Luffy texted him almost hourly. His brothers had only texted that one night – he never saved their numbers.

"Wow," he murmured, "you almost sound like I do. I'm impressed…"

"My sister thinks I killed somebody," Law said sourly, still standing at the door. "And I have no other excuse to give."

"Couldn't you have lied and made up a story about a feat of heroism? My _hero_ ," Sanji then said sarcastically, rising from the chair with a show of strength. "Here's what you do next – go back to the house, take more money from the bathroom. Take her on a shopping spree, partake in a fancy dinner. Preferably the restaurant downtown, in the casino. Take her to a spa, pamper her. Then tell her what you did- you saved a dead man from actually dying."

"I had some time to think about this," Law said, ignoring all that. "I don't care what you say to her. My past is fucked up, but it's nothing new from the horror stories you read up on the news. The fact that we did stuff – that's nothing that's going to hurt me."

"It might, it might not," Sanji said slowly, taking the bag he held. Extra underwear, sweats, pull over shirts (that demon) – nothing fancy. Also included was his toothbrush, some toiletry items and his phone charger. Now that his brain was a little clearer, he could take over on the duty. "But you said you come from abuse. What a shame it'll be if she learns you only shifted defensive behavior to offensive. And I only kept quiet because I feared for my life. Your behavior alone leaves a lot for somebody to worry over."

Law grit his teeth. It wasn't the step Sanji wanted to take, but here he was – being threatened.

He returned to the chair and sat slowly. "I bring up my case to the authorities once they start asking after _you_ talk to someone, and have them dig around a bit – it'll be a media sensation, considering their names. Blasted over the world for their crimes. My name will be redacted because I am a sexual assault victim – but everyone will know it was me. My friends will react with pity towards me. They'll whisper behind their hands and make special visits just to check up on me. My shame and guilt about that whole area will build in such a way that the only relief I'll find is actual death. My suicide will hit you the hardest because you knew it'd turn that way, and yet you decided that 'you don't care'."

Law stared at him in intense silence while Sanji dumped the bag onto the bed nearby.

"I want to live," Sanji said slowly, focused on the task, "to see them die in a way that'll only satisfy my thirst. Surely you understand that."

Law couldn't find any response to that. He understood and yet he didn't.

But he managed to say, "How much money does that pampering cost?"

Sanji felt his chest tighten. He felt rotten. He wasn't sure why, and yet he absolutely _knew_ why. He wished Law put up more of a fight against his tactics. The things he'd learned to use to survive were things he didn't want to be.

"As much as you can grab," he answered softly.

Law took Lamie out. He told her an awkward story of how he'd found an older man in the streets on his way back home and saved him. In return for his heroism, the old man had given him money to keep the incident secret – he hadn't wanted for attention, and Law had felt the same. Lamie, after days of repressing herself from asking anything, seemed to warm up to the idea. But she suggested that they use the money to pay off his car, and pay extra on the energy bill instead.

To know he was using money Sanji's family gave him to keep his secrets made Law feel like he was contributing to the crime. He felt absolutely terrible because he was keeping a secret that could have ended with a man's death. But at the same time, he understood because he could almost feel the same.

He was able to help Lamie enroll into adult education classes so she could obtain her GED. But in the midst of all this noise, she seemed quieter – jumpy and paranoid, developing habits that included making sure the doors and windows were locked tight. She started to sleep less and do more, and Law couldn't ask her why she was doing all of this. She seemed to have accepted his story, but had remained unsettled. Sometimes, he caught her looking at him with a sort of suspicious air but she was also sad at the same time.

Whatever conclusions were coming to her head made him feel anxious. He was _nothing_ like their parents, _nothing_ like the home he'd come from. He felt like insisting upon it, but it wouldn't make sense to do so when he was keeping such a loaded secret. He felt angry at Sanji.

Law wondered if Sanji felt anything for him. He wasn't sure what he'd _thought_ he'd wanted but Law knew he didn't want _this_. He was still with some type of feeling but it left him feeling scraped out and angry all over again. A helpless, hopeless type of anger that didn't have any resolution or hope in it. He couldn't develop feelings for someone that didn't want them, but because he felt this way, he had to acknowledge that he had developed _some_ type of feeling inside of him.

"You didn't thank me for saving you," he ended up saying one day, bringing the man another set of clothes from home. He wanted to ask why Sanji hadn't returned to that house yet – was the younger man afraid to do so, afraid to be attacked by his brothers? Or just hiding away from his own vulnerability?

Sanji's face looked much better, but he'd clearly lost weight with the injuries and so his face was a ruin of caves and jutting angles while he worked his jaw in a way that wouldn't bother him. He still spoke tightly.

"I haven't decided whether or not I appreciate being saved," he said slowly. Law realized the man hadn't looked him in the face since Nami's birthday. It was bizarre to feel hurt realizing that – but he recognized this was one of Sanji's tactics to discourage his continued involvement in feelings with men. So Law rationalized with himself that the only reason Sanji treated him this way was because he was battling his own feelings. That hurt was soothed over with a gesture of strange relief.

"You're a hard man to please."

Sanji looked at him with a sharp dart of his eyes. "Don't allow yourself to think that you're _pleasing_ me in any way."

Law didn't take that offensively because most men struck out with their fists to defend themselves. Because Sanji was weak with his hands, it made sense that his defense was as weak. So he fought off the shadow of a smirk because he had to fight how much that very concept pleased him.

"When are you leaving this cave?" Law then asked, glancing around the room. Like the house, it looked unoccupied.

"Soon as it looks like I hadn't been in an accident of some kind. I don't want any suspicions."

"Why'd they do that?"

Sanji shrugged a shoulder. "Just reminding me that they're there, I guess."

"Nothing else happened…?"

" _No_ ," Sanji replied sharply, looking at him again.

"Which one do I remind you of?"

Sanji's expression turned bitter and he turned his focus to the clean table nearby. Law thought that the comment would harm both of them, but the question weighed heavily on his thoughts at night, and after everything, Sanji owed him an explanation. Or, at least, acknowledgement.

"None of them, I suppose," Sanji then answered quietly. "Congratulations, you broke the mold."

Law absorbed that answer with a nod. "Well, don't I feel special?"

Sanji looked at him, and Law wondered what the man ate to survive this long. He thought of the vending machine outside, near the office. He realized he couldn't help him in that aspect – he was a shit cook himself.

"I do…appreciate the efforts you took in keeping those idiots off my back," Sanji then said slowly. "That earns a…. _big_ thank you."

"I demand hazardous pay. Strawhat was merciless and couldn't stop calling me."

Sanji looked at him once again, eyebrows furrowing with the question before it even left his mouth. "Are you really that concerned that I'd off myself?"

"No," Law answered. There were many things he could add to that, but they suddenly didn't leave him. He cleared his throat, looking down at his late summer outfit. He was sweating like a pig and this room was stifling. "I just fear word getting out that I assisted you and having their wrath."

"You're scared of Luffy…?"

"I'm _terrified_ ," Law corrected him slowly, "that they'll never leave me the fuck alone."

Sanji smirked at him, then touched his jaw once the movement troubled him.

Both of them were toeing the line and both of them were aware of it.

Once he recognized this, Sanji's face seemed to grow heavy. "I appreciate the help, shit head, but let's not pretend we're friends in any way. This type of thing isn't going to get you any type of special treatment from me."

Law rolled his eyes, sighing noisily. " _Enough_ with the restraint. I hate to point out the obvious but every time you put up a show, it's _painfully_ obvious you struggle with the bullshit."

Sanji's lips tightened briefly. He exhaled slowly, wincing a bit with the action. "Nothing about this…is in any way favorable to either of us. Even if there are… _attachments_ …what makes you think _we_ can be compatible? I will always have a hate for men, and I will be your every reason why they can't be trusted."

"You seem to think that you've more experienced than me. I tolerate you because we understand each other."

Sanji looked at him directly, his expression unmoving. "And you think that's a good thing? What did you expect to happen? That we both develop feelings and run off happily into the sunset, solving each other's problems? How stupid is that?"

"I didn't think anything like that – "

"Then what are you _saying_?"

"I don't think there's anything wrong with getting along. I don't think there's anything wrong with both of us understanding where the other comes from."

"So, what, you think it's okay to start thinking _Hmm_ , this is some romantic bullshit? I appreciate what you've done at my request, but I – _can't_ fall for another man. I keep telling you this - !"

"You keep trying to convince yourself that you're this edgy bitch that needs absolutely no one, but you keep coming to me _each and every_ fucking time – "

"Because I know how to use you, and I will _keep_ using you because you can't get it through your fucking head that I'm playing you just like I would with any other piece of shit dick that thinks he can convince me otherwise. How desperate are you to allow yourself be treated this way, you dumb fuck?"

"It's not that I'm desperate for anything. I was having a good time with anonymity before you came along. I tolerate you because being around you makes me feel better – you're toxic, you're selfish, and you're everything I'm not. Being around you is an ego boost."

"Touché," Sanji murmured, a slight smile on his lips. The action was clearly handled to hide the absence of his tooth. "Every time you put me back into my place, I feel eviscerated in a way that questions my resolve."

"Maybe it's not your _resolve_ that you should be questioning. You lost your battle a long time ago and you think punishing me makes up for it."

Sanji looked over at his television, which was muted but showing a daytime talk show with women that gestured noisily with long nails and glittering jewelry. Law grabbed his jaw to force his attention back to him. Once Sanji looked at him, his expression sullen with the contact and the force, Law's fingers tightened briefly.

"I will not be punished for being someone else's _mistake_ ," Law told him before pushing away from him. He left the room, slamming the door behind him.

Sanji watched the door with a heavy expression, feeling miserable about those words. _I'm so sorry_ , he thought wretchedly. _I'm so so sorry_ …

When Fall Ball started, Lamie was excited for the change of pace. Law was reluctant to get immersed into the activity because he felt so flighty – after that confrontation with Sanji, he didn't want to show up and be disappointed that Sanji _wasn't_ there, but he also didn't want to show up to see that Sanji _was_ there. Law didn't want to see Sanji ignoring him while pretending that absolutely nothing had happened.

To both his disappointment and relief, the man was there when the siblings met with Penguin and Shachi at the entrance way. Lamie showed her excitement for the sporting event with smiles and her head lifted, Shachi cheerily offering to play catch with her. Law noticed that Sanji walked differently – probably still recovering – but he wore an expression that didn't show a thing and spoke with a faint accent from his 'time away'. He dazzled Lamie with a greeting and a gift he'd bought for her 'from overseas' while Law ignored him and headed straight for the dugout.

Just seeing Sanji ignoring him, pretending that there was nothing between them made Law feel hot and rotten inside.

 _I am_ no one's _mistake_ , he thought fiercely.

It hadn't occurred to Law that Smoker would be there to speak with him again, and once it did, it was too late for him to notice the man and make necessary action to avoid any interaction between them while he was feeling this raw. The man approached him from the entrance of the dugout once he saw that it was clear to do so.

"How you doing, kid?" Smoker asked Law with an uncertain look in Lamie's direction. "Is that your little sister?"

"Fuck out of here. I'm in no mood for your shit," Law snapped at him aggressively, tying his cleats.

Smoker looked taken back, assessing Law's mood. " _Well_. Nothing's changed."

Law drew a bat out of his bag and swung it at him – Smoker instantly pushed away just to avoid behind hit. He ended up walking away with an incredulous expression as Law warmed up with aggressive swings of his bat. Zoro hopped out of the way just to avoid being struck.

"Hope that means you're on fire this season," he said companionably, crooking an eyebrow.

"Everyone needs to stay out of my fucking way," Law warned, tossing his bat aside, hearing it clang noisily against the fence as he charged to the food stand for something to eat. Zoro looked after him with some confusion before he caught the sight of Penguin shaking his head ever so slightly at him – signaling that this couldn't be helped.

Sanji had known this would be tough – isolated from the others while recovering from his brothers' attack had left him feeling shaken and vulnerable. He had too much time to think. His own untidy feelings stemming from his past abuse had resurfaced within that isolation to craft and shape him into a person that had begun to feel like he wasn't worth the continued effort. How many more times would he endure this type of 'talk' from his brothers just to continue living off the money they flung at him to keep silent? How many more people would he continue to deceive while he plotted revenge?

How many people would he continue to hurt because he couldn't accept himself?

He couldn't convince himself that there was an appropriate end to things. As he soaked up the merriment of his friends, feeling like he'd finally breathed in fresh air, he couldn't help but notice Law and his behavior. The man was ignoring him – as he always did – but there was so much anger swirling around him that it was impossible to ignore. Lamie looked like a damn war survivor – clearly on pins and needles but doing her best to stay in his appeasement zone. And that only told Sanji this effect was all his fault.

He thought about what his brothers did, and thought about his future with their continued involvement. If only he could get that lucky break, to finally overcome them individually to hold his own against them without anyone's involvement…

But he needed a better plan to do that. For years they'd overwhelmed him and forced him to think he was helpless, so he'd used different methods just to survive. Those ugly dirty things he did _just_ to survive made this thing he had with Law happen. So what could he do to resolve this and free that man from his mistakes?

The game began slowly, and within the third inning, he looked over at Lamie as she sat on the bleachers nearby, dark eyes hopeful and gleaming with adoration for her brother as he went to bat. The fool stomped to the plate like he was going to take out both catcher and umpire, both of them wincing in reaction. The pitcher looked nervous as well, deliberately throwing balls to prevent himself from being hit. When the umpire sent Law out to walk, the older man threw his bat aside and stomped to first base. The team heckled him good naturedly for having such an attitude in intimidating the pitcher, which made the other team naturally want to try harder to beat them.

Sanji looked down at his hands, feeling his shoulders tighten. The guilt he felt in drawing someone else into his problems began to feel like needles in his blood. He stood up from his seat near the dugout and ventured over to Lamie with a smile. He used a smile that was crooked, doing what it took to hide that missing tooth. He had yet to see a dentist for it, not wanting questions about it that would lead to concern.

Lamie looked back at him with a shy smile, hunching a little. "Thank you for the gift."

"I'm glad you like it!"

"The others were very upset you didn't bring anything for them…"

Sanji scoffed at the thought that his male friends were upset. "I don't care what they think! They don't need my love and attention like you ladies do…"

Lamie was tickled by his obvious display of ridicule towards his male friends; most of whom obviously cherished him for their own reasons. Luffy hung on him with praises and adoration; Ussop whined and bemoaned the lack of Sanji's attention; Franky challenged him on fashion sense; Zoro cut him down when he didn't get the respect he thought he deserved – all of them demanding and as cutting as Sanji was towards them. The affection was painfully obvious.

Sanji reluctantly ignored her observation. "How are things going with you and your brother? I hate to say it, but he does not look like he's in any good mood…"

Lamie sighed shortly, brushing her hair from her face. She'd had it layered around her shoulders, and she fiddled with it self-consciously. There was a subtle change to her since the last time he'd seen her – she was healthier, her nails had polish to them and earrings winked from her delicate earlobes. Her head was held a little higher, but she still seemed to hunch in on herself. She'd also began to play with makeup – the application slightly glaring in the late summer evening. The fact that she was _trying_ appealed to Sanji.

"Well, I think he's a little stressed," she said slowly, unsure if she should be expressing these things to someone outside of their very small circle. "Work…um, maybe just the weather. Where we come from it's a little cooler than this…"

Sanji heard her hesitation and read her expression. He managed a smile. "Don't worry about your brother," he assured her. "The things he has in his head will straighten out soon."

Lamie looked at him with a tentative expression. She then nodded slowly to indicate that she hoped for a better outcome.

"Have you talked about this to him?" he asked her, and the question felt too deeply personal. It would be normal to simply ask – but with the way the planks fell between them, Lamie thought that it was too intrusive to ask these things. "Maybe he needs to hear it from you."

"I feel like there are only a few things I can say without being intrusive," she said.

"You're his _sister_ ," Sanji reminded her. "You're allowed to do that."

"Yes, but…we're not…"

"Sometimes us men need to hear the words directly," Sanji assured her with a crook of his brow. "Because we tend to think we already know it all, and yet when we hear something from somebody dear to us, it tends to open our eyes. Maybe he needs to hear what _you_ have to say to him in order to feel that it's okay for him to speak."

Lamie considered this words, leaning over her thighs to rub her shins. She glanced at her brother thoughtfully.

"I know what he's about. It's difficult to come away from that," Sanji said slowly. "The strive to be better than that is often harder than it looks. He isn't where he comes from – but he doesn't believe in that himself. So you need to tell him."

Lamie lowered her eyes, her lips tugging slightly into a frown. She fiddled with her fingers, tugging on them anxiously. "But he's none of that. He's done so much for me, for _us_ that allows no reason to think he's a product of it."

Sanji had to smile at that. "I think it would be easiest if he were to hear that from you. I don't think you should continue to worry over him, Lamie. Seeing you do that is…painful for him. He wants to fix it but he doesn't know how. Be patient. Things will get better, soon."

"…how?"

" _Both_ of you are meant for happiness."

With that he patted her hands, then left the bleachers. He walked away without saying anything else to anybody, all of them too involved in cheering for Nami as she was up to bat. Lamie looked after Sanji with confusion then to her brother, as if looking for the answer in him. She noticed that he was watching Sanji leave as well, an unidentifiable expression on his face. It suddenly occurred to her that their deliberate ignoring of each other felt forced. She blinked with a transfixed expression, trying to connect the ends that suddenly became visible.

After the game, she waited for Law to gather his things. Luffy was bemoaning Sanji's sudden absence while Zoro complained noisily over his complaints. Everyone was in good spirits and though Lamie understood why, she suddenly felt filled with questions that only built a blockage of weight at her throat. Law said nothing to the others but waited for her to catch up on the way to the parking lot. Lamie kept easy stride with his bigger steps – the advantage of being tall – and glanced at Law from the corner of her eye.

At the car, he threw his pack into the trunk and shut it before looking at her. "What did he say to you?" he finally asked as Lamie waited for him to unlock the doors.

Puzzled, she asked, "Who?"

For a moment Law seemed reluctant to repeat himself. He scanned the parking lot and came to a conclusion of his own. "That man," he said instead.

Since it seemed like he was hesitant about the subject, Lamie judged her options. It seemed like playing his game would give her some wins in return. "Penguin? Shachi? You'll have to be specific. Many men had spoken to me tonight."

Law gave her a dirty look before unlocking the doors. A different sort of excitement swept through her as she realized that there was something left unsaid – touched with tentative fingers. There was something with Sanji that Law wasn't saying – but now that Lamie was aware of it, she felt like the wind was knocked out of her.

As she settled in her seat, she struggled to remember every point of contact those two had. But everything was kept minimally – save for that one day in Nami's apartment – and it was difficult to pick out a certain moment that happened that could be labeled as suspicious. But she remembered how off Law had been the night he'd returned with blood on his clothes. Sanji suddenly gone for the summer without anyone to see him off.

She kept her attention to the window, thinking feverishly. Her older brother was agitated – cursing at other drivers, laying on his horn, breaking and gassing suddenly.

Before they could come up to the apartment complex, she drew in a breath to say, "Sanji seemed a little out of sorts, tonight."

"I don't care about that prissy guy."

Lamie thinned her lips before saying slowly, "He always seems to speak so positively of you when he thinks you're not around to hear it. It feels like he knows where we come from."

She heard the grit of his teeth and couldn't help but wince. But she dared to look over at him, eyes searching for understanding. "Do you two talk when we're not around?"

" _NO_."

Puzzled but also a little intrigued by the lie, Lamie once again looked out her window. She wasn't sure how to address something that wasn't supposed to be known. She felt dazed.

She said, "He said that things will get better, soon."

"What did he mean by that?"

"I don't know. I think that…he thinks you worry too much about me." Lamie examined her hands, shaking on her lap. "And that I should stop worrying about you. It seems that he thinks things will be fixed, soon. And that we're meant to be happy."

"What _exactly_ did he say?"

"That's what he said."

"What did he mean about things being fixed, Lamie?"

" _I don't know_. But he spoke with a sort of knowledge about you, about us, and I just think that you're not telling me the truth about anything if he knows that much about us."

Law looked at her, but said nothing. His face tightened with a scowl as his driving became a little more aggressive.

Lamie looked at him cautiously, then ahead of them. "Was that his blood on your clothes?"

The tension in the car was palpable and she knew she had her answer.

"Yes, but not in the way that you think," she heard Law mutter. She blinked rapidly, wiping her eyes as tentative relief began to fill her. "He has family problems, too."

She exhaled shakily. She'd suspected the very worst because she'd seen it for herself many times before; she knew Law was capable of violence towards others, but for this to happen on her behalf…the guilt had been eating at her for weeks. She couldn't ask because she knew that would hurt him for her to suspect he was like _them_ ; but she'd worked on accepting it because even if they weren't _them_ , there was still lingering aspects of them in both siblings.

"Is that why he was gone?"

"What _exactly_ did he say to you, Lamie?" Law then asked her directly.

She studied his tone and expression with rising curiosity. "Why are you…?"

"This is important!"

"It's important to _whom_ , Law? To you? To his friends? Why are you taking this so personal when neither of you speak to each other?" Lamie asked, growing adventurous once she realized she had to. "And why are you hiding something about him from me?"

Law said nothing to her, but he pulled up to the front of their complex, double parking. "Go home," he then ordered. "I need to go somewhere."

Lamie didn't move. " _Where_ , Law?"

"It doesn't matter to you!"

"It _does_ matter! This thing _matters_ because it's obviously eating at you! Whatever happened – _it's okay_ ," Lamie stressed. "It's okay, there's nothing wrong with whatever is happening here - !"

"It's not up to me!"

"Is it up to _him_? Is that it? What is it about him that causes you so much stress? I know you're angry at the world, but you've been so _angry_ ever since _he_ left!" Lamie cried, hitting the dash with one palm. "You can be angry, but at least understand that it doesn't have to be a secret!"

He waited for her to get out, glowering out the window. Some people gave them puzzled looks as they passed around him, one driver giving them an angry frown as they were forced to find another parking spot. She clung to her safety belt with both hands, as if indicating he'd have to force her out.

He glanced at her with a glare, agitation rising. Seeing her stubborn will to get her way, he considered the efforts it would take to remove her from his car so he could go. Saw the resulting damage caused by the effort. With much reluctance, he touched the dash for a phone number, glancing at Lamie with an indication to keep quiet. She understood what was happening, lips thinning as she tightened her mouth with resolve.

"What do you want, fucktard?" Sanji answered, voice filling the car.

"What the fuck were you talking about with my sister?" Law returned, and their familiarity with each other spoke volumes to Lamie. She wore a puzzled expression as her fingers tightened on the seat belt.

"Did you guys win?" Sanji asked instead.

"I'm not playing these stupid games with you, shit head. What did you say to her?"

"I don't know why you cause other people worry about you, because you obviously don't give a flying fuck what other people think. I told you to open your fucking eyes and see what you're doing. What the fuck are you putting her through? Acting like a fucking baby just because you're angry about something…you piss me the fuck off with your attitude, you shitty piece of toilet trash! If you have something you feel shitty about, then bring it back to me, because obviously _I_ caused this shit in the first fucking place, you fucking neckbeard!"

" _Enough_ with the pet names," Law grumbled as Lamie's face changed color.

"Whatever shit you're going through right now is affecting her. And it has _nothing_ to do with her! Stop taking your fucking attitude out on others unnecessarily!"

"It's pretty much _your_ fucking fault, you shitty ignoramus."

" _My_ fault? To suggest that it's _my fault_ means you care a little too much."

"I don't just as much as you don't," Law stressed, eyes closing with a sort of guilty expression as Lamie covered her mouth with one hand to keep from saying anything. But she looked at her older brother like she'd just discovered a secret.

Sanji's sigh over the speakers sounded heavy. It spoke volumes of its own. "I know, but…"

"What do you want me to say, shit head? Do you want me to say I give a fuck? Is that what this is about? Like I'd give you that when you can't even return the favor…"

Sanji was quiet for some time, the siblings listening to the sound of static on the other end. Lamie bit her thumbnail to stay silent while Law crossed his arms tightly, a new sort of glower to his face that suggested admittance of guilt.

"It doesn't matter," Sanji finally answered, his voice heavy, "what matters is that you stop taking your frustrations out on those closest to you. You stepped into some shit - wipe it off your shoe and go on with your life. I'm sorry I dropped into it to do this to you. I never thought this sort of thing would happen - "

Law focused on the tone of his voice, forehead furrowing slightly. "It sounds like you made up your mind about something."

There was the sound of a heavy exhale. "I did."

"What did you come to decide?"

There was once again a long silence, Law chewing at his thumbnail as he kept his attention diverted to the busy front office. Lamie's eyes shifted from him to the dash, as if she could see Sanji himself. She couldn't ever see these two having this type of conversation between them in public because they ignored each other so delicately. But hearing them speak so freely to each other with the weight of knowledge between them that spoke volumes told her that this thing they had extended longer that she could imagine. All she could see was her brother's change of expression upon seeing his text that one night over dinner – what changed?

"I'm sorry if I made you feel like a mistake," Sanji then said. "The only mistake was…my own way of thinking. But I can't take anything back. I only regret that I'd fought it for so long – "

"Why are you talking like this? Like – "

"I just…had too much time to think. And I can't find any solutions to any of them. I just think that maybe you do have more experience than me because I don't have enough to keep this up – "

"If that's how it is, then there's about an hour between the time you left the ballpark and thirty minutes between you and Strawhat. He can get there in half that time," Law warned, pulling up his phone to text while Lamie crammed a hand against her mouth to prevent any sound from leaking out. "You keep saying you don't want a man to save you, and I'm not your goddamn prince on a fucking horse. Strawhat can talk some stupid sense into you, because you're talking like you're going to do something fucking stupid."

Sanji chuckled, a dark and bitter noise. "I wouldn't give them that satisfaction, dumb ass. Calm down. That last conversation we had before you stormed off like a tempestuous princess made me think a little. What I told your sister was that sometimes we thick headed idiots needed to hear direct things that are…important to us. So, putting that into thought, I figured _you_ needed to hear what I'd just said directly from me."

"Is this a weird type of confession?" Law asked tentatively, looking puzzled as he kept the message board from Luffy up, but stopped typing a warning. "Because I don't need a confession from you. All your temper tantrums and continuous assaults were enough."

"You're such a fucking pig, I don't know why I followed you to your room that night."

Law suddenly gave Lamie an awkward look, as if remembering she were still sitting there. She wore an uncomfortable expression of her own, biting her lips as her cheeks reddened. Fiddling with his goatee, Law watched as an older couple walked their dog out into the grassy knoll nearby, looking at his car with suspicious looks. Once they realized he was looking at them, they quickly averted their attention.

"For once, you actually have me stumped," he mumbled.

"This isn't the first time your actual _head_ was stumped by my actions," Sanji pointed out, "so get off your high horse. That concussion rattled my brain and while it recovered, I ended up with screwed up brain cells."

"So, what are their names so I can call and thank them?"

"Fuck you, there is nothing 'thankful' about this. Just like that first night, you fucking like it and I'm sick and tired of you doing this to me." Sanji then added, "Stop ignoring me in public."

Law snorted.

When Sanji hung up, the silence in the car was intensely awkward. Lamie stared out her window with an expression that looked as if she were struck. Law found his face filling with an uncomfortably warm sensation, rattled so completely that his hands fiddled with the dash unnecessarily before he tossed his phone into the middle console. He felt irritated that this man had done this to him, and for one of his secrets to be revealed so candidly in front of Lamie before he was ready.

She looked at him cautiously, her lips trembling with uncertain movement. He scowled, his blush intensifying.

"I've never heard of people liking each other so _aggressively_ , before," she murmured.

"Enough of your shit."

Lamie sucked her lips between her teeth, but there was no hiding her mirth. Yet she exhaled with heavy relief before laughing. "You are so _awkward_! I feel embarrassed for you because you say one thing and yet do another!"

"I do not!"

"You told him he didn't need a man to save him, yet you were ready to text Luffy to go and see him immediately – if that isn't an indication of a prince on a horse, then I don't know – "

" _Shut up, Lamie, goddamn it_! It only mattered the length of time to actually get to his location, and he's closer!"

"You panicked because you thought he was doing to do something - !"

"Anyone would hearing that type of talk!"

Lamie laughed hysterically because her older brother's show of bluster only sent relief flooding through her like a hot spike. All the pent up feelings she'd had inside because of his behavior and actions felt like a released dam – nearly everything she'd thought and felt was wrong because he had only been hiding a secret from all of them with an obvious person. Both of them could curse each other out as much as they did, but their actions and underlying context was telling. Her laughter turned to awkward sobbing.

"I don't know whether to be happy or horrified!" she sobbed, wiping her eyes. "I had thought the very worst and it wasn't even _anything_ that I had thought. It was just two fucking idiots that didn't know how to talk to each other that - !"

"Goddamn it, knock it off," Law snapped at her as people looked at them with concern. "People think I've done something horrible to you."

Lamie managed to laugh again, using her shirt collar to wipe at her makeup. "Goddamn you, brother! You are something else!"

Because people were looking at her with concern, Law backed out of the parking spot and headed for their place. His face and ears were brilliant red, mind swirling with what happened.

"Anyone could tell he had a problem," she sniffled, rummaging through the glovebox for napkins, "so knowing exactly why makes all the sense in the world. To know that it applies to you in this way…well…that makes even _more_ sense because you're just as obvious."

"I'm going to lock you out of my apartment."

"I have an extra key, so that won't even work." Blowing her nose, Lamie then laughed again. "I'm so _relieved_ that this is all it was! All this weight feels like it's completely gone!"

"Why were you even worrying about it in the first place?" Law mumbled with exasperation.

"Because you were so _angry_! And I didn't know why!" She wiped her nostrils, crumbling the napkin into a ball that she clenched within one hand. "But now it does, so knowing that it was a little thing like…like two boys having a crush on each other - ! It's so ridiculous I want to cry - !"

"Well _stop_ because this is fucking embarrassing! People are looking at you like I did something to you!"

Lamie laughed merrily. But she shook her head wearily. "Please, for both your sakes and ours, just fix it like adults and stop doing this shit to each other just because you like each other."

Law grunted in response, turning the car off. He didn't know what to say to her; this entire switch around had him rattled and voiceless.

What was he supposed to expect after this?

* * *

 **Naghi-Tan** : There's always something happening in these damn stories of mine XD But it's definitely not the end of things. Merry Christmas and Happy New Year's to you! Let's look forward to more adventures!

 **HS** : Thank you! :D It's definitely a read – but as much as this chapter and the last was, I don't see it wrapping up any time soon. These two are definitely working on some things individually and together; none of which is neat. This rollercoaster still has a few twists and turns!

 **SnowFlake97** : Lamie is…complicated. She's been pulled out of a mess just to be re-inserted into a new one. As quiet as she is, there's still a small storm brewing inside of her. D: These two are toxic but I love them – and I don't like to make it easy for them because they're so fucking stubborn lol Thanks for reading!


	10. For When You Are Crazy

"Before you say anything," Law warned Sanji the moment the other man opened his mouth to speak later that night, "it's my turn to lay down rules. I'm tired of living under your command."

 _It's surprising that you do at all_ , Sanji thought with a blank expression. It struck a sort of remorseful feeling in him that felt alien and unaccepting; pity for another man, but acknowledgment that they were here today because of his slowly changing thoughts.

He gave him the go-ahead as Law dumped his fast food bag into the trash receptacle nearby. This hotel was a little more decent than the last – located across the city where they felt comfortable not running into anyone. Law still wondered if Sanji had returned home yet.

Counting off his fingers, Law stated, "There are no public affections. There are no pet names, this _isn't_ a relationship, I'm still going to talk to you like you're a dumb ass, and I do not want you calling me or texting me with some fucking emergency."

"Sounds good, shit head. That pretty much covers the bases I'd wanted," Sanji said with some agreement. "But – "

"You don't get to make new ones."

"I just want to clarify each one you laid out. Concerning public affections – I'm not changing my tone addressing you in public, nor treating you any different from the guys. The way I talk to you is what you get. I'm not for the relationship, so if something happens that feels like it should be addressed as one – that's _your_ foul, you pushy bastard. Don't expect me to be your fucking therapist, either, but I do get to call you out on your shitty behavior because it affects others. When I call or text you, you'll not threaten me with my friends again."

Law thought over each one carefully, then added, "No googly eyes at me, either."

Sanji barked out with some mirth, " _Hah_! You wish!"

"Since this isn't a relationship," Law said slowly, removing his hat and tossing it aside to reveal sweaty, matted hair, "there should be no complaints if we happen to run into each other on the app, as well."

After a few moments, Sanji smiled thinly at him. "Of course."

Law studied his expression, and realized he couldn't read it. "…Do you use it?"

"Regularly."

"Yeah, me too."

Both of them were lying through their teeth and it was such an uncomfortable moment to acknowledge that that they looked away with disgust at their own recognized relief.

After a few moments, Law then said, "Hope you don't have to work tomorrow."

Sanji's thin smile was back. "Don't hold back."

"If something ends up broken, it's your own damn fault."

"Anything but my fragile heart," Sanji said sarcastically.

" _Dumb_ ," Law muttered, pushing him down.

He kissed Sanji hard, almost grateful for the opportunity. But he felt the other man's pained reaction and pulled back just as quickly. He remembered the way Sanji was holding his jaw and looked at his mandible with some concern.

"You haven't fixed this yet?" he asked as Sanji licked his lips to taste him.

"I think I need more time to heal," Sanji reluctantly admitted, his fingers sliding up to Law's face, cradling it while he pressed gentle kisses to the older man's cheek. He seemed just as eager for contact as Law was.

Law looked at him with a frown. "That's not going to work," he said. "How am I supposed to fit my erect dong in there if it hurts?"

Sanji laughed, but quickly clamped his mouth tight. "Then don't do it!"

"How wide can you open it?" Law asked curiously, prying his lips open and peering in, seeing the space where Sanji was missing his tooth. Sanji quickly closed his mouth and pushed his face away with a huff. "Stop. There's a hole I haven't been in, yet -"

"Fuck you!"

Finished teasing him, Law settled over him with his own fingers moving through Sanji's hair so he could see all of his face. Sanji looked back at him, his forehead furrowed as his breathing became labored with Law's weight over him. Law noticed the examination.

"What?"

After some hesitation, Sanji said, "Just looking into the face of a man I decided to break my rules for."

Flattered, Law held his head a little higher. "And what do you think?"

Sanji looked away bitterly. " _What the fuck was I thinking_...?"

Pulling on his bang to force his face forward once more, Law said, "Enough with your romance. It's time for dick. So open up."

"Gah, the words coming from this thing!" Sanji snapped, pushing at him. "You're fine until you open your stupid mouth!"

"I'm 'fine'?" Law asked, pulling away from his hands and scraping at his throat with his teeth. He felt the other man shudder underneath him, soothing over the action with a lick and a kiss. He missed his smell - the taste and feel of his skin, the scratch of hair he'd missed shaving – almost similar to the feel of pouncing on a meal he had been anticipating.

"It's not the compliment you think it is!" Sanji wheezed but his body moved restlessly against Law's. "Please stop talking my ear off...! If we're going to do this, then more action, less pillow talk."

Reaching between them, Law found that Sanji had an erection as eager as his. With his palm, he stroked the length of it, feeling Sanji's fingers dig into his shoulders. Both of them had breath that rushed with rising excitement, Sanji pushing up into his hand with an enthusiastic noise. But he forced Law to look at him, his hand hot and sweaty against Law's face. Both of them had insisted on not looking at each other but at this moment, it felt important to do so. Sanji looked into Law's face, his fingers gentle against his skin.

Fingertips moving through Law's hair, Sanji wore a concentrated expression as Law stroked him over his pants. Neither of them said a thing but their mouths met suddenly, both of them desperate to give before either of them could mock or taunt the other. Silence continued as their mouths remained busy, as Sanji's hands became soft but insistent, as Law shifted his weight to the side, peeling at his pants.

Careful of the pressure against his mouth, Law was gentle with his kisses, their tongues moving slowly. Even as their actions gave away their consideration to each other, they moved together to peel away each other's clothes. Exploring bodies that had only been grazed over before, touching and appreciating with eager hands and soft mouths.

By the time he was inside of him, he kept Sanji's face between his hands, forcing him to look at him. In the midst of his racing excitement, Sanji kept his eyes open and tasted his hot breath, blinking away sweat that dripped over him. He wanted to let Law know it was him he was with, wanted him to know that it had been for awhile. But none of this was easy to put into words so it was only action that made this possible.

After, both of them stared up at the ceiling to catch their breath and regroup their thoughts. Both of them wore dazed expressions and neither of them had any words to say. It felt awkward all of a sudden, like they'd set foot into an arena with mysterious rules and no playbook. Almost like they were first time partners. Sanji covered himself with almost demure action while Law cringed over reviewed moments. Both of them felt like they'd say the wrong thing to ruin the moment but neither of them wanted to make that awkward first move.

But it was Sanji that sat up first with a wince, hand at his back. "I gotta go," he croaked, embarrassed by the noise.

"Yeah," Law agreed, arm over his face. "Me, too."

Sanji looked over at him. "Don't let this change," he warned before pushing up from the bed, staggering as he did so.

Law tutted, turning away from him. "Always with some type of rule."

Sanji shot him a glare but there wasn't much force in it. He left the room with a chagrined face, wiping it with one shaky hand to somehow find a suitable expression he could leave the motel with. But as he walked with discomfort to his rental car, he had to admit it wasn't as bad as he'd thought it would be. His earlier feelings of degradation, guilt and shame were missing - all he felt was a type of relief he hadn't ever expected to feel. To accept this and accept he had _Feelings_ for another man that had left him no doubt of his _Feelings_ \- why had he looked at it so badly before?

Of course he'd never forget the feelings he had before, but they swirled restlessly underneath this layer. Only reminding him where he came from.

There was no one around to tell him this was _Okay_ , that it was _Okay_ to feel this way - these were things he had to accept for himself. It wasn't magical, appearing suddenly to make him _Okay_ \- this was months of battling himself and his own perceptions. But if one person could make him feel this way, then why did he continue to think it was wrong?

: :

Law gave his sister plenty of warning not to expect too much of the situation. Due to their combined stubbornness and secrecy, things couldn't change just like that. He had a feeling Sanji would panic if he found out he'd held that conversation with Lamie overhearing it. But Lamie was good at keeping secrets.

"I cannot deal with your fucking mood swings," Penguin grumbled as Law arrived at the game later that week significantly calmer than he had the last time. Lamie walked alongside her brother with a definite bounce in her step. Penguin thought it was laughable how the pair of them wore near similar clothing – black shorts, white shirts, with Law wearing his usual hat and Lamie with a similar style floppy hat to protect her against the moody summer sun.

"I cannot deal with your fucking face. Thanks for keeping it covered up," Law retorted, Penguin kicking in the back of his knee and causing him to stumble as Shachi lured Lamie out of the battle zone with a Cinnabun.

"I swear that umpire was going to call the cops. Don't bring that attitude to this place and expect nothing to happen," Penguin continued lecturing crossly, taking Law's bats from his bag and keeping them safely out of his reach. "If you'd hit that old guy, you would've busted some of his ribs. What was that about, anyway?"

"He should fucking listen to me when I say I don't want a conversation with him," Law huffed, slyly looking for Smoker at the surrounding fields. But he didn't see Tashigi's team anywhere, the younger set milling about while waiting for their turn. "Coming at me like he's some sort of father figure and telling me how to live my goddamn life."

"If you're going snap or hit someone, do it verbally," Penguin chided. "That's easier to cover up. Assault charges will get you nowhere."

Law grumbled a few things under his breath. He noticed Sanji wasn't at the field just yet – but Ussop and Zoro were missing, too, Luffy talking a mile a minute to a disinterested Nami while they tossed a ball to each other. He noticed that Lamie looked a little disappointed, so that earned her an irritated look from him that she only smiled secretively to.

Penguin then gave Law another sour look before saying, "If you're having relationship problems, you need to talk to someone about it. I know summer's the best time to break up with someone, but with cuffing season coming up – "

"I don't have a relationship with anyone!"

"Then stop acting like an ass whenever something goes wrong! If there is something going on that you can't solve or fix, you have every right to let someone know!"

"This guy…" Law said with exasperation as Penguin continued to hound him.

"Personally, I think you should look into getting a pet. Something fluffy. They say pets are natural stress relievers. And if you're feeling stress – "

"I do not want a pet, I will only kill it. As it is, I'm barely keeping Lamie and myself alive," Law grumbled as he swung his Rawlings pack down onto the bleachers with a loud thud, causing spectators to jump in reaction. Lamie waved at Penguin, cramming the last of the Cinnabun into her mouth.

"We had microwaveable mac and cheese for dinner," she said. "Mine was the only one that didn't burn."

"I pity you both," Penguin said with concern. "I could come over and show you guys how to make basic meals – "

"I burn everything I touch and she serves most of her stuff raw," Law declined as Lamie shrugged helplessly. "Plus, I hate it when men tell me what to do."

Penguin mimicked him.

"Give it up, bub," Shachi told Penguin. "You're only stressing yourself out."

"It strikes me silly that two grown adults can't take care of themselves," Penguin mumbled, propping the bats up against the backboard. "How many boxes of cereal and sandwiches can you go through – it's not nutritional! Maybe it's the reason for your goddamn mood swings…"

" _Sanji_!" Shachi exclaimed with relief, looking in the other direction while pulling on his mitt. "We were just talking about food – "

"Don't address me like we're friends," Sanji snapped at him as he pulled his cooler, Luffy hugging onto the handle while Nami chased after their ball with an angry fluster.

"And with the way these two eat," Shachi continued without pause, gesturing at Lamie and Law, "Penguin and I were thinking you could possibly implement a meal system for them. They're surviving off mac and cheese and sandwiches and cereal – surely you could do something for them like you have with us."

"I can certainly help a lady out," Sanji said, looking at Lamie brightly with his lips closed, the pair of them radiating cheer towards each other. Law had to look away sourly because it irritated him. "But for a full grown man, I don't care what _he_ does to survive."

"My brother takes wonderful care of me, so Penguin is right," Lamie told him, not dropping her expression. "Maybe he could use some help – it's hard for him to say anything at all."

"Don't talk about me like I'm not standing here," Law warned her crossly.

"This is a two for one deal," Penguin negotiated, crossing his arms firmly. "I can pay you."

"This is not even a topic!" Law interrupted with a look at Penguin. "I'm not paying for anything unless it's off a dirty grill."

"And this is why you're moody as fuck, because you don't eat nutritionally!" Penguin barked at him. "My entire life was changed once I started eating healthy."

"I'm going to go now," Sanji said, tugging at his cooler, Luffy pulling at the lid while sitting atop of it. Penguin stood in front of him to prevent his leave, allowing Zoro and Ussop to finally catch up, carrying steaming trays of food in one hand. Shachi and Lamie hurried over to see what it was they were eating, Ussop howling with distress and drawing Luffy's rabid attention his way. Shouts rang out once the boy hauled ass in their direction.

"Five meals each night of the week at twenty per meal for two people," Penguin said, fingers up to detail numbers.

"You're not wasting that type of money for food that looks like it was prepared for retirement home seniors," Law muttered, heading for the dugout once he saw that the other teams were clearing out the field.

"Then it'd be perfect for you and your seventies' style side burns," Sanji said to his back, considering the offer. He looked at Penguin as Law paused in mid-step with a scowl, fingers going up to the fluttery strands of his sideburns to test the length. "Two meals a day for Lamie – tailored exclusively for her needs only."

"Five meals for two people," Penguin negotiated. "You can pretend that potato isn't the one eating your food."

"But considering he's a grown man who was capable of feeding himself all this time, it doesn't make any sense."

" _Five_ meals for _two_ diet conscious people, because I noticed that guy stopped going to the gym."

Law turned to give Penguin a look of fury, reddening.

"Ah…did he ever?" Sanji asked, looking Law over with a look of disdain. Law turned his expression to him before reaching underneath his shirt to test the sturdiness there. "One complete meal for the lovely lady, and one diet shake for Mega Man here for five nights."

"Hmm," Penguin considered the offer, looking at Law thoughtfully while the man looked at them both with outrage.

"Stop calling me fucking fat!"

"Maybe include extra fiber in those shakes. I feel sorry for his secret girlfriend. I mean, look at that fat ass…maybe she realized she could do a lot better with a guy that actually cared about his fitness," Penguin murmured, looking concerned.

Sanji coughed.

"Penguin, you shit head - !"

"Is this a deal?" Penguin asked Sanji over Law's angry shout.

"I'll consider the offer once I have some time."

"We have games two nights a week, payment isn't even an issue here."

"I am more reluctant cooking for some dude that doesn't give a shit about his girlfriend's needs than I am about payment," Sanji said seriously.

"If only my girlfriend wasn't such a picky, vain bitch herself that cared about inconsequential things like that," Law muttered with an eye roll as Sanji shot him a look while Penguin looked over at his friend with a sort of eager expression.

"So you _do_ have one!" he exclaimed, almost with relief.

"I doubt she's as vain as you think she is," Sanji retorted. "It's good and fine if all the best effort is put into one's self."

"If she wants to bury herself like that, that's fine, but I don't want to hear shit about how I'm not applying the same measures when I am fine with who I am and what I look like," Law said back while Penguin settled his hands on his hips, looking delighted at all the details he was finally hearing.

"Maybe she doesn't have a problem – but it sounds like you're a little self-conscious about it anyway," Sanji said with a stiff face. He looked deliberately to Law's midsection. "Maybe if you weren't so smothering with your attention, things would work themselves out."

Law narrowed his eyes at him. "And if I don't give her any fucking attention, she uses her nails and teeth in retaliation."

"I told you not to get involved with those types of girls," Penguin warned him with a frown as Sanji looked at his nails. "That kind of negative attention only blows up in everyone's faces in the end. It's your own fault."

"The thing about my _girlfriend_ ," Law said slowly, fingers steepling together, "is that she thrives on negative attention, which often leaves me in a mood."

"She sounds hot," Sanji said with an interested expression.

"Maybe you should break up with her," Penguin suggested with a concerned frown.

"I tried. Multiple times. But she keeps cornering me in ugly places and forces me to do things with her that often leave me praying to Jesus afterward. I'm so unclean."

Penguin looked worried while Sanji tried not to laugh, looking down just to let his hair hide his expression. " _Wow_. I didn't know it was that bad. You're not even religious."

Law shrugged a shoulder. "Keeps my predatory instincts alive, at least."

Penguin gave him a disgusted look, hands on his hips. "It doesn't sound like you're the predator here, buddy. _She_ is. You fucking mouse of a man. For someone your size, you're a shitty, weak willed man. What happened to you?"

Sanji had to clear his throat to keep from laughing as Law looked at Penguin with dismay.

"Should I call the police?" Penguin asked Law.

"Probably animal control," Sanji suggested seriously.

"Ah. Great idea. Your girlfriend sounds like an animal…"

"Does she even want to be your girlfriend? Or is this all just wishful thinking on your end to put a label on her?" Sanji asked Law curiously.

"We've never even met her," Penguin said to Sanji while Law reddened, "so he's hiding her for a reason."

Sanji's hand went to his mouth with shock. "Maybe it's not even a 'she'."

Penguin's eyes narrowed as he looked at Law with consideration, Law looking at both of them with veins bulging at his forehead.

"It's funny that she considers herself my _girlfriend_ in the first place!" Law snapped while it struck Sanji at that moment how easy he'd gone along with this. His face reddened while Law recognized his small victory.

"I'd applied certain rules to this thing, and she's trying to break every one of them," he went on with an eye roll. " _Now_ she wants the label."

"I don't think _she_ wants the label," Sanji snarled at him. "I think she just understands that you've forced her into a corner with your clinginess!"

Law looked at him. " _Clingy_?"

Penguin cleared his throat to catch their attention, a little mystified how this topic had gotten out of control.

"First off, guys," he interrupted, hands up as he stepped between them, "there's nothing wrong with having a thing between two consenting adults. Labels only come along when there's more to the situation than both of them are happy with. It's fine and dandy to be comfortable in each other's company and wanting more of it – "

"How many relationships have _you_ had to lecture others about theirs?" Law asked him curiously while Penguin's lips screwed up with a sheepish frown.

"Not that you have a relationship to ask about others," Sanji reminded Law.

"Not that there is one," Law agreed with him.

"I just think that _if_ there is one," Penguin interrupted them both to say loudly, "it needs to be a healthy one. I stress that because you are…you, and _you_ …I don't know, you're taking this a little too personally."

"I'm a champion for women's rights," Sanji said haughtily.

"Thank God you're there for them," Law said with mock relief. "Who else would speak up for them?"

"I just think this subject ran away all of a sudden and I'm not sure where the train disconnected," Penguin then mumbled, chin tight with concentration.

"Why don't you tell us all about _your_ relationships," Law asked Sanji with mock curiosity while Sanji scowled up at him with warning. "Since it seems like you're a champion of them."

"It's funny because none of them ask for history so subtly within the safety of a conversation without acknowledging _first_ that it's intending on forwarding into a relationship," Sanji replied.

" _Subtle_?" Penguin repeated.

"It's not going into the direction you think," Law stated with gritted teeth, "no matter how much _she_ forces it."

"It sure sounds like you _hope_ for it."

"I have no hope for anything!"

"Ahh, this is such a weird conversation," Penguin interrupted, looking at them both, "because it seems like there's a lot of context both of you are talking about, yet this is the first time I've seen you both even say anything civilly towards each other."

"I don't back down from challenges," Sanji stated while Law said at the same time, "I hate being challenged."

Both of them scowled at each other for essentially saying the same thing while Penguin continued to look confused. But he clapped his hands merrily. "You both have so much in common! How weird is that?"

"Please stop talking to me," Sanji told Law with irritation while Law retorted, "Then stop answering me."

"It'll stop when _you_ stop!"

"Just _stop_ on the basis of stopping!"

Penguin sighed noisily.

"When guys normally have a conversation with each other," Law said firmly, "they don't delve into personal things or details because we don't give a shit about that."

"Which is why I wonder why you keep telling me shit like I want to hear it," Sanji retorted.

"I do," Penguin mumbled, looking for a way out of this conversation without abandoning it to potential violence between the pair of them. They were literally using him as a wall to speak over, and he felt pretty uncomfortable being there.

"Because I won't be talked down to by some dude challenging me."

"You want me to stand on the bleachers to talk to you? Will that make you feel better?"

"Yeah, why don't you? Because it feels like I'm talking to a fucking child."

Sanji abandoned his cooler and stood on the third bleacher, forcing Law to tilt his head up to glare up at him. " _Now_ what, tough guy?"

"I'm _this close_ to punching you in your non-existent balls…"

Penguin signaled to Shachi to interfere, but the redhead was busy laughing with Lamie and the others over a meal Ussop was trying to keep out of reach.

"You're so fucking childish."

"Says the shorty. My sister is taller than you are."

"It's great because being face level at boobs makes me happy."

Penguin looked back once Law was silent, prepared to step in if he needed to, but those two were locked into a fierce staring competition that yielded no distractions. In the midst of the noise, he could _swear_ they were finishing this unusual conversation with mouthing words to each other that continued where their voices left off.

He interfered anyway because bystanders sitting on the bleachers were watching them nervously. He pushed Law towards the dugout, saying, "Get your mitt, let's warm up. Enough of this stupidity – I thought both of you would get along but apparently not. Sanji, think about that deal!"

: :

"We can't talk to each other in public, I take that back," Sanji snapped at Law over the phone, throwing dishes into the dishwasher the next day. He called the older man, still steaming about how obvious they were. If Penguin hadn't figured it out, then he pitied the man for having such a slow reaction. It alarmed him how fearful he felt at having this, but at the same time, there was a slow burning need inside of him to have as much attention as he could possibly get.

It felt like a wall had been broken, and he couldn't stop taking advantage of reaching out to pick up the things he'd denied himself, so he was starving for more. It was an uncomfortable feeling.

"You wouldn't stop talking to me! Like I'd stand there and let some asshole insult me constantly!" Law returned, pulling on his overcoat. The morgue was pretty much empty of the living other than him, so his voice was loud, ringing off the walls like an echo. "And you're right, it's a bad idea to do this."

"What I'm furious about," Sanji continued, running the sink full of hot water while standing impatiently nearby with a bottle of cleanser, mop in the other hand, "is you trying to put a fucking label on this thing when we'd already agreed that there shouldn't be!"

"I didn't put a label on anything – you took a hold of that conversation between me and Penguin and took off with it. And like I stated before, I'm not letting some dude talk down on me – "

"I addressed you, as agreed, in public, only because…" Sanji trailed off, wondering why it was even important in the first place.

"I want to point out that _you're_ the one that wanted to be addressed in public as a command," Law interrupted, leaning against his desk.

Sanji scowled darkly because this was a true fact. He sniffed. "I just thought it'd be a capable conversation between two adults, having _adult_ conversations and not something that sounds like a Luffy and Ussop thing."

"Don't fucking compare me to Strawhat," Law couldn't help but say murderously, feeling furious at the thought of being compared to that kid.

" _I didn't say_ \- !" Sanji cut himself off, turning off the water. He pulled on his yellow latex gloves, the sound loud in his kitchen. "Look. We're capable of carrying a conversation like fucking adults, we can do it."

"Why don't we just go back to what we were doing in the first place?" Law offered, but he registered his face pulling into a frown because of it. He said quickly, "It might be a little more suitable, considering both of us have big dick competitions all the time."

"No, because …!" Sanji trailed off once more, glaring at the sudsy water in the sink. It made more sense to ignore each other in public, but he registered that he _did not want to_. He'd already accepted that he felt like shit for hurting others while he deceived them, and he was working on understanding and accepting himself. Taking that step back would continue to keep him feeling like shit.

Law waited for him to continue, furrowing his eyebrows at the stretch of silence. Figuring Sanji was going through some things, he asked, "Are you home?"

" _Yes_ ," Sanji answered sullenly, looking at his mop. "Why?"

"Just wondered when you finally went back."

"I was for some time."

"Did you lock your doors?"

"I don't lock them, I leave them open for my friends to come in without invitation. That's how it works."

"What a dumb fuck ideology."

" _You're_ the dumb fuck for - !" Sanji sighed noisily. "Ugh, you piss me off…"

"What about your jaw? Get it fixed so I have options."

Sanji had to laugh, leaning against his sink. Admittedly, he still had some trouble with it but he figured he was healing well – just slowly. He ended up tonguing the empty space between his teeth. He was quite sure no one had noticed he was hiding it. "I don't know if you noticed, but you get what you get."

"If I ever get at all."

" _Listen_ ," Sanji interrupted that irritated mutter, "the only demands made between us are behind closed doors only."

Law sighed noisily. "Why do you get to set all these dumb ass rules?"

Despite himself, Sanji said, "I'm protecting myself because, despite your act, you're bulldozing into my territories like a fucking – "

"The only time I bulldoze you is when we're in – " At the sound of his colleagues walking down the stairway, Law cut himself off. "Anyway, that's it for now."

" _Bulldozing_."

"Lock your doors."

"Stop pretending you care."

"Stop talking to me."

"Hang up."

Law only hung up because he was being greeted cheerily by the others and he had a face to wear in front of them. But he acknowledged that this feeling that made it hard to do so was bright and hot in his system – he could say whatever he wanted, act as he did, but it did not cease the fact that this was turning into something he had not expected to want.

Sanji hung up with a frustrated expression because he acknowledged how light and happy he felt having a stupid conversation with someone he couldn't shut up around. But when he thought he'd have this sort of connection with someone, it'd be more…mature.

: :

Over dinner that night, both of them eying their plates with gooey mac and cheese with chicken out of a bucket, Lamie glanced at her older brother. She'd noticed him looking at himself in the mirror she'd hung in the living room, subtly looking for something he wasn't telling her. She was pretty sure it had to do with the fit of his clothes, but her brother had always been thin for his height. He was always fiddling with his messy hair – the difference between the man across from her compared to the sullen preteen she'd last seen was that he was a man; he had strong features, he was messily attractive, but he only seemed to light up at certain times. Lamie wasn't sure the content of those times, but sometimes he was looking at his phone or leaving the company of another man at the softball games.

Lamie was pretty sure if she hadn't been a witness that day that she'd never know. The pair bit and snapped at each other as normal; but definitely with restraint. It took a lot for them to walk away from a "conversation", Lamie had noticed. Only because by living with Law she was able to catch certain quirks. The way his eyes lingered on the other man, the way he seemed to open his body language towards Sanji.

Sanji was the same way – both of them turned to address each other. That young man might talk to his friends a certain way, but he did not turn to face them as often as he did with Law. His eyes always seemed to stray towards him as well, both of them locked on each other with a sort of blinder in place that prevented distraction from outside forces.

It was both fascinating and uncomfortable for Lamie to acknowledge.

She had thought, because of the way Law had grown up, that he'd never turn to men for company. Whatever made him do so made her think that it was because of the abuse; maybe try to reclaim what he'd lost, but it didn't make sense because while he was angry at most of them, he took on their company in a way Lamie couldn't get comfortable with. To take up the company of one man meant he'd taken on the company of others.

Men just didn't turn gay – they were wired from the start.

Lamie thought that she'd feel a certain type of way that would attempt to dissuade him from growing comfortable with this affair. A part of her wanted to because she felt Sanji, despite his appearances, was quite unstable with the unreasonable demands he'd made of Law that day. But she was essentially a stranger with no voice to any decision he made.

She felt that Sanji was manipulative and sneaky – using Law for something she couldn't quite understand. To use suicide in the manner that they'd spoke off that day was a selfish thing to do.

But she had to admit she didn't know details. Whatever it was they shared with each other prompted further thought as to why it even started in the first place. What made them indulge in each other that opened this situation up?

She wanted to ask.

"So," she began, picking at a chicken breast, "I have a job interview at the gas station down the street."

Law grunted in response. Lamie studied his expression – looking for his opinion. Sometimes she felt like she was talking to a wall, but Law tended to surprise her with a question or two. Sometimes she felt like he only wanted her there just to be there.

"I'm nervous about it. But every time we go in there, it doesn't seem like a hard thing to do."

"If you can stand that sort of thing, good for you," Law muttered, looking at a drumstick with examination.

Both of them ate in silence for a few minutes – in the uncomfortable stillness, Lamie wished they could turn on the tv just for some noise. Listening to each other chew was just awkward.

"I'll have enough time because I can continue some of my classes online," she continued.

"I'm glad you're doing that. Getting that degree will get you better jobs."

She nodded with a shrug. "Um…so…have you considered that thing Penguin offered? Why is his name Penguin, anyway? I don't think I've ever caught his real name – "

"Don't fall in love with those guys. I know every one of their secrets," Law warned, Lamie looking at him with alarm. But she laughed.

"Nothing like that even came up!"

"I'm just saying…"

"I'm not looking for that right now," Lamie said, dragging some macaroni around her plate. But she added hopefully, "but maybe later, when I'm in a better place."

Law looked at her, fist propping his chin up. "Why? It's one of life's overhyped wants that are played over excessively. Like a bad top forty hit..."

Lamie looked at him pointedly and he crammed food into his mouth quickly. "Speaking of..."

"Nothing to talk about," he said gruffly, avoiding her expression.

Tentatively, fiddling with her fork, she asked, "Can we talk about this? It's concerning..."

"I don't want to. It's nothing. What matters is that it's one of your business."

She swallowed, considering his expression and tone. She decided to give it up, a little letdown that they weren't close enough to divulge in such conversations. Law glanced at her to judge her reaction based on her sudden silence.

After the stillness extended for some time, with only the clank of fork against plate and the sounds of their chewing filling the quiet of the apartment, Law exhaled.

He set his fork down, frowning at his plate. Lamie watched him cautiously, chewing slowly.

"Why not make it an importance now?" he asked with reluctance. It took a few moments for Lamie to remember where this thread came from.

"Because of the way I feel about people," she answered softly. "I don't think too much of them. Um...so I feel if I can't see the good in people just yet, I won't be able to tell who is a good person."

"Pretty much everyone I hang with is a good person," Law muttered, wearing an expression that suggested he was surprised at this admittance. As if realizing it for himself.

Lamie's eyebrows lifted. "Even if, I want to determine that for myself."

Law nodded to agree, rummaging for another drumstick.

Fiddling with her fork, Lamie said, "I'm ruined, I think, because what our parents taught us was...a mess. He was fine letting mom sleep with another man. They chose their lifestyle over us. Love is a fairytale at this point, and I'm too old for fairy tales..."

Law looked at her, uncomfortable to speak about these things. But Lamie wore an exhausted expression, dark eyes clearly recalling past events with conditioned reluctance.

"You're not ruined," he said quietly. "They are. Because you're nothing like them. You have a good head. You can think for yourself, opposite of what they thought was good. If you weren't, you'd be back there being Doffy's mattress on their behalf."

Lamie nodded. "But they ruined our perception of people. Desiring people and things only we feel we deserve."

"I deserve what I deserve because I earned it."

"Then you deserve better," Lamie said quietly, setting her fork down. "Because there is no reason for you to feel trapped because you have a heart you're trying to protect."

"I don't feel trapped," Law stated, lightly amused by her motives, "but I do feel I deserve it."

"You don't threaten someone with killing themselves in order to make them stay with you -!"

"If you knew what the entire thing was about, you'd shut the fuck up right now. You know nothing about him."

"Then tell me about him," Lamie ordered quietly, looking at him with a firm expression.

"First off, you are clearly only looking to gossip - you have potential with your blackmail tactics and redirection but you don't hold yourself properly to it," Law said lightly, his sister frowning slightly at him, "if you're going to seek your answers, you can't hold yourself like a fragile asshole. You're twisting someone's arm - you can't ask them to do it themselves."

"Er..."

"I'm not talking about a non-existent thing I have because you wouldn't understand the types of games we play. Just know I am where I am because I want to be." Law took a bite of his macaroni, wearing an upset expression as he ended up crunching onto uncooked noodles. Lamie stared at him with a concerned frown. "Be thankful for that. I was looking for a daddy figure."

" _Ew_ ," Lamie muttered with disgust.

"Imagine how well we'd be taken care of."

"That's disgusting." But Lamie couldn't stifle her smirk. She studied him for a few moments then asked, "Why do you feel you deserve someone that is just like you?"

Law glanced at her before crunching down on the rest of his noodles, wearing a thoughtful expression. He shrugged. "Maybe it's time to save myself since no one else can do it."

"Why be saved when there's nothing wrong?"

"There are many things wrong about me. My temper, my tolerance...the way I hate people...the way I expect all of them to fuck me over...hell, I'm waiting for you to throw this situation back into my face."

Lamie nodded in understanding. "And I most likely will," she admitted softly. "Because I'm an implosion rather than an explosion."

"You recognize that about yourself?"

Lamie stared at him for a few moments, then fiddled with her fork. With a deep breath, she confessed, "Because _I_ was the one to cause that car accident. It wasn't an accident at all."

* * *

Naghi-Tan: hes unaware of his potential as a prince BUT hes also aware that he's not entirely the asshole he feels he is. (He is a *little lol)

HS: Dogs bark frantically if they feel theyre in danger D: Both of these stray pups bark and snap because theyre scared - poor things.

Snowflake97: this chapter was so light that MY teeth hurt. dont get comfortable, though...D: Lamie loves her brother but both of them are still affected by their horrible past.


	11. I'll Let You Be Bad

When they were children, Law remembered how easy and happier times were. They were a normal family – they celebrated birthdays and had Christmas and were treated with the utmost love and affection a child could expect from their parents. But he wasn't exactly clear when he began noticing the gradual breakdown until the day he was introduced to the Donquxiote brothers. They'd come to the house and both siblings had been in awe of the men's presence. They had to bend just to enter their front door, and were so outrageously different from their parents that both children were amazed that such characters existed. Law remembered thinking how awkward and small their mother looked at their entrance while their father wore a tense expression.

Doflamingo had introduced himself cheerfully, removing his flashy glasses to look the pair in the eyes. Law remembered thinking that this man was dangerous – he'd crowded against his sister in an unconscious action of protection. Corazon had looked sullen, chewing at a toothpick while scratching lightly at his neck and jawline, giving their home a sweeping examination. When Doflamingo introduced him, Corazon had given the pair an ugly and disdainful look.

"Let us get along from now on," Doflamingo had said, patting Law's head as he turned to address their father.

Almost two years later, Law was carrying a suitcase and a backpack behind his sluggishly moving father, who couldn't seem to look him in the eye. Law understood it to be a weekend stayover; he was now familiar with the Donquxiote family because they attended gatherings together, and Doflamingo plied them with gifts and treats that children couldn't say 'no' too. At the porch, his father turned to Law with a look that he could only describe as troublesome. He had difficulty speaking while Law had looked at him cautiously, frowning at the gloomy frown and the seemingly unconfident way he spoke with.

"This will only be a brief thing," his father had said, almost apologetic. "But Doflamingo thinks it would be good for you to see what the world is made of."

"I don't understand, dad," Law had said, brow furrowed. "Why does Doflamingo make your decisions?"

His father hadn't answered that, but patted his shoulder before ringing the doorbell. He gave Law a hopeful smile. "We'll come get you early Monday morning before school."

But he wasn't retrieved that Monday. Nor the following. Doflamingo told him lightly that he'd start a new school and a new life until his parents 'got it together'. The anger began to burn then because Law didn't understand and because he felt abandoned. Doflamingo appealed to his rebellious side and let him stay up past curfew, gave him whatever he wanted, let him eat whatever he felt. Law was taught to shoot 'real guns' and play with real knifes, and was never taught discipline; if men teased and hurt him with play wrestling, he was encouraged to retaliate. He watched movies with sex scenes and was introduced to adult movies; his reaction was made fun of by the other adults in the house. His parents dropped by rarely with Lamie, who had lost her sunny personality and began to look haunted – intimidated by the loud, raucous activity that Law had grown used to. Law realized he couldn't relate to her – she was still a "baby". In the evolution of growing older in this toxic environment, he began to think dismissively of her.

It wasn't until he was a teenager when the grooming progressed. His hormones were taken advantage of. The feeling of knowing that these things were wrong and never being taught that they were became confusing and sullied. Law's feelings were muddled but he slowly started to accept that just because he was male he still had 'needs' that had to be met and if they were being met then who was he to complain? He became older than his classmates, developing a mind geared for the worst rather than acknowledging he was only a teenager.

Once he realized that his mother's solo visits to the house were part of a payment towards a debt that had grown in time with loans and illegal prescriptions, his hate for his parents began to grow. He had no sympathy towards the people that had thought nothing more of dropping him off as part of an agreement to lessen that debt. He saw less of Lamie and less of them. Penguin and Shachi were part of that crowd – but they relied on each other to pull through the worst of it and began to include him once they saw potential in him. The trio began to understand that this environment wasn't normal. They plotted and stole little by little from their own guardians until they could take advantage and manipulate their environment to work for them. Eventually, all three of them were accepted into a college out of state. Law was comfortable with dead bodies – he'd seen his share of the family destroy those that were unlucky enough to attempt a stand. He had been expected to follow in their footsteps, and he would have if it weren't for those two to remind him that he wasn't like that family.

He scored part time jobs at mortuaries while paying and scoring scholarships to college to further his education while the other two steadying worked through nursing school. Eventually Law cut contact with that family but did make time to go back and cause chaos. The fights he had with Doflamingo and Corazon were growing deadlier and he wouldn't have it any other way.

In the midst of it, he had no idea what Lamie saw or endured with their parents. He'd never given her that much thought until he was securely away from that environment. With his upbringing, he'd always thought she'd reject him because he was like _this_.

So to hear that she felt she was the cause of their parents' deaths was both surprising and not. But it made sense that she referred herself as an implosion and he as an explosion; she held things in until she couldn't – he released them as quickly as he took them in. Both were dangerous within their own menace.

"I had run away from home," Lamie said quietly, staring at her uneaten food, "and they kept looking for me. Doffy kept texting me these things…and they knew of it. _Mom_ knew of it. She did nothing to discourage the attention – she told me _how_ to. How disgusting is that? Coaching her own flesh and blood to take on the inappropriate attention of a full grown man when I wasn't yet an adult?"

She looked at him, looking years beyond her age at that moment. "They found me – they said they were changing. They were in rehab, they wanted to fix our relationship. But in the next breath they were talking about how to make a birthday party at _their_ house for that weekend. So how was this a truth? I was in the backseat, listening to him talk to Cora, who was complaining about their dog's death. He was already off his rocker, not making any sense. Mom was trying to talk to me at the same time, pretending that this conversation wasn't even happening. They had the child locks on, Law. I had no choice. You know the highway along the countryside that goes into the back of the city? That's where we were. Dad was still talking to Cora when I reached over and yanked the wheel. We rolled so many times off the road. Mom was tossed out and flattened. I saw her body when I was able to get out. I didn't know dad didn't make it until after I saw the newspaper."

"Did you have any injuries?" Law asked, impressed with her tactics.

"No," Lamie answered. "Just a headache. Maybe someone was looking out for me."

"No one knew you were in there with them?"

"Probably just _them_ , but I doubt they'd say anything. I am an adult. The police were looking for me to contact me of their deaths – did they contact you?"

"No."

Lamie swallowed tightly, reaching for her soda. She took a long drink before setting it aside. "I wonder why…"

Law wondered, too. Had he been written completely out of their life? But that wasn't a bad thing to consider. He would not pause to reflect on their actions.

"Once they did, I told them I had been homeless for some time. Estranged from them. And I didn't care about them. I wasn't legally bound, to. Whatever happened that is…nothing of my concern. With the way they relied upon that family, they have nothing to give to us. And I don't want what they might have…"

Law had other questions to ask, but they were only of her. Seeing the way she wore her expression had him taking back any effort. That had probably taken a lot out of her – it had been a heavy load to carry alone all this time. And here he'd been, living life lightly. He felt the responsibility of abandoning his little sister.

"Well," he said slowly, picking at the last of his chicken, "that's that. And that's not something you should feel anything negative over. They deserved it."

Lamie looked at him, frowning. "They did. But…sometimes I feel like that family is still looking for me. Sometimes I think you're going to reach out and send me back to them. When you get so angry…"

With confidence, Law shook his head. "They'd have to kill me first, Lamie. But never let your guard down. Don't wander off alone. Keep the doors locked. There's a reason for your paranoia. The only good thing about this situation is having good instincts."

"Then why is your instinct dulled by another man?" Lamie returned. Law couldn't answer that – he didn't think his instincts were dull at all. Sanji aroused instincts in him he never thought he was capable of having – but at the same time, Law had acknowledged that this game was different.

"How could you?" Lamie then asked. "They used to talk about it. Those people. I know what happened. Are you that comfortable with something so disgusting?"

Lamie was feeling out her safety parameters, Law realized. Her tactics were different from his. Children born into these toxic environments had different defense mechanisms.

He set his fork down. "There are different people out there that aren't like us. I met a few. Admittedly, there was one to change my mind and I…accepted myself. Thanks to him. I guess."

Lamie couldn't understand his way of thinking, looking at him with dark eyes that were shadowed with doubt.

"Your old man ex?" she ventured tentatively.

Law had to exhale slow because he didn't want to talk about Smoker with her. But after having this conversation with Lamie, it was quite apparent that while Smoker left a dark spot on his heart, he wasn't the cause. Law had been in love once and that was enough to prove it was real. He couldn't believe how much he'd needed this talk with Lamie just to see that.

Lamie realized the stretch of silence suggested that this was a sensitive topic. She looked down at her plate, folding her hands underneath the table. She was tired of talking, voice stretched thin. It had been ages since she was able to say anything about the weight she carried alone.

Both of them sat in heavy silence at the table, not looking at each other. The sounds of surrounding neighbors and their activities were noticeable only then.

Law shifted in his seat, looking at the nearby window. "Penguin is a registered gun carrier. Maybe it'd make you feel better if you asked him how to carry."

Lamie looked at him, fingers tense. It hadn't occurred to her that anyone carried a gun around them. "Why don't you?"

"Lamie, if you continue to live your life scared, you're not going to be able to live life properly."

"Do they know where you live?"

"They do. I gave them the invitation. They took advantage of it twice. So if it makes you feel better, get a concealed weapon permit and get comfortable with the thought of killing someone."

Lamie's anxiety seemed to increase and flatten at the same time.

"Penguin, Shachi and I have already implemented a safety plan in the event that they do show up," Law assured her. "I will show you escape routes and safety nets to use – it's close to the police station down the block. And…I hate to say it but…you can rely on those idiots, too. Strawhat and his friends. They live close by and they're…reliable."

"But you don't even like them."

"I don't have to like someone to know that they're dependable."

Lamie was confused by the contradiction, but she took it in stride because her brother's face at that moment said everything she needed to hear. "Then I'll need their numbers."

"I don't talk about my past to them – they know nothing of where I come from or what's bothering me. If you want to talk about that sort of thing, just talk about your own story. Don't share mine."

She nodded. Despite the conversation, her lips pulled into a tentative smile. Understanding where he stood made her feel better. She picked up her fork. "I'm tired…"

Law nodded to agree with her. Talking of these things was exhausting, but he realized he needed to hear it as much as she did. Knowing where _she_ stood made him feel better.

But each of them still registered that small fear they had at the back of their mind – whether or not they would sell out the other to the man that continued to terrify them.

: :

Having that conversation affected him in a way that felt like a box had been opened. Law woke up from fresh nightmares that forced him to revisit parts of the past he thought had been put away. He was forced into thinking about new security measures for _Just In Case_. He ended up thinking about what his past relationship with Smoker had done for him. A small part of him wanted to acknowledge that to the man, but to go about it in a way that wasn't encouraging. Another part of him demanded to know why he had to say anything at all.

All of this was a jumble of noise and images that didn't seem to ground themselves into one place; he felt unfocused and irritable. He had been comfortable leaving home for a tryst across the city but now he felt a thin thread of anxiety doing so now that he knew Lamie felt paranoid of Doflamingo knowing where he lived.

After everything she'd been through, wasn't it alright to acknowledge she was scared? He showed her escape routes and gave her phone numbers, and they did a few practice runs. Now his apartment made sense to her. He told Penguin about her concerns and Penguin was more than happy to take her with him to the shooting range.

Law realized there was a part of him that felt uncomfortable with Lamie's declaration of holding herself back from loving somebody until she was 'right' because he felt that current vulnerability often opened up to small mistakes that blundered into bigger ones. He had no way of knowing if this was just a protective instinct or a controlling one, and had to work on preventing it from turning it into something unhealthy.

One night, before either sibling could agree on who would shoulder the responsibility of dinner, Penguin showed up to their apartment with Sanji, who came prepared with the first of their hot meals. A panic was alit under the siblings as they hastily registered their sloppy clothes and living conditions while Penguin looked rather proud of his negotiation skills.

"I knew money talked louder than pride," he whispered to Law while Sanji cheerily greeted Lamie, who looked flustered as she attempted to fix her hair and tidy up an apartment that was comfortably lived in.

Law only looked at Penguin suspiciously because the man smelled like recent cologne and walked with a confidence that irritated him once he went to greet Lamie. Both of them talked lightly with each other while Sanji swept a clear space on the counter to deposit his hot meals. In the space of that moment, the blonde's sharp observation skills caught the pensive look Law gave the pair talking at the dining room table while Lamie cleared it.

Law realized he was stuck in an awkward conundrum – he could talk to Sanji but it would rage out of control like it always did and this apartment was too small of a space to hold back that big of a storm. He couldn't ignore him, either – Penguin had bought him to bring them food that overpowered the stench of their cooking mistakes and caused his stomach to rumble with embarrassing volume. Penguin and Lamie were talking cheerily about her job opportunities and available time to visit the local gun range.

Law had a feeling he needed to interfere with the chat because it was so awkward but he didn't want to get swept up in the storm that built when he talked to Sanji, either. So he stood awkwardly in between dining room and kitchen, uncharacteristically timid.

He did catch the smirk Sanji was wearing – caught the dart of his eyes towards the pair at the table before looking pointedly at Law. Seemingly teasing him with the knowledge of knowing Law's sudden distress.

"Lamie," Sanji interrupted, setting out tins of mixed vegetables and curiously browned shapes that smelled like seafood, "are you thinking of getting a gun permit?"

"I am," Lamie confessed, fiddling with her hair shyly as she turned to look back at him. "Law said Penguin carries, so…"

"There's nothing wrong with having a gun," Penguin said. "I have one on me at all times."

"Even at the ballpark?" Sanji asked curiously.

"That's classified information because they're banned there, but yeah."

"What are you scared of, Penguin?"

"Grabby hands," Penguin replied with a shrug.

Sanji let it go as he looked to Lamie, "No woman should have to feel afraid enough to worry about these types of things, but this world sucks. I'm sure his advice is well enough to take, considering we have to ask him if he's carrying when he has been all this time."

"They seem intimidating," Lamie admitted, glancing at Law to see his reaction to the conversation. She couldn't read his expression but it was only because he wasn't sure who to react to. He seemed frozen.

"Knives are convenient, too," Sanji suggested. "Multi-tools aren't considered an illegal weapon."

"You should ask your brother about those," Penguin suggested to Lamie, sitting down in a chair. "He prefers them, too."

"I've found a couple in unexpected places," Lamie reported with a nervous laugh. "But I'd love the idea of being confident to handle a gun."

"We can talk about this in detail at another time," Penguin then said, shifting the discussion because he thought Sanji was a stranger to their past and not included in these plans. He looked over at the man. "Here is dinner! I see those boxes on the counter you guys were trying to open."

"We've gotten better at it," Lamie admitted while Penguin looked over at Law once he realized he hadn't heard a peep from him. She moved to the kitchen to look over the food being evenly distributed onto their paper plates. Giving an awed sound, she clapped her hands together while Law shrugged at Penguin with a reluctant gesture. "Oh! This looks so good!"

"Made with consideration to your dietary needs, with a special dessert that you won't feel guilty having," Sanji assured her. He opened up another carton to reveal a fruit concoction that looked bright and artistic atop of two small plates. "Not that _you_ should be self-conscious of these things, you could already be a model."

Lamie blushed, fiddling with her hair again. "It's my height, isn't it? But I'm glad I met Robin – I don't feel like a tower, anymore."

"The taller the prettier I say."

"You say that type of thing to every girl out there. How am I supposed to believe you?" Lamie asked with some mirth.

Sanji grinned at her, still hiding the loss of his tooth. "Because I am looking into your eyes, dear, and not your – "

Law immediately swept between them with an irritated look at Sanji. "Stop flirting with my sister, you _cockroach_."

Penguin exhaled with relief, hand to his chest. " _There he is_! I was wondering who this asshole was standing here like a lemming caught between paths."

" – heart," Sanji finished lamely, locating their utensils. "Here are your two meals. Already paid for – all I ask is that you finish every bite. Of course, if there are any dislikes or preferences, please don't hesitate to let me know so that I can include them into your future meals."

Law was stuck – he rejected Sanji's food all the time on the basis of pissing him off. Being faced with having to eat it now – wasn't that ruining his efforts? He glanced at Penguin, who perked his head to look at the plates Sanji was depositing onto their table.

"Looks yummy," Penguin commented with interest as Lamie took her seat.

"I just ate," Law then said clumsily. "Before I came home from work…"

"I didn't smell any food on you but that ugly chemical stuff," Lamie said with a puzzled look. "Come eat with me. Penguin? Are you hungry?"

"I didn't cook any for _him_ ," Sanji said before Penguin could reply. Penguin just shook his head in response because he could already tell Sanji was getting testy by having his food rejected. "This is only proportional to you two. If he doesn't eat it, then save it for tomorrow for breakfast. It's not a big deal. We've already accepted that he'll be a fat ass – "

"Fuck you!"

"He's not fat," Lamie said with another nervous chuckle as she took a bite. Her eyes widened briefly as she chewed slowly. "Oh my god. _Sanji_."

"Words I love to hear from a woman," Sanji said with a brilliant expression. Law looked at him with murder while Penguin sucked his lips between his teeth.

"This is so _good_! Law, sit. Have some. You've been hungry since you got here," Lamie then said to him, gesturing at his chair.

"Have some," Sanji reached out to pat Law's stomach.

"I'm going to break your hand if you touch me like that again," Law warned him, slapping his hand away. "Touching me like I'm fucking pregnant, what the fuck."

"Calm down," Penguin told him, unable to interpret Sanji's mirthful expression as he rubbed his hand. After some tense moments, Lamie pausing in mid-chew, Law reluctantly took to his chair. He looked down at the mixture of vegetables and soft brown shapes.

"What is this shit?" he ended up asking gruffly. "I don't like hush puppies."

"Is that what this is?" Lamie asked curiously. "I've never had seafood before. It doesn't taste like the sea…!"

"Vegetables with baked salmon meatballs. Lightly dusted with avocado sauce for the millennial taste buds," Sanji said lightly as Penguin's brow furrowed with curiosity and Lamie took another bite. "Light on calories but guaranteed to make you finish every bite. I've got to go, I've been promised to be busy elsewhere with a friend – "

"You have friends?" Law asked skeptically, using a fork to unravel one ball to examine it closely, Penguin kicking him underneath the table.

"Oh, _many_ ," Sanji assured him with a tone that caused Law to glance at him but Sanji was already gathering up his things. "As an adventurous person, I don't keep my interests steady on one area. It's important to explore your options before settling. Which is why I suggest to Lamie that for those skilled in various weaponry should share their options with her before deciding _for_ her what she wants."

Law looked over at him with disgust while Penguin looked to Lamie with skeptical action.

"Once I get you comfortable with a gun, it'll be fine," he assured her.

"Oh, do take care of me," she uttered with some trouble. "I getting nervous just thinking about it."

"There is only _one_ gun we're talking about here, Penguin. One that doesn't require certain grooming to handle. Please remember that in the future," Sanji said pointedly before sweeping out the door.

Law looked at Penguin while Penguin looked puzzled, Lamie shifting her gaze to her food with a furrow of her brow. Then it occurred to Penguin what Sanji was suggesting, looking at Law with horror before shaking his head repeatedly to deny it. Law only looked at him dangerously while Lamie registered the tension to glance at them.

To avoid any more awkwardness, Penguin lifted from his chair hastily. "I'll text you guys later about the gun range. I'm actually on my way to, uh…see Shachi. We're going out to eat. Later, gators."

After he shut the front door behind him, both of them heard him bellow Sanji's name like a high-pitched accusation. Law looked at his little sister with warning once more while Lamie looked confused.

"You lot use so much of your faces to communicate," she said uncomfortably. "I don't know if you're talking of me or about me, sometimes."

"Men's business," Law told her, looking at his food once more. He figured since Sanji wasn't around to see his reaction, it would be fine to try. He crammed in a piece of a meatball into his mouth and froze. Lamie watched him, then grew concerned as moments passed without his reaction.

"I won't tell if you vomit, or don't like it," she whispered with hesitation.

Law swallowed without chewing, looking down at his paper plate with an expression she couldn't read. She wasn't sure if he were going to throw up or if he was allergic to the ingredients.

"You don't like fish?" she asked.

Law set his fork down aside his plate. He then looked to her, noticing that she finished nearly half the contents already. Despite not chewing, the flavor left behind on his tongue continued to linger.

"It's good," he said slowly. _Too_ _good_ , he thought uncomfortably. No wonder small wars were waged when Sanji brought his food about. Acknowledging that made him feel doomed. Almost in the same way they'd come together that first night without any hint of compatibility between them.

Lamie wasn't sure how to interpret that. He continued to look like he'd been slapped in the face. She shrugged and continued to eat while Law frowned down at his food.

: :

Sanji was relieved when he learned that all he needed was a crown to replace the missing tooth. The dentist had assured him that the softball he'd taken to the face had only left him with a hairline fracture that had healed significantly, but admonished him for waiting for so long. He made the arrangements before setting out to the grocery store to start cooking for the siblings' next meal. Lamie had texted them that they'd both enjoyed their dinner, and that Law asked for no bread while she preferred no green beans or chicken; she was tired of chicken. Sanji was waiting for Law's reaction but the man was stubbornly remaining quiet about it.

He wanted to know if Law had been affected by his food – that man was a tough animal to coax to a food dish. He knew Law did it to piss him off – but what was his reason, now? It irritated him to not know.

So for the rest of the week he made their dinner meals, impatiently waiting to hear from Law directly. Only Lamie texted him what "they" thought of it, but Sanji was sure she was being nice for her brother. Maybe Law wasn't eating it at all. It bugged Sanji – he knew what his food did to people, so not getting the reaction he wanted was starting to eat at him. He went above and beyond trying to impress that man into saying _something_.

The next Tuesday, he was cutting sections of venison apart when he heard the front door open and close, lock moving into place. It caused him to tense, waiting to hear the familiarity of his brothers' footfalls. Only his friends were noisy enough for him to identify from the outside, so the quiet of the action made him grip the knife tightly within one hand. The jazz station playing from the Bluetooth speaker atop of the window sill provided just enough noise to hide the momentary stillness.

Once he realized those quiet footfalls were much lighter and purposeful with a longer stride, he felt his face shift with a light smile and resumed cutting.

"I've heard nothing from you about what you've been eating," he said as the kitchen floor creaked lightly with Law's arrival. "Have you been eating at all?"

"It doesn't seem like you're starving for compliments," Law grunted, walking up to him at the counter to examine what he was doing. Used to seeing him in casual wear, Sanji did a double take at the long sleeved shirt, tie and slacks Law wore. His mouth dropped before he could catch it, and he hastily whirled back around to focus on what he was doing. "What's this?"

"I killed it this morning. It's still hanging up in the garage," Sanji joked, seeing the man give the garage door a curious look. "I'm kidding. _Psycho_. Well, how goes it? Lamie still safe from that flightless bird?"

Law refused to answer that, noting the layout on the counter. Everything Sanji chose to use was already measured out and set aside – just like those cooking shows. There was a glass of wine nearby, the bottle sitting closer to the sink. He had to admit that he'd never had this type of meat before, so he was unsure of his judgement about it. The dark red color of it and the smell of blood had a different reaction to him after spending most of the day aiding in the investigation of two homicide victims. It almost made his stomach turn but at the same time spurred his taste buds. Maybe he really was psycho.

He looked to the other man, momentarily distracted by the jeans and t-shirt combo he was wearing, with an apron over that. Sanji was also barefoot. Inappropriate thoughts hit Law hard, uncomfortable with the uplifting feeling about coming home to _this_ every day.

"Your door isn't locked," he said instead. "So I locked it for you."

"I don't lock my door," Sanji reminded him impatiently, hair swinging about as he looked at him. "If I have to abandon my task just to answer it then it's not worth it."

"Are you really doing this for the money, or just to amuse yourself?" Law then asked him.

"I have plenty of time."

Law leaned against the counter. "You're not doing this to hold my attention?"

"I don't think I need to worry about that," Sanji said with some confidence that spoke volumes. He didn't have to look at the older man to sense his disgusted eye roll. He then set his knife aside to wipe his hands on a paper towel, then take a quick swallow of his wine that he then set aside. "So what happened? You seem obsessed with locked doors and windows. Her fear is telling. Are you expecting a visit?"

Law looked at him pointedly. "You're trying to break one of my rules."

"Did you come just to stand here and look dumb?"

"Yes," Law muttered, watching as he then tossed each strip into a pan that was laden with spices that smelled savory and caused his mouth to water once more. "Penguin and Shachi took her to a gun range. They won't be back until later."

"Then you'll have to wait until I'm done, because I'm occupied at the moment."

Law watched him as he worked, comfortable with the silence between them. There was something there that made him feel comfortable enough to carry a conversation with Sanji in a way that didn't feel forced like he would feel with Smoker. It was comfortable in silence, too – it made him feel disgusted at himself.

Sanji looked at him, pausing his work. "Where did you park, by the way?"

"Down the street by the office. Why? Expecting company?"

"My friends were threatening me with a good time but I told them I wouldn't meet them until later. Sometimes they drop by just to make sure I'm doing what I'm doing."

Law wondered what Sanji did to make his friends have to think that way.

"What do they think of this storage unit?" Law then asked, stepping away from the counter to look over the dining room and living areas that were stacked with moving boxes. There were more added to the dining room, he noticed. Labeled with foreign languages. "Why are so many of them from France?"

Sanji glanced at him, wondering how much to tell him. But he looked them over as well, pulling a cover over the baking tray. He set that into the refrigerator before washing his hands. "Could be drugs, could be money, could be body parts," he mused. "I don't open them to know. They're not mine."

"Then where is yours?" Law asked, searching for ones that might be holding body parts.

"If I need to leave, they're in a place I can take from quickly. But they're mostly just childhood memories, so I don't know how useful that can be."

"Are you ever going to live in this house?"

"It's not my house," Sanji corrected him before pulling out potatoes and skinning them quickly, saving them for another strainer. He put the actual potatoes into cold water and set that into the sink. "I'm only taking advantage of it."

"Then why don't you move in with one of your dumb ass friends?"

"Because I don't want my relatives visiting me there," Sanji reminded him. He washed the skins underneath the water, then pulled forward a mortar with thinly chopped vegetables in it. Law caught sight of what he was doing, noticing that he was working with items most people swept aside. After chopping up the potato skins, he began mashing everything into a fine paste. Law didn't know that could be done. Words left him as he watched him work. Sanji noticed he'd lost his train of thought and looked back at him.

He set the mortar aside, along with the pestle. "Come back to Earth, please."

"My sister killed our parents," Law blurted out, unsure of why the words escaped him, "and she thinks they're looking for her. Those guys. My…stepfather."

Sanji nodded with a thoughtful expression. "Then you're taking the right steps to arm her to make her feel comfortable. But maybe it's time to move if she feels scared."

"You can't live life scared – "

" _She's not you_ , dickhead," Sanji snapped at him. " _Of course_ she feels scared! You take one look at her and know she's scared about something, but she's clinging to the hope that you're always going to be there, and can you promise her that you're going to?"

Law looked away with frustration.

"Each of us has had our own experience with this shit and each of us adapted to it differently, and she's _different_ from us because she's a woman," Sanji insisted. "And I'm not saying that because I think they should all be protected by a capable man, I'm saying that they're _different_ from _us_! Of course us men are going to leave our doors unlocked or fly back home to invite shit but women won't – especially not her! She jumps if you look at her funny. She's not going to stand her ground, she's going to run and that's a smart thing for her to do. For you to force her to stand her ground when she can't – who is the fucking bully here?"

"If she has a gun – "

"Is she going to carry that thing into the bathroom with her and hold onto it while she's sitting on the toilet or taking a shower? What happens when she wants to lounge on the couch? Tell me, when she's doing her chores, is she going to wear it all the time? Will she have time to reach for it when that door's kicked open? How about if she's grabbed from behind, do you think they're going to _let_ her reach for it?"

Law sighed. Slapping the back of his hand against his palm, Sanji said firmly, "It's not about _you_ , it's about _her_. Everything _you_ think is wrong."

"I have a place that I'm familiar with – I showed her the routes, I gave her extra numbers – "

" _Again_ \- !"

"SHUT UP!" With a growl of frustration, Law was incredulous how Sanji tore holes in the safety net Law had relied upon for years. "Fuck, I didn't come here for this!"

" _What did you come here for_?"

"I can move, but it's the middle of the month. And it has to be a place where…if she chooses to move on with…someone…see, that's the other thing."

"So, this thing with Penguin is a real thing?" Sanji asked with amusement.

"NO! I'm saying _IF_! I'm planning _ahead_! It's important to be prepared!"

Sanji studied the older man's reaction and had to hold his lips tight to keep from pouncing on that visible frustration. But he said with amazing patience, "You are working yourself up with something that might just be your wild imagination…"

"I don't either! I told her not to be making stupid choices, and especially with _them_. It's not right for sisters to date your friends because that shit gets awkward! What if they break up? Then I have to choose who I stand with, and I'm not doing that…" Law found himself stumped with expressing himself like this, Sanji leaning against the counter with an amused look on his face. "I mean, _of course_ she's going to say one thing and then do another, that's what women do, they want to be – _loved_ and shit, and I know it's going to happen with her because she's going to make a mistake, and I need to _plan_ for this because this apartment shit isn't cheap. If she moves out after finding a man, I'm going to be stuck with the fucking rent of a place I didn't want in the first place…"

Sanji laughed, the man looking down at him with an upset frown. "Listen to you! Big brother to the rescue – tell me, do you plan on controlling every detail after that? I get the danger aspect of your fretting but this one…you can't control what people think and what they want to feel. You can give them shit about it, but you can't _do_ shit about it. Remember that. But _I_ don't approve of it so you need to talk to your shitty friend."

"I want to…but it seems awkward…" Law trailed off because there were threads to that that made this conversation even more so.

Sanji laughed again, tickled by this situation.

"Of course I'm doing what I can to discourage this – "

"Is it even a thing? Maybe you're just overprotective…"

"I'm _not_ overprotective. I'm realistic."

Sanji knew that battle was going nowhere and decided to change the subject. He crossed his arms over his chest. "Then look for another place, numb nuts. You said she was running for awhile – let her figure out what works best for her because it obviously worked for her. Stop planning her life for her. Build up her confidence by _suggesting_ , not demanding. She wants to do the gun thing – let her. Let Penguin do it. But warn him not to get the wrong idea."

"I know, I know…" Law realized why he spoke so easily to Sanji, looking at him with a sort of frazzled expression. Sensing his dismay, Sanji waited for him to continue with whatever thought had crossed his mind but Law seemed reluctant to continue. He pushed away from the counter. "I'm going to go. I just had some time to waste, so I came here."

"Yeah, your twenty minutes were up a long time ago," Sanji said with amusement, looking at the oven clock.

Law hesitated while Sanji returned to his mortar and pestle, grinding what he needed to before depositing it into a separate bowl. The sunlight coming from the window nearby was declining as it made it's way over the city to set. The sounds of kids from the house next door was suddenly apparent – from behind the fence, Law could see them jumping on the trampoline.

"So…you met up with a friend?" Law then asked slowly, each word difficult to release. Sanji directed an impatient expression to the counter before looking at him, seeing the way Law avoided looking at him as he waited for his answer.

"Are we doing that now?" Sanji asked. "Doesn't that break one of our rules?"

"I just need to know because sometimes I do this thing where I remove the condom without you noticing – "

" _Fuck off_ , you son of a bitch. It was Ussop I was meeting up with!"

"There's nothing that _I'm_ doing that's breaking a rule. This is just two dudes talking to each other about things only we know about. Bar conversation."

"Things like that give a guy the wrong idea," Sanji said, "and that's not…a nice thing to do. I think you can agree that…both of us are seeking something we're not used to. And…it's glaringly obvious that neither of us can shut up when we're in each other's company, unless there's a dick in our mouths, so let's just toss that onto the table."

Because it was true, it took Law a few moments to acknowledge it. He felt nervous as he did so. His phone vibrated with messages, but once he saw Luffy's name atop of the board he muted his phone without reading it, sliding it back into his pocket. Sanji scraped out the mortar, then examined the contents of his bowl before turning on the flame to a skillet filled with oil. He kept his back to Law as he watched the oil remain stationary. Law noticed how close the glass of wine was and snatched it to take a swallow – he made a face, cringing and stiffening as the taste hit him unexpectedly. He was not a wine drinker – he set the glass aside and somehow managed to swallow without catching Sanji's attention.

"Accepting that I have feelings for a man has been like…a kick to the balls," Sanji reluctantly admitted. "But I can't deny them anymore."

"I thought we agreed with the no feelings thing – "

"We can talk ourselves hoarse about that rule but it's _obvious_ we're both full of shit," Sanji told him. "You wouldn't be seeking me out, and I wouldn't be talking to you like a fucking human being. So _obviously_ we fucked up with that aspect. In the spirit of carrying on this conversation like an adult, let's just acknowledge that we're both stupid."

Law sighed uncomfortably as he watched kids laugh and play outside, an adult adjusting a propane fueled grill on the porch. The fact that he could see this normal family with its normal problems filled him with unease.

"I wasn't expecting anything to happen beyond that first point," Sanji said sullenly. "But it did, and here we are a year later, two jackasses still denying the obvious. I honestly don't know what to do. What happens from here?"

It took Law a few moments to answer. "Just…remain two dudes talking about similar things. Why does it have to be any different?"

Sanji turned to look at him. In the light of the sun streaming in from the nearby window, his eyes looked like the sort of brown bark that Law saw packed atop of flower boxes on the roadway, designed to keep them moist in the hot sun. "Just because I accepted you doesn't mean I've accepted what people think of me. But I don't want to continue on like I'm fucking stupid."

He bit his lip before saying softly, "Twenty minutes isn't enough, anymore."

Relief flooded Law at that moment, feeling similarly. So he nodded in agreement, Sanji's face showing the same expression at this mutual thing.

"Threatening me the way you did that one time wasn't fair, either."

"I honestly regret that. I didn't mean to put that on you," Sanji admitted with an uncomfortable look. "It happened because I panicked. But to be fair, I wouldn't even dream of giving them that satisfaction."

 _Maybe dark honey_ , Law decided. "I only let you threaten me because it amuses me."

"I don't want to think that anything can come of this, other than what we have now," Sanji decided, hands clasped together. "Because both of us are with clear lapses in judgement…"

"Are you proposing a change in rules? Because I don't do that public thing."

Fiddling with his apron, Sanji then remembered he wasn't done with his preparations and washed his hands again. He pulled over a bowl of flour and began breading the ground ingredients from earlier. By the time he tossed them into the skillet, the sizzle of oil provided some noise within the space of silence. He found a metal ladle to stir.

"I still haven't figured out my own question," Sanji mumbled, monitoring his progress. Law didn't know what he meant by that. "It's taking me time to accept this part of myself. Not with the same degree I had when we were starting out."

"No more truck stop romances? Sleazy hotel rooms?"

"Maybe we can upgrade to Best Westerns in the good part of town."

Law snorted. "Proposing something that's more than what we have now is a lot of work. It's a lot of effort to make time to talk and act…chummy…"

"Do you want to?" Sanji asked him, interrupting him. "I mean…"

He trailed off awkwardly, youthfully nervous.

Law considered it. There was a part of him that wanted him to stop this conversation, but it was explosive diarrhea that just wouldn't stop. He looked at him. "What would you tell your friends?"

"I thought about it," Sanji admitted reluctantly, Law looking at him with surprise to hear that, "and those guys…they're not like…they're not _negative_ , they're not…if something makes someone happy then they're happy for them. So it wouldn't be a big deal…but having to admit I'm something I've spent so long denying, it just…"

"Why do they have to know your origin story? They know you for you."

Sanji used the ladle to drop the fried pieces onto a nearby container with a paper towel tucked inside. Then he set the skillet aside while shifting another pan atop of that. He said nothing and Law waited for him to continue. Sanji then looked at him, fiddling with his fingers. Unconsciously looking timid.

"Were you asked out, or did you blackmail him, too?"

"Listen here, you terrorist, I did no such thing. But…" Law thought about the way he and Smoker worked their relationship out in public. Without any affection, without any indication that they were together. Just two dudes that got along well. "It was…not even those guys knew what it really was…"

"I can argue and fight with the other guys until I kick their ass but both of us are fucking perverted and work that into a form of fucking foreplay, so talking to each other _normally_ ," he used finger quotes around this word, "isn't going to get any easier."

He wore a resolute expression as he looked back up at Law once again. "So. Let's decide here right now what this is going to be."

Law frowned at him. "You're doing it again. You're pushing me into a corner with your goddamn demands again."

"No, I'm forcing both you _and_ me to look at the obvious picture and acknowledge it for what it is! We both agreed to do this talking thing – not like we can stop it anyway – and it's only going to progress from here so we might as well as get it over with and admit it."

But from his tone, it was obvious he was looking to Law to make the first move. Sanji withdrew the marinated meat from the fridge before turning up the flame on the stovetop. Law remained in stubborn silence while Sanji cooked the meat. The fragrant scent coming from that was absolutely heavenly. His mouth was watering, thoughts fuzzy while he tried to sort out his thoughts.

He exhaled low, but it felt like a sense of relief. "Fine. It is what it is."

"What does that mean?"

"Let's do this."

"With conditions."

Giving a tired groan, Law snapped, "Fuck conditions! Just let it go!"

"But if there aren't rules set, you're going to bulldoze your way into things like before!"

"Like you aren't using the same fucking tactic! You threw in all these demands and conditions in and I had to follow them or else!"

Sanji sighed noisily, pulling the steaks from the grill. He set them aside, separating them into different tins.

"Fine," he muttered.

Law watched him work, then said, "After all that denial and anger about yourself, _now_ you're finally thinking _it's okay_? Like…how did that come about?"

Sanji looked nervous as he set his utensils down, the knife clattering noisily atop of the cutting board. "When I'm with you, I feel like it's okay," he said slowly. "How could it be wrong if I feel _fine_ being around you?"

Law scowled. "Making stupid decisions just because something feels good doesn't always make for smart decisions…this is how children are made. So…this is it."

He exhaled low, rolling this decision around in his thoughts. He felt like he had butterflies and anchors rolling around inside of him. Both exciting and frightening. "This is…a thing but we're not telling people anything, right? Just sort of…let them figure it out? Or are you intending on blasting it to the world like a gender reveal party?"

Sanji couldn't read his expression to see what Law preferred. He shrugged. "I don't know."

Law looked at him, feeling uncertainty crowd his senses. Sanji watched him, looking for some guidance or _something_ that would make this nervous feeling go away. Neither of them felt negative about it. But it was acknowledged that they shared the same wants without a fight.

The buzzing sound finally caught their attention, both of them looking around themselves for a phone that clearly wanted attention. The continuous pinging and buzzing came from the nearby hallway – growing fainter but obviously muffled. Once it became an idea of what it could be, both of their faces paled and dropped, thinking as one.

The silence became intense at that moment. Enough for Luffy to cautiously peek around the doorframe, holding his busy cellphone tightly within both hands in an attempt to muffle the slurry of incoming texts and phone calls. Once he realized that Sanji and Law were looking right at him, both wearing horrified expressions, Luffy cringed.

But he pushed away from the doorway, saying hastily, "Oh, _hi_ guys! Hi, I just…I just _got_ here, I was just dropping by to see if Sanji was here! I used my key cuz the door was locked. Don't worry about anything, I didn't _see_ or _hear_ anything, I didn't – I mean, I just got here so I didn't have time to overhear anything…I'm shocked to see you here, Traffy, _psh_ , I mean, it's cool you're here, Law, dude, _bro_ , um… _buddy_? So, what's going on here? Sanji, what are you making, hmm?"

" _How long were you standing there_?" Law eked out, fingers itching to get to that neck of his while Luffy stumbled obviously through his web of spoken lies.

" _LUFFY_!" Sanji exclaimed, purple in the face as he figured out the reason behind Luffy's busy phone.

Luffy laughed noisily, but struggled to rein in. His every gesture of nervousness and over exaggerated action spoke of what just happened.

"Gosh, you guys act like I'd messaged a word by word play of everything I heard," he chuckled, sweating nervously as he fiddled with his black hair. "You guys! I just walked in, heard voices and - ! Yum, Sanji, is that deer? That's deer, right? That's what you got yesterday? Is it done?"

" _You did not_ ," Sanji said with a horrified expression. "How much did you hear?"

Luffy studied one face then the other, then looked at his phone. Looking back at him, he answered with a squeak, "All the way from you yelling at Traffy over Larry. Why? Is that a problem?"

Sanji slapped his hands over his face while Law exclaimed, "What do you mean, _word by word play_? You messaged our entire conversation to _everyone_?"

"I don't have _that_ many contacts," Luffy stressed, looking at his pinging phone while notifications poured in from everyone he had been texting.

Both of them looked slapped in the face while Luffy hastily cleared his screen, giving them a sheepish look. Then he threw his arms out with a yell.

"You can't get mad at me! I didn't know what you guys were talking about! I was telling those guys that Traffle-Guy was moving and Larry needed a gun and for _everyone_ to get ready to square up to kick some ass because if either of that was important then it was a big thing," Luffy inhaled dramatically after going red in the face before spewing out, "then _you_ guys started talking about being in love, and suddenly I didn't know what I was writing and everyone kept asking me more questions so I just kept texting them _exactly_ what you guys were saying and it somehow got out of hand and I was reporting for everyone - !"

" _LUFFY_!" both older men shouted at him, causing Luffy to cringe, biting his lip. He continued clearing his screen, tapping without direction while he kept his cautious gaze on both of them.

"All I said was almost _everything_ you guys did, so none of it can be misinterpreted," he argued, still tapping away. "So you should be mad at yourselves and not me and can I test taste that stuff…?"

Law had his face in his hands while Sanji's fingers covered his mouth and nose, eyes closed tight. Luffy frowned at both of them, still tapping away the notifications that were coming in.

"I mean," he stressed, trying to diffuse the situation, "everyone _knows_ you two liked each other because you wouldn't even talk, so _that_ was suspicious and then we kept watching you two and Law would only be mad when Sanji was ignoring him and Sanji wasn't talking to you like he talks to us, so - !"

" _STOP WATCHING US_!"

"All I'm _saying_ ," Luffy continued, tapping away with his left hand now that his right was tired, "is that things are _fine_! There's nothing _wrong_ with it, just _surprising_ because I thought Law bought prostitutes and Sanji played with dolls like the ones at the adult store because that one time - !"

He ducked when Law grabbed the nearby strainer to throw at him, then exclaimed, "Why are you guys so _mad_? You're always so mad – hey, wouldn't it be easier to not _be_ so mad and just be glad that you don't have to stress on how to tell people? _Now_ they know. Now, thanks to _me_ , you don't have to hide!"

He quickly evaded the knife Sanji flung at him then took cover in the hallway, sweating nervously once the blade buried itself into the wood and sheetrock inches from his head. It occurred to him that one was a cook that cut up animal parts and the other a man that cut up human bodies, so he hastily made a quick getaway before either one of them could get a hold of him.

Hearing the front door open and shut, both of them froze with the shock of what had been done. Law turned his phone off just to mute the constant stream of messages coming to him – some of which included Luffy's play by play. He'd texted Law and what looked like 100 others, "Reporting for Channel 2 news, Reporter Luffy OUT!"

"Oh my god, oh my god, _oh my god_ ," Sanji whispered, hands to his face once more while Law looked dazed. Inhaling deeply, Sanji struggled to get it together. But he lowered his hands to his apron, brushing at it senselessly.

"Whelp," he said slowly, "that settles that. Time to…accept what happened and roll with…what comes next. Yep. _Okay_."

He went back to his preparations while Law looked at him, struggling to accept that Luffy's hundreds of friends now knew that the pair of them had established a formal relationship. The shock was new and metallic in his mouth but…Sanji was right. It was done.

* * *

 **Naghi-Tan** : Big chapter! :D Happy New Year!

 **HS** : LOL I admit, I had to look back frantically after reading your review to make sure I had included that (during editing, I cut and delete so much that the ghosts remain and confuse me because I thought I left certain details in that actually didn't…). This chapter is more uplifting BUT…there is always a BUT…:D

 **Snowflake97** : That's how I like to drive: 0 -100 :D This story is slow to open but once it does, it gets pretty exciting! While their secret is now out, can they handle that pressure? Ugh, I'm excited for the new few chapters :D


	12. I'll Never Dare Change Thee

Sanji expected all of his friends to bombard him with questions and concerns about the event so he chose to hide away with subtle excuses and a no lights policy at the house for those sneaky visits. After all, Luffy had just outed him to what felt like the entire world. Of course the boy didn't realize how harmful this was to somebody who was trying to accept who he'd been fighting himself for.

It felt like the path he had been walking on suddenly gave away and he was clinging to the next step with just his fingertips.

There were a lot of "I knew it!" texts that bugged the shit out of him but more was the casual attitude towards the revelation. That he had been _expected_ to be gay this entire time. Which made him feel that his personality and intentions had been marked _as is_ from the start – another expectation that he had to break because his brothers had expected him to be a certain way when they tried breaking him as well.

It felt like his years long battle hadn't been worth the effort. Which disappointed and disheartened him. _Why couldn't he allow himself the relief of a good outcome_?

But there was some excitement in him that felt foreign and strange because _Feelings_ were definitely involved. This man did not think Sanji was disgusting or "incest trash". The way Law spoke to him made Sanji feel like he wasn't being treated differently or with gloves; Sanji _liked_ the way Law spoke and treated him. Sanji's guilt was starting to eat at him for the way he treated Law so that affected a lot of his decisions when it came to that man. Hasty, impulsive decisions that were mainly indicative of his age.

But he kept thinking that his brothers had _forced_ him to turn to men because of what he'd had to do just to survive. He found himself staring out the window over the sink, hands deep into the sudsy water.

Did everything he thought about have to turn to them?

In the beginning, Law reminded him of his brothers; it was a physical reaction. His size was just right – his attitude fit right in, the violence in their touches, their actions... Sanji indulged in the forbidden to satisfy his cravings until he started to see less of that and more of the actual man – which began to lower his guard. Now that he'd accepted his feelings, how to deal with the actual foundation?

 _None of this was wrong_ , he'd told himself. But why couldn't he just _believe_ in it?

"Be happy!" he told himself angrily, continuing to scrub.

 _Maybe he was setting himself up for failure_ , Sanji then thought, pausing in mid-scrub. Maybe this was one of those things he was unconsciously punishing himself for – for acknowledging that he was happy with a man and now had to pay for it by thinking this was _good_ by allowing himself to be stomped on by a man who wanted to hurt him.

It was a possibility…he was glutton for punishment.

But the uncertain thought that because this man was older and more experienced than him came back to mind – whispering that maybe he was being played right into Law's hand. All these feelings and things – maybe they were a product of Law's doing to ruin him. How could he trust that they were real when all Sanji knew of men was that they were eager to dominate and destroy?

He clenched handfuls of his hair with a frustrated sound before returning to the dishes. He heard the kids playing outside again – screaming and arguing with each other over some water toys.

Insecurity and anger roiled around inside of him like a fiery tornado before he snatched his cellphone. He needed an answer to clear the jumble toiling around in his brain.

He texted, 'So, do you still _like me_ like me, or just need something to pass the time with?'

 _Does that sound too girly? Too insecure? Too nervous?_ he wondered, biting his thumbnail anxiously as he paced. He set his phone down onto the counter, wiping his hands on his apron when he tasted soap.

He then added, 'Can you just call me?'

'I am sitting in a toilet stall, hard at work. Thinking about you.'

Sanji had to snort. Those heavy feelings lifted away like they hadn't been there at all. 'Send me a pic,' he texted deviously.

'I haven't had a chance to look yet, but it feels pretty massive.'

Sanji wore a horrified expression at reading something he'd commonly read from Luffy and the others before texting rapidly, 'You're so fucking disgusting, I don't know why I give you any attention!'

'Idk y either.'

Sanji felt that feeling that always left him giddy and stumped at the same time; for a silly, nonsensical thing, but he imagined that this was what people spoke off when they had feelings for another person.

'Answer my question', he then demanded. Exhaling harshly, Sanji brushed his hair from his face. He thought it so odd how heavy he could be thinking about these things and having them all swept away in a moment from the sound of hearing that man's voice or seeing his text. How could he get so _happy_ just from hearing from him?

'I just want to make sure it's real,' he sent back.

'You come in like a wrecking ball then leave the scene of the crime with a victim mentality,' Law returned.

Sanji thought about his words for a few moments, drumming his fingers against his lips before hastily leaving for his smoking spot outside. Once he had a cigarette going, the sound of the kids' voices rising up from behind the fence, he considered that term. Then he pulled his phone up to text, 'I really can't see any reason why you'd do this to out me as revenge when you've outed yourself in the same swoop.'

'Sometimes I think about the things you say to me,' Law sent back, 'then I start to understand the reasoning behind all those crazy gf memes.'

'I'M NOT YOUR FUCKING GF!"

In a huff, Sanji lowered his phone. But his lips thinned around his cigarette as he considered that he was behaving irrationally. He told himself that the fact that Law constantly referred to him as his girlfriend was as much of an insult as much as a compliment. He was claiming Sanji as his companion but definitely lessening his role as a man despite the fact he was a man.

With a resolved expression, he sent back, 'From the start, it's apparent you've talked about me *as your partner and I'm actually fine with that. To note that I am crazy *and a companion suggests that you've been fine with my company ever since then.'

'Will I wake up stabbed or kissed? It's an adrenaline racer.'

Sanji huffed again, finishing off his cigarette and tossing it into the collection of butts nearby. 'I might be crazy, but I'm not your *gf.'

'I think it's because you're crazy that I find it easy to get along with you,' Law then texted. 'You attract what you fear.'

Sanji scowled at the phone, lighting up another cigarette. He pulled it from his lips once he had it going, squinting into the neglected parts of his yard. His tongue found the empty space between his teeth.

 _I know I'm 'crazy'_ , he thought shrewdly. _All this thinking_ makes _me crazy_ …

His phone rang and he answered without looking.

"Thank you for entertaining me throughout one of my paid shit breaks," Law said over the noisy splashing of a running sink. "Now what are you crying about?"

Sanji shook his head with some annoyance – his mind was in so many different directions. He couldn't deny his insecurity and uncertainty with anything more than just simple acceptance. He said, "I'm just planning for any future potential sabotage you might have in place."

Hands were dried noisily but he heard Law snort as the phone was adjusted. "Who is sabotaging who, here? First off, it's only because you don't know if you're allowed to feel this way and have most likely thought of a thousand reasons why it shouldn't work. Second, _you_ made this decision – third, stop blaming me for everything _your_ mind has come up with."

Lips thinned once more, Sanji absorbed those things. He _did_ have to admit that he was capable of overthinking; he had to admit that _he_ was the one to push the acknowledgement of their feelings; he had to admit that he was thinking imaginary steps ahead. But he couldn't tell himself he was crazy for still thinking about the effect his brothers had on him.

He looked down at his bare feet, toes curling up against the boards of the deck.

"I guess I needed to hear that," he reluctantly admitted.

"You told me yourself that your friends wouldn't see it in a negative point of view."

"I did, but…I mean, _is_ it okay? Is it okay to think that this is this and that is that?"

"There is a _clear_ and distinct separation between the two, Sanji."

Sanji licked his lips with a nervous twitch of his brow. When he hadn't said anything, Law continued with, "The only part you should feel bad about is what a fucking crummy girlfriend you are. I haven't received any flowers from you since we met."

Sanji rolled his eyes to the sky, head hanging back. "You and your ideals of romance…it never occurred to me that men would like fucking flowers…This is my decision and I know I pushed it, but….I think that you have to understand that this will happen often."

"When I was your age, I had the same insecurities. I eventually grew out of them, as I suspect you will with proper guidance. Not _my_ guidance, of course, but someone else's."

"What, do you not think that this is going to be a successful thing?"

"I think I will wake up dead one day victim of a homophobic attack at your hands. _That's_ what I'm thinking."

Sanji frowned again.

"So…what am I supposed to say? I've got nothing encouraging to give, nor do I have the patience to insist. If you don't want to, it's not going to hurt me, but let me tell you this, if you don't lift a finger to help yourself you're going to end up a lot like me, and that means having people telling you _constantly_ that you're allowing yourself to remain a victim…"

 _Still_? Sanji wondered.

"At this point Sanji, why are you still blaming them for what you choose to do? By now it's not a coping mechanism, it's something _you_ do that makes you feel good."

" _Ugh_ ," Sanji muttered, narrowing his eyes.

"The only thing that you can blame them for is that hole in your mouth. Take responsibility for your own actions and thoughts, asshole."

Sanji smoked pensively, smoke wafting up into his eyes. He waved his hand about to dispel it. "I, uh….I'm nervous. About a lot of things, and…I just…need to make sure that the path is fine. I don't want it dropping out from underneath me."

"Who the fuck gives out guarantees?"

"So, how is this going to work? Are we going to show up at the ballfield together, happy as can be or do we just…?"

"I thought about that the other night, and I'd prefer the distance we had been maintaining."

"Why?"

"Because it's almost humiliating having to admit that you were my crazy girlfriend – "

" _Stop calling me that_!"

" – and now people will be looking at you like _Oh_ , this is whom he was talking about… _this_ is the crazy person…then they'll start judging me like I'm a dumb fuck – "

"Ughhh!"

" – and _of course_ my ex will have something to say that's just going to piss me off – "

"That old guy?" Sanji repeated skeptically, then wore a smug expression. "You can just say you traded him for a newer, younger model…"

He could hear Law thinking about it. "Yeah, I guess so, huh? But I can't let it go to my head because karma has a way of coming back and yes those reports will be submitted as soon as I am finished with the autopsy, stop bothering me about it, the guy is already _dead_."

He hung up before Sanji could figure out what was being said, but he wore an amused expression as he did so.

 _There is nothing wrong with this_ , he told himself solemnly. Then, tentatively, he added, _there is nothing_ wrong _with me_.

: :

But it wasn't as big of a deal as both of them thought. Everyone had expressed themselves as they had and didn't pay the two self-conscious men that much attention. Despite the obvious acceptance of the matter, neither of them could quite relax into each other's attention where they could be seen. They carried on as usual, which made things easier.

Maybe the others had caught onto the discomfort of the matter and had done their best to give the subject space. After all, both men were touchy and prone to explosive fits so perhaps it was easiest for all of them in the end. The effort was quietly appreciated.

After a particularly late game, most of the parking lot emptying and with Law's mind on Lamie while she worked the last few hours of a night shift at the gas station, he sensed the approach before he smelled the familiar smoke. Irritation leapt through him like fire but burned out just as quickly as he shut the trunk.

"I made sure you put those things away before I came over," Smoker said, still putting respectful distance between them while Law rolled his eyes and looked at him with annoyance.

"Why do you insist on bothering me every chance you get?" Law asked him, tone dripping with his mood. "Are you fucking starved for attention?"

Ignoring that, Smoker asked, "Shifted focus to someone younger than you, huh? Don't worry, it doesn't bother me – "

"Like everything I chose to do has you in mind!"

" – I just think you're in over your head. I know you had a death wish but I didn't know you wanted to risk death like that. I notice a lot of things, but isn't that one a little…crazy?"

Law looked out at the remaining cars in the parking lot, his hands sliding to his shorts pockets. The evening was still hot enough to have him sweating, and he adjusted the fit of his hat over sweat-soaked hair. Sanji had already left with Zoro and Ussop – they said a minimum of two words to each other (" _Move_." "Fuck off."), and Law had been pissed at Shachi for losing one of his more expensive bats. Nothing had been unusual; though Luffy had looked at them with worry, wondering if they "broke up" because of him because they weren't all over each other like Robin and Franky were. But he supposed Smoker was still observant to see something that was just _hanging_ there.

Smoker studied him for a few pensive moments before saying, "Short fuses don't always merge into one long one, kiddo."

"Don't call me a fucking _kid_."

"I just think…seeing you with someone that's just like you isn't going to do you any good. It's easy to be influenced – "

"What do you know about things like this?" Law asked him shortly. "What does it matter to you? What I do doesn't matter to you because you mean nothing to me!"

"One day, when you two go your separate ways, do you think you'll remain with that attitude or will you have matured a little? I know I have no weight in your life but I know a mess when I see one," Smoker insisted. "And this one isn't healthy…I feel like I have to interfere."

Law shook his head incredulously, avoiding the look on Smoker's face.

"You think this is some kind of a magic Band-Aid?" Smoker then asked him, leaning against his car with his arms crossed. "Fixing someone that was just like you?"

Law fixed him with a steady look. "You got that off of two seconds of observation?"

"I admit it, I'm a man, kid. I look at men all the time. I watch the ones that are interesting and at my age, I got good at seeing the problems in the ones I was looking at. Those ones, you – you're the ones that wind up in bad places because of poor impulse control. That one can barely restrain himself from showing off his hate and you can barely hold back on hating."

"There's positives in two negatives - obviously, if you want me to brag, we got along quite well for the length of time that we met. A little more successfully than what we had. He knows the shit I come from, I know the shit he comes from, and he's not as afraid as other people were."

Smoker sighed. "And yet neither of you can make the decision to fix yourselves."

"Why is that so important to people that aren't involved between the two of us?"

"Because those standing outside of it can see what you two can't."

Law made a gesturing motion with his hands. "Get out of my fucking business, old man!"

"I'm in it because I told you a while ago I still care. I feel like I can't get out of your fucking business."

"You're only in this because you feel guilt in the fuck up you made."

"I feel guilt," Smoker said with a nod, "because I do feel certain responsibility."

"Because you're a fucking creep, quit stalking me!"

Smoker exhaled with some rough action, pushing away from Law's car. "Look, it's tough for me to admit this. But I feel like if I could stop a crime before it happens then I'd feel better about it."

"What, do you think I'm going to beat him up? Have him stab me? Is that what this is?"

"If I can stop a crime of passion before it becomes a crime, then yes. You still mean a lot to me."

"You're pathetic. Stop bothering me."

"I'm not going to," Smoker admitted. "You didn't have someone telling you that something is wrong and you weren't taught a conscience. Someone has to."

"So, what, you're suddenly my fucking dad, now?"

"Maybe a father figure."

"Incestual father figure you fucking pervert."

"I know none of this is coming out right," Smoker said slowly, "but I hope to be a good influence. Penguin helps cover up a crime, Shachi will help bury a body with none of you thinking that doing so is wrong in the first place."

Law rolled his eyes, shaking his head impatiently. Smoker looked at him crossly, then said, "This is tough to me, too, kid. But I can't just stand back and ignore it, be blind to it. I can't. I think right now you're just in it because it's new, it's different yet familiar to you – you both want to be fuck ups, well, someone has to be there to tell you otherwise. Those young guys he's with are the type to celebrate Love is Love! while ignoring the obvious and your friends are about covering up and walking ahead. That's how it is. No one can see it the way I can."

Law sighed noisily, fiddling with his keys. "You done?"

"Are you seriously listening to me? Or are you just pretending so I can drop the conversation? I feel like someone has to say these things logically."

"I think you're only saying it because you're a fucking creep. Nothing of what you say to me means nothing to me because you mean nothing to me!"

"I mean something to you if you have to tell me that. I know I hurt you with what I did, but taking it out on others – "

"Man, _fuck you_!"

" – isn't going to help you. Or him," Smoker added. "If you're trying to save him like I saved you – "

Law laughed noisily. "You are _shit_ if you think you saved me! You fucking bastard, you old piece of shit! You're part of the reason why I hate people! You chose to stick your hands into something that you knew you couldn't fix and still cry about what effort you did for yourself when you walked away! Fuck you!"

"…I'm sorry you feel that."

Law looked at him, considering the emptying parking lot. He was pretty sure he could smash this man's face into one of the concrete barriers nearby with the way incredulous rage built up in his hands to do so. Sensing it, Smoker lowered his arms and stepped back just to move if he had to. He wore a smirk that twisted Law's face with some reaction – Smoker took another step back.

"Your temper wasn't this bad," Smoker had to point out. "How often are things solved with violence? How's that working for you?"

"It's like you _want_ to be mangled, old man. You keep fucking tempting me into doing it."

"If something makes you feel this much rage, maybe you should consider the things I've told you," Smoker said with a nod. "That kid is younger than you, and there's a bit of crazy to him that's…uncommon. If you can't keep your cool around someone that will only toss fuel onto that fire…I hope my warning doesn't hit you right at the wrong time when you decide to lose it. What will your sister do after that? You'll be abandoning her just like your parents did."

Law's teeth ground against each other, his chest tight. He felt his face fill with warmth, fingers curling tightly into fists. But Smoker remained standing there, smoking casually as he watched Law's reaction. Law's phone began to vibrate at that moment, and it broke through that anger – the thought that it might be Lamie crossed his angry momentum.

He managed to regain his composure, pulling his phone out to make sure it wasn't his little sister. Seeing that it was only Penguin asking him if he'd found the bat yet had him shoving his phone back into his pocket and then punching Smoker in the chest when the man let his guard down.

"Don't you _ever_ bring up my little sister like she matters to you," Law spit at him as Smoker caught his footing. "Stay the fuck out of my business! You have nothing more to say to me! The next time you try and talk to me, I'll just kick the shit out of you."

When his way cleared, he then marched to the driver's side and climbed in. He couldn't quite angle the car the way he needed to attempt to hit the man as he stumbled behind a light pole just in case. But his tires left marks behind him as he sped off. His fingers tightened on the steering wheel as he drove, anger swirling around him like a hot force of wind. He hit the steering wheel a few times, almost rear ending another car that was slowing for a yellow light. He laid on his horn, swerved around the car and flew through the red lights.

Driving angrily, it took him flying down the freeway to realize Smoker was right. So he laid off the gas, set it onto cruise control and struggled to get his temper back. It was frustrating how that man was able to press his buttons, causing him to second guess himself. Causing him to think that he was just this fucking _kid_ who couldn't control himself. He knew if he came home like this, Lamie would be upset – he tried to be conscious of his actions and anger, and while it wasn't as explosive as before, she was still sensitive about any of his negative actions and emotions.

He rolled the window down, sweating profusely because he hadn't turned on the AC. He removed his hat and tossed it aside before touching the dash to activate a phone call.

"Ugh, what do you want? You're so obsessed with me," Sanji mumbled around a cigarette, the screams and laughter of his friends in the background.

"Anger management classes," Law stated between gritted teeth. "If you want to keep doing this, both of us need to do it."

"… _what_?"

"I'll do that with you. If you can find it in all your fucking free time, find a class that will fit both of our schedules, and we're doing it."

Sanji sputtered, obviously rattled, the sounds in the background quickly dispersing as he moved to another location that made it easier for him to hear. " _What the fuck_? What's this about?"

"I'm serious, Sanji. I will break up with you if you don't."

Law could hear Sanji's stunned silence, the blonde's head probably swirling with confusion as he processed Law's angry words.

"Did you end up confronted by that old fart –?"

"I'm not saying it again."

Sanji was still stunned, and he sputtered words that weren't rightly strung together.

"Uh… _okay_ ," Sanji then said slowly. Luffy screamed for his return in the background, causing him to shuffle his phone from one ear to the other. "Uh…yeah. I'll…look into it."

Law hung up right after that. His jaw clenched, he vowed to prove Smoker wrong. After thinking of all the ways he could hide the body after he was done with it.

: :

By next week, both of them were attending a group class with other tired, angry individuals that wore their ire visibly on their faces. Sanji still looked a little rattled; Law was surprised that he actually went through with the request. He was still steamed, admittedly, not talking about the reasoning behind it. The pleasant faced therapist managing the group disregarded the attention by introducing herself and asking the others to share little information about themselves to get acquainted with each other. They shared bitter tasting coffee and made small talk about the things that set them off. Neither of them revealed their relationship to each other, but provided 'safe' individual information that allowed them to be angry personalities.

At the end of it, Sanji looked at Law with incredulous action while Law glared at an older man that stared at them both. Possibly offended by Sanji's pink shorts and flowery print shirt that was buttoned up to the throat like he was some prim virgin.

"Are we going to talk about this?" Sanji asked him impatiently.

"Apparently, we're going to kill each other," Law told him. "So let's not prove these shitty fucks right."

Sanji's lips thinned – either to hide an amused smile or to take the statement seriously. He tried to sip at his coffee but he couldn't quite relax his face to do so.

"This is all part of helping ourselves," Law continued. "This is the effort. This is not letting them win."

"Who is _them_?" Sanji asked carefully.

"It doesn't matter who _they_ are specifically, but I've thought about it. I almost killed you that one time – "

"Is autoerotic asphyxiation part of an anger problem?" Sanji mumbled thoughtfully as they made their way down the hall towards the parking garage.

" – and I'm quite sure, I'm _positive_ that neither of us are capable of restraint because both of us say and do shit freely that makes other people cringe," Law continued. "If we do this bullshit together, maybe something good will come out of it and people can stop talking like this."

"I thought we were going to ignore what other people thought of us…"

"I hate being told what to do and how to do it, and by the time you get to be my age, you'll be the same exact fucking way. Let's just nip it in the bud right here, right now and - "

"I mean, this is a good idea but it's not the best place to express ourselves," Sanji interrupted, gesturing with his coffee while he itched for a cigarette. "We _know_ the roots of our anger. These things can't be helped without extensive psychotherapy! Is that a next step? Because I don't agree to that…"

"I don't think so," Law then said, frowning. He shut the door behind him, making sure that it shut firmly in the face of the man he'd had an issue with. It slammed open with the man's exit, Sanji looking back cautiously to judge the reaction. "I think we should learn how to control it. Like…I don't know… _whatever_ this old hag has in mind to settle tempers before they explode, what's wrong with trying it?"

Sanji shrugged, having no real idea why the pressing issue, but he was willing to tolerate the man's effort. After all, he'd never considered the action but for Law to suddenly think it was important – well, wasn't it important that he show some sort of support?

"I guess," Sanji said, watching as the man flipped them off as he stalked off in the opposite direction. He wasn't paying attention as to why the show of passive aggression but he'd leave that to Law's hands. He fought the amused expression from showing on his face by ducking his head as he patted his pockets for his cigarettes. "But I can't guarantee anything."

Law looked at him, using his height to keep Sanji's focus on him. He held the wrist that held Sanji's cigarettes, the blonde looking up at him impatiently. "Do you want to be the product of yourself, or the product of someone else's doing? I want to make changes before I don't have the chance to. And the reason I'm pulling you into this is because you're a lot like me."

"So, what, are you really doing this to save yourself or save me? Because I don't need you to do that shit. I told you that."

"I'm doing this because I'm not a good influence," Law said carefully, "but I hope that you pick it up from somewhere."

"You're doing this because you continue to allow some old shit to – "

"It's not about him." Law released him, looking off into the distance. The busy center had a nearly empty parking garage, but everyone seemed to be approaching the place from the adjoining streets. All of them with problems that weren't visible to the public. After a few moments, he admitted, "I haven't been there for Lamie as much as I should have. And now that I have a chance to be something other than a fuck-up, I should take that chance, right?"

Sanji softened his expression. His tongue found the newly installed crown that made him miss the hole between his teeth. Years of smoking, coffee drinking and wine appreciation had made him realize that he should pay more attention to his teeth – he was a little self-conscious about how much that single tooth stood out against the rest.

"If it's for her," he agreed.

Uncomfortably relieved by the younger man's support, Law felt his shoulders loosen. He wasn't comfortable with the sensation of knowing that his feelings for the other man were that easy and so goddamn strong. He wanted the distance of his earlier feelings but this relationship he had with Sanji now felt like he was freefalling. He knew he was going to hit hard upon final impact but he couldn't find a way to stop the action.

Would he wind up like Smoker one day? Clinging to Sanji with warnings and threats once they were separated to 'be a better person'?

The thought made his guts twist.

He said, "Besides, no other stupid asshole is doing this like us, so wouldn't it make it easier if it were just us?"

"I just think," Sanji said slowly, lighting up, "that the fact you are conscious of other people's perceptions of you means that you are tired of living the way you are. From an outside perspective, isn't that a positive thing? No one wants to be stuck in a fucking rut for the rest of their lives."

"This is about you, too."

"This is _me_ supporting _you_ because you want to change. This is nothing about me, Law. I'm here because you want me to be here. I…will support you. But this wasn't about me from the fucking start, so don't lump me in with you."

"Don't you want to change?"

"I…haven't I already?" Sanji asked him tentatively.

Law had to consider it. He ended up nodding slowly because Sanji seemed to be growing in a way that was considerably different from the angry man he was when they first met. He realized that Sanji said 'supporting you', which meant that this man's distance from him had changed as his own did. There were things Sanji did that made Law feel this way but every time Law acknowledged it he felt that unsettling giddy feeling he often felt – incredulous that someone could do this for him despite being the person he was.

He was not a monster that he was expected to be if someone liked him enough to _support_ him.

He exhaled low, wearing a relieved expression. Reaching out to pat Sanji's shoulder, he said, "You aren't as crazy as people think you are. If only they knew this part of you."

Amused, Sanji saluted him, both of them smiling at each other with unexpected softness. Law then nodded at his car. "Let's go kick some puppies and rob some baby mamas to even this out."

"Kittens, this time. Change it up a bit. Give me a ride?"

"How'd you even get here?"

"Company secret."

Law walked into his office the next morning to see that an assortment bouquet of summer flowers were delivered to his desk. His coworkers ribbed him for being a male receiving flowers, which turned into homophobic ribbing; he was used to it, shrugging it off without much aggression in the matter because that was expected. It turned out to be a mistake because his allergies kicked in minutes after sitting down and they were tossed into the dumpster out back.

"What a dope!" Sanji laughed at him over the phone, hearing him sniffle. "How could you not know you were allergic all this damn time?"

Law rubbed his eyes with his palms. "I didn't give them a second look, asshole! I don't stop and smell them whenever I see them – who actually does that shit?"

"I told Lamie I would pick her up at school, today," Sanji then added while Law scowled, blowing his nose fiercely into a wad of tissues. "We're going grocery shopping. You come right home, no dallying on prostitute row."

"You know this week is my pay week and I _always_ support the hard working ladies," Law muttered, throwing the wad into the trash can. "And stop inviting yourself to our place – for fuck's sake, I need space from you."

After Sanji hung up with a chuckle, Law snogged back snot so hard that he ended up choking and coughing, his coworkers wincing from their desks nearby.

: :

Lamie liked Sanji – she liked that he was a helpful person towards his friends, stepped in whenever a female felt uncomfortable and liked that his presence caused her brother to lighten up a bit.

But she also felt threatened.

The relationship she now had with her brother still felt new. They could sit for hours in the same room and barely say anything, but she was often surprised by the little things she had not known about him. He ate sandwiches because he was convinced he had a gluten allergy and hoped he would one day suffer a life threatening attack (Lamie was quite sure he was being dramatic), but would not eat bread individually. He ate with his left hand but his right was the one he used to sign credit card slips with. He could not drive a stick shift. He liked horror movies but detested slasher porn. He chewed his vitamins instead of swallowing them. He liked his coffee with cream instead of black. He liked sports but couldn't participate in most of them; only settling for the adult softball league because Penguin and Shachi were doing it.

These things she learned only because he expressed them to his friends and from her own observance, not because he told her.

She felt like she had been denied getting to know her estranged older brother better because he took up a relationship with a man that was slowly eating into the time she could have had with Law, and she had no way of expressing this.

 _Of course_ , Lamie reasoned, it was her own fault because she couldn't speak up.

The pair weren't _out_ with their relationship – they weren't doing all the traditional things couples did. But she imagined that they must talk a lot because Sanji himself was a chatterbox with his friends, and as emotional as a man his age could be. Judging from the way she'd overhead Law talking to him, Law expressed more to him than he would with her.

Wasn't there something wrong with a man that chose another man over blood?

Lamie told herself that this shouldn't be a problem – she shouldn't _make_ it a problem. But she felt the resentment building up inside of her because Sanji was so nice to her while taking away her older brother's attention from her. She couldn't talk these things out because she hadn't any friends of her own and she was so closed up that she couldn't trust anyone to hear her out.

Every time she drummed up the confidence to at least tell Law she wanted his company, it fell away because she thought she was being selfish. From her understanding, this thing he had with Sanji was something new to his own friends. They weren't holding back on their disapproval. She wished she had the same sort of confidence to speak with, but they were estranged for so long – how could she? She was still, essentially, a stranger.

Sanji picked her up from her afternoon classes – she agreed because how was she supposed to reject it? – and drove her to the nearby grocery store. He was his usual flighty, flirty self – sometimes she felt he was condescending because surely a man that tried too hard for women's approval wasn't really into women at all – and her irritation burned underneath the surface.

As she walked with him through the grocery store, her body language involuntarily closed up. _Didn't he realize that his manner of visual representation was hideous_? She thought overtly, looking with disdain at his jean shorts, droopy tank top that dipped too low and Crocs with socks. How could her brother want a man that thought this manner of dress was appropriate? He looked like something that emerged from a queer show, and she hated thinking that but he was so in denial - !

"What is this dinner for, exactly?" she heard herself ask, Sanji looking up in mid-blather over the differences between kosher salt and regular table salt.

"Oh, uh…I didn't have a chance to return home, today, so if I made dinner at your apartment, it'd be easier," he said, smiling at her. "Are you sure this menu is okay…? Is there something else you'd…?"

"This isn't something that my brother wanted?" she asked. "Because he…doesn't care for…whether or not we have a meal. I mean, before Penguin started paying you, we were doing fine eating out."

"It's such an unhealthy diet, Lamie honey," he replied, focusing on the options before them. They were in the spice aisle, and he was debating over one container over another, and Lamie wasn't sure what it was he was uncertain about. "Besides, it's no problem for me. I'm sure that – "

"I know, but…honestly, sometimes I think he doesn't care too much about what you make," Lamie murmured. "I think that you try too hard to make him approve of your culinary abilities and…sometimes the meals you bring are intimidating…"

Sanji looked at her with concern. She wasn't sure if it were genuine or condescending because she was fully aware that she sounded insulting. She couldn't meet his eyes. "Oh. I'm sorry. I wasn't aware of this. I hadn't heard – "

"You won't let him say anything," she said, a little too vehemently. "You…sometimes, you're so forceful that you don't give anyone a chance to say anything about what you make. Like…sometimes, people want to have a choice to eat or…what they want to eat."

"Well, of course I listen to what he says, but sometimes it's just a violent exhalation of air," he said lightly. "Sometimes he wants to say things that are…an expression of – "

"And you talk of him like you know him better than I," Lamie interrupted, reaching out to hold onto the cart as others pass him by. "Like you know him better than himself. It's not just a violent exhalation of air he's releasing, he's saying something to express himself. You're not giving him the chance."

Sanji studied her expression and body language, understanding that Lamie was confronting him with an uncomfortable subject. He could hear her discomfort but also her strength in sticking up for her older brother. He gave a soft chuckle. "He expresses himself just fine. Trust me, Lamie, he's not a timid person that refuses to speak up. But sometimes he doesn't want to show everyone what he's truly thinking or feeling – "

"And he only does that around you?" Lamie swallowed hard, brushing her hair behind her ears. "You're only the secret gay boyfriend that everyone knows about, but it's not something that gives you the right to speak up for him or know him better than anyone else."

"I don't," Sanji insisted. "I only knows what he tells me. And I guess it's not a secret anymore, is it? Not after what that idiot did."

"I'm his _sister_ ," Lamie said tightly, "and I know nothing about him. Not that much, actually. And you continually insert yourself into the situation when you lack the company of your friends. How could you ignore him in public then decide to take up his time when it's indecent? Sometimes he's gone for hours then returns when he has to go to work and…he doesn't sleep very well."

Sanji studied her expression for a few moments, then looked uncomfortably at those lingering in the aisle.

"I'm sorry," he then said. "I wasn't aware that I was…interfering. I just thought – "

"I know my brother is happy," Lamie amended hastily, twiddling her thumbs, "but I just think that you're…very clingy. He barely gets home and suddenly he's talking to you or taking off and…then you ignore him. Like you both aren't _gay_ and pretending you're not - !"

"That kind of thing isn't quite accepted in public," Sanji said, indicating for her to lower her voice as a couple looked over. He noticed the disdainful look on their faces, their obvious onceovers as they scanned him. But Lamie looked bound and determined to speak her mind.

"I barely know my brother," she insisted, "and you're…always in the way. We haven't spoken properly in years and suddenly I'm competing for his attention."

Sanji looked uncomfortable, visibly struggling to stay upbeat and losing that with an uncharacteristic expression of uneasiness. He clutched the cart with both hands, white knuckling the bar before releasing it.

"I'm sorry, Lamie," was all he said, apologetically shrugging. "You're right. I…wasn't thinking of your comfort."

"I'm not trying to start any shit," Lamie then interrupted quickly, "but I just think that…the last time we truly spoke was when we were kids. He said you know his background, right? Before dad sent him off, he was always there for me. We'd have actual conversations. We had a few since I arrived here, but I still don't _know_ him. He's a much different person now than he was then. I can't get to know him when he's constantly taking off to entertain you."

Sanji's jaw worked one side to the other. He glanced around them while Lamie looked down at the items that were already in their cart, feeling timid for having spoken her mind. He said, "Okay. Well, let's work out a deal. I have him every Thursday from six to nine pm, and an occasional Saturday night. Once a month. Thursdays…are important to both of us. Our phone calls will be limited to half an hour before nine – where there will be plenty of time for him to get some rest. And as for the public thing…well, he and I agreed that it's best the way it is."

Lamie considered it, stepping out of the way of one woman who leaned over their cart to snatch up a bottle and leave.

Sanji added, "And I won't tell him of this conversation."

"I feel like that was an unnecessary comment, because it sounds like a back handed threat."

"I feel that it's necessary because your brother is a man that doesn't like to have limits set on him. And if it comes to be that it was the result of the conversation between you and me, it would put us both into an uncomfortable place with him. It would make him feel like he has to choose, and neither of us wants that. Do we?"

Lamie's throat tightened, but she looked at him with a frown. She did think that Law would be angry at her for saying such negative things, but the pressure had been building inside of her for some time. Releasing it now seemed to ease some of it.

"I didn't mean to sound like I was whining," she said slowly, "but I hadn't meant for this to happen. Now that I feel…safe…considering certain circumstances, I feel that reconnecting with my only living family member is…important for us both."

"…I understand. Look…how about if I save this dinner for another time, and just take you home with…fast food?"

"If he were expecting this dinner, then maybe from tomorrow on we – _you_ can abide by the limits that _you_ set."

Sanji nodded to agree, but the air felt awkward between them, now. Lamie felt like she made a mistake, but it was important that she express _something_. Maybe she would find the courage to speak to Law about this between them, later. Sort things out, and not carry the weight of this conversation in a negative manner. But at the same time, the resentment she felt towards Sanji for threatening Law with suicide made her feel brave – at least she wasn't that type of person, right? And any type of person that threatened that was dramatic and unbalanced.

"I'm sorry," he then said apologetically, pushing the cart away from the spices with a clumsy sort of expression, "I just…never considered that I was taking your time from him with my…I should be more considerate in the future."

"Please do," she murmured, unsure of herself at that moment. She then glanced at him, wondering if she should bring up the fact that she'd overhead that fateful conversation between them. But she thinned her lips and decided that she'd said enough.

* * *

 **Naghi-Tan** : He is the crazy 'girlfriend', but at least he isn't in denial, now lol He is now the representation of all those crazy gf memes you see floating around the internet XD

 **Greeny** : Ahhhh, I hope this chapter somewhat satisfies. The path is very rocky and full of obstacles D:

 **Hallconen** : It sure is! They are pretty angry, but they're doing their best to work it out! It's definitely with attitude – always with conflict, but I imagine these two being the type that will talk until they're blue in the face before agreeing to bump uglies XD I will have to do a bad doodle one day just to show off how I describe Larry here in this fic – it's important! Luffy is Luffy – doesn't understand the consequences of his actions because he can always count on others to fix it for him XD XD


	13. To What You Are Not

"I changed my data plan," Sanji was saying to Law once he arrived home the next night, keys rattling as he walked into his apartment, "so I will be limiting my calls. Texting is fine, but mostly during your work hours."

"Why the change?" Law asked, sniffing his sleeve as Lamie looked at him from the kitchen, wearing an expression that suggested she could smell him. "Aren't you rich?"

"I was thinking of buying a used car. Something stable. But to stay within the boundaries of my plan, I'll be calling before nine."

"Aren't these things unlimited in the evenings?"

"Not my plan. Are you home?"

"Yeah, I just got in – "

"Thursday still on, right?"

"Yeah, I could pick you up before because – "

"I am not a damsel in distress that needs a ride everywhere, I can find my own ride there. Shit for brains."

Law made a puzzled expression as Sanji hung up on him. He looked at Lamie, who was watching him with what seemed like a sullen frown. "What?" he asked her, tossing his phone onto the table. "Now what'd you do?"

"I didn't do anything," she said immediately, looking down at the counter. Law felt like something was hanging in the air between them, but he was unsure of what it was. She seemed a little jittery, so he had to think back on what he'd done lately to cause her discomfort. "Um…was…were you talking to Sanji?"

"Yeah." Law left it at that because it was weird talking about these things to her. He left her to take a shower and ended up in his chair with a beer, thinking about the changes he was making. He was pretty sure he wouldn't be able to magically turn into a pleasant man that controlled his temper and put his past behind him, but he felt some confidence in that he could do something to at least try and control his efforts a little more.

At least…not throw a rage fit whenever Smoker talked to him. He needed to look into that a little more. With as much space put between them, why was he giving that old man so much power? He rolled his eyes, sipping at his beer as he tuned into the Cooking channel. Last night's dinner with Sanji was great – he couldn't express himself with Lamie there, but he finished every bite.

It made him wonder why the pair, normally chatty, suddenly seemed subdued. He figured Sanji was just being self-conscious – that little outfit of his caused Law's lips to twitch in remembrance of it – and Lamie probably held herself back because…

Well, Law wasn't really sure. He glanced over at her, seeing her bent over her homework at the dining room table. He figured he'd ask later when she wasn't so busy.

The next morning, he talked to Sanji on his way to work, the man going on and on about his neighbors holding some sort of birthday party for one of their kids and cooking something that he wanted to replicate, but was worried over how he came across should he approach them – honestly, the younger man was a walking ball of insecurity for the appearance he put on. He ended up accusing Law of setting him up for "encouraging his behavior", which left Law wondering _how the hell_ he even did that. His thoughts then moved to work once he got there, busy with identifying burn victims from a car crash caused by a road rage incident.

Once he finally ended up thinking about his sister, it was dinner and both of them were eating with Penguin at the dinner table. Penguin was working on a protein shake but looking longingly at their solid food. It finally occurred to Law to really look at his friend to see his weight loss, but all he noticed was that his neck was a little thinner. Penguin often wore layers and it caused Law to realize if he'd ever seen the man wear something fitting to show off any sort of manly figure he had. It made Law realize he hadn't seen Shachi or Penguin wear any fitting clothes in all the time he'd known them.

"Penguin," he said, wiping his mouth. "Were you and Shachi always the fat kids in class?"

" _Oh my god_ ," Penguin groaned, slamming his protein shake down onto the table and looking at Law incredulously while Lamie looked at her brother with vague alarm. "Law. We were _always_ the fat kids. Did this _now_ just occur to you? Fucking _years_ later?"

Law gave him a limp shrug. "I just always saw you as your personalities, I never thought of you guys as fat or skinny."

"I…hate you. I hate you for not noticing shit, but since I know you're awkward at seeing anything beyond your scope of selfishness, I'm not even going to hold it against you," Penguin decided on a suffering sigh.

" _Law_ ," Lamie admonished softly. Law gave another sheepish shrug, puzzled at his own lack of observance.

"It's not a big deal," Penguin assured her. "He's always been like that."

"It really doesn't work on noses, does it?" Law ended up saying.

"What doesn't?" Penguin asked, a little confused.

"Your nose. It's huge."

"Man, _shut up_. If you have anything significant to say, say it then. But don't comment on people's appearances," Penguin complained, touching his nose while Lamie looked insulted on his behalf. "Look, I worked out this big deal with Sanji, and it doesn't look like you've changed at all. Have you gone to the gym at all this week?"

Law stuffed his mouth so he didn't have to answer and Lamie did it for him. "I don't think he's gone in all the time I've been here. But it sounds like fun."

"You don't need to lose any weight," Penguin told her.

"Not that you should be noticing that sort of thing," Law warned him with a full mouth, chewing awkwardly.

"Maybe we can go together?" Lamie suggested to him tentatively, fiddling with her fork.

"Maybe we should!" Penguin spoke up, expression lighting up. "It'd be fine. Shachi and I could use an extra workout."

"I don't want to work out with you guys," Law grumbled. "Having you standing over me, judging me while I…lift…something. Probably a free pizza slice…they still doing that?"

"Not your gym, buddy."

"The community center offers certain classes that maybe you and I should check out," Lamie then ventured, looking at Law directly. "Just to do something different than sitting around."

"Better than watching television and drinking," Penguin agreed.

"I don't want to socialize, I don't want to – " Law noticed Lamie's disappointed expression, and he remembered he was supposed to ask about her personal problems. Which reminded him… "Hey. Haven't you been moody lately? Did you get your period?"

Penguin choked on his protein shake while Lamie looked at her older brother with alarm. Penguin kicked him underneath the table, causing Law to choke on his vegetables.

" _No_ ," Lamie snapped at him, removing herself from the table, snatching up her plate. She strode into the kitchen to deposit her things then walked to the bathroom, slamming the door behind her. Penguin looked at Law with a heavy expression while Law made a face.

"I…absolutely…didn't mean to say it that way," he mumbled uneasily. "I just…she's been acting weird, and it wasn't an insult, I was just trying to understand why it's been so fucking awkward, lately."

"Geez, man… _what is your problem_?" Penguin snapped at him, lowering his voice to do so.

"I keep meaning to talk to her about it but things keep happening. I started taking Anger Management classes," Law then said to him. Penguin looked at him with doubt, then changed it to approval after some moments of consideration.

"That's a good step…"

"Every Thursday. I'm going to see how things work out. So far, it's…well, it's a step, right?"

"What made you do that?"

"Just…road rage…"

Penguin wasn't sure how to take that, but Law shrugged and continued eating. Fiddling with his cup, Penguin then said, "I mean, it's not bad. It's a good idea."

"I think it is."

"I think she just wants to spend time with you, you know," Penguin said. "She seems lonely."

"She should really make her own friends."

Penguin gave him a look of exasperation while Law gave him a look of frustration. "Talk to her about it!"

"I will but I don't want to do…whatever she wants to do but…I don't know…I mean, I'll do what I can."

Penguin looked at him with sympathy, then nodded. "I think the first step is speaking up. It's been, what, six months, now?"

"Yeah, just about…"

"What's her favorite color?"

Law looked clueless, looking at Lamie's school things with consideration. After not finding any hints, he shrugged.

"Her favorite radio station?"

Law recalled not really paying attention when she tuned the dial in the car and shrugged again.

"Her favorite movie? NO," Penguin then said, hand out once he realized Law was going to shrug, "this is something to work on. You live here with her."

"I do."

"Make an effort! Sometimes I think she wants to tell you shit, but she keeps her mouth shut because you're not the most inviting person that you can be."

Law was aware of this problem. "So…like, we talk but…haven't really delved into personal things."

"Then _make_ it personal. You're making good steps, recognizing that," Penguin then amended with an approving nod. "I mean, considering what you were like a year ago – I think you chilled out a lot. That's not saying that crazy bitch has anything to do with it, I just think you made more of an effort to be a better person. Now that I know what's going on, it's that old guy talking to you sometimes – "

"Don't even bring that fucking asshole up. I swear to fuck, the next time he approaches me, I'm going to kill him. I'm tired of him walking up to me and saying shit – he pisses me the fuck off so much, I can't even think."

Penguin shook his head as Law finished his dinner, practically steaming as he did so. "The only reason why someone's words affects you like that is because they're true."

Law realized that Sanji had essentially told him the same thing. He set aside his utensils, looking at his empty plate with disappointment. "I need bigger servings," he mumbled.

"Did you find your bat, yet?"

"No. That's a six hundred dollar bat, Shachi's going to have to pay for it."

Penguin made a face, but it was one of amusement so Law wondered why it was missing. By the time he left, Lamie had finally made a reappearance. Law glanced at her before saying, "I didn't mean to say it like that. I just…you seemed moody, lately."

Lamie frowned at him, then shrugged a shoulder as she took a seat on the couch. "I think that you haven't been around a lot."

Law considered that Lamie was reacting passive aggressively to his absence, and he did have to admit he had been leaving her alone without that same sort of lingering fear he'd had in the beginning. The thought that he'd been lax with his usual tense awareness was enough to make him feel startled.

He'd dropped his guard – surely his life wasn't changing that significantly to think that it would always be this way.

"Well…I've been pretty busy," he said gruffly.

Lamie made another face that Law could only describe as sullen. Something he'd seen a few times when she was a kid and denied something that any little kid would be upset about. So it made him wonder what else he'd done wrong. It reminded him how he hadn't given his friends any consideration until they brought up the little things to surprise him.

 _He was pretty selfish_ , he admitted to himself with a shake of his head. He _had_ to work on that!

"Sorry," he added.

"Um…we should hang out together," she then said, brushing her hair from her face. "Just us. Like we used to."

Law wondered how he was going to do that. He glanced at his phone. He wanted to talk to Sanji about their next Anger Management class – _please don't dress so gay_ – but he realized he had to focus on this. "Okay, but…I mean, we live together, so…we pretty much hang out all the time."

"Yes, but…" Lamie trailed off awkwardly, and Law glanced at her again to see why. She seemed suddenly tense, picking at the cushion. "Is it possible to make some time for us to…get to know each other? Like, what's your favorite color?"

"Blue."

"Do you still collect coins?"

Law had a vague memory of keeping a jar at the house they all used to live in. He wasn't sure what happened to it after that. "No. I don't…collect anything, anymore."

"Knives?"

"For self-defense."

Lamie considered his answer. "But you don't seem so vigilant, anymore."

Law sighed noisily. "I know, I see that."

Lamie smiled at him, but it fell away just as easily.

"My favorite color is purple," she then said. "It used to be orange, but…purple has always made me think of mom's favorite dress. It was purple, with the frills…do you remember?"

Law couldn't remember anything positive about their mother, so he shook his head. Lamie continued on with, "It always made me think of the last time we went to the amusement park together, and she wore that dress. We had a ton of fun that day. Eating cotton candy, drinking all that sugary lemonade…I threw such a tantrum at the roller coaster because only you were tall enough to ride with dad and I had to stay behind with mom…I just remember people staring at us because I was crying so hard. It's so embarrassing when I think of it…"

Law struggled to find that same memory. But all he could think of was those days spent at the Donquixote house. The chaos was a loud as the activity at the amusement park, he supposed. Just as flashy. "I don't remember that," he muttered, glancing at his phone again. "The things I remember are mostly from that house. Happier memories with…our parents are very vague."

Lamie nodded with understanding. "I guess it would be tough. Do you remember our next door neighbors? I swear, you had such a crush on the oldest daughter. She was a teenager back then. I don't remember her name…"

Law honestly could not think of this memory, furrowing his brow to do so. Did all the things he remembered have to be the bad ones? Lamie realized that venturing into this area wasn't a good idea – she thought that he might take it as an attack. She didn't mean it that way, but she supposed that the resentment she felt was spilling out through the cracks.

She said hastily, "Um…so, do you want to do the gym thing? We can do that together. I'd like to try running, but not out in the open where other runners will judge me. I'd rather be somewhere where other people are struggling like me."

"I honestly…" Law trailed off. His sister was _trying_ , and he was tired of being told he was selfish all the time. He had to recognize the efforts of others around him and stop being so self-involved.

"Yeah, okay," he then grumbled reluctantly. He looked at his phone again, then considered the time.

"Do you have an important date?" Lamie asked him, a touch impatiently. Law looked at her, then turned his phone face down. He then realized why Lamie had been so moody, lately. He had been taking off most of the time to go see Sanji, leaving her behind to her own devices. She couldn't say that directly without offending him – once upon a time, he admitted, it would have.

"So, _that's_ what it is," he said, looking at her. "You think I've been neglecting you."

Lamie looked chagrined but tightened her lips. "I just…"

"Are you going to tell me that this is a bad idea, too?"

"I think I've already expressed myself about that, and it doesn't matter what anyone else says, you're just going to do it anyway," she mumbled.

"Yeah, because _I_ made that choice. I don't need anyone else telling me what I should be doing or how I should be doing it when I've already made a choice to do it anyway."

Lamie rolled her eyes, crossing her arms over her chest. "That's what you used to say as a kid, too."

"So, what, you resent me for that?"

"I just…I know it's _different_ here," she said slowly, her face tight, "and it's nothing like it is back there. You showed me the basics, I'm doing this thing to get a gun. But sometimes I feel like you expect me to take the place of you, and I'm not you! I'm _scared_ , Law. I'm scared of them, I'm – fucking awkward here, and you just keep leaving me behind like I'm expected to do this myself."

Law couldn't help but give her a disgusted look. "You were out in the streets on your own, Lamie, how hard can it be here? At least here you have more options! I have confidence in you to do what you need to do, you're not a baby! I can't expect you to be a weak creature if you've been on your own all this time."

"I _know_ that, brother, but…I can't get that conversation you two had out of my head," she then said sullenly. "You might think it's amusing but – "

"Oh, fuck, there's another person here who knows more about this shit than I do," Law grumbled with exasperation.

"If there's a lot of people telling you that this is a bad idea, then maybe you should listen to them! We're saying this for a reason!" Lamie fretted with her hands before saying, "How did that family keep you rooted? What about them made you stay with them? You thought it was great at the time, right? Doffy was always giving you all this expensive shit and letting you get away with murder, with no rules, and Cora spoiled you rotten, too. Yet that environment was a shitty one, and look at you now!"

Law rolled his eyes, shaking his head. "I cannot compare the two."

"I like him, but he is not someone I would want to get close to," Lamie mumbled. "He sees absolutely no wrong with us and is kind of condescending towards women, like we're incapable of helping ourselves. And men – whatever he went through with them, he'll always resent them. So it'll always be _your_ fault when it could be his, and I don't think that's healthy."

"Speak your mind about it now, because no matter what, I'll make my own choices."

"That younger crowd is rather…flamboyant," Lamie continued. "It's almost like they haven't seen what we have. It seems like they'll be upset if anything bad happens, and so they can't see past a surface value. I trust them to a degree but I can't put my faith in them. I get that they're happy and they're distracting but when it comes down to it, can they insert themselves into a picture where it's actual life or death?"

Law understood what she was getting at, and he knew it was fair to think that way of Luffy and the others. Frankly, he never stood around to get to know each Strawhat personally, nor bothered to understand them. He had no idea if they went through hardships; he didn't know if he could trust them to face death in the face. All he was confident was that they were convenient pawns to use if he needed them to be in the way – Luffy was easily excitable, like a dog Law could set loose to cause the chaos Law needed to use. He'd planned that just in case a situation got out of hand with the Donquixote family.

He kept that to himself.

"What matters," he said slowly, "is that they're free."

"Just because something is _free_ doesn't make it _good_ ," Lamie insisted.

"This is a lot of pent up resentment for you to show," Law then said. "I thought you were fine with what you were given since you arrived here."

Lamie fell silent, but she wore a resentful expression. She felt that she'd overstepped herself, and worried quickly if Law intended on getting rid of her. She gestured helplessly. "You want me to leave?"

"I'm not saying that I feel challenged by you," Law amended, "you don't have to leave. But nobody should interfere with the way I'm living my life and tell me I'm doing a shitty job at it. I _know_ I am. But it's up to _me_ to decide that. If I make a shit choice, that's my mistake to learn. You can tell me all this shit to express yourself but it's not going to change what I'm already doing."

Lamie fiddled with her fingernails while keeping her gaze lowered to the floor. The tension racketed suddenly, and Law thought that she had more to say but she was locking it up inside of her. Her jaw clenched.

" _Fine_ ," she muttered. "That's all I have to say."

"You can't resent me for this, Lamie."

"I can resent anyone I want to. We were separated for _years_ , Law, but you're always leaving me behind!"

"Well, whose fault is that? Wasn't it our parents?"

"They're not here!"

"They're not, but _they_ made the decisions that put us where we are today! So it's _their_ fault, and it's not mine for trying to get my shit back together! If I'm doing something that makes me feel a shred of happiness, I don't want all these fucking people telling me I'm not being happy enough or not doing it right!" Law suddenly bellowed at her, causing her to jerk and cringe. Her face immediately screwed up with upset, tears glittering at her eyelashes. He felt guilty, but angry about it.

He stood up from the chair, swiping his phone. "I'm going for a walk."

He left the apartment with a slam of the door and Lamie continued to sit on the couch, watching her tears splatter over her hands. In the intense silence left behind, she thought about the things they'd said. Maybe it wasn't a good idea to share what she had thought or felt, but she had thought talking them out with him would help Law understand her. Had she overstepped her boundaries? Was it really her place to say anything at all?

: :

"I never noticed this before," Zoro said uncomfortably to the others, Lamie looking up from her pizza, "but those two disappeared together _a lot_ before we actually found out what was happening."

After he said this, the others at the table looked around themselves. Lamie was surprised, her eyebrows lifting as she realized that Law had left the area without her even noticing. Sanji's presence was missed as well, Luffy's mouth dropping open as he stopped chewing. Penguin looked alarmed while Nami was scandalized. Shachi wore a stunned expression while Franky's eyes widened. Lamie wiped her mouth as Ussop slurped noisily at his drink. Vivi held a hand to her mouth while Robin continued eating her salad without showing any reaction at all.

" _Oh my_ ," Vivi whispered, looking around herself. "You're _right_! When did they leave?"

"None of them said anything! No one asked for my approval!" Luffy said indignantly, lowering his pizza sandwich, grease and sauce glittering around his mouth. "You have to ask the captain, which is _me_ , for bathroom permission because maybe _I_ needed to go, too!"

"Bathroom's probably occupied anyway," Robin commented lightly. "It's a unisex stall."

" _Ugh_ ," Franky commented while others wore expressions of revulsion. "In the _bathroom_?"

"Well, I mean…" Nami trailed off thoughtfully, looking around the crowded restaurant. The glass windows were covered in advertisements, which made it difficult to see the parking lot at night. But she could see passerby's legs walking by, so she scanned what she could to see if Sanji were taking a smoke break. "Sanji smokes a lot so he's probably outside."

"Bathroom's out," Ussop reported, watching a teenage girl leave with her younger sibling in tow.

" _Not in the car_ ," Vivi continued to whisper, looking scandalized. "Didn't he park in front?"

Zoro hastily patted his pockets for his keys, and held them up. "I drove, so they're definitely not in mine."

" _They wouldn't be so rude_! Would they?"

"Honey, _please_ ," Nami said to Vivi, shaking her head. "When you're an adult and you got to get it, you're going to get it wherever you can."

Vivi gasped.

"I imagine for men it makes things…easier…because it's not that hard," Shachi said slowly, trying to be understanding.

"Not that many buttons to push!" Nami laughed while Vivi's face reddened.

"It makes sense to spice things up a bit," Robin said with a chuckle, Franky looking at her with horror.

Lamie's face stiffened, and she felt uncomfortable as the others continued to joke about it. Penguin looked at her with worry, elbowing Shachi in the side to say something. But Shachi crammed more pizza into his mouth so he wouldn't have to.

"How can you guys joke about it so lightly?" Lamie muttered, Ussop leaning in to hear her while Luffy resumed eating with a cross look to his face. "Isn't it…gross?"

"What's _gross_ about it?" Nami asked her directly, lowering her soda. Lamie realized that Nami had a confrontational tone, looking away with an anxious pull at her hair.

" _Relax_ ," Robin told Nami firmly before looking at Lamie. "I imagine that it's fine if two people can show affection towards each other if they aren't bothering anyone about it. Before this conversation can turn into a direction none of us intend it to be, Sanji went to go buy some cigarettes from across the street, and Law is actually over there buying beer without wanting any of us to notice."

Once all of them caught sight of the man leaning behind a support pillar with a half filled mug in hand, attention on the news channel on display on the wall television, most of them looked sheepish. Law would have remained hidden if Robin hadn't pointed out his reflection in the window.

Robin continued to eat while Lamie looked ashamed and Nami relieved that she hadn't made it into a situation she would have regretted.

"Besides," Robin added, "they finished hooking up before the pizza actually came. Shachi has a big truck."

Shachi choked on his soda while Penguin looked startled. Patting his pockets for his keys, Shachi realized that they weren't there. Robin held them up for him, Franky looking at her with astonishment.

"And you're right," Robin continued, nodding at Shachi, "it's easier for men."

He wore such a horrified face while others followed suit that she ended up laughing.

"I'm just kidding. You dropped your keys when you got up to get a refill. All of you must _relax_ ," Robin then chided gently, amused at all of them. Luffy stared at her with a pensive expression while he ate, the others around the table sharing anxious looks amongst each other. "All of you are getting difficult to tease. Is there something we need to get off our chests?"

"Lamie?" Nami offered, unable to hide her snide tone.

Lamie considered her battlefield, expectant faces turned in her direction. She sneaked a glance towards Law's direction, then at the entranceway. She felt pinned on the spot and the intimidation factor in facing off against all of Sanji's friends and possibly putting her into deeper shit with her brother made her lips thin and her appetite disappear.

"I'll tell you guys what's up," Luffy said, lowering his pizza to the platter and looking at all of them seriously. Considering his expression, all of them turned their attention his way, Lamie folding her hands into her lap and feeling her skin break out into a light, anxious sweat. "This thing about Law and Sanji put us all on edge. Because it's weird, right? It's weird because Law is a dog, and Sanji is afraid of dogs."

Attentive expressions shifted to confusion as Luffy went on to say, "It's _obvious_ Sanji got bit by a dog, once. You can tell because anyone who got bit by a dog will always react to a dog with extreme caution! And Law is a dog because he bites anyone that gets too close, and he'll attack you if you look at him funny. Plus, he's really hairy."

"Er…" Zoro trailed off, looking extremely confused while Ussop stared at Luffy with a puzzled face. Robin stopped chewing to consider this while Nami and Vivi looked at each other with doubt. Lamie was struck into dumb silence while Penguin and Shachi wore a similar expression.

"But _somehow_ ," Luffy continued on, "Sanji lured that dog in to feed it because he feeds _everything_ and everyone that _smells_ hungry, and he dared a pat because Sanji's bad-ass that way, and Law realized that pats are actually nice and _BOOM_! Sanji likes the dog for being nice to him and Law _likes_ Sanji because Sanji respects dogs who bites! That's why it's weird! I totally understand, but what I _don't_ understand is why people don't respect it."

He picked up a few slices of pizza and turned them into another sandwich before saying bitterly, "I think Squidward needs a leash. I'm sick and tired of looking for him all the time. He never answers me, anymore…he used to at least send me a middle finger emoji but he doesn't even do that…"

"Oh, _honey_ ," Namie said with sympathy, patting the top of his head.

"Are we still talking about dogs, or people?" Ussop asked cautiously.

"Now that I know _why_ Squidward doesn't talk to me, _thanks_ Sanji," Luffy said sarcastically, wiping his mouth. "Sanji is my friend first but I found Law on my own. Law needs to realize I like dogs, too, and I like to pet dogs. Why can't he come close to me when my hand is extended? I wash with soap, I know what's up…"

"I'm so _confused_ ," Zoro muttered while Robin furrowed her brow.

"I stopped listening a long time ago, someone please get me up to speed," Shachi begged of the others.

"I like dogs," Luffy added with a wistful sigh. "I wish I had a pet. Maybe an iguana. Hey, can you eat iguanas?"

"You can't eat those! What are you thinking?" Ussop screeched.

Lamie looked so lost that she wasn't even sure where to start unraveling this speech to understand it. At that moment Sanji returned, carrying a plastic bag and bringing with him the stench of smoke. Luffy gestured accusingly at him as he took a seat next to Robin and Zoro. Lamie lowered her gaze to the table, feeling awkward with Sanji there.

"Are you allergic to cheese?" Luffy asked Sanji. "Because you never eat with us."

"I ate a slice on my way to the store, idiot," Sanji said, wearing an amused look. "What'd I miss? Everyone looks like they were stumped dumb by something you said."

"Well – " Ussop started to say when Luffy interrupted him impatiently by asking Sanji, "Did you ever get bit by a dog?"

"Yeah, actually," Sanji said, pulling out his leg and lifting his foot up to show off a long faded scar. "Here. It was one of those lap dogs. Savaged my ankle so bad that I never did like the things after."

"What a pussy," Zoro commented with a snort. "You can't even see anything underneath all that damn fur."

Luffy looked at everyone with a smug expression, causing confusion to grow more intense. " _See_? Told you!"

"You're not gossiping about me, are you?" Sanji asked suspiciously, sliding his leg back underneath the table.

"Yeah, we were," Luffy said on a challenging tone. "That's what happens when you take off all the time. You have all the time in the world to go get your cigarettes, and you decide to do it right at family dinner. You're so rude, sometimes."

"I'm _sorry_ ," Sanji had to laugh while Luffy looked pouty. "I won't do it again."

"Make sure that you don't. Larry, did Law eat?" Luffy then asked, leaning over Nami to do so.

When Lamie managed a limp shrug, glancing in the direction of her brother, Luffy snatched up all the remaining pizza anyway. He spit on it, much to the disgust of everyone sitting there.

"Well, too bad for him," Luffy decided, satisfied with claiming his territory.

"Sanji, are you afraid of dogs?" Ussop asked tentatively.

Sanji rolled his eyes. "I'm not afraid of _dogs_."

" _Spiders_ , on the other hand," Zoro spoke up, then laughed while Sanji looked mortified. "You should hear the octave leaving him when he sees one! What a sissy!"

"Yeah, I got bit by a dog once, but that only made me _cautious_ , not afraid," Sanji corrected, kicking Zoro underneath the table.

Luffy gestured frantically at himself, indicating that he'd _told_ them this. Sanji gave him a puzzled look.

"Why are we talking about dogs?" Sanji then asked on that bewildered tone. "Did someone get bit?"

"I'm actually very lost in translation," Franky murmured, wearing a dazed expression.

"Guess I shouldn't disappear so much," Sanji said, brow furrowed with mystification.

: :

During their Anger Management class, the group members shared what pissed them off that week and they were instructed on meditation techniques. That was followed by an activity where they had to share a little of their fears and doubts, but it wasn't a completely successful action. Instead, some of them left in a huff and had the rest leaving angrier than when they came in. The sweet-faced woman looked upset, and Law ended up waiting for Sanji while he stayed behind to comfort her.

Once they finally began leaving the facility, Law thought to send Lamie a warning that he was going to be late returning home. All he got in response was a simple "k", which prompted a clenched sound of exasperation to leave him. Sanji lit up a cigarette, watching his reaction.

Law reached out and closed the door behind him with a firm tug. Moments after they walked away from it, it was shoved open with a bang that prompted Sanji's surprised attention, seeing a man stomp off after a disgusted look in their direction.

Law had kept glaring at this man throughout the group session, but Sanji wasn't sure what the problem was between them. Law wasn't going to tell him that the man had been personally offended by Sanji's ugly loafer and sock combination. The blond was wearing them along with a pair of orange shorts and a flashy print Hawaiian shirt, hair tucked underneath a ball cap. Since Sanji took himself seriously wearing this shit, Law had to support him. He was secretly amused by the ugly spectacle, but he wouldn't admit that out loud…

"My sister is mad at me," Law mumbled in response, tucking his phone back into his shorts pocket.

" _What'd you do_?"

"Where do I start? You can't please women any more than you can please men."

"She's not just ' _women'_ , Law, she's your _sister_ ," Sanji stressed with a roll of his eyes. "She's in a different row than just 'women'."

"Who the fuck does she think she is, trying to manage what the fuck I do?"

"This again…"

Law fiddled with his goatee, looking pensive about it. "I kinda miss my old life, where I stuck to my-fucking-self and wasn't branched out in a million fucking directions. All I had was softball, my job, and those two fat asses as my company."

"Mr. _Popular_ ," Sanji said on a snide tone. "How _ever_ will you handle it?"

Law wondered if he should tell Sanji the content of the argument, but it felt like it was none of Sanji's business.

"She works tonight," Law then said, lifting his eyebrows. "Doesn't get off until 11…?"

Sanji instantly cheered up, tossing his half smoked cigarette aside. "As long as I'm out of there by ten-thirty, let's make this happen."

: :

Once he heard Law hop in the shower, Sanji got dressed and shoved a cigarette between his lips. The sooner he could leave, the better he felt being out of the apartment. He felt some guilt in the matter because he didn't want to cause the siblings any more trouble than they were already in with each other. He slightly envied them, though, he had to admit that. As awkward as they were, after being estranged for so long, _at least_ they were attempting to be considerate of each other's feelings and wishes.

Unlike his own siblings…

As angry and resentful as they were with each other – Sanji was _positive_ he was one of those problems - they could still express themselves to each other and were attempting to work it out. Awkwardly. But…

He slipped on his loafers, adjusting the height of his socks, then winced as he stood. He had to brace himself against the nightstand, the intense heat of vertigo hitting him suddenly. Despite it, he grinned because he would not regret _that_. He would have to ask Law if the neighbors looked at him funny after this.

With uncomfortable steps, he left the bedroom and made his way through the dark apartment to find his car keys abandoned on the floor between kitchen and living room. He found his shirt, too, yanking it on while stumbling towards the front door.

Something powerful and ominous hit him before he could make a move to open it. The locks were secure – he vaguely remembered that Law had yanked them into place – but there was _something_ that made all his senses ring. With every part of him on full alert, he stared at the closed door. He felt like all his hair was standing on end. There was nothing to indicate what was out there, but Sanji knew this feeling very well. The very doorframe shifted with heavy weight, causing a creak that startled him despite himself.

The knock was slow but light – centered _high_ above the peephole.

"I can hear you moving around in there," came a low, deep voice. It was slurred slightly, but it made Sanji's nerve-endings tingle with danger. He shivered, taking a step back. He was startled at how heightened his senses were, how _scared_ he felt. He swallowed tightly, glancing back towards the bedroom. He could hear the shower running, Law's actions dedicated to a good cleansing.

Sanji's mind raced with impulsive thinking. He swallowed tightly once more.

"Hello?" he called out tentatively.

The doorframe shifted once more.

"Open up, please."

"I'm sorry, who is this?" Sanji asked, hating how tentative his voice was. His fingers clasped around the doorknob, and it rattled underneath his grip.

"Law. Did you lose your balls? Your voice is so very different from what I remember."

"I'm sorry, but you must have the wrong apartment." With much effort, Sanji unlocked the door to open it, just enough to show himself. His head tilted back with utter surprise to look up into the face of a very tall man.

Everything about this man's structure was seemingly carved out of steel. Obviously drug-infested steel – his face was spotted with angry red marks that were indicative of a horrible habit, hair greasy around his ears and forehead. He wore sunglasses, but Sanji could tell that this man's eyes were rimmed with many sleepless nights. He reeked of cigarettes and an unpleasant metallic smell that made Sanji's eyes burn. Every movement this man made was sharp and unsteady at the same time, jaw twitching from side to side. He wore a flashy pink shirt underneath a white leather jacket that didn't make sense in the fading summer heat. His skinny jeans seemed absurd with his motorcycle boots. He was so bow-legged that he stood with a hunch. Despite his gaudy appearance, this man rang every one of Sanji's danger bells.

"Ah," he mumbled, looking at Sanji with indifference. "You are not him. This is the right apartment, though…?"

"I…don't think so…? I moved in not too long ago," Sanji stuttered, wincing at the sound of his own voice. " _Geez_. You fucking stink, man. Did you drag yourself out of a gutter heap? If you're looking for your next hit, it ain't here no more."

Those sunglasses lifted slightly to show blood-shot and black rimmed eyes. They dismissed Sanji and coursed over him to look into the apartment. But something told him that Sanji was telling the truth, because he looked back down at the man with a slow moving frown that seemed illogical against the twitch of his mouth.

"Sorry 'bout that. Guess I did," he drawled on slowly, taking a step back. "Just…looking for my nephew. Must have moved before I could get here."

"Go take a dip in an acid vat to get rid of that problem you have," Sanji told him. "Are you from Florida, per chance? You remind me of a flamingo."

The man wasn't amused by anything Sanji said. He only looked at him with a stoic expression, then slowly turned and made careful steps away. He ended up having to use the wall for support, hand sliding noisily alongside him. He bumped his head on a neighboring outside light, the bulb cracking noisily as it burst. He steadied himself, but continued walking the length of the hall away from the apartment.

After making sure the man was gone, Sanji shut and locked the door behind him. He realized the shower had ended, but Law had yet to emerge. Hand over his heart, Sanji sought to steady the rapidly pounding beat with some slow breathing. He wiped his forehead with his forearm, wondering if _that_ was the stepfather.

Law finally emerged from the bathroom and looked over at him with surprise. He was pulling on a faded polar bear shirt that hung over a pair of faded basketball shorts, obviously intending on going back to bed. "Didn't I dismiss you?"

Hurriedly, Sanji crossed the space between them, and in the light streaming from the open bathroom, Law noticed his expression. "You had a visitor. I lied, I told him you no longer lived here but that fucking guy was creepy as fuck - !"

Law's expression turned into steel, but he pushed past Sanji to reach up to one of the hallway lights, withdrawing a hand knife. Moving towards the front door, he found another taped underneath the dining room table, tucking that into his shorts pocket while flipping open the first, locking it into place. Sanji was horrified because he was quite sure he was going to be the only witness to a gruesome murder, and his mind momentarily stumbled.

"Tall? Meth problem? So fucking ugly it burned your eyes?"

" _Yes_! But - !"

"What direction? I'm going to kill him this time, I _swear_ …" Law trailed off, and was already out the door before Sanji could stop him.

"NO! _Wait_! Wait, don't go chasing after him! Get some shoes on - !"

Realizing he wouldn't be able to catch up once Law raced off after seeing the broken light bulb down the hall, Sanji retreated back to the apartment. He found Law's phone in the living room, but it was locked with a code he would never decipher in time. He found his instead and made a phone call while he made an awkwardly mad dash after the other man.

* * *

 **HS** : All of these characters are so awkward, unable to "talk" properly because they'd either been forced into silence or voiceless caused by their past. But they're getting better – making little improvements here and there. The pair have already improved significantly since the first few chapters. Misunderstandings can always be cleared up but idk in this fic…the song the title is based upon is a little ominous and just right for the overall mood. Lamie and Law have a lot to work on but one clamps up and the other explodes and neither have quite learned how to balance their emotions to have a steady conversation. Which makes things interesting…

 **Naghi-Tan** : Just a little! You're right, because she doesn't really know Sanji, she doesn't know what Law knows of him so all she has is her own perception of him. Unfortunately, he doesn't give the clearest ideas of who he actually is – especially when his friends have to check in on him to make sure he's doing what he says he's doing D: You know him – wants to please others despite a show of not caring…

 **Greeny** : Ha ha! Stop! Because I'm already detecting holes XD Sometimes I miss things and then when I remember I have to hastily adjust – it's stressful lol! Sanji is maturing – I'm so proud of him – and other people on the outside are just making assumptions because Sanji's actions are very…loud…but they're the way they are because of what he allows. He only reserves showing his "crazy" to Law lol (I love him, he's so emotionally unbalanced) Smoker knows what he's talking about but admittedly… even he might have some hidden motives himself. There's a reason why he keeps popping up despite Law's show of force. D:


	14. But I Lost Myself When I Lost You

Panting lightly, Law emerged out into the parking lot. He caught sight of Doflamingo staggering slightly towards a car that was parked sideways in the handicap zone, and Law's teeth set with a hard grit. He flipped the knife in his hand, blade up against his wrist to hide it and lunged over in that direction. With his blood pumping and memories of their last encounter strumming through his thoughts, Law was deaf and blind to anything else. The thought that Lamie would come home to this encounter also pushed him to end it quickly before she could be disturbed.

Many reasons for action came to mind and none of them were touched with common sense.

Before he could catch up, he found himself hit hard from the right by something heavy, which also grunted with surprise and fear. The combination of sound caused Doflamingo to pause in mid step, turning around with a grunt. Law stumbled and caught himself against a parked car, the kid in school uniform crying out awkwardly as he rolled to the pavement. His backpack prevented any injury, his limbs splayed out as he settled on his back. Looking over, Law realized that Cora had tossed the kid at him like the high school kid was a damn toy.

"Settle down," Cora grumbled, dashing ash to the side while Doflamingo finally understood the situation. The kid rolled to his feet and hurried off with a scared look while Law looked at Cora with petulant action before looking at Doflamingo. Emerging from underneath a stairwell, Corazon walked out onto the sidewalk, sniffling. His skin was in the same condition as his brother's, but he possessed a twitch to his head that caused his stringy hair to flutter. How the pair of them had managed to travel state lines for the encounter was beyond Law's understanding – unless they loaded up before setting out to confront him.

Sanji finally reached him, his steps awkward. He quickly assessed the situation with both towering men and sputtered astonished sound before he could regroup himself. He snagged Law's wrist with the knife and yanked at the weapon with a jerk of both hands, Law looking at him with irritation.

"Law," Doflamingo said, walking back. Hate caused Law's expression to tighten as he turned to face him. "You lied to me."

"Don't stab first," Sanji advised Law, pushing him forward. "Let him make the first hit and _then_ stab to claim self-defense."

" _Who is this agitator_?" Corazon asked Law with bewilderment.

"Fuck you both for being here!" Law snapped at Doflamingo, ignoring Corazon. Every part of him was wired for a fight, his breath climbing with anticipation. "There's no fucking reason for either of you to be here!"

"I will cut you with that knife should you choose to intervene," Corazon warned Sanji, stepping forward while Sanji looked at him with a frown. He held the prepared knife at his side, attempting to hide it from any onlookers. "This is none of your business."

"I chose to come because I miss you," Doflamingo told Law with a slow moving smile. "You haven't come home. Why is that? Why must we, your family, come to find you?"

"You are not my family, and fuck you, the last time I saw you, I warned you to fuck off, or I'd - !"

"Must we start off with threats?" Doflamingo exclaimed over Law, lazily swatting his pointing hand away from him. "We'd come to visit, and you meet us with accusations and threats? What is wrong with this picture? Where is the thanks I get for my appearance?"

"You obviously came here to die because I will end this _right here_ , right now - !"

"This is unexpected of you," Corazon cut in, stepping towards them. He had to stop short once Sanji stepped in front of him to prevent him from getting any closer. He sputtered, hands flapping. " _Who the hell is this tiny person that keeps getting in my goddamn way_?"

"No one is ganging up on anybody here!" Sanji snapped, looking at all of them. "Handle your issue one at a fucking time!"

" _Wait_ ," Doflamingo muttered, lifting his sunglasses to reveal his bleary eyes. "Do I know that person?"

" _We just spoke, asshole_!"

Doflamingo looked lost for words, confusion settling in before he looked at Law. His hand waved from one to the other. "I feel like I _just_ saw this person somewhere…"

Law slapped his hands out from the air, disregarding the man's confusion.

"Maybe I'd seen him at the gas station up the street," Doflamingo mumbled, rubbing at his chin thoughtfully while Law looked panicked. Once he saw the expression, the man's face changed to a smirk. "So, _this_ is where she's been hiding…"

"I thought that was Lamie, but it's been awhile since I'd seen her," Corazon chuckled while Sanji looked to Law with worry, knowing that these things were just going to rile the man into a state that could work for them.

Law shoved Doflamingo so hard that the man flailed, catching himself up against his car. "You stay the fuck away from my sister!"

Doflamingo laughed merrily as he stumbled. "What is with all this hostility? I was only saying these things out of observation! Calm down, it's not what you think - !"

"You have absolutely nothing to say to her! Stay the fuck away from her! She has nothing to do with any of this shit!" Law snarled, looking at both of them while Sanji scanned the parking lot with some agitation.

"But considering how long it's been, the fact that you've both lost your parents to an accident…isn't it proper for us to extend our condolences to both children of a woman your father and I had loved?"

Law looked to Doflamingo with murder on his expression, hand snaking into his shorts. Sanji lunged to stop him but Corazon caught his shirt and yanked him off his feet, sending him flying into the nearby flower bed before striding over to the confrontation. He grabbed Law's wrist, stopping him from withdrawing the knife while Doflamingo struggled to stand upright. Law turned to face Cora, snatching his hand and then making to kick. Corazon shoved him away, holding onto the knife Law had attempted to use.

Once Doflamingo had himself situated, he wiped his forehead. "It's so god awful hot here," he observed bitterly, looking at the sky with accusation.

"Well, I suppose _love_ is too strong of a word," he then amended to Law, who climbed back to his feet with a snarl. Corazon pushed the knife into his jacket pocket before looking back at Sanji warily. The smaller blond strode forward, brushing off various leaves and flower petals from his person. He edged in close enough to stop the taller man if he had to.

Doflamingo allowed Law to grab him. With all the strength he could, Law pushed the man against the car, using Doflamingo's loss of balance to then grab a leg. He dragged that leg out, Doflamingo stumbling before falling with a curse to the pavement because his one leg couldn't fully support him.

Corazon quickly stood, swinging wildly at Sanji. Once he had the space, Cora kicked out and caught Law square in the chest to prevent him from jumping onto Doflamingo. Doflamingo laughed hysterically from the pavement as Law hit the street on his back, wind knocked out of him. Corazon scoffed, lighting up another cigarette. The moment he pushed his lighter into his pants pocket, Sanji landed a kick into the side of his knee. This caused a loud, gruesome cracking that sent Corazon stumbling to the pavement, losing his cigarette.

The sound had Doflamingo lifting his head with bewilderment. His brother hissed as he braced himself onto the pavement, sunglasses lost.

"What just happened?" Doflamingo asked with bewilderment, reaching out to pat Corazon's shoulder for attention. "What happened to you?"

Law lunged to his feet. He climbed over Corazon's back, found his knife in his jacket pocket. Then he launched himself onto Doflamingo, settling on his chest while the bigger man looked at him with surprise. He used one hand to swat Law right up against the car, the sound of him denting the door ringing out into the parking lot. He then sluggishly climbed to his feet as Law struggled to get his wind back.

Huffing, Doflamingo looked to his brother to Sanji with accusation while Sanji watched him warily. Dismissing him, Doflamingo looked at Law once more as the man slowly climbed back to his feet.

"You broke my fucking leg!" Corazon howled at the pavement, face red and sweating as he looked to Sanji. " _You broke my leg_!"

"Stay out of it," Sanji told him.

" _Who is this guy_?" Doflamingo asked Law with confusion, gesturing at him. Before Law could answer, Doflamingo grabbed him by his hair and yanked him forward so that he hit the pavement on his knees. Law attempted to brace himself but Doflamingo pushed him backward then lifted him off his feet, slamming him into the car once more. He slammed the man's head hard against the passenger side window, causing the glass to crack ominously.

Sanji made to intervene but he held himself back with trouble while Corazon cursed, trying to stand. Before Law could attempt to defend himself, Doflamingo punched him, fist traveling down before whipping back up to catch him in the chin. Rattled, Law kicked him near his groin then whisked to the side, grabbing hold of Doflamingo's wrist as the man continued to hold him. Doflamingo staggered off balance, allowing Law to yank backward on his wrist with all his strength.

Doflamingo tripped over Corazon as Law rolled out of the way, Sanji hastily avoiding the knife as it flashed with its reappearance. Corazon shoved his brother out of the way so he could stand. He reached down and yanked Doflamingo up by his hair just as Law lunged at him with a knife. Sanji realized what was going to happen, looking on with horror before remembering he had Law's other knife. He flipped it out and had it thrown before Law could reach either man.

Corazon eked out a curse as the blade embedded deep into his arm, forcing him to drop Doflamingo, who sputtered as he slumped down onto the pavement. Law's hand swung wildly off balance once he saw Corazon stumble back, hand reaching up to cradle the area around the knife in his arm. He looked back at Sanji with confusion.

"Don't stab him in the back, that isn't a proper defense wound," Sanji stated calmly. "Make sure he's facing you. They can rule against you with the claim that there was plenty of time for you to run and you chose not to, so do it when they're facing you in order to give a proper defense."

Corazon cursed noisily as Doflamingo braced himself above the pavement. Hearing the calm statement caused Corazon to look over at Sanji with a hiss as Law considered the warning. He ended up moving backward as Doflamingo shook his head and wiped his face, trying to sober himself up enough to concentrate on the task. Considering that Sanji was clear headed in the situation, Corazon grit his teeth.

" _You_ attacked me," he stated slowly. "You broke my leg and attacked me. I could sue and win."

"You could," Sanji said with indifference. "But considering how _he_ has the tan line of an ankle monitor still on his ankle, what legal defense do you have for breaking the rules of your probation? You two aren't even supposed to be here so every action Law has is a point for his defense. But, Law, you have to understand that there is a certain way to go about these tactics under the watchful eye of the security cams here."

Corazon stared at him murderously for a few moments, then jerked the blade out of his arm. Doflamingo sat up, catching his breath. The red haze started to clear up, Law rubbing his face to check for blood as Sanji crossed his arms smugly.

Climbing back to his feet, Doflamingo exhaled long and loud. They could hear life all around them – people driving through the parking area, kids voices at the park nearby, the weight of traffic on the main streets. Considering how open the battle was, there was no doubt people were watching the confrontation going down.

He brushed himself once he stood, Corazon giving him room to move. Doflamingo still wore the drunken expression of someone that was under the influence, every action of his sluggish and yet strewn with sharp movements that clearly suggested he had no care in his actions. Considering his size, Sanji wondered when he'd pass out. Corazon had the wide eyed look to him that said he wasn't ready to sleep for another day or so, but he seemed more alert than his brother when it came to the smaller details of the situation.

Steady on his feet, ignoring the hot, angry throbbing against the side of his face, Law calmed his temper. His fingers tightened on the handle of his knife as he considered Doflamingo's actions and Corazon's current temperament. He ended up wondering what time it was, thinking about Lamie walking home to this scene. He did not want his sister disturbed by the sight of the two men, to feel like she wasn't safe. But damned Doflamingo knew how to push every one of his buttons.

"Stay away from my sister," he then warned, looking up at the tall man who scowled with a twitch. "She has nothing to do with any of this. Any shit you need to say should be said to my face and no one else's."

Doflamingo cleared his throat. "I offered her a _job_ to service my needs – "

Law attacked him because the red haze suddenly settled over him at Doflamingo's condescending tone. Easily, the taller man swatted him away with a swipe of his hand, causing Sanji to flinch. Law lunged towards his leg with the knife but Doflamingo sent a shin right up against his jaw, and Sanji reacted with horror as Law went limp before hitting the pavement. Even Corazon winced.

Seeing no movement from him, Sanji started forward to him but Doflamingo yanked Law up by the back of his shirt with a scoffing noise. One massive fist balled and flew, hitting the man's face with hard smacks that made both blonds cringe. Satisfied with that, Doflamingo continued hitting him.

"Wake up!" Sanji screamed out with horror, but pausing in place, torn by indecision. " _Wake up, Law_!"

" _This_ is how it always ends!' Doflamingo scoffed, lowering the man like he was a rag doll. He shook him at Sanji. "Despite your devil's temptation, do you have the faintest idea how important family is? Just because we disagree on a few things doesn't make for such violence - !"

Then he stiffened as Law punched forward, burying his blade right into Doflamingo's side. Using Doflamingo's action of holding him, Law braced himself against the man and swung with a grunt to the side so that the blade swept through Doflamingo and emerged back out with a splatter of blood. Doflamingo dropped him with a gasp, hands clasping against his side while Corazon looked horrified. Law barely had time to reset himself, his actions unsteady before he launched himself at Doflamingo once more. He stabbed the man over and over while the man stumbled, Corazon crying out while Sanji froze in place. Someone screamed in the complex while tires skidded over the pavement.

Doflamingo wound an arm back and swatted Law once more, knocking him off course. Law caught himself from falling by stabbing the man into the thigh, his unsteady weight dragging the blade down the length of Doflamingo's leg before he hit the pavement. Doflamingo kicked him aside before Law sputtered with a laugh, releasing the weapon. Doflamingo lurched away with a garbled cry, hitting the asphalt with heavy weight. His bloody hands transferred from his side down to his thigh. The loss of it looked massive, coloring the pavement around him.

Corazon dashed forwardly clumsily to help his brother before Law kicked out at his leg, sending him stumbling onto his knees. Climbing back to his feet, Law kicked him in the face until the man had to fall back just to cover up. Facing Doflamingo, Law strode up to him with his fists balled, breathing heavily. Sanji started forward but he did not want to deny a man his only wish to satisfy some of his demons. He stood close by, his own knees wobbly with the intense confrontation. His mind cleared enough to force him to look at his phone to see how much time they had left. Once he was satisfied with the reassuring texts, he shoved his phone back into his pocket.

Doflamingo tossed his head back and laughed noisily. He used his bloody hand to wipe at his eyes.

"This is so _funny_ ," he croaked, bracing himself with his elbows to the pavement as he watched Law approach. "You. You think you absolutely did something here. Two jackasses had grown concerned when neither of you Trafalgars thought to respond to police inquiry into your parents' estate matters. Without a timely response, do you realize that their debt has been repaid? I had thought the worst of things – both of you working together to pay off the debt, and here I am, a defenseless loser, had sought you out to inform you that the estate has been transferred to my hands. Upon a lawyer's agreement – your father signed the will to me. You guys are free."

Law stared at him with grim distrust while Doflamingo laughed again, Corazon clumsily pulling himself over to him. He attempted to stop the bleeding with both hands while sirens screamed in the distance. Sanji looked at his phone again, sweating at the thought of Lamie making her way home.

"I didn't think I'd come here and get my ass stabbed!" Doflamingo then barked accusingly at Law, rising to his feet like some majestic pillar, disregarding his wounds. Corazon clung to him then lost his grip as Doflamingo kicked free of it. For once, his expression cleared of that drunken sluggishness, appearing clear and focused. Law looked startled at the change and moved to steer clear of him before Doflamingo snagged him by the hair. He pushed him back towards his car, his leg dragging unwillingly behind him.

" _Doffy_ \- !" Corazon exclaimed, moving towards him while Sanji looked alarmed.

Slamming the smaller man against the already dented door, Doflamingo punctuated his words with fierce pushes that rocked Law. He grunted, trying to brace himself as the man's strength began to build. But he couldn't seem to get his footing, brain rattling with each impact.

"This hurt me too, you know!" Doflamingo snarled at him. "All these deceptions and lies built against us to look bad – half the shit you accuse me off is a product of your own fucked up head, Trafalgar. You piece of demented shit! You think after all these years, all your accusations hasn't caused me any damage? None of those things you said were even true!"

"You are a fucking liar!" Law exclaimed, grabbing hold of his wrists while trying to steady himself. Glass cracked as the window finally gave away, shattering over the passenger side seat.

"Fight him back!" Sanji shouted at him, glancing in the direction of the sirens. " _Fight him bac_ k! This is what you wanted!"

"You are a bad influence!" Corazon snapped at him, sluggishly rising to his feet and stumbling once his leg gave out on him.

"You might not get this chance again!" Sanji hissed anyway, Law glancing at him.

He looked back at Doflamingo with determination, then kicked out with both legs. It threw him off balance just enough to have Doflamingo stumble forward while Law dropped back to the pavement. Doflamingo's forehead crashed off the roof of the car, and he had to let go of Law to brace himself against falling into the window of the passenger side door. Law pushed up against Doflamingo's knees and pushed to his feet with mighty effort, effectively tilting the man into the vehicle. Once Doflamingo's legs kicked helplessly while most of him had settled against the passenger side seat, enraged yells coming from the window, Law snatched up his knife once more.

Corazon lunged towards him, Law swiping at him with the blade just to have him back up. Corazon jerked back to avoid it, his leg giving out from underneath him to have him falling forward. Doflamingo pushed away from the car with a roar, grabbing Law from behind – picking him up underneath his arms and slamming him up against one of the car port supports. The entire thing rattled noisily and Sanji made to help when Corazon snagged his ankle, dragging him back.

Awkwardly, he twisted to kick the other man to release him but Corazon flung him out into the street, giving Doflamingo time to slam Law repeatedly against the support pole. The police were moving through the complex, their sirens blazing. Once aware of the noise, Doflamingo lowered Law like a toy, glaring out at the lights that were moving steadily in their direction. Law panted for breath, unable to feel his face. He was dizzy from the multiple impacts, but his tongue sluggishly flitted about, making sure every tooth was still there. Slightly aware of the building noises and potential situation, he found enough energy to twist in Doflamingo's grasp and slammed the blade into the man's chest.

Doflamingo gave him a startled look, then tilted his head to look down at the point of impact. His expression seemed to reflect betrayal before both of them hit the pavement hard. Sanji quickly hurried to Law's side, pulling him out from underneath Doflamingo. The man's face was red, veins bulging in visible rage as his fingers locked on one of Law's arms. Breathing heavily as the police finally found them, Doflamingo hissed, "You'll never escape who you are!"

Sanji kicked his face just to get the space need to pull Law away from him. Doflamingo watched them stumble away as the policemen called out for attention, hands on their weapons with uneasy action. Corazon sat on his knees with his hands up, but he watched Doflamingo with a growing sense of agitation. When orders were called out, the three of them followed them while Doflamingo chuckled, dizzily pressing hands onto his various wounds. There was too much blood staining the pavement, and one of the cops hastily called for an ambulance.

Once Doflamingo was assessed, Sanji pulled his phone out to send a text. Then he glanced at Law, who was watching Doflamingo with a glare. The ambulance was called, but Doflamingo laughed until he ran out of air to do so. Corazon just looked resigned, shaking his head faintly as his brother died.

: :

Two days later, Law felt unsettled. The headache he had was excruciating, and most of his face felt like ground meat. His facial bones ached in a way that made him feel like someone had twisted and broken each one – his ribs ached where Corazon had kicked him. He wore bruises on almost every part of his upper torso, and needed stitches on his cheek where his head had been forced into the window. He required more on the left side of his head, hidden in his hair. His teeth ached. His chest felt tight. He wanted to vomit but nothing came up. One eye was swollen shut and his nose ached, along with his jaw and chin. He had fingerprints as bruises on his wrists and arms and he wondered how the hell he'd endured this much damage when he was younger. Knowing that Doflamingo was dead at his own hand gave him satisfaction but Law did not feel happy. Corazon was treated and jailed, but only for carrying illegal substances on him. He would serve some time and be released.

After some consideration, the fight was labeled a domestic disturbance and Doflamingo's record out of state helped with the matter. Law and Sanji had been detained for questioning and released when the security cams were inspected. What witnesses to the scene came forward only described a fight that went instinctively against the two bigger men; Law defended himself with a knife because they were clearly at advantage.

It was only after he was released from the hospital that Law found out about Lamie. Sanji had called Luffy and the others to go to the gas station to protect her – they weren't notified of the other details, allowing Law the time and space he needed to satisfy his needs. Penguin and Shachi were pissed. Luffy was pissed. Being left out of the matter that had been plotted for ages had sent men's emotions into a flurry of angry texts and words.

On one hand, Law understood why Penguin and Shachi were angry – they were his back up. Penguin called the police and they made his way over to prevent anything that went out of hand, and Sanji had prevented that. He allowed Law to carry out a fight that was fueled by his emotions, and had let someone else respond. If Doflamingo had won, there was no way Sanji could have taken on both men by himself to save Law. Sanji had endangered them both.

On the other hand, Law was grateful for what Sanji did because it allowed him to carry out his goal. Doflamingo was dead. It was dealing with the aftermath of that matter he now had to deal with. Since he was always the aggressor, Law didn't bother with the possibility that Corazon would continue harassing him.

He reached up to rub at the back of his aching neck. Every muscle there felt tattered and twisted, sore. Things slammed about in the kitchen as Lamie took her anger out on the appliances and dishes.

His sister was furious.

She, along with Sanji's friends, had been deceived. Sanji had sent out a group text to her, Luffy and the others, warning them that Doflamingo had contacted Law and threatened to show up there as a neutral point of confrontation. Luffy and the others showed up at the gas station to provide her with protection. They had waited for nearly half an hour until Sanji had texted them to stand down. Once she learned the real story, a wave of emotions and thoughts had swamped over her. The men released their anger with shouts, texts and angry phone calls - but Lamie clamped up.

Seeing her brother, as battered and bruised as he was, had allowed her to lose her voice. There were too many things for her to say, and none of them would come out right. Yes, it was great Doflamingo was finally out of the picture but it didn't quell the remaining feelings left behind. Only Law knew the answers to the questions that were brimming at the surface and she was so angry at him that she couldn't ask them.

She wouldn't even look at him, Law had noticed. He had too many things swirling inside of himself to sort out to allow Lamie's mood and anger affect him. He reviewed that night many times in his cloudy thoughts and winced each and every time. How had he lost so much control of himself to be so impulsive?

Penguin was angry at him for allowing Sanji to make a life threatening decision. Law looked over Penguin's angry texts; bawling him out for not thinking, bashing on the younger man's "manly assumptions", asking him how he felt, asking how Lamie was. But he stressed a reminder of their long standing plans, how long they had been friends, why he chose to act so impulsively. Law wanted to snap back at him for talking to him in this manner but he chose not to because Penguin was allowed to be angry, and things were _okay_.

But if Doflamingo had been more coherent and sober, perhaps this would have been different, Law had to think. The man had had an alcohol level well beyond the limit, and was coming off a binger. His skin was littered with traditional "bug bites", and his body was overtaxed. He'd left his ankle monitor with Vergo and left their home basically with the clothes on his back.

This was an unusual event for the big man to have undergone; this was part of the reason why Law felt so unsettled. He was only a drunken afterthought in that man's mess and it did not feel satisfying that he was now dead because Doflamingo was drunk off a meth-binger. Law had to wonder if there had been any truth to Doflamingo's words when it came to his parents – his mother. It turned his stomach.

His hands shook as he reached for his phone. His head throbbed painfully, and he abandoned the effort with a grimace. Leaning back onto his bed, he closed his eyes. He found the ice pack on the duvet and placed it over his eyes to ease some of the painful pressure. Something shattered in the kitchen, Lamie cursing noisily as she cleaned it up. Law wasn't sure how to approach that mess. He had no idea where and how to start it. He figured he'd let her vent when she needed to.

Sometime later, he grew aware of voices. His blood ran cold once he recognized Smoker talking to Lamie.

" _Fucking hell_ ," he slurred, dragging the ice pack from his face and tossing it aside. He rose unsteadily, knocking his phone and lamp over. Lurching out from his room, he glared at the older man venomously while Lamie looked at him with alarm and Smoker shook his head with a heavy sigh.

"The fuck is the matter with you?" Smoker asked as Lamie looked chagrined. Law left his room, using the wall as support.

"Get the fuck out," he snarled in response. His words slurred and stumbled with obvious indication of head injury. "The fuck you doing here?"

Tightening his jaw, Smoker said stubbornly, "I wanted to see how you were doing. The two that responded here that night were pretty bothered by what happened. I was telling your sister here to encourage you to take some of these free counseling classes – "

"I don't need fucking counseling," Law snapped at him, staggering towards the kitchen while Lamie bit her thumb nail with agitation. Finding what he was looking for in the cabinets, he then filled a glass cup with ice before giving it a shaky pour of the bottle. "I need time and space."

Before he could finish pouring, Smoker took the few steps over to snatch the bottle from him, sweeping the cup of ice into the sink. It shattered noisily as Law rolled his eyes.

"Alcohol won't do it, you dumb bastard," Smoker snapped at him, capping the bottle. "The doc told you to avoid it for a reason. You're already slurring your words like you had some."

"Law," Lamie said shakily, looking confused. "You're not well enough to stand, so why don't you go back to bed - ?"

"I want you out of here," Law snapped at Smoker instead. "Invading my fucking space."

"I came here after I heard what happened," Smoker said slowly as Lamie furrowed her brow. "The report was messy. Couldn't this have been avoided?"

"Problem was solved."

Smoker chewed at the unlit cigar between his teeth while Lamie watched her brother with a stiff expression. "These things just don't go away," he said slowly, watching Law brace himself against the counter with a grimace. "I imagine, as lippy as you are, that things were said with feeling. I think it's important to understand that none of it was your fault. I know that just because someone is dead doesn't mean you won't keep picking at the wound."

Law looked up at him.

"I'm only saying this because any normal human being would feel guilty in killing another, even if it were by accident," Smoker continued. "I imagine that you would – "

"He talked some shit, _I_ spoke some shit, and we agreed that both of our shit weren't the right shit to say. I have _no_ regrets."

"Of course you wouldn't," Smoker snapped back at him. "Not right now at least!"

"Not _ever_! He's gone, he's finished, and it was by my fucking hands! No one else's!"

Smoker leaned onto the counter, frowning. "I'd advise you to not say that out loud in public, otherwise it would sound like premeditation. But after all of that, I don't know how you still find the will to fight everything I have to say. I see that one of the subjects involved that day was your – "

"This is about _me_ and _my_ actions, not his!" Law interrupted him.

"I'm only here to see how you're doing, not to make anything worse. You have enough time to take off from work?" Smoker then asked him, tapping on the counter.

"Yeah," Law said reluctantly.

"You two need anything?" Smoker then asked, looking at Lamie. She shook her head, wearing a confused expression. "Groceries? Toiletries? The name of a very good therapist?"

"Fuck off," Law snapped.

Smoker looked back at him, then shook his head. "I'm glad you're okay, kid. That shit could've turned out differently if he weren't so loaded. He came here for a reason – agitating because he could. Whatever he said to you after…I still say don't take it to any heart."

"He spoke something about our parents' estate, and neither of us wants any part of it. Said he had a will, or something," Law reluctantly admitted.

"I wouldn't put it past dad to do something like that," Lamie muttered bitterly. "Doffy probably told him it'd help with his debt. Whatever they had left…it probably wasn't that much, anyway."

"I can take care of any legalities in the issue," Smoker then offered. "But in the meantime, I noticed your cabinets were bare."

"I was _just_ going to go shopping," Lamie said hurriedly. "They always look like that, anyway."

"Lamie," Law warned her, but she speared him with a look that invited no argument.

"I…don't want to go alone!" Lamie sputtered, giving him a look. "I had no idea those two were even out here – is Corazon still in jail? What about their friends? Vergo? Vergo was always Doffy's little lap dog."

She then nodded at Smoker before grabbing her wallet, who looked a little surprised that she would take the offer. Law glared at her pointedly once he turned, but Lamie stubbornly ignored the look from her brother.

"I didn't ask for your help," Law then warned Smoker. "I didn't ask for anything."

"I didn't _ask_ you if I can help," Smoker returned. "I'm just going to do it."

"Don't expect anything in return!"

Smoker ignored that, looking around the place. "It's _small_ ," he then said, looking at Lamie. "Too small for two people. You should consider moving to someplace bigger."

When he didn't get a response, he looked at Law with a frown. Despite the tension, he couldn't help but reach out to touch the only spot on Law's face that wasn't discolored or swollen. Law immediately slapped his hand away, blazing with anger. Smoker sighed and turned away.

It was cowardly, but Law locked himself in the bathroom when they returned. He ran the shower and pretended not to hear anything when he heard the knock and voice at the door. He ended up staring at his injuries and then leaving the bathroom once enough time had gone by. Lamie was sitting in the chair, eating a popsicle when Law emerged. Lamie lowered the treat to glare at him.

"That was your ex, wasn't it?" she stated.

Law didn't find any notion to answer her if she already knew the answer. He shrugged a sore shoulder.

"There was _one_ time where you found every word of his titillating, so stop acting like he was never important in your life."

"What got your bra in a fucking wad?"

Lamie glared at him for his exasperated comment. "You could have died out there."

"But I didn't. I had back up."

"You had a fucking idiot who let this happen back you up! What the fuck was he going to do if they both were sober? Penguin had a plan, why didn't you follow it?"

Law winced at the volume of her voice, his head ringing. Breathing tightly, Lamie glared at the television set.

"I'm angry," she said slowly, "because it was frightening. Because you did something stupid. You were _lucky_."

"This is not the first time we tried to kill each other, Lamie. Admittedly, it wasn't always this intense, either. Doffy came out here to brag about his exploits and didn't expect me to fight back."

Lamie's lips thinned as she crossed her arms tightly over her chest. "You could have died. You probably still can. What did the doctor say about your head?"

"I'll be _fine_."

"What if Cora wants revenge?"

"Doffy was always the instigator. Without him in the picture, I doubt Cora would give any shits about us!"

"I hate him," Lamie said with warning, Law looking for the bottle of alcohol he'd intended on using earlier. But Smoker had taken it with him, as well as the cube he'd had in the fridge. He slammed the door shut with a curse. "And I don't want to talk or see him until I'm over it."

"You don't have to," Law said impatiently.

"Sanji. Because he lied to all of us."

" _I don't care_."

"He just fucking _stood_ there while you got your head beat in - !"

"You can have your fucking opinion, but it doesn't mean shit!" Law bellowed back at her.

Lamie glared at the television set, her eyes dry. Her lips thinned and her shoulders hunched, but she was in no mood to cry. He watched her for a few moments, then limped off to his room. She grit her teeth as he shut his door behind him.

: :

"All of them are not speaking to me," Sanji said with a chuckle. "But I think the overall point is that you were able to do something that can only settle you. They won't understand that sort of thing until they're doing it themselves. I don't care, I mean, they'll get over it eventually once you start to heal up."

Law had him on speakerphone while Lamie had the volume of her television show up loud, determined to fume alone.

Law once again reflected on the actions of that night, fiddling with his fingers. Even if Doflamingo was gone, would he ever begin to relax?

"Law…?"

"I guess I rushed in there halfcocked," Law admittedly slowly. He kept his voice low so Lamie couldn't hear him. "I mean…I had a plan and followed none of it…"

"I know. You weren't reachable in that state. But I know what it feels like. If anyone interrupted, you wouldn't feel any better. Denied what you really wanted probably would've festered into some other obsession."

Law rubbed his eyes tenderly as his head continued to throb against the front of his bruised skull. Could bones be bruised? It felt like someone had their fingers wrapped around his brain and was steadily squeezing inward, forcing constant, unescapable pressure.

"Is this something I'll be expecting from you in order to return a favor?"

"You had your head rung hard, didn't you?"

Law sighed. "None of my words make any sense. Everything's still jumbled."

"You'll be fine. Just tough it out. Um…"

Law waited for Sanji to complete his sentence, but the weight of silence suggested he'd been distracted. When Sanji spoke, it was obvious to Law that something had rattled him enough to have him stumbling.

Sanji cleared his throat and exhaled heavy before saying, "Get better soon. I'll call you later."

There was something in Sanji's voice that didn't carry his usual confidence, and because he already had the experience to know what, Law knew what the distraction was.

"Sanji. I can't do anything if I don't know anything," he said low, pointedly.

The fact that Sanji even considered the option was enough to have Law grateful for his trust.

"I guess…my name…was out on some public report about this thing. My _father_ has a few questions about it. So he sent out one of the dogs to talk to me in person rather than over the phone because he doesn't _believe_ me over the phone."

"Sanji. Have someone stay with you. It's not cowardly to ask for it."

"I don't want _them_ knowing any details."

"Come over here and have them meet you here."

"Same as above."

"Make them meet you at a restaurant, somewhere public."

"Just get better, Law. After this, we can both pick up the pieces and put them back together. More importantly, figure out how to get Lamie to like me, again," Sanji said with a chuckle before hanging up.

Law looked at his phone. He thought about it for several moments, exhaling heavily. His head continued to strum with a hard headache.

With the weight of the event, it was surprising he felt more horror of what he'd discovered at Sanji's home than what had happened here in the parking lot.

 _Guess I know what's more important_ , he thought sluggishly, glaring at his phone while he considered his options. He opened his Contacts app up and went immediately to 'R' before finding the one he needed.

* * *

 **Naghi-Tan, Harmonica Smile** and **Sarge1130** : Thank you for sharing with me your thoughts! You guys are awesome! This story will be concluding pretty soon. It's drafted and awaiting editing so…prepare yourselves.


	15. But I Still Got Jazz

Sanji heard the front door swing open and softly click closed. All his senses were heightened as the result of the text message he'd received when he was talking to Law, so he felt his entire body jump upon recognizing the entrance of one of his brothers. With a clench of his teeth, he forced himself to relax and not show his apprehension towards the man that walked towards the kitchen. The heavy weight of his older brother was identified before Ichiji even stepped through the doorway.

To see that his oldest brother had flown in from France just to see him gave Sanji a sense of caution that allowed him to curl his fingers tightly around the handle of the knife he had been using to slice through slightly frozen beef for tomorrow's stir fry menu. Dressed in expensive wear that seemed to give him a commanding presence, Ichiji's lips tightened with a frown as he settled his hands into his trouser pockets. His upper lip lifted with some disdain as he surveyed the towers of boxes Sanji had left in the dining area.

"Well?" he asked with irritation, tone dripping with ice. His accent was heavy, but his second language was strong. "Father briefed me on the subject but I'm not here for an entire evening's worth of dramatic excuses."

"It was as it was," Sanji answered tightly. "I was at a friend's, there was a domestic disturbance – I was only a witness."

"Was it?"

" _It_ was."

"What sort of friend?" Ichiji pressed, his shoes squeaking slightly on the floor as he overlooked the busy countertops. "This is enough to feed an army."

"It's a side job."

"Father pays you quite enough not to have one," Ichiji said, as if reminding him of the fact. "Is the money not good enough?"

Sanji felt his face tighten hearing that. He was being paid to keep quiet – it was dirty money, stained with emotional and physical trauma. Ichiji made it sound like it was something Sanji had earned.

"A good friend," Sanji said, ignoring the statement. "I had nothing to do with it."

"As long as it doesn't interfere with our life, I suppose. Who is this friend?"

"I don't need to tell you if you've already had access to the report."

"I just want to hear it from you. Open your mouth. Show me your teeth."

"I had a crown installed, what's important about it?"

"Yonji's work?"

"Might've been. He likes to hit after I'm down."

"Nothing to complain about if you have the means to repair it," Ichiji then said indifferently. "You need to be a little less jumpy. That knife you're holding is making me nervous enough to feel defensive."

"I wouldn't have to feel this way if I was assured you wouldn't approach me with your shit."

Ichiji looked at him with a condescending look. He still took a few steps closer, Sanji reluctantly finding himself taking a step closer to the sink to keep the distance between them. Smirking, his older brother leaned up against the counter with a hip, one hand appearing to rest atop of the surface. "We're all adults, here," Ichiji said smoothly. "We're not dogs. We don't attack just because something makes us uneasy. There's always a reason."

"I don't defend without one."

"Father also wants to know why you haven't submitted this month's budget. He hasn't seen the bills. He's also complained about your wasteful use of renting vehicles."

"I've been busy."

"This side job seems to be interfering a lot with these simple tasks. Have you been paying the bills? Every time we check on the house, your lights have been off."

Sanji wondered if he'd seen any suspicious vehicle cruising the neighborhood, unaware that he'd been watched that closely. It made him wonder if they'd reported back to his father about Law's occasional appearance. He swallowed tightly, Ichiji's gaze unwavering as he waited for an answer.

Sanji couldn't help but feel like a child being confronted like this. Forced to speak up on subjects he felt helpless to avoid. He lost some confidence levels, all parts of him tense and on edge, mind vaguely swirling with panic. He wondered if Law ever felt this way confronting those two men.

"I've been away from the house," he said slowly, clearing his throat. "It's summer, I'm out doing summer things with my friends."

"And the car rentals?"

"Occasionally, I need a car."

"Part of your budget is to locate appropriate funding for a vehicle of your own."

"Just so he can control that, too?"

"First time buyers require a co-signer, and he's more than willing to help you out with the task. Of course, if you're fickle with payments it's going to reflect on him and he'll have to react appropriately. All of us have gone through that. What makes you nervous about it?"

"Him taking away what I need on his whim."

"Father wouldn't do that."

Sanji glared at him for the condescending tone, as if Ichiji were addressing him like a flighty child. But his fingers did not relax. Ichiji continued to enjoy his nervousness, lips still curled with a slight smile.

"You're an adult now, Sanji," Ichiji then said, examining the ingredients Sanji had made for a marinade. "There's no reason to continue behaving as if you were a child standing in front of a judge and jury."

He fiddled with a bottle of sesame oil before asking, "You're taking Anger Management classes?"

Sanji wondered how their father had found that out. He'd signed the paperwork as "Blackleg", hoping that the subject would remain out of the family's reach. The thought that he'd been spied upon during that, too, caused him to think that Law's presence would be questioned as well. He was sure they hadn't expressed any sort of public affections that would bring their relationship to the surface. He felt his face involuntary tug into a frown.

"So what if I am?" he then asked. "I obviously have a temper. I want to work on it."

"Who is the fellow accompanying you?"

"A friend."

Ichiji looked at him. Sanji couldn't read what his eyes were saying, but he stubbornly kept his answer as such.

With a slight edge of impatience, Ichiji said low, "I wouldn't have sent the text if I hadn't suspected that this 'friend' was here."

Sanji felt tension in his jaw as he glanced out the window. The kids were playing outside again, screaming and laughing as they jumped on the trampoline. He could see the tops of their heads just above the fence line. He envied those kids. Their parents must love them to cherish them individually, to make them feel safe and secure.

"I wasn't aware father had sent you rules barring you from intimate contact with others," Ichiji then said lightly. "I don't think it's that big of a problem. We've all got needs that should be fulfilled."

Sanji recognized that this tactic was being used to pry. Because he was already caught with one thinly veiled lie, giving another was sure to invite trouble.

He watched his older brother push away from the counter and venture slowly towards the pantry. He opened the doors to inspect that, _tsk_ ing at the contents he found.

"You eat out a lot?" Ichiji asked, revealing smaller boxes with foreign addresses on them instead of food containers and kitchen supplies. "It's like you don't even live here, anymore…"

"Most of this shit isn't even mine! What else am I supposed to do with it?"

"Have you even looked in them?" Ichiji asked, pulling a box down and inspecting the address. He then ventured over to the counter top, placing it down there. He then indicated for Sanji to give him the knife without even making a move to look for another.

Reluctantly, Sanji gave it to him.

Ichiji used the knife to cut through the tape, packing peanuts popping out once the pressure was relieved. He set the knife to the side, out of Sanji's reach before pulling out a glass figurine that Sanji recognized as one of their mother's. An angel cradling a message board with an inscription atop of it. Ichiji held it up to the evening sun that filtered in through the window.

"I remember this," he said. "Mother used to have it at her bedside. Reiju probably thought you'd want it. She sends silly crap like this to all of us whenever she's in one of her moods. How many of these packages have things in there that were meant for you that you obtrusively rejected? No wonder she's been bitter."

Sanji felt some guilt and regret in him at the thought, glancing over the other towers outside of the kitchen. But he looked once again to his older brother as he resettled the figurine back into the back and lightly closed the flaps. He looked regretfully at the knife out of reach and had to suppress the panic he felt being without a weapon.

"Father also mentioned that you had yet to include a furniture line on your last few budgets. He was concerned when Niji reported that you had nothing but a bedroom set here in this house. Is this place too big for your needs?" Ichiji turned to face him, eyebrows furrowing with fake concern. "Or do you prefer living like some beggar?"

"I've yet to find anything that fits my standards," Sanji replied testily.

"Where is your laptop that you use to conduct these budget requests?"

"Upstairs."

"I noticed that we hadn't needed to pay for the security system, here."

"I don't need it."

"It's not like you'll be denied the line item, Sanji. You are living comfortably, and yet you seem to reject our offers without considering the details of this freedom."

"'Freedom'? This isn't freedom!"

"Your complaint is noted," Ichiji replied shortly. "You seem ungrateful for what we're giving you out of our own pockets without you contributing much of anything."

"I didn't - !"

"I feel resentment carrying the load of someone that doesn't have to work for it, so I might be a little short tempered about it," Ichiji interrupted him. "I'm only relaying the things father wants to know, it's not my opinion. If you want a regular life like a regular jackass, then do it. There's nothing holding you back."

Sanji said nothing because he knew he didn't have a choice in the matter but he recognized he'd only be speaking out of emotion and not rationality. He couldn't continue to allow Ichiji to pounce on anything that might not go his way.

"You cut down on the data on your phone," Ichiji then continued once he saw Sanji close up. "And you're relying on Wi-Fi. Did you turn off your locator?"

"Luffy found a way to track me down. I needed to."

"Ah…that kid…yes, I'll accept that. But father is concerned about your whereabouts. So he asked that, in this type of event, you'd carry another phone that you don't give out to the others in the event that this should happen again."

"Why would he want to track me that way?" Sanji asked sullenly, thinking about all the visits he'd made to various hotels in the area. He was grateful that he'd sent his phone with Law that time – he'd paid cash for his stay. They couldn't track him there.

"Because he knows that you dally in certain…company. He knows your temper. One day, you're going to run into the wrong person with the wrong intentions and we might be your only saviors."

"Yeah, just like that day those two came over here!"

"But did you _die_ …?" Ichiji asked without emotion, Sanji clenching his teeth once again. "Besides, Niji said you ran your mouth, again. Said you seemed anxious to get the lecture over with."

"I was going to have friends over and – "

"Did they arrive in time?"

Sanji didn't answer that, letting his silence fill the void.

"How did you explain that visit?"

"They know how I am. They assumed I lost a fight."

Ichiji nodded to accept that excuse. "I'll let them know to be a little more gentle, next time."

"How about it just not happen at all?"

"It seems like you've always required force to steady your attention, Sanji. Maybe you should put more effort into our requests and your obedience," Ichiji pointed out, turning to face him. Sanji felt himself tense up, unable to hide his expression as the tension suddenly racketed. His older brother seemed to be satisfied with the show of nervousness, and said low, "Go get your laptop and let's work on your budget for this month. Perhaps the reason why you had yet to submit it was because you forgot how to use Excel, again. The updates were actually irritating this time around, but I'm sure I have the hang of it, now."

Frustrated, Sanji reluctantly pushed away from the sink and followed the order. Ichiji also had him gather the bills that had arrived, looking through each one to add to the budget while also lecturing him on unnecessary spending.

Halfway through the activity, Ichiji lowered the phone bill down onto the counter, head tilted. Sanji looked at him before they heard the front door open and close gently, Sanji looked over apprehensively. At the approach of footfalls, he looked over to see what Ichiji would do and just barely caught sight of the garage door shutting softly in place. He whipped his head around in time to see Zoro sauntering in, looking puzzled.

"What are you doing here?" Sanji asked with surprise.

Zoro shrugged his shoulders, removing his hat and tossing it aside. "Law said you had something you wanted me to pick up."

Sanji felt his face freeze at the thin excuse – he felt angry at the older man for defying his wish, for inserting one of Sanji's friends into this when he was clear about his boundaries. If the man thought that this was a returned gesture for Sanji's part the other day, it wasn't appreciated. He felt like a kid caught in the crossfire, eyes snaking over to the garage door with apprehension.

Zoro frowned. "What's with the attitude?"

"Nothing," Sanji muttered sullenly. He swallowed tightly, gesturing at his open laptop. "I was just working on some things..."

Zoro glanced around, noting that there was meat left on the cutting board with the countertop messy with supplies and ingredients. His brow furrowed thoughtfully, dismissing the laptop and bills sitting side by side.

"Luffy's still mad he missed out on the action," he then told Sanji. "But he'll get over it."

"I wasn't stressed about it."

"How they doing, by the way? I heard Law got his ass kicked."

"He…is fine."

Zoro leaned against the counter while Sanji gave him an uncomfortable look, sneaking another glance at the garage door.

"Just 'fine'?"

"Yeah, he's _fine_. What was the thing I was supposed to send with you so I can send you off? I'm busy here, moss."

Zoro shrugged a shoulder, not bothered by Sanji's visible frustration. "I was eating down at the sushi place when he asked. Said it was important. Oh, maybe it's that bat Shachi lost?"

"I don't…uh, maybe," Sanji muttered, unable to think of this lost item. All bats looked the same to him, and he was aware Shachi had been trying to grovel up to his buddy over _something_.

"Shachi used it when he took off to that tournament over some weekend, but came back without it. Rumor is, he let some chick use it."

"I…maybe check the hall closet."

Zoro sighed noisily, propping chin upon palm as he looked over the bills once more. Sanji's face tightened with irritation as it looked like the man was in no hurry to leave.

"I wonder what it felt like for him?" Zoro asked wondrously. "Killing a man."

Sanji frowned at him. His eyes sneaked over to the side once more before he said, "Must've felt great because his mood was better. I suppose."

Zoro looked over at him. "Are you in a hurry, or something?"

"No. Obviously I'm busy."

"Oh," Zoro then said, pushing away from the counter, "Nami had found a coat in the car. Said it was yours."

"It's summer, I don't wear coats when it's a hundred degrees out!"

"I don't know whose it is. Come look at it."

"Do you feel that AC? _No_ , I'm not going out there. I'm happy in here."

Zoro released an impatient sigh, attitude changing. "This isn't a secret, you know. It's out there. I don't give a fuck what you two do, but hiding it isn't doing any of you any favors. So stop acting like you got something to hide."

Sanji gave Zoro a frustrated look. "I'm not hiding anything. It's just difficult for me to talk about."

"Then talk about it until you feel comfortable."

"I. Don't. Want. To."

Zoro watched him for a couple of moments, then ventured over to Sanji's fridge. He rummaged for an opened bottle of wine, sniffing it. Sanji watched with an unimpressed face as he then pulled the cork and took a drink. Then finished off the rest of the bottle.

"You damn drunkard!"

"Not bad," Zoro admitted, examining the bottle and then tossing the entire thing into the trash. "What are you making for dinner?"

"This is preparations for tomorrow – can you just leave?"

"Nah, I don't want to. This is been sitting out for awhile, hasn't it?" Zoro asked, looking at the meat skeptically. "It'll probably develop some sort of salmonella if it continues to sit out like this."

With a tilt of his head, Sanji sighed impatiently. He snatched the knife up and pushed the bills and laptop aside to finish cutting the meat.

"Let's make steak for dinner," Zoro suggested. "I had sushi but it wasn't enough."

"This is for tomorrow! I didn't plan on making anything tonight!"

"Well, I'm here, so…and I'm a guest."

"You're not a guest because you weren't invited!"

"What other wine do you have?" Zoro then asked, looking over at the rack and venturing over to it. Sanji looked back once again, wishing someone would leave. He then looked at Zoro as he picked a bottle out. Reluctantly, Sanji found a pan and dumped oil into it, turning up the flame moments later.

After nearly an hour of bullshitting and dinner, Zoro grabbed the wine he had been drinking and readied to take off. Sanji had finished his preparations and was unloading his dishwasher with angry action. Zoro noted his behavior but it didn't bother him because Sanji was normally like this – always in some type of rush to drive off his friends when he wasn't prepared to have them. But he was abnormally quiet, Zoro had to note. There were other things he'd noted that didn't make sense about Sanji's behavior.

He wondered why Law had asked him to 'stretch out an uncomfortable visit so Sanji doesn't feel alone.' It was a weird request but he assumed that the incident from the other day had something to do with it. After all, Sanji was a little sensitive, sometimes. Maybe he had been pulling away from Law because he felt some way, and Law couldn't reach him. Zoro wished once more that they had been present to that fight. Maybe he'd understand some of these damn delicate dynamics.

"You'll be at the game tomorrow night?" he asked, gripping the bottle within one hand.

"Yeah," Sanji muttered. Zoro thought he kept looking at the garage door, and while it was interesting, he wondered if he'd actually interrupted something no one was supposed to know about. Luffy had always complained that Sanji felt 'secretive' to him – maybe Law was right to suspect something. So it made Zoro feel uncomfortable in that perhaps Sanji had hidden someone that no one was supposed to know about. Maybe that thing he had with Law wasn't a thing at all. Maybe –

"Law's a good guy," Zoro then said unnecessarily, wearing an uncomfortable expression. Like he could somehow defuse the strange situation himself.

Sanji looked at him with puzzled action, but he ended up smiling with genuine feeling behind it.

"Yeah," he agreed.

Nodding, Zoro then left the kitchen.

Sanji wasn't sure of what that meant, but he had the suspicion that Law hadn't told Zoro everything. This was a checkup, some clumsy concern from the older man. Zoro didn't know why he was there – just that he was asked. So Sanji's family matters were still a secret and yet he had a feeling Ichiji had come to some reasonable suspicions.

Twenty minutes after Zoro left, Ichiji opened the door and walked in. He fixed his jacket, jaw tense with impatience. Sullenly, Sanji returned his attention to him.

"That's one stubborn asshole," Ichiji said lightly. "Ignored all your requests and subtle hints."

Sanji didn't know what to say to that, so he said nothing. He pulled the laptop open and resettled his bills alongside it so that they could continue where they left off. The evening had finally settled with total darkness, so Sanji turned on the kitchen lights. Ichiji lectured him about his expenses and tallied bills that felt pointless. Once he approved of the budget, he emailed that to their father.

After, Ichiji looked over at his younger brother, Sanji stubbornly avoiding any type of eye contact with him. He reached out to touch Sanji's hair, and Sanji jerked away from him.

"Sometimes I think you're still mad at us," Ichiji said with amusement.

Sanji glared at him, settling up against the counter with every part of him strumming with anxiety. He could feel the tension shifting in the air – like being stuck in a cage with an apex predator that was pacing in front of him.

"Don't touch me," he warned. "If this was all that needed to be discussed, then it's time for you to leave."

"I'll dismiss myself when I'm ready to dismiss myself," Ichiji returned slowly. "I'm done relaying father's requests and messages. Now I want to talk to my younger brother on certain issues that can't be sent by text or phone. How often do I travel to see you? It isn't like you have a job to report to early in the morning. I'm in no rush."

Sanji bit the inside of his cheek, his head swirling with panic. He shook his head tightly. "I don't want to talk."

"That's too bad, because I'll talk myself hoarse if I have to. And you'll listen. You'll also answer when I request that you do so." Ichiji looked over the clean counters, noting that the utensils were put away. There were no spaces to indicate that there was a knife missing, the one Sanji had been using earlier aligned with its mates on the metal strip near the stove. "This person you're seeing – the reports indicate that the victim was a drug user, with his brother appropriately apprehended with a similar problem. So…does he use?"

" _No_."

"The only reason why I ask is because I don't want you giving away your money towards something that only sucks what _you_ need from the budgets you're to submit."

"There's no problem there."

"To kill a man," Ichiji said slowly, crossing his arms over his chest, "in the manner that he had been killed that night suggests that your companion had a lot of pent up anger. Are you both…of similar backgrounds?"

Sanji found his eyes rooted to the towers outside of the kitchen. He could feel his blood warming with dread – the tension was shifting and swirling. His older brother was debating with himself on what to do next, and Sanji only recognized that feeling because he'd felt it so many times before. It left him breathless and scared, shame and guilt burning to the surface like fire. He struggled to find his strength, but it seemed to have slipped away somewhere, abandoning him.

"They're not his real family," he mumbled.

"Interesting," Ichiji murmured thoughtfully. "If you felt the same, would you have done the same?"

"I think about it all the time!" Sanji admitted tightly.

Ichiji laughed. He turned to face him, Sanji looking at him warily. Falling silent, Ichiji watched him back, allowing Sanji to feel uncomfortable. Waiting for him to look away, for him to squirm. Sanji did these things because he suddenly couldn't find it in himself to react the way he wanted to. The way he'd vowed to "next time". But every time always turned to "next time" and shame made him weaker.

"You exist out of pure stubbornness," Ichiji said lightly. "When weaker men would have already succumbed. It's admirable. But it'll be your undoing. Because the conversation you had with your green buddy there told me enough. You didn't give me away - you reacted to him angrily, like you were trying to hide a secret. All you had to do was say something, and you chose not to, to protect your shame and what's left of your dignity."

Sanji felt his face tense.

Taking a step closer to him, Ichiji reached out to clasp his chin. Sanji froze, every limb falling stiff. A voice inside of him screamed for him to react, to break his hand and inflict violence; but his body had fallen outside of his control. He could not understand why he still froze in fear at his brothers' hands. He hated that part of himself.

He felt so weak and helpless, so unlike what he presented himself as. He _hated_ it.

"Which tells me that you'd never say a thing to draw attention," Ichiji murmured, fingers smoothing along Sanji's jaw until he framed his face with his hands, forcing Sanji to look at him. Sanji continued to look away, Ichiji smirking at this pliant gesture - he knew all the signs. His younger brother was still afraid of him.

"Suffering in silence like a good little brother," he continued, hearing Sanji's breath turn choppy. He leaned down and pressed his lips against the corner of his, drawing out the action with deliberate movement. Ichiji threaded his fingers through Sanji's hair until he was cradling the man's head in his hands.

He could feel Sanji trembling, his breath emerging as shallow pants. His eyes had slowly turned dark and distant, focused away from his older brother's presence. It still filled Ichiji with satisfaction to see this.

"Don't hate yourself for what you've allowed us to do," he murmured softly, pressing his forehead against Sanji's, the man's breath catching. His thumbs caressed his younger brother's cheekbones, stroking firmly against his skin. Sanji stood stiffly, arms locked at his sides. "We love you this much to take care of you."

That little voice in Sanji kept screaming - an endless whine that resisted pressure to formulate thoughts. It took him a few moments to realize he was staring at the entranceway of the kitchen. That sound in his head grew louder as he felt Ichiji's breath on his lips, followed by the resulting pressure of a kiss he'd never forget.

All time and thought stopped suddenly as that endless scream silenced into a dull noise. He was numb because he wondered if Ichiji kissed his women with the same sort of tenderness, or if he were the only one. Those thumbs rubbing along his jaw line soothed him into remembering how Ichiji practiced on him to perfect these skills.

Sanji could not think of Law.

"It's probably best none of your friends knows of this," Ichiji decided, pulling back. "They won't look at you the same. They won't respect you. And your boyfriend? How's he feel knowing he'll always be last? Knowing you put _us_ first?"

 _I have a boyfriend_? Sanji thought dully as Ichiji dropped his hands to rub feeling back into Sanji's arms, like he'd emerged from the cold. Sanji felt nothing.

"I'm not interested in anything else," Ichiji decided.

 _Had_ , Sanji then decided, still feeling the weight of his brother's hands and lips on him. _Had_...

"But father wants you to remember why we're taking care of you. You simply cannot function like anyone else. This is necessary. Rules need to be followed, Sanji. If you can't follow them, then how are we supposed to take care of you?" Tutting, Ichiji lightly tapped the underside of Sanji's chin, then turned and walked away.

Sanji continued to stand there, thoughtless with shock and shame. His face felt cold and distant. There was a slow thud that began to make its way through him until he realized it was his own heartbeat. In the silence after, he slowly came back to life. He reached up to rub feeling into his face, words making their way into comprehensive sentences. He looked over at the open laptop and bills that were scattered around it.

He felt like vomiting but his throat only burned. With absent actions, he gathered up the bills into a pile and set them aside. He saved the document on the screen without labeling it and then powered down the laptop to pick up and put away. He spotted the empty wine bottle in the trash can and froze.

 _If his friends knew what he did_ …

He couldn't complete that thought.

Wasn't it disgusting?

Wasn't it weak?

That endless sound began to build up at the back of his thoughts.

Was he still a man if he couldn't fight back? Where was his earlier bravado and determination? Why did it always slip away from him when he truly needed it?

He thought of the way Law went after Doflamingo with knives in hand. He hadn't even hesitated.

 _He's brave_ , Sanji thought with jealousy burning in his veins. _He's strong and brave…a man that can use his anger and hate for him._

He thought of the way his body had slipped away from him the moment Ichiji touched him. It filled him with such hot, burning shame and regret that he couldn't move. His heart thundered noisily against his chest while that noise at the back of his thoughts built to another endless scream.

His limp fingers dropped the laptop onto the floor, metal cracking noisily upon impact. He continued to stand there with that noise ringing out around him, sightlessly staring at the entranceway.

 _Come back, come back_ , he told himself, but he wasn't sure if it were a thought or his own voice.

How could he do this with other men when his own family had rendered him into this mess?

Ichiji had said he was 'strong', but Sanji doubted that. He inhaled shakily but it felt like oxygen couldn't reach his lungs. His mind continued to swirl and churn violently – he couldn't focus. He noticed flashing coming from the window sill and glanced over to see his phone – on silent – flashing with an incoming call.

The simple sight caused that sound to die quickly and he noticed the laptop on the floor with a curse. He abandoned it to hurry over to his phone, noticing that he'd missed forty calls. It astounded him that he could miss so many calls. Texts filled the screen – from his friends, from Law, from Ichiji reminding him to lock his door and turn on his porch light.

He closed his eyes to settle himself. It took a few deep breaths before he could feel like he could function.

'I'm fine,' he sent to Law.

'No, I don't know where it is,' he responded to Luffy's question.

'I just ate, darling,' he told Nami.

'Eat a dick,' he sent to Ichiji.

'Sorry I took so long,' he sent to his father, 'but it slipped my mind. Thanks for sending Ichi out.'

Then he set the phone back onto the window sill. He picked up the laptop and examined the damage with a fretful gesture. He set it aside on the counter then looked at the tower of boxes that stood like quiet shadows in the dining room area. He thought back to Ichiji saying that Reiju sent him things that had belong to their mother.

How much of her was actually stored here?

He considered opening a few boxes to check but his hands lost the will to be productive. The house was heavy with stilled silence. He was numbly aware that the AC flickered on and off in intervals. He still felt frozen around the edges.

 _This is how it is_ , he thought aimlessly.

It occurred to him that if he kept freezing like this, he wouldn't be able to fight them. How useless was the thought if he couldn't react appropriately? He swallowed tightly. He reached up to press his fingers against his mouth, still tasting and feeling Ichiji's mouth on his. He wanted to throw up, but there was some comfort in knowing a familiar physical action. His brother still tasted and smelled the same.

How could he go to Law with the taste of his older brother left behind? The thought was truly horrid. With the talk Sanji had spilled to Law about his ambitions, it felt different to admit that he was still locking up in their presence. That helpless feeling returned with such a hot frenzy that it was difficult to sort out.

 _This was it_ , he thought with regret. All of the efforts he'd put into living life like a normal jackass felt as fruitlessly as trying to catch water with a strainer. It took him a few moments to realize that the lights in the kitchen were on, and the only reason why he noticed was because Penguin and Shachi were staring at him with a sort of expectation that told Sanji he'd missed something.

He focused on the pair of them with confusion. " _What_?" he asked, unsure of the question that was asked. He looked around himself, hands slapping uselessly at nothing on the counter as his body struggled to remember what he'd been doing last.

"What do you want?" he then asked impatiently.

They looked at each other with pointed expressions. Cautiously, Penguin approached him, Sanji looking at him with building confusion while he struggled to remember why they were even here.

Leaning in, Penguin asked, "What time is it, Sanji?"

Giving him a clueless stare, Sanji wasn't sure how to answer that. He was positive it was after nine, because Zoro had left around seven-thirty and the sun had gone down around eight – he looked over at the oven clock, but the numbers were jumbled. He couldn't remember if he were drinking with Zoro during dinner, scratching at his ear with puzzled reaction.

"It's _twelve_ ," Penguin stressed. Sanji was surprised to hear that, face giving it away before he could cover it up. "It's twelve twenty-seven, actually. Are you ready to go?"

"Go where?" Sanji responded with confusion.

Shachi gave a chuckle, shaking his head. It took Sanji a few moments to see that these two were wearing their pjs, hats pulled on without any consideration to their outfit. "Don't you remember, Sanji? Law said he wants your company, and had arranged for us to drop you off."

Sanji didn't remember making any kind of arrangements, but he glanced at his phone. He had the vague memory of messing around on that earlier, so maybe he did agree to do this. He wore a frazzled expression.

"Oh, _shit_ ," he mumbled with embarrassment, then looked down at his clothes. "Okay. Um…wait. Wait, I have to…grab…something…wait here."

He hurried off while the pair waited with discomforted expressions. Once they heard Sanji moving around upstairs, Penguin pulled out his cellphone to text Law what they'd walked in to.

"Law used to disassociate, too," Shachi said uncomfortably. "Just stand or sit for hours without seeing or hearing anything. He was right about this."

"Whatever happened," Penguin stressed low, "don't bring it up. Law didn't give us any details, he just told us to come get him. We need to use his confusion for our advantage."

"Zoro did say he was acting funny."

"I don't know why it's a big old secret, but keep it that way. I trust that idiot to know what he's doing," Penguin admitted begrudgingly, "so he's doing this for a reason. Sanji's actions speak for himself."

"He's being nice to us!" Shachi squealed.

"I know. Hopefully he doesn't freak out before we can bring him there," Penguin muttered pensively, both of them falling quiet as Sanji returned to them, carrying only his phone charger.

"What are you guys doing here, anyway?" he asked suspiciously as he then grabbed his laptop, looking as if he'd suddenly remembered to do so.

"You have your wallet?" Penguin asked, taking the items from him. "Where's your phone?"

"Found it!" Shachi said cheerily, locating it on the windowsill. He noticed all the unanswered notifications feeling the screen – all of them from Law. He gave it to Sanji. "You ready?"

"Why…it's twelve thirty, why so late?" Sanji then asked tentatively. "Doesn't he have work tomorrow? Why'd he send you two jerks?"

"Because you said you had to finish stuff before we could come over," Penguin answered, guiding him towards the front door with a hand on his elbow. The man was cold – he must've been standing underneath one of the vents that blasted with the AC's power. The whole house was colder than normal. He hastily indicated for Shachi to turn the thing off. "He's got a few days off to recover from his injuries, it's okay. Lamie needs help with him, remember? He's got that concussion, and we can't afford any more days off. So you agreed to take our place."

"Oh," Sanji answered on a puzzled mumble while Shachi snatched his house keys from atop of a box nearby, shutting and locking the door behind him. "Oh, shit, I must've…I think I drank too much when moss was here, I don't remember any of that shit."

"It's fine, it's fine," Penguin assured him, guiding him towards Shachi's truck. He glanced around, but none of the vehicles nearby had anybody sitting in it. There was no sign of a rental car parked in anyone's driveway. He felt unsettled, though, their voices quiet on a still street. Past experience allowed him to strengthen the thought that they were being watched. "Just get in, put your seatbelt on. We're heading out."

Sanji clutched his phone with that expression on his face while Penguin looked down at the broken laptop with mystification. The man was that rattled, he supposed, holding it with consideration as he and Shachi loaded up as well.

At Law's apartment, Law passed him a couple of twenties for gas while Sanji wandered immediately to his room with his items pressed to his chest. Lamie was on the couch, no doubt awake but not daring to say or do anything to the surprising visit.

"Thanks," he told Penguin low.

"I don't know what's happening, but once he gets his mind back…" Penguin trailed off with uncertainty. He couldn't help at the injuries Law wore on his face. "I guess that's your mess to deal with. _Jesus_. Your face reminds me of uncooked hamburger…"

"Did he say anything?"

"No. He's…a lot like you," Penguin told him with a frown. Law nodded, then said his goodbyes as the pair left quietly.

He ignored Lamie's curious stare as he staggered past her and went to his room, shutting the door behind him. Sanji was standing there in a daze, holding onto a laptop and his phone charger.

"Where's your wallet?" Law asked him gruffly, making his way to his bed.

"I don't remember agreeing to this shit," Sanji then said faintly. He was shivering slightly, Law noticed. He indicated for the man to join him, but Sanji just stood there. "You look fine to me."

"I'm not," Law assured him. "Come here."

"Hey," Sanji then said, putting his things down atop of the dresser nearby, "I was just curious…"

He trailed off while Law waited.

"When that guy spoke to you? Before…he passed? Did…do you think he was trying to apologize?" Sanji asked cautiously, fumbling with the words. "Because…when I think about it, it…he approached you in that condition. Was he always like that?"

Law wore an unsettled expression. His head pounded with a fierce headache but all he could think of was how rattled the other man was. Whatever happened…happened. Maybe Sanji would talk to him about it, maybe not. He struggled to think about what Sanji was saying.

"Uh…no," he replied. "He always knew what he was doing. As for an apology?"

It never occurred to Law that Doflamingo might have tried. The idea was too far of a reach for him to grasp. He was too angry and still too raw from what happened to truly process the details. Maybe once his head stopped pounding he could concentrate on it.

"…Maybe," he said low. He held the blanket up. "Come here."

After several long moments of consideration, Sanji pulled off his shoes and ventured towards him. But he moved stiffly and sat with considerable politeness at the edge of the bed, seemingly freezing. Law sat up and shifted closer to him, hands shaking slightly before they settled over cold skin.

"Jesus, you're like ice! Did you lock yourself in your freezer?"

"…Don't touch me."

Law immediately put his hands down as Sanji's soft voice erupted in a whisper from stiff lips.

Nothing more came out of that. Law didn't feel like sleeping, anyway. He propped himself up at the head of the bed, pulling his phone to his lap while Sanji sat there and stared off at a distant point in his floor.

: :

Lamie was curious why the men were reacting so secretively to Sanji's presence. Law's door was shut to her, but she'd occasionally hear their quiet voices. It was mostly Law speaking, and it was in such a way that it was slightly bossy and gruff. It made her feel like how she had when she'd first arrived and he'd taken charge of her as she settled in. Sanji seemed to be speaking normally, but his voice had a curious softness to it that suggested a lack of confidence.

She wanted details, but she was still angry at her brother for almost _dying_ , so…she was stuck in a weird space. She wanted to be mad at Sanji but couldn't find it in herself to be that way when she knew nothing of the situation. So she gave them their space.

Smoker had been helpful in replenishing their basic supplies and she had some reservations but it was Law's own damn fault. The fact that he was a police officer made her feel better but she also wondered why he broke up with Law. All things Law wouldn't tell her.

She thought of texting Sanji's friends but she felt that would earn a backlash. Penguin and Shachi had brought him over in such a secretive way that maybe Sanji's friends weren't supposed to know any details. Lamie knew what it was like to keep a secret. She knew what it was like to hide, and Law had already told her that Sanji was like him. It filled her with regretful reluctance but her mouth would stay shut.

It was when she was ready to walk to the bus stop to get to school when Law emerged from his room, staggering slightly. Before he could close the door, Lamie noticed that Sanji was sleeping in the bed with his back turned towards them.

She wanted to _ask_ but Law just frowned at her before disappearing into the bathroom. With a pout, Lamie waited for him to emerge.

"You feel any better?" she asked cautiously. None of the violent coloring that decorated his face looked any different, and he still seemed to sway when he stood in place. He did look surprised that she'd spoken to him.

"Yeah," he answered reluctantly.

Her eyes drifted past him with pointed effort, asking a silent question. All she got was a shrug in response, Law turning his back to her to return to his room.

"Are we safe?" she asked, because the question was important.

"Cora is still in jail."

"That's not what I asked."

Law sighed lightly before turning to face her. He kept his voice low. "We're going to be _fine_."

"But – "

"Lamie."

With a gruff sigh and a toss of her head, she turned and headed for the front door, fiddling with the locks. "What if they ask me?" she then muttered before turning and looking for his response.

"It's a sleepover. Tell them what you want."

"Including those two?"

Law looked annoyed. One side of his face was swollen, so his face looked distorted. His eyes still looked glassy. Then he shrugged. "I guess it's not up to me," he decided.

"But both of you are really good liars, so will we really know the truth?"

"Why is it any of your concern?"

Lamie gave the door a bitter look. "I just want to know if we're safe. I still feel on edge. I had no idea Cora and Doffy were here. I don't want to come home to surprises."

"There won't be any," Law insisted. "Besides…"

He trailed off, and Lamie waited for him to continue. But he abandoned whatever it was he was going to say and turned back to his room. With a sigh, Lamie left the apartment.

* * *

 **A/N:** Thank you **Naghi-Tan** , **Greeny** and **Harmonica Smile**! I think I know why I dreamed up the kid fic – this one was growing too intense XD It's also growing close to the end, and you guys know how I tend to freak out ending a fic…


	16. When I Got Those Blues

When Law awoke later that morning, he saw that Sanji was gone. Panic flitted through him for a bit until he heard the clink of glass in the kitchen, tap water running. Relief flooded through him as he tossed the blanket away and struggled to his feet. His head pounded enough to have him close his eyes, rubbing them tenderly with his fingertips. The running water shut off.

He peered between his fingers as Sanji approached him, wearing a sullen expression. He looked Law over with his lips pulling into a tight line.

"I told you not to interfere with my shit," he said low.

Aware that this tone was filled with tension, feeling that Sanji was intending on starting a fight, Law prepared himself. But his shoulders tensed.

' _He's a lot like you_ ,' Penguin had said. Law had to outwit himself, then.

"I brought you back to life, you simpleton," he retorted, straightening up, "so of course I would think that it'd happen again. Do you know," he interrupted as Sanji opened his mouth to reply, "how hard it is to find a dependable hole in this area? I've been around the block several times, so of course I'm going to be attached to one that I find favorable."

Sanji gave a rue shake of his head, that tight line relaxing ever so slightly.

"I get _clingy_."

"Get un-clingy. Because…I'm not like you."

"Of course you aren't. If human beings were meant to be carbon copy of each other, then we'd react similarly. But we aren't, we're individuals," Law said, pushing up from the edge of the bed, swaying slightly. Sanji looked like he was going to reach out and steady him, but he stuffed his hands into his pockets instead. He looked like he had the first time Law met him – standoffish and closed up. He realized he was going to have to use another tactic; putting pride aside, he held his hand to his head and attempted to rub some relief into that temple.

"Quite honestly, I've never had my head bashed in like this," he muttered. "It feels like my brain was reduced to absolute mush…"

"Well, if you weren't so _stupid_ to get yourself knocked out – "

"Didn't I tell you how often I tried to kill those guys?" Law asked. "Did you see how impossible it seemed? The last time a confrontation like this happened, their dog tried to interfere. Its dying howls still come back to remind me how desperate I was…"

Sanji frowned, leaning against the doorframe as his eyes flitted to the bedroom with consideration.

"I can't even piss right," Law muttered with disgust. "Morning wood makes it impossible already, but now it's downright – "

"Nothing happened," Sanji then stressed. "Nothing…that you think. But…I learned a few things last night that made me think. They're monitoring me. I'm being tailed. So they know I'm here."

"And what does that mean to me? _Nothing_. What does it mean to you?"

Sanji thought about it, then answered reluctantly, "They know – "

"If they've been monitoring you for a sufficient amount of time, then they know you regularly chose men for company. You might pay cash at hotels, but your activity was obvious. So what makes it different, now?" Law asked him. "They know you're seeing someone regularly. What makes that a bad thing? Unless they're jealous that their fuck toy isn't completely broken enough to have a normal relationship. Is that what you want them to think?"

Sanji looked upset. He glared at the foot of the bed in tense silence while Law tried not to wiggle about so much, bladder aching. But he thought that if he interrupted this now for basic human relief, he'd lose the moment. All that Sanji needed was some space to continue drowning in his own despair, and Law knew it.

Blinking repeatedly, Sanji said, "It's what they can use that has me…thinking."

"What the fuck can they do to me, Sanji? Or are you just scared for yourself? Because, considering that, it must be a good thing for me to think that you consider me valuable."

Sanji scoffed but he said nothing, which said a lot.

Counting off his fingers, Law said, "I work in a morgue. I'm a bad tempered piece of shit. I neglect my emotionally damaged sister for a piece of ass. I road rage unnecessarily. I don't notice when my best friends are suffering. I have a bad credit line. I live in a crappy area. I tend to avoid laundry until it's impossible to ignore. I have a drinking problem. I have bad self-esteem and I'm being stalked by an ex. Tell me – what can they do to me that hasn't already been done?"

Sanji looked at him. His silence continued, but his face lost that tightness. Law ended up squirming again, forcing Sanji to make a waving motion out the door to the bathroom. He grabbed his arm on the way out and forced him to follow him into the bathroom.

"It's not you I'm…totally worried about," Sanji muttered from the open doorway while Law sighed with relief above the toilet. "It's… _my_ thinking. All I could think about was how you could jump right in that confrontation and I…I froze. I froze like a pussy. And I…I was reminded that all I can do is talk big shit and not actually do shit when it matters!"

"It happens," Law said, leaning against the wall behind the toilet. "It was probably why I am so angry – so angry all the time because now it's uncontrollable."

"I can't even think of reaching that point. Not when I really need it. But it reminds me of how much I fucking hate men, and yet I can't stop myself from doing _this_ shit..."

"We're bastards. All of us. None of us are good. Not even you."

"I don't go around getting off on hurting people!"

"But _you_ go around making _me_ hurt by sending you nearly a hundred texts and phone calls without a response because you don't want to show others that you're feeling vulnerable. You don't think of how I feel trying to help you. _Or_ your friends, because you do everything it takes to avoid their concern when they're already aware you're going through shit. Then you turn around and accuse me of things that, frankly, leave me floundering. You're selfish and crazy and we've already established this."

"Plus," Law added, "you allowed me to confront my demons and coached me through it. You helped me cover up a crime. You're not a good person. A _good_ person would have called the cops and allowed the law to handle it."

Sanji scowled, scratching his ear before commenting. "What, did you drink up the entire city supply? How are you still - ?"

"Hold on. The tank's almost empty."

"You're so fucking crude it kills me," Sanji complained, pushing away from the doorway. He continued his tirade from the kitchen. "You're a fucking mess! You eat corn nuts in bed like it's not offensive, you drink, belch and fart like a fucking nine year old, you can't even use a napkin properly - !"

" _Enough_ with the compliments!"

"Why the fuck am I standing here talking to you while you're taking a fucking piss? You fucking crude ass motherfucker!"

"After being showered by bodily fluids in the damn morgue, why the fuck should I feel some modest decency in completely normal bodily functions?"

"Don't talk sense to me! It's the point of the matter!"

Satisfied at hearing some life to him, Law finished up. He flushed and washed his hands with a smirk.

"Wipe up the rim before you put the seat back down! For fuck's sake…"

With a roll of his eyes, Law managed to do so. He washed his hands again and staggered out of the bathroom, wondering if he should somehow remind Lamie to praise him for the efforts he took for her feminine comforts. Staggering out into the open, he shielded his eyes from the bright light filtering in through the open windows. He took the time to shut the blinds while Sanji stood at the kitchen counter with a heavy expression.

"Why should I continue doing this?" he then asked as Law straightened away from the dining room window. "When each and every time is just…as worst as the last? I mean, the dog last night – actually lectured me on my spending, on my life style, then…"

He trailed off, hands sliding up under his armpits as his shoulders rounded. Law looked over at him, moving to the kitchen. He used the counters as support. He would not ask what happened if Sanji's body language said it all. He'd let the man come out with that when he was ready and when he wanted to.

"You're doing this out of revenge?"

"I obey because I…believe them. I take their money because it hurts them, but at the same time it's like accepting payment for letting them - !"

"That's what everyone tends to think," Law interrupted him. "That's the normal way of thinking. You're normal. They aren't. If you weren't you'd be feasting on their asses without any regard to what people think, and you aren't. You're feasting on mine."

"But – "

"But _what_. What are you telling yourself now? The only problem now is what you're convincing yourself what to think and feel, so who the fuck is your real enemy, here?"

Sanji continued to frown, then looked down at his feet. After some moments, he gave Law a look out of pure astonishment.

" _Fuck_ ," he said, almost like a realization.

Law reached down and gave his genitals a tug. "Listen to your elders."

Sanji slapped him on the chest, causing him to wince and retract, the younger man reaching out with apology before catching himself. But he ended up hitting Law again, this time in the hip. "You're so fucking frustrating, I fucking hate you…"

" _Ow_."

Sanji's lips curled with amusement, struggling with himself while Law rubbed the areas of impact with a wince. Sanji caught him before he could rummage for something to eat, forcing Law to face him again.

"Is this sort of thing something that old man coached you through?"

Law uttered a deep throated growl, throwing his hands off him before turning his attention to the fridge. He realized there was still no alcohol available and grabbed the filtered water instead. He chose to ignore the question because Smoker was always the worst subject for him. And he hated to admit that it partly was.

Law then looked at him. "I used to think that nothing could change my world. Everything kept telling me that I…had no way of leaving it. But it was the little things that kept me grounded. Eventually, I got to where I am, now."

Sanji looked at him. He admitted, "You've changed since we first started fucking."

After some steady eye contact, Law asked, "You helped me."

Sanji grew uncomfortably antsy. "I need cigarettes. What do you want?"

"Alcohol. A tall can."

"No to that. Even I know that," Sanji told him in disgust before leaving the apartment with a slam of the door. Sullenly, Law sipped at his water. But he hoped what he said made sense.

He ended up sitting at the dining room table, feeling anxious while the other man was gone. But when Sanji returned, the relief that hit him almost took his breath away. Sanji didn't seem like he was in the mood to talk any further, but he passed Law a wine cooler. They ended up sitting on the couch together, watching day time talk shows and simply absorbing each other's company. Maybe it was all they needed. To feel normal, to be put back together again by the normalcy of a day without interference from others.

Sanji didn't bring it up and Law didn't ask.

But Law noticed it was time for Lamie to return, and Sanji seemed to read into that. He muttered, "Thanks for not coddling me. Like I'm…some fragile thing. I was pissed when I woke up this morning and you were hanging all over me with your snores in my ear. I wanted to stab you, but I couldn't find the knife you kept in your bed."

"Put your crazy away. I don't know how to coddle."

"It was humiliating when I remembered what happened last night. I'm going to…talk very harshly with those two. Treating me like a shitty mental patient."

"They're good guys."

After Maury released the confirmation and the crowd went wild, Sanji ended up nodding to agree. "Yeah…I guess I see why you keep them around."

"Are you going back home? Because I'm still injured."

"You're fine. You don't need my help."

"Maybe I do," Law said as Sanji made to get up. He grabbed his arm, feeling uncomfortable for a few moments before admitting, "I just feel …quite honestly, you spend too much time alone."

"I don't want others to feel like I need to help."

"There's nothing wrong with that. It's easy to forget you're a person when you're alone with only yourself to talk to. Stay here."

"This place is too small, and I don't want to make Lamie any more uncomfortable. Besides – "

" _Stay_. _Here_." Aware that he sounded almost desperate, Law added with uneasiness, "I'm clingy. And I want to continue clinging onto something that I'm afraid to lose."

Sanji looked at him with discomfort, but he ducked his head to hide his expression.

Law admitted, "I had two very good friends with me throughout this thing. I need them, and I know that I do. I can admit that. But you…you willingly take off to hide from everyone and …I think you convince yourself of too many things and…this is one of those times. Like the hotel thing? _Don't hide_. You can't recover if you keep on hiding."

Sanji fiddled with the book of matches in his hands, his hair hiding his expression. But after a few moments he pulled up from the couch and Law tried to grab him. It was a struggle for him to push up from the cushions, his muscles aching and sore while his brain seemed to rattle with the abrupt movement. It caused such an intense pain that he had to recover for a few seconds.

It gave Sanji enough time to grab his phone charger, looking back at him with regret.

"Thank you," he said simply, before leaving the apartment with a quiet close of the door. Law cursed, framing his eyes with his hands, struggling to quell the pounding of a headache. But the silence of the apartment wove its way through the rising ache, the screams of a victorious woman drowning out the jeers of the Maury crowd.

Law knew that utilizing all his resources to pursue the man was at his hands, but it was up to Sanji to accept those resources. Everyone could talk themselves until they were blue in the face to convince the younger man that they were there for him in any way he needed them to be – but only Sanji had the power to change and make adjustments.

Wiping his face, Law looked around the place with remorse.

: :

 _I want to be the man people think I am_ , Sanji thought to himself as the Uber driver sang along to her country tunes. _I can't be him when I'm with him_.

There was a part of him that cried out at his decision. It felt like a heavy weight on his heart. But his stubborn resolve stamped on that with determined feet. If he continued to allow himself the comfort Law gave him, he would rely on it. He would slip up. People would know what tormented him because Sanji would let down his guard. Releasing his vulnerabilities openly would tear down the image he'd so carefully crafted. After so many years of being this person he wanted to be, the thought of having it torn down because he relaxed his guard sent terror through him that he only felt in his brothers' company.

He closed his eyes. He felt regret inside of him for leaving Law behind. That man wasn't lying to him – he was truthful and opening himself up and Sanji had only slammed the door in his face. He pressed the back of his hand against his mouth because he suddenly felt fragile. The driver continued to sing, then talk aloud to herself as she negotiated the freeway at comfortable speeds.

 _I can't do it_ , he thought morosely. _I can't do that_.

It felt like a lump of heavy feeling in his chest to think he was hurting the other man – how did it come to this? He was so selfish. His own comforts mattered more than those of others.

He wiped his face with a shaking hand.

He'd go home, clean up whatever mess was there and put himself back together again. Stack the pieces up and check in with Zoro and the others. Feel out for any indication that Zoro had an idea of what was happening. Then he'd complete dinner preparations for the game later on that night. He figured Law wouldn't show up because of his injuries and it felt better for Sanji that he couldn't see him.

A part of him yearned to tell the driver to turn back around and take him back.

He once again suppressed that effort with his hand to his mouth. He looked at his phone to see if Law had texted him, but only Luffy and the others had sent them their daily bullshit. Memes, questions, plans for later on this week. _Normal_ things.

He looked out the window. To be a normal 'jackass' meant doing normal things. But every time his brothers came around, he wasn't normal. Life would continue on this way, he supposed.

And Sanji would continue to hurt those that he allowed in close.

He wiped his face. Exhaled heavily because the weight on his chest kept crushing him.

"You okay, sweetie?" the woman asked with concern, glancing at him in the rearview mirror.

"Fine," he answered with a pleasant smile. "Just some anxiety over the usual first world problems."

"You got that right!"

"Have you ever tried out for that national singing competition? I think you'd be amazing. Give me a reason to actually watch television," he added with a laugh.

It was ridiculous how his father wanted him to present to the world that he was normal when he continued to treat him like something that couldn't take care of himself. The woman answered him while the crushing thought persisted.

Were they really on a level of guilt, or were they trying to assuage their own misgivings?

 _They were winning_ , he realized grimly, rubbing his arm. Because the pieces he'd put together were easily broken apart with each visit from them. And each and every time he had to struggle to clean and salvage what was left in order to put that image back into place.

It was _frustrating_ , and yet he couldn't give up the effort.

He wiped his face again, looking at his phone. The woman was still talking but Sanji didn't hear a word. He felt manic all of a sudden, and breath built up in his throat.

 _Take me back_ , he thought, but the voice was trapped underneath the huge lump that was stuck there. His heart rate increased, beating furiously against his chest. It was common to feel this way returning to the house his father owned and allowed him to live in. He closed his eyes to quell these feelings, light headed and winded.

Nobody could make these decisions for him but him, he reasoned. Law had made sense. Sanji was his own enemy. He allowed those men to make him feel this way, and he allowed himself to feel this way after. He refused help, he refused the hands extended to him. All he had to do was open his mouth and _say something_.

But he continued to give Ichiji and the others their satisfaction in his silence because he was trying to protect what was left of his pride. It was all he had after what had been done to him.

He stared out the window, watching other vehicles pass by while they settled at the off ramp. Watching them turn and drive away without looking back caused his mouth to dry. His eyelashes felt heavy.

 _When did I turn into such a pussy_? he wondered morosely.

: :

Lamie returned to the apartment, slightly uplifted. Noticing the silence of the place, she glanced about with worry, locking the door behind her. Law's room was open, and neither of the men were there. She looked around the living room and caught sight of movement on the balcony. Seeing her brother standing out there, cigarette in hand, caused her immense puzzlement. She opened the door and stepped out, seemingly startling him. he tossed the cigarette over the railing like a guilty child.

"It's almost a hundred degrees out here," she with an admonishing tone. "What are you doing?"

He shook his head, looking tired and frustrated. She noticed that he was alone.

"Did he go home?"

Law nodded with a terse expression. Lamie waited to see if he'd talk about it, but it frustrated her when he remained quiet. He only gripped the railing to lean against it, lost in thought.

"So…what happened?" she then asked tentatively. "Or…is no one supposed to talk about it?"

Hearing her bitter tone, Law glanced at her with reluctant action. Some nervous twisting of his fists upon the railing was the only indication of his indecision.

"Sometimes," he said slowly, drawing the word out and then trailing off as his sight found something beyond the parking lot to see. "People have to help themselves. And when you can't do anything to change that…"

Lamie understood. Her reluctant expression reflected this. "Like our parents…?"

"I suppose."

It hurt, and Lamie understood this. The fact that her older brother was hurting for this man made her feel helplessly upset for him. But she told herself that there was nothing she could do to fix it, nor could she interfere with it. This was something between them, and she needed to keep her personal feelings out of it.

Giving a slight shake of his head, he muttered, "I see why Smoker did what he did. Back then."

Lamie moved to speak but none of her questions were relevant to the situation. So she nodded to indicate that she was listening. Yanking at the railing, he muttered bitterly, "But I can't keep standing by to watch it continuously happen, and watch him continuously struggle. He won't listen to me. _Fuck_!"

The curse rang off the parking lot and he hit the railing with a fist, causing Lamie some distress. But she knew he wasn't angry at her – he was only venting his feelings in a way that only pertained to the situation. Apparently, she gathered, Sanji did not want to change. And Law had to come to a decision.

It wasn't selfish, she reasoned. Because of the amount of pain here indicated that it wasn't fair for him to continuously hurt on the behalf of someone that didn't want it.

So her face filled with hollow feeling. She couldn't help but think of that conversation she'd overheard in what felt like ages ago.

"What if he does something stupid?" she whispered.

She heard her older brother swallow hard. But his fingers returned to gripping the railing, white knuckling the gesture.

"I need to heal, too," she heard him say. "I can't fix mine while trying to fix his. He doesn't want to fix it. And it keeps hurting because I…hurt for him. So nothing is healing."

His hands went to his hair, scraping against the stitches there. Clenching with strength that made her wince. She wanted to reach out and touch him, comfort him somehow…but she had to rely on her presence. Hoped that he'd continue talking.

But he didn't, and Lamie reached out with a supportive hand to his shoulder to remind him that she was still there.

: :

'I think that it's best if we use some time to recover,' Sanji read. 'I wish I could talk to you in person or over the phone...'

He set the phone aside without reading the rest and felt numb. He was aware that he'd spent the last week avoiding the older man, not wanting to watch Law continuously struggle to reach him. Sanji had already made up his mind, he'd already managed to put himself back together after Ichiji's visit. He had a feeling that it would come to this – he knew how frustrating it was for Law.

It was difficult to continue fighting for someone that refused to change.

The silence of his house – with all its standing towers, sat in the dark. But he'd locked his door and pulled the blinds, sitting on the kitchen floor with the scent of dinner still lingering in the air. This week had been a manic whirlwind of activity with his friends, and Luffy and the others had just left for home after spending most of the day with him.

Now, in the dark, Law sent him this text because Sanji didn't answer his texts or calls. Avoiding him to avoid the pain of disappointing him all over again.

 _But_ , he reasoned with himself, _this was how it was_.

Because he would not change, because it hurt someone who cared for him to continue standing by to watch him tear himself down.

So he wasn't outraged or angry – just…compliant. He was a tough nut to crack and that was his will. His own choice.

And Law had his own problems. He was still recovering from what he'd had to do to Doflamingo. He had so many years of festering anger and pain from enduring what he had with Doflamingo and to finally have a resolution to it meant sorting through the shit that remained. And Sanji wasn't helping any with his shit. How could Law help himself if he was revisiting his own demons by trying to help Sanji?

Sanji wasn't angry at Law. He couldn't be angry at himself. He could only accept that this was reasonable and that this was something necessary. It would be a pain to the others once Law stopped coming around.

It was his own fault.

He chuckled, the sound noisy in the still standing silence. His heart ached but at the same time…he wasn't angry.

: :

Law heard that Sanji had taken off for a trip to France sometime around Thanksgiving and never came back. He'd done it before, Penguin had said, relaying the news he'd heard from Zoro. He always comes back, so his friends weren't that worried.

But the year ended without any resolution to the story. And it was while he was browsing the internet during lunch was when he saw a news clip of a rather influential family being investigated for past international crimes. Law had only seen two of the brothers before, the backs of their heads as they were leaving the house but their faces were faces he'd imagined. Surly, smug expressions that with overflowing confidence. All of them were with money to make bail after promising not to leave the country. Apparently, they were hitmen for some clandestine gang family in their home country; so the scores of crimes tallied against them guaranteed a lengthy trial. Nothing was mentioned about past sex crimes so perhaps someone else had been lucky.

He thought about Sanji often, Law would admit. There was a void inside of him that had grown steadily throughout that time that ached. Always wondering if he'd made the right decision, always thinking about what he'd do if he'd saw him again. It festered where he was angriest.

But he was a stubborn man as well. If Sanji wanted to, it wouldn't be hard to contact Law. He didn't change his number, he didn't move from his apartment like he'd been planning to. It felt like he was _waiting_. The contact he had with Strawhat and the others was fairly limited and they didn't press him because they understood why. For two men that had come together without anyone having any idea how or why to suddenly separate for the same reasons was left alone.

Law was surprised that he was given this reasonable space, but maybe, just maybe, it hurt them, too. Affectionately, he couldn't help but think that Sanji continued to hurt those around him because he was just too damn stubborn. ' _Affectionately'_ because he couldn't be angry at Sanji. Just…sad.

He'd come to terms with Doflamingo's death, but it didn't make him feel any better. He felt the same, actually. He quit going to Anger Management because all he could think of was Sanji at his side, dressed ridiculously and earning scowls in his direction. It was too light of a memory. Corazon had sobered during his lengthy jail stay and had been sentenced to a prison term that guaranteed him freedom in a decade. He sent letters to Law, but Law hadn't opened them.

Maybe one day he would.

Law dated a few people after that – an older woman that demanded all his space and tried to mother Lamie; a younger man that got easily jealous; an older man that wore flashy clothes but deposited large amounts of cash to Law's bank account while bemoaning the loss of contact he had with his adult children over the matter.

Each of them with a certain amount of crazy to them that filled a little of the void in Law's heart. Lamie didn't like any of them, but she kept most of her opinions to herself because Law had found out that she and Penguin were dating on the sly. They were living together, now, in the same complex. Away from his place because he did not want to be traumatized by anything he might oversee or hear.

But Law still slurped down his beers and sometimes indulged in the cigarettes Sanji had smoked. He road raged, he kicked doors open, he snapped at people that tried to extend their hands to him. He missed softball – it was strange that he did. The activity had been soothing in its own way. He, Penguin and Shachi visited the batting cages to make up for it. But he "gym" with them, and it felt fine.

Smoker had been persistent but Law kept him at bay. Ignored the background checks Smoker did on his dates and raged whenever Smoker tried to insert himself into Law's life.

Despite it, Law struggled to understand the man because he had been in his shoes. Which gave Smoker the wrong signals – which kept him in Law's life. Because now he understood why Smoker had done what he had – now he understood why Smoker was persistent.

Occasionally, he relented to Smoker's company, but it always left him angry afterward. He was unsettled and chaotic, and nothing had changed.

 _This was it_ , he supposed. _This was his life, now_.

Not that he thought things would have magically changed after Doflamingo's death. He did have the thought it'd get better now that he wasn't always on guard. That was Law's own fault. Expecting too much.

One spring day, he checked his mail. Sorting through it, he gave a mutter about Corazon's persistence and grumbled about his bills but one envelope didn't have a return address. He closed his box, tucking his cigarette to the side of his mouth as he considered the crumbled edges and the tense hand writing addressing him. It looked like someone had pressed down on the pen and smeared ink with the same hand. Messy and chaotic.

He shifted aside as an older couple drifted to the boxes. Opening up the envelope, there was a receipt inside from a gas station from the east coast. Written on the back was a simple, " _I'm sorry_."

The receipt detailed the purchase of cigarettes and a pantry item. It was dated months back. Was this before his sudden trip to France?

The post marking told Law it was sent just a few days ago.

Law was puzzled by the gesture. If this was Sanji's attempt to soothe things over, it didn't do any of that. It only caused that festering void to widen. Was Law on his mind before or after?

Law stared at the words for some long moments.

Then he crumbled the letter and the envelope into a ball and tossed it into the nearby trash can. He smoked the cigarette with a morose expression, watching people enjoy the light spring air. He heard someone shouting from one apartment to another. The older couple behind him complained about the amount of junk mail in their box.

He tossed the lit cigarette into the trash. It smoked for several moments then died away. He wasn't satisfied with the light destruction. If Sanji wanted to apologize…then he knew where to find Law.

* * *

 **A/N** : I feel emotionally wrung out. Why do I do this to myself….? XD

 **Harmonica Smile** : These two…so stubborn and strong willed…ugh I get exhausted after intense chapters lol I wanted to capture the frustration of problems that don't really get resolved – so this one conveyed that. Sanji's family was caught but not for the reasons that they should have, so will there be a conclusion? Law is still sorting through his, months later. With no real change other than knowing he doesn't have to watch his back as much and Lamie could relax. But still…there's one more chapter to go!

 **Naghi-Tan:** She won't know just how much he'd been supportive of her because her brother keeps his words to himself.

 **Greeny** : Your review tells me I was successful in relaying what Sanji feels! See? You write them very well! I am pleased. :D (lol) I wanted each man to feel very separately about their near similar issues and not have the same conclusion, and the end result was this. Now I'm mentally exhausted.


	17. I Lost Myself And I Lost You Too

In the far back table of the reception hall, Law watched Franky serenade Robin with a song he'd written himself. Everyone was in high spirits – as they normally were – and the festive activity gave him a headache. But he was already on his fourth beer and last nerve. Why was he still accepting invitations to these things?

He was slumped in his seat, ankles crossed away from the table. He'd been promoted recently, and the task load had been tedious. The area's temperatures had dropped to freezing, and he was troubled with the bumpy break up between Lamie and Penguin. Lamie had changed her mind and Penguin was awkward. Law had told them both "I told you so", and refused to choose sides.

So he watched as both of them took deliberate measures to ignore each other. Penguin was drinking himself to numb standing while Shachi looked uncomfortable and Lamie was laughing too brightly with Nami and the others. Law refused to let her move back in with him, and Lamie refused to ask. She was currently taking advantage of Penguin's awkward nature by staying in the apartment they'd leased together, and Law couldn't help but be impressed by his little sister's bullying.

As long as his sister was happy, he supposed.

His phone flashed with the messages from a recent hook up – being called every name in the book for ignoring his latest tail and threatened with outing him to his friends. Men were fickle, and they always would be. He had to stop hooking up with the younger set – they were advancing with scare tactics and widening their horizons with demands; nothing he wanted to keep up with. Older men wanted to save him and he was quite positive he didn't need to be. Women wanted his comfort and security, and he was none of those. He wasn't a coddler or a comforter and definitely not an ATM.

He hadn't used the app since Sanji – partly because he was afraid of running into him again. He was afraid to be disappointed, to be rejected…

So he found these ones wherever. None of them were serious, but they were distractions.

He finished his beer as Franky strummed his guitar, and Robin beamed brightly with a smile that lit up the stage. Everyone cheered and Law rolled his eyes. The Strawhats celebrated as they usually did – loud, awkward and free. There was no food left on the table and the workers were doing their best to keep the dance area clear of debris.

He rubbed at his eyes, attempting to wipe away the headache growing there. Looking over his plate, he perused the leftover snacks he'd gathered and picked up a piece of cauliflower. He gave it a disgusted frown, unsure of how to eat it.

"From the top."

He looked up with a start to see Sanji standing there awkwardly, dressed for the cold outside. But his beanie had holes in it, his scarf was thickly coiled up to his jaw, and his jacket was obviously well worn. His familiar bang was tucked into the low slung beanie, and he wore glasses that hid his eyes and slightly altered the shape of his face. One wouldn't recognize him if they were passing by him on the street. He avoided eye contact with Law before gesturing with a flappy hand at the vegetable. The motion reminded Law vaguely of the way Corazon flapped his hands with inane gestures caused by a continuous need to be busy. Maybe it was nervousness.

At that moment, Law _wanted_ to make him uncomfortable. Uncomfortable enough to leave him the fuck alone.

"You can eat the stem, but sometimes they're not always clean."

Law let it drop back to the plate. He was wordless, mentally stumbling while Sanji stood there, hidden in the open. He even altered his confident stance to appear fidgety and hunched in. Law noticed the distinguishable twitch of his mouth and jaw. He couldn't help his disgusted facial reaction.

After a swiping glance towards the festivities, Sanji pulled a chair out and sat in it with his back facing them. He stuffed his hands into his jackets and Law scowled at him for being uninvited. But his mouth seemed reluctant to express himself. Sanji's knee jiggled frantically, but he seemed just as hesitant as Law to say anything more. Franky's song finally ended and everyone cheered, shouting out their congratulations and good wishes for another year.

Penguin noticed he wasn't alone and gave Law a questioning gesture. Law replied with a shrug to indicate "I don't know him," and left it alone. Giving him a skeptic look, Penguin then signaled for more drinks from a waiter that was passing by, abandoning the effort to investigate. Shachi just shrugged towards Law with an expression that suggested he'd given up on coaching his friend through his broken heart. Law lifted his empty bottle to encourage him, which a sharp-eyed waiter quickly attended to, replacing that with another.

Once the waiter was gone, Law glanced at Sanji from the corner of his eye and began nursing this one. Luffy announced that he had a song to share, much to a chorus of 'boos' from his friends. But the DJ allowed him to sing badly to a current pop hit and the festivities continued without pause.

The silence between them was too much to bear. Law finally forced himself to speak.

"So, you're doing this shit, now?" he asked low. He made a gesture at his own mouth.

Sanji didn't even look at him. But his tone was bitter. "I'm cleaning up. It was just another way to keep me dependent on them."

"So it's _their_ fault, now."

"In the same way I couldn't say 'no' before," Sanji replied testily but he clamped his mouth shut stubbornly.

"Is this why you disappeared? Good thing. I wouldn't tolerate that shit."

For a few moments, Sanji just rocked himself. He twitched when Luffy laughed uproariously at himself, Ussop shouting at him to get off the stage. Nami's shout of glee as she joined him caused clapping, Luffy protesting noisily as she took over the rest of the song. Robin clapped merrily while Franky and Brook attempted to follow along with the song with their air guitars. Somewhere in the crowd by the stage, someone was waving Franky's guitar over their head.

Sanji glanced back at them, then rose from his chair. Tucking it under the table, he said breathlessly, "I just wanted to apologize."

He then quickly left the venue and Law looked after him with a puzzled look. He returned his attention to his beer, then looked over at the others that laughed and cheered. On impulse, he set his bottle down and left his chair just as quickly to give chase.

It was cold outside, his breath visible as he looked in one direction then the other. A slight panic caused him to move in one direction then the other, looking for the other man. He didn't know what to say, but impulse left him feeling like he had to do this. He tucked his hands under his armpits as the wind chill left him almost breathless. He caught sight of movement down the street and hurried in that direction. He reached out and snatched the man's arm before he could cross the street and angrily yanked him back to the building's wall.

" _What are you doing_?" Law asked him, his tone filling with anger as Sanji gave a frustrated look, shivering. He still wouldn't look directly at him. "What are you doing here?"

Looking up at the street, watching light traffic flit by, Sanji shook his head. "I don't know."

Before Law could say anything, Sanji sputtered out, "I just came in to – to look at everyone, to just…see them – I just wanted to see everyone one more time. I didn't think you'd be here, I…I just…messed up."

His hands came up with a pleading gesture. "Just…can you just forget that I was here? Just…leave it alone."

Law stared down at him incredulously and he retorted sharply, " _No_."

Before he knew it, he ended up exclaiming, "How are you still so fucking _selfish_?"

Sanji's hands were shaking as they went to his face, wiping before covering most of it with his hands. All of his actions were wild and jerky, fingertips red from the cold. But he said shakily, "I already sent the letters. I _already sent them_ – everyone a letter, I can't just – I just - !"

Faintly registering what this could mean after putting it all together, Law could not lose his disbelieving expression. It hurt in a way that felt both personal and impersonal at the same time.

"You _wanted_ to be caught," Law insisted. "You wanted to be caught, that's the only reason why you stopped here. You're such a fucking selfish jerk…"

Sanji finally looked at him, face tightening before relaxing. He stuffed his hands into his jacket, looking down the road once more as he rocked himself stiffly against the cold of the air. He said thickly, "I already made up my mind. Even if I'd run into one of them, I'd still return on my own after the visit and…I've reached a point where I'm just…I can't think of another solution. Call me selfish all you want but I'm beyond the point of caring, anymore."

"Hurt everyone for a final time, huh? The last hurrah?"

"Basically. And now I've pissed you off, too, and…that's not how I wanted it to go, but whatever…"

"I've spent days thinking about what I did," Sanji then said before Law could reply to that. "And nothing felt right to fix it. I'm just another fuck up in your timeline and another reason for you to hate people. And that's fine. I didn't come into this expecting that I'd make a difference or an impact on you other than a negative memory. But…I wanted my letter to be the last you thought of me."

Law's head rung with a strong noise; it was probably frustration or the sound of giving up. But it was loud and intrusive, and it swallowed up the words that swirled around his tongue. Sanji was a stubborn man; there was no changing that. Even if someone stepped in to intervene, then he'd find another way. Sanji had always said he didn't want a man saving him; apparently, he wouldn't even save himself.

Law stuffed his hands into his pockets as he glanced about, the wind chill burning at his exposed skin. He'd left his jacket at coat check – it reminded him of the first time they'd hooked up. Almost ironic that their last would be almost as passionate.

"Okay," he then said slowly, Sanji dropping his eyes to the center of his chest. "Well. More than likely, your dumb ass will pass through my office first. Since your family is incarcerated, the first person I'd have to notify is a close friend. I'd have to call Luffy – "

"You can't threaten me with them because I don't care!"

" – and have him come down to identify you as a third party. I'm not going to sign off on that extra paperwork. I'll let them handle that issue. So," he rubbed his hands together to conjure up some damn warmth, "since your mind's made up, let's make a deal. In order to make sure you complete the task, let me be a witness. I'll coach you through it. Make sure you're doing it right."

Sanji made a disgusted expression.

"I don't want you to fuck this up like you fuck up your relationships with the ones that care about you. All half-assed and indecisive. I can pronounce you then and there and save on half of the paperwork I'd have to deal with afterward. It won't hurt me," Law then added with a touch of sarcasm, "because then I'll get to find my own conclusion. And it'd resolve what I felt watching you die. Just like it did with Doffy."

Sanji shook his head vaguely, looking angry.

Clapping his hands together, Law said, "So, let's go! Let's go do this because I got plans later on to meet with this kid that thinks he can threaten me over my dick pics I'd lent him when I was feeling lonely."

Sullenly, Sanji asked, "You're still doing that shit?"

"My favorite hole decide to recuse himself from my life, so I'm trying on others to fill the void."

" _God_ ," Sanji muttered with disgust, shaking his head again.

"So, _let's go_ , Sanji. Let's go accomplish your goals. Frankly, it's a subject of interest for me because while I'm cutting open other suicide shitheads, I often wonder what they do to the moment up to their death. I can watch this and settle the fetish."

"I'm not going to – !"

"You know, all this time I'd wondered if I'd made a mistake of letting you into my life, and now with you standing here, it's apparent that my indecisiveness on the matter can be resolved. You were a lesson I had to learn and it's a lesson I'll continue to carry. I can be angry at that, but also be angry at myself. Which fuels my fire that much more, and I can tell you this, I might be a crude son of a bitch but I'm also not a fucking pussy. No one can call me that!" Law heard his voice rise the more he spoke, but he couldn't seem to control himself anymore. Pedestrians glanced over curiously but kept walking. The night was too cold to linger. "So _let's go_! Let's go do this, Sanji! Let's get this shit resolved and over with!"

Sanji jerked away from him but Law grasped his arm and shoved him back to the wall, adding, "If you were looking for pity or compassion, you're not getting it from me. I told you I wasn't a fucking coddler, and I'm not a fucking Superman so I don't know _what the fuck_ you were expecting when you decided to get yourself caught - !"

" _I want to be saved_!" Sanji bellowed over him, then clamped his mouth shut. He covered his face with both hands once more, stifling a noisy sob.

Law relaxed.

"I want – _help_!"

In between his noisy punctuations of air and stifled sobs, Sanji added, "I'm tired – I want to be someone – I can't do this – I just want someone - I just _want_ \- !"

Uncomfortably, Law waited for him to muffle his words with his hands, leaning up against the wall of the building. He glanced about to make sure they were the only ones present. A sense of relief lifted the weight he felt on his chest. His hands shoved into his pockets, he took a step closer to the man, shielding him from street view. After some moments, he removed the glasses Sanji had been hiding behind, folding and tucking them away into his own back pocket.

His hands were shaking from the cold as they reached out and settled over the top of Sanji's covered head. He leaned over carefully, conscious of what was comfortable for the other man's physical comforts.

"It won't be easy," he said slowly, "but you completed the first step. Congratulations. You win a prize."

After fiercely composing himself, Sanji kept his face down, hands still covering a majority of it. But he managed to catch his breath. The warmth of the other man was appreciated. All of him ached in response to what had happened. Defeat and panic warred within himself for the biggest weight on his heart.

But he croaked, "I hope you don't mean _you're_ the prize."

"Oh, you have jokes now."

Wiping his eyes, Sanji looked at him but his eyes darted away. Law realized it was shame. If he could feel that, then there was still hope that there was truth to his plea. He reached down and framed his face with his cold hands, Sanji wincing at the feel. But he said, "You said you already sent the letters? Once they get them, it's going to cause a world of hurt for all of them. You prepared to face that?"

"Not only are they going to feel devastated," Law continued, tightening his grip when Sanji meant to look away, "but think of how they'd feel once they know you're _still_ here. They will want to be involved. Can you handle that?"

Sanji really couldn't. The weight of his actions felt painful. But the warmth he felt of Law's beer tinged breath on his face was so welcomed. Seeing that he was nearly the same man he was when Sanji last left him made him feel a little hopeless because maybe he wouldn't be successful. But the fact that Law was still there, involving himself with others, spoke loudest. For a moment, his mind went blank. Drifting away with the weight of nothingness as his decision sank into him.

Despite it…the thought of returning home to accomplish his task felt further away than it was when he'd dropped by here. The thought of picking up the knife he'd set aside for the task felt a little horrifying. The thought of this man being first to identify him plagued him with hot regret. The fact that he could _feel_ these things felt amazing after being numb for so long.

"Sanji."

Everything would come to light, apparently. With his family in the news with the crimes they were answering for, he would be safe from them. None of it involved him. Perhaps that horrible secret would die with them in prison. Maybe he didn't have to say anything at all. Maybe he could live out what was left of his life in relative silence, with only a few things to answer for.

He then eked out a hissing curse as Law deliberately kneed him in the genitals. Just enough for his mind to sweep back to the present as his body lit with fire. He couldn't help but collapse against him with muffled sounds of rage leaving him. Helplessly, he clutched onto his jacket as his knees weakened in response.

"Law."

Law jerked up at the sound of Robin's concerned voice behind him. Sanji stiffened, biting his lower lip. He couldn't face her just yet, but he heard desperate excuses lifting to his tongue. Law stepped to the side while still supporting him, helping to hide Sanji from her inquisitive stare.

" _What_ ," he snapped. "I'm busy, here."

Robin looked concerned, pulling on her hood while shivering against the chill. She couldn't see the person that hung from Law's jacket, but the fingers balled up in the material of his sweater suggested that it was a man. For a moment, she felt hopeful as she held up the jacket she'd retrieved from coat check.

"Your coat," she said. "Don't you want it?"

"Does it look like I do?" With an exasperated look, Law added, "I'm trying to convince my date here to at least go to the lobby bathroom but he's desperate to fall to his knees right now. So…"

Robin bit her lower lip. She was used to his gruffness. "Might I suggest a room, then? Out of the cold? The carpeting is easier on the knees."

"Is it free?"

"…Yes."

"I'm convinced. Bring me the key."

Robin frowned at him, but she tossed him his coat anyway. Both of them straightened up but she still couldn't see the man as he hid his face against his chest, his legs obviously weak with…whatever men did together. She didn't remember seeing the outfit, so she couldn't guess the man's identity. But she did have _hope_. After a glance at Law's irritated face, she turned and headed back inside.

Sanji felt angry at Law's treatment of the older woman, but he couldn't find it in himself to react as he used to. It just added to the turmoil he felt knowing that she would open up her mailbox tomorrow and find the letter he'd written to her with all his apologies. It made him feel helpless but resolute. All of his friends would feel things that his selfishness had caused because he'd made his mind up for one moment and changed it before he could fix it.

Law returned his attention to him once he saw that Robin was gone. He helped Sanji straighten up, fixing the lapels of his jacket. Observing his bare face for several moments, he then said, "I can't _make_ you do these things. I'm not going to follow after you, or chase you. If you want to do it, then _you_ have to do it. But…I can be supportive. Tell you 'good job' and all that."

Sanji considered his words. He felt exhausted.

"Will you give me gold stickers on my progress reports?" he asked shakily.

Law shook his head. "I'll give you my dick if I'm available."

Sanji snorted. He turned to the side once he heard Robin approaching them. Law stood in front of him while Sanji pulled up his scarf to hide his face.

Handing him the card key, Robin looked at Law with consideration while he noted the room number. "Be safe," she murmured, lifting an eyebrow.

"What's the point of living then?" he asked, pocketing the key.

"What should I tell the others?"

"I don't care. Tell them I found alleyway tail. Oh," Law then added as an afterthought, "if this kid comes around – this tall, dark hair, ripped jeans – tell him I took off with your husband."

Robin smiled sternly. "Look at you, floundering. Deliberately picking all the wrong ones to erase the memory of one. When are you going to stop lying to yourself?"

Law wore a grim expression because he couldn't find a response to that. So he gave an unenthusiastic fist pump and she smiled in light victory. She returned to the venue while Sanji tried to feel something about the exchange. But all he felt was a numb sensation to the weight of a decision he kept second guessing.

Once she was gone, Law turned to look at him. "All the things she said were a lie. But I'm not lying about that kid. He _is_ stalking me. I can't help having a good dick."

Sanji rolled his eyes. "Don't flatter yourself. I had to teach you how to use your dick the same way my brothers did in order to feel anything."

Law frowned because he had no response to that, either. It didn't feel like a taboo subject because Sanji joked of it with such dark humor that it often tugged on Law's responses. The only reason why he locked up was because he remembered how Sanji _did_ coach him into doing things he liked that both of them shared. So the shot of insecurity hit home. After seeing his expression, Sanji felt a heavy smile tug at the corners of his mouth. It felt awkward to do so.

"It was a _joke_ ," he said with some appeasement.

"Well," Law muttered. "Maybe I could use some improvement…"

The weight of what he'd done settled over Sanji once more. Seeing that he'd lost the man in his decisions, Law used his chin to indicate the side door. He used his card key to access it, then waved at Sanji to follow him. Sanji watched him from where he stood, indecisive. The blast of hot air from inside prompted Law to wrap his coat around his shoulders, feeling the wind chill from outside.

Seeing his hesitation, Law said, "I'm not going to chase you."

Sanji hoped he wouldn't. He looked down at his feet, skin reacting to the sharp cold that snapped over the streets. He thought of the letters he'd sent late this afternoon, and felt like he couldn't breathe. But he looked at Law once more, huddled against the door. The memory of the Uber ride he'd taken away from Law that time ago hit him.

He wondered if the driver had somehow made it as a singer.

After some moments, Law moved to close the door. But Sanji lifted his foot and took steps forward. Eventually, he let himself in, the door shutting and locking behind him.

: :

Lamie looked up from her coffee with an eye roll as the younger man pouted on the seat opposite her. He was a nameless brat Law had picked up somewhere that had been stalking her brother. She didn't understand why Law tolerated this shit. She was tired of seeing him stroll aimlessly through the complex, planning on _coincidences_ whenever he pulled up from work. She was tired of accidentally catching flashes of his messages on her brother's phone. She was tired of seeing him at the gas station, looking at her hopefully because he'd seen them talking together a few times.

Law never brought him around the others, but she'd seen them talking a few times in the parking lot. That was the _only_ reason why she knew this was one of those situations. Her brother frustrated her with some of his bad decisions but she couldn't convince him to make the right one when he was determined to make one.

Law had taken a call that he took to his bedroom – he was surprisingly calm in the events that had happened. The Strawhats had all received letters from Sanji that were pretty much farewell letters. No one had any idea of where the man was – he'd been missing from their company since last year. All of them were upset, but with no confirmation on his last location – the postage mark dating to a city out of state – they couldn't even start a personal search party.

Lamie was aware that it must have had something to do with the fact that his family was caught for international crimes. She didn't know why Sanji would feel anything about that – shouldn't he have been happy they were gone? Law never told her anything so Lamie had come to her own decisions. Based on her experience and knowledge, her imagination had grown significantly since she'd arrived here. It was all she had.

The kid had come over and made such a ruckus at the doorway that Law had eventually let him in. He sure quieted quickly when he saw that she was sitting there; she'd been visiting because she needed space from Penguin and Law was alone a lot. Her presence had shamed the kid into silence but he kept trying to talk to Law, who was focused entirely on his phone.

" _Law_ ," she growled impatiently, blowing on her coffee while the kid looked uncomfortable.

He finished up his phone call and meandered back to the table without any real concern. Considering the situation, Lamie noticed that he looked a little nervous.

He picked up his cup without acknowledging the kid that sat there. "Do you like surprises?" he asked Lamie slowly.

Lamie froze, but ended up furrowing her brow. It was rare for him to have such an expression of expectation. " _Why_? Now what?"

"I arranged for a…small party at the pizza place down the street," Law said, blowing on his coffee before sipping on it. He winced and stirred it a little more.

She gave him a suspicious stare. "Did you put vodka in that thing?"

Ignoring her question, Law added, "I've a big surprise I'm unveiling. I'm rather excited about it."

"Why?" Lamie questioned cautiously, unable to stop herself from feeling curious.

"I wasn't supposed to do it, but I can't stand having all those fucking Strawhats in my private space," Law continued, sipping once more. He glanced at the kid, who was scowling at him in silence. "It's the end of the road for you, kiddo. One of my exes came back into town, and I plan on enjoying the filthy rolls I used to have with her. You can watch if you want."

Lamie almost choked on her coffee.

"You're _not_ straight," the kid insisted while Lamie rolled her eyes and looked at Law for more information. "You're not fucking straight, why are you lying to yourself? He's lying to you," he then snapped at Lamie.

But she wore an expression that told him she did not care. So he crossed his arms over his chest with frustration.

" _Girlfriend_?" Lamie then repeated. "It better not be Sandra, again."

" _Mm_ ," Law murmured, sipping at his coffee as his eyes lit up, "Sandra. Why'd I break up with her, again…?"

" _Law_!"

"Quite honestly? My ex completed rehab, she took some counseling…I'm fifty-five percent sure I won't wake up stabbed by her. Of course, I can only think that she'll take the knife to herself. She's always been a little crazy. But all these things she accomplished needs to be celebrated."

Lamie made to complain when something about the way he said 'girlfriend' caused her pause. She looked at him with a start, unable to even express it. He looked back at the kid again, who looked at Law like _he_ wanted to stab him.

"Rehab?" she then questioned slowly.

"Yeah. A little drug problem. But she's over it."

" _Where the fuck_ do you find these rejects?"

"We met at a bar," the kid said snidely, glaring at him. " _He_ chose _me_. He is _not_ straight."

Law finished his coffee in a few gulps, ignoring his insistence. "Good thing I have an appetite. I can eat my fill before anyone realizes what's happening."

" _Law_!" Lamie exclaimed.

"It wasn't even supposed to be a big thing but it's time to get dirty. Rip the band-aid off fast and quick. It's been awhile since I got laid." He set his cup aside and rose from the table, grabbing his keys and wallet. "Be there by eleven thirty."

"This is happening _now_?"

"Text Strawhat," Law said, slipping his feet into shoes while the kid pushed away from the table with an exclamation. "Tell him this stuff. I don't want him bugging me."

Lamie called after him with astonishment while the pair left, the kid complaining noisily the entire time. But she searched for clues in all the things he'd just said – she didn't want to think that this was what she thought it was, but her older brother sure knew how to hold onto his secrets. The thought that Sanji was not dead or missing or _whatever_ – that he was back – her brother taking shameless advantage of his apparent rehab stage – _what the fuck_.

Lamie just couldn't process it without getting any direct confirmation. She was curious enough to draw up a group text. _Strawhats only_ , she thought bitterly.

She wondered if she should invite Penguin, then added the number to the text. Almost immediately she was flooded with confirmations and memes that made her chuckle.

: :

They all gathered to a table in the back of the pizza place, ordering up a storm. Luckily, there were a few customers that were dallying near the front to wait for takeout, so it wasn't as if they were disturbing anyone. Lamie waited impatiently at one table while the others sat and visited noisily while they waited for the food to arrive. She kept watching the parking lot, heart thundering with anxiety. If it were Sanji…she did not feel comfortable with it. That man had broken her brother's heart. His friends, too. How was she supposed to think of him any differently after he left behind such a big mess? She felt tense.

After what happened with Doflamingo, many of them had been carrying some bitterness about Sanji's involvement. Law had spent a few weeks recovering from the attack but he seemed absolved about the death. Not any less different, Lamie had noted, but a little more relaxed. Almost like he was on pause. She hated it, but she was powerless to change anything about it.

She noticed Penguin glancing at her, but she deliberately turned her head to ignore him. It annoyed her that she was like this. But now she had a good view of the parking lot, and she searched for Law's car to pull up. Most of the Strawhats had carpooled with each other, so it looked like a near empty restaurant.

But she saw the familiar blue sedan pull in and jerk to a stop in front. Two heads whipped about. She assumed Law was pissed and in the middle of an infuriating conversation or…he put too much vodka in his coffee. Her eyes strayed to the head in the passenger side seat. She then noticed with astonishment that Law had actually taken that kid with him, and he was sitting in the back. She covered her mouth because her brother absolutely confused her, sometimes.

But Sanji emerged from the passenger side seat with a slam of the door while Law flipped the locks so that the kid remained trapped inside. Both men snapped and snarled at each other, making wild gestures at the car. Lamie shook her head. The racket that suddenly erupted from the inside caused such jolting noise as Luffy clamored over the table, knocking aside full cups and plates as he shrilled Sanji's name.

The man could hear it from outside. He gave Law such a look that told Lamie he had not been prepared for this, but Law ignored it. Luffy slammed through the doors with Ussop and Nami following after him. All of them shrieked with joy and excitement, surrounding the blond with hugs and tears. Law slipped in and made his way to the table while the other Strawhats fled to the front, effectively clearing the table.

" _Oh my god_ ," Penguin muttered with astonishment. "You fucking asshole. _You knew_."

"I did," Law said, settling down at one of the benches and looking over the food. He made a plate while Lamie and Penguin stared at him in mute incredulity. Then he ate without saying anything else, which caused both of them to look at each other with such reaction that they forgot about their awkwardness.

" _LAW_ ," Lamie snapped out, hitting him in the shoulder.

"These guys were in complete agony after what he did!" Penguin exclaimed. "And he's – was – where was he?"

"France," Law answered with a mouthful of pizza.

"You two are not back together again, are you?"

Law stuffed pizza into his mouth, grease shining around his lips and chin. Penguin looked at him with disgust while Lamie waited for a confirmation to the question.

"You're such a fucking _liar_!" Penguin shouted angrily. "How is this going to be different from the last time he was here?"

"He broke your heart," Lamie said, as if reminding him.

Law looked at them both while he chewed, seemingly wounded. "All I contributed to was a suggestion. I knew, he wanted it quiet. So he did the quiet thing. But he kept bugging me. You saw how I can't get rid of that kid – "

" _LET HIM OUT_!"

"Oh my god, he _does_ have a kid in there," Penguin realized with horror, leaning over to see him pounding at the windshield for the Strawhats' attention.

"Guess I'm too nice," Law grumbled, grabbing a few more slices. "I can't say 'no'. Everyone always takes advantage of me."

Lamie reached out and slapped him on the shoulder before glaring at the table. Law looked over at her, rubbing his arm. He ended up smearing grease on his shirt while Penguin shook his head with exasperation.

She glared out the windows. It looked like Sanji was giving a clumsy apology to his friends. It annoyed her how easily he was forgiven for the shit he put them through. The Strawhats were too fucking trusting and naïve.

"What kind of rehab?" she then muttered. "He looked pretty clean last I saw him."

"Sometimes, we don't all look alike," Law answered while Penguin looked uncomfortable. Lamie realized that could mean anything, so she looked over at Penguin before looking at her brother. With the way Penguin avoided her look, he was in on it, too. Another person hiding secrets from her. Her lips tightened into a stiff frown.

"So, is he going to just play you for a fucking idiot again this time? Or is he sticking around?" she asked, jabbing at her pizza with an abandoned pepperoni.

Law was silent, focused on his food. He decided not to answer the question because he really didn't know.

Lamie glanced at Penguin again before realizing that, for his tough exterior, her brother definitely possessed a bleeding heart that forgave too easily. She was not happy.

"I still don't like him," she muttered. "I won't even give him a chance after what he did."

"That's shitty of you to say," Penguin mumbled. "He was always sticking up for you."

Lamie glared at him.

Law laughed as he finally wiped his fingers. "Penguin, does she have the bigger dick? Be a man. Reassert your dominance."

"Shut up, Law!" Lamie snapped at him while Penguin looked flustered. She stuffed half the pizza into her mouth and chewed furiously.

"I don't care what anyone thinks," Law then said. "My decisions are my own. You don't like it, leave."

"So this is a thing, this is…the _thing_ , again, and I have to – _we_ ," Lamie included Penguin with a wave of her hand, spewing pieces of pizza onto the plate in front of her as she spoke, "have to accept that you're doing this again."

"I said, _I don't know_ ," Law stressed, glaring at her. "Frankly, titles are stupid."

"You two were together for over a year before anyone realized it, so don't fucking deny shit like that."

"Wow, you have a potty mouth, baby sister. No wonder you're single."

Penguin rapped on the table as Lamie intended on throwing her food at him with a growl, Law watching her cautiously, his own arm prepared to cock back. "Both of you! _Stop_. This is ridiculous. Lamie, you just need to support your brother for his dumb ass decisions, because he's going to do it anyway, regardless of what we have to say about it. Law, you owe her an explanation because she was the one cleaning up after you when he left. If you intend on keeping this homewrecker in your life…then it's best we're prepared for it. With my involvement in several instances, _I_ deserve to be prepared."

Law sighed noisily while scowling off to the side. Lamie glowered at the table, lowering her pizza slice to her plate.

After a few minutes passed, a worker coming by to pick up some trash and refill a few platters with new pizzas as a new addition, he admitted, "We didn't talk about that. He's determined to do it alone but he will be staying with me for…a week or so."

"How'd he react to the kid, Law?" she then asked.

"Well, Sanji tried to pull the wheel out of my hands. Fortunately, we were off the freeway by then. He only wanted me to pull over so he could kick the kid's ass for sassing him, though, not out of jealousy," Law said bitterly. He wiped his fingers on a napkin that had been left crumpled nearby.

"Did you let them know that they're paying for this bill?" Law then asked Lamie. "Because all I did was invite them to dinner, I didn't say I was paying for it."

Lamie sighed noisily. Penguin sucked his lips between his teeth because it was obvious that Law was in a good mood. On one hand he was happy for his friend; on the other…

"Law, let the kid out," Penguin then said on a suffering sigh. "Let him walk home."

Lamie snatched her brother's keys from his back pocket and pushed away from the table to do it herself. She marched out with the two men watching her. Law then looked at Penguin with a shrug.

"So," Penguin asked, "is he…good?"

Law considered the question, then shrugged. "It's a work in progress."

Penguin didn't like that answer. He could only imagine what sort of terrible things could happen with two dysfunctional men coming together because they saw something in each other. "What about the family thing?"

"He's accepted the fact that he may be subpoenaed." After a moment's consideration, he admitted, "We don't talk that deeply."

Penguin mentally waved that away. "But I bet you both talk shit to each other in a way that you both consider it flirting."

"I don't pass up free meals, Penguin."

Penguin rolled his eyes. He supposed he'd only know for sure once the pair settled themselves together. Admittedly, he'd missed the signs the last time, but now that the others knew of their history together, it was pretty sure they wouldn't go to such extremes, anymore.

By the time the Strawhats and Sanji came in, it was obvious that things were peacefully resolved. Law did notice Nami shooting a look towards Lamie that suggested many things – he wasn't sure, he didn't speak _woman_ fluidly.

By the end of lunch (and second lunch), Law was exhausted mentally of his social aspirations. The Strawhats left, Penguin headed home – Lamie caught a ride with the pair, and it was fairly awkward. _Too_ awkward. Her confidence levels since her arrival had climbed great heights so Lamie wasn't the bumbling, shy woman that Sanji knew. He could feel her staring daggers into the back of his neck.

But he felt fine deflecting them, for the kid next to Lamie was glaring at him, too. They were taking him back to the apartment complex and Sanji was in disbelief at Law's gall. But it felt even awkward being back in Law's company again. All the counseling and therapy he'd received at the center had prepared him for the change in his life but when it came down to it, he felt like a fumbling mess.

Once they were parked, Lamie slammed the door and walked off without looking back. The kid left without saying anything and Sanji watched him go with a pensive frown. Then he looked at Law, who was looking at him. Neither of them had said anything to each other in front of the others, but they had spoken enough on the phone so that there wasn't a level of awkward detachment there that should be present.

Their conversations weren't deep, but there was enough involvement to allow emotional intimacy to show. No matter what Law did or said, no matter how Sanji held himself – both of them had to admit that there was affection there that couldn't be denied.

"While you were gone," Law said slowly, "I cultivated some relationships with others that sometimes pop back up."

"That kid is one of them?" Sanji then made a face that expressed his judgement. "My, how your standards have fallen…"

"My standards were low enough to allow you back in."

"And that's when you decided you were comfortable scraping the bottom of the barrel with your fingernails. I understand. It doesn't mean anything to me." Sanji scratched his nose while Law frowned, irritated that his dig didn't affect him as much as he wanted it to. There was a tendency to want Sanji to be hurt by him because of his actions, and Law didn't feel any reason to hold back. It was part of "expressing himself". "I don't want to interrupt your hook ups but I do ask that you warn me in advance. I'll be…nice…"

Law wondered if he should challenge him on that.

"I also ask for consideration for myself," Sanji then added, folding his hands atop of his lap. "Allow me to borrow your car."

" _Fuck no_."

"Then the bathroom will be fine. I'd actually prefer that." Sanji then withdrew his cellphone from his pocket, flicking on the screen. "I actually agreed to meet with this guy I've been talking to. We attended the same sessions. He wants to show me his room. He lives with his mom, which fits certain fetishes I have."

Law glared out his window as Sanji flicked through his messages.

"You think you can actually drop me off? Buddy? Pal? Then pick me up ten minutes after that?"

"You want me to wait in his mother's driveway?"

"Sure, if you prefer. It's been awhile, it'll be quick," Sanji promised him.

Law glared out the windshield.

Sanji looked at him. Once he determined the other man's mood, he warned, "Just say what you want to say, and I'll do the same."

"This isn't a _thing_ ," Law then stressed, indicating the pair of them. "Because once someone leaves me, that's it."

"Yeah…I know…so, how's the old man?"

Law returned his glower to the window while Sanji waited for an answer. He leaned his head back against the headrest.

"With your penchant for disappearing," Law began when Sanji interrupted him with, "I went to France because my sister was ill. Depression. She slit her wrists. She survived, but those guys thought it would be a great idea if I stay there. They found a clever way about it until the authorities raided the place. I left as soon I was clear but…I was done. Frankly, I couldn't go any lower."

Law looked over at him to see the truth for himself. Sanji picked at his forearm before brushing the ghosts of his shame aside.

"I can't thank you, yet," he then added slowly, "because it's still a slow process. I… alternate between thinking that night was a mistake and…I was put on a seventy-two hour hold while I was in there. But I want to try. I just ask that you…treat me normal. Don't…"

"Don't coddle you, right, yeah, I know."

" _Right_. I mean, you don't have to ignore it but…don't pretend that it isn't there. Don't act like I'm delicate. I'm not."

Law furrowed his brow. "Wait, are you establishing conditions here?"

"You can keep doing what you're doing," Sanji added on a murmur, "but allow me to do the same. Just because you are where you are doesn't mean I'll reach the same level doing the same things as you."

Law watched some kids play on the grass nearby. Bundled for the cold weather and keeping within sight of a trio of women that were gathered around someone's porch, looking at a phone.

"I'll see how it goes," he said.

Sanji watched the same scene. After some time, Law looked at him again. "Are you done?"

Sanji shrugged.

"Can we go inside and play? If you want, we can pretend Lamie's there."

"Oh, thank god you said it. I was wondering how to bring it up. Maybe she can join us."

Law scowled, gripping his steering wheel tightly in both hands while Sanji struggled not to show his mirth. "Forget it. I'm over it."

After sitting in silence for several lone moments, Law then said, "I thought about what you said that night. About…Doflamingo trying to apologize? I can't forgive him to think that he would do so. I can't. He came over that night intending on fucking things up like he normally does and he knew how to get a rise out of me. That was it."

Sanji listened to him, scratching lightly at his wrists. Then he nodded to show that he understood.

After, it felt like talking became a chore. Law lost his voice and Sanji thought about the things that separated them. The kids laughed and chased each other until one screamed for his tablet. After that, they stopped playing and hurried over to their mothers to insist on their electronics.

Law's phone lit up with messages. Waving the device at his profile, Law said, "I'm popular. I got two offers to meet, tonight."

"Then take a shower and go. I'll get settled in, go get some groceries. Do you still have cable?"

"You're going to…hang out by yourself?"

"Well, I – "

"I'll just tell them to meet me here. You've been warned."

"Should I cook dinner for us all?"

Law took his phone and tossed it in the backseat. Tossed his back there as well while Sanji looked at him with irritation. He crossed his arms over his chest while Law struggled to figure out what he wanted.

"I'm not going to do anything stupid," Sanji then said slowly. "I'm working on a new way of thinking and…I've reached a point where I'm interested to see how things will turn out. I started talking about some of the shit without identifying anyone and…it's helped."

"But it's personal."

"It's private," Sanji agreed. "Like you, I won't be blasting my story to everyone with an ear. Just…the person who keeps it in a file. I can think in terms of _I Can_ , rather than _Will They Let Me_. I'm…actually excited at starting my life again. I want to try this softball thing. I agreed to play with them."

Law wore a sullen look. "They didn't invite me this time…"

"Maybe if you offered."

Sanji waited for Law to find his phone from the backseat, texting rapidly. He received an answer almost immediately. He tossed it back there once more, the phone vibrating with incoming messages.

Tentatively, Sanji then said, "I don't know how to bat. So…can you help me with that?"

It was the first time Sanji truly asked him for help. It was a significant moment. Law didn't realize how much it would affect him, and Sanji hadn't realized how difficult it was waiting for an answer.

"Yeah, I got time," Law said thickly.

"And catch?"

"I think you already catch very well."

" _Stupid_."

"I don't want to sound like an asshole, but I am pressuring you to start paying rent starting today…"

Sanji rolled his eyes. The man was crude and vulgar, but it was welcomed. He didn't want to be treated delicately. He shrugged. "Yeah okay. You were the last guy I was with, so I'll settle for anybody."

Law scowled out the window again. Sanji climbed out of the car, then thumped on the trunk. Depressing the button, Law let him gather his stuff and then reached back to find their phones. He accidentally noticed that Sanji's screen was filled with messages from the Strawhats about the upcoming softball season. One was from someone named Zeff, asking him to come in by Saturday morning to fill out paperwork. None of them were some guy inviting him to his mother's house and he felt stupid for even looking. He climbed out to join him and they headed up to the apartment. Sanji glanced about the place with light judgement, remembering the last time he was here. It made his mood drop. But he held in his feelings, following the directions Law gave in where to put his things.

"I'm going to take a quick shower," he warned the other man, "so bust out those condoms. And if you even think about removing it in the middle -"

"I was just kidding!" Law scoffed as he looked over his bed, trying to remember the last time he'd washed his sheets. He never brought his conquests over - it felt too personal. But he sniffed the duvet just in case.

"Also it's been awhile so don't think you can just bust in like the Kool Aid man, either."

"When are you going to start making this romantic?" Law muttered, searching through his nightstand and finding a couple of condoms. He tossed them on the bed.

"Just one!"

"Get in the shower already!"

Law waited for him to return to the bathroom while he sniffed at his pillows, uncertain if it stunk or not.

"Is this Lamie's loofah? It smells good. I'm going to use it," he heard Sanji mutter thoughtfully, the spigot turning.

" _Don't_! Don't you dare come back here smelling like her!" Law shouted, throwing the duvet to the floor. He fumed as Sanji chuckled. Hearing the sounds of him under the spray of water, Law realized that he was feeling steady anxiety rise to the surface.

All of this was too comfortable. Too easy going. Should things be like this? He argued with and baited the man with all the comfortable feelings they had back then. After everything, shouldn't it be tense and combative, full of anger and hurt?

He still felt hurt. He admitted that to himself but at the same time, he understood Sanji's reasons. He understood his. He often thought he'd made a mistake but it wasn't - they each had their individual hurts to mend and neither of them were able to do so if they were focused on each other's.

It felt like their relationship had been a distraction from the things that had needed attention to repair. He felt almost undone when he thought how easy it was to snap at a man that only returned his bluster in a way that felt good. It almost felt like he'd forgiven him, and it just couldn't be that easy.

He did not want to fall back into that comfort until he was sure about Sanji's future. Was this a good idea for either of them? He heard the water switch off and took off his shoes. He stretched lightly before looking underneath the bed for the bottle of lube he'd dropped some time ago when his phone was quiet and he wasn't in a mood for physical comfort.

 _This is just sex_ , he scoffed at himself. It's nothing deep. It's a basic need that both men felt comfortable fulfilling with each other.

He decided to think about things later.

"I'm not brushing my teeth or cleaning myself up," he warned. "I come to this as is."

Sanji appeared at the doorway with only a towel at his hips. He'd lost his obsessive gym sculpture but still retained the shape of a man that paid attention only to the basics of exercise. Despite himself, Law felt excited looking at him again.

They had great chemistry together. That part wasn't hard to deal with.

"I see you still look like a fifteen year old girl, but not hot," he quoted dumbly, scratching at his ear.

"Is this your first time?" Sanji quipped with mock concern.

"It's the first time a twink threatened me. I don't know how to act."

"You're so dumb. Whenever you're nervous you say shit that doesn't make sense," Sanji scoffed. He crossed over to the bed, sitting down with a flounce. The shower had left his skin rosey, cheeks pink. He looked up at Law and spread his knees, the towel only teasing at what was there. "I made you dinner."

"Looks like I'll be starving tonight, because the only big thing on you is that damn month."

"You can leave your clothes on if you're feeling modest."

"I'm leaving my socks on," Law then muttered, pulling off his shirt.

"I haven't noticed your tiny calves at all," Sanji murmured, visibly appreciating all that was being revealed. He leaned back on his elbows while Law ended up looking down at his calves with bewilderment.

He tore off his socks and threw them at him, which caused Sanji to laugh.

"While you're cleaning my cock with your throat, I'm going to brace the headboard so the neighbors don't give me funny looks," Law said, both of them shifting about so that they could do so. He settled himself over Sanji's face, feeling him shift a pillow underneath his own head.

Feeling Sanji open his mouth to suck his dick down into his throat caused him a startled grip on the headboard. Sanji clasped his hands over Law's thighs, running his fingers lightly over his flesh while breathing through his nose. He then encouraged Law to fuck his face by using his hands to guide the movement. Law watched his expression while moving his hips into it, Sanji's hands roving over his ass and thighs.

It felt good, and all the pressing and uncertain thoughts that had been bothering him earlier were replaced by this. He focused on Sanji swallowing and sucking on his dick with appreciative sounds, the sides of his mouth and chin glistening with saliva. He pulled his head back to allow Law's dick to flop over his chin before his hands left Law's thighs to position and maneuver it up. He licked the length and base before giving languid attention to his balls. He remembered how Law liked it, glancing up to judge his expression. From here, the man looked pretty satisfied.

Carefully, he took one ball at a time into his mouth, swirling his tongue over the surface while trying to ignore the rasp of hair. Then returned his attention to his dick once more. He made eye contact with the man then ushered him to fuck again. The headboard creaked and banged slightly against the wall, Sanji bracing his hands onto the other man's thighs.

Tasting the bitter fluid that caught up against his tongue, he pulled his head back to catch his breath.

"Aren't you going to fix that?" he asked breathlessly, rapping on the headboard with one knuckle. Law looked at it then scoffed, pulling off from Sanji's chest. He lowered himself over Sanji's body while Sanji wiped his mouth.

Leaning to the side of him, Law tugged on one of his nipples, watching Sanji's expression. "Am I really your last man?"

Sanji watched him, then gave a tilt of his chin. "Why do you ruin the romance by talking so much?"

"I'm just curious...I'd hoped you were primed and ready."

Sanji pushed him aside, snatching the lube to examine. "This is new..."

"Don't change the subject."

"Neither of us are prudes," Sanji answered slowly, dumping a dollop onto his fingertips, rubbing it together. "So, no."

Law watched him as he settled back against the wall, knees spread. The towel pretty much kept the action covered while Sanji prepped himself. "Any of them someone you met more than once?"

"Why the twenty-one questions? Don't put me on the spot while you've got a kid stalking you. Also," Sanji winced as his fingers moved, "it's not like either of us had any loyalty when we went our different ways. Therefore, you had yours and I had mine."

"I know. I just don't want you falling in love with me," Law said with a wrinkled brow.

Sanji laughed at him, applying more lube. Giving him a pointed look, he said, "Did you think I loved you when I left?"

Law absorbed that answer, chin on palm. "Love is a funny word. For something describing an addiction, a dependency, a habit...it's not something I'd describe anything I had."

Sanji lifted an eyebrow, setting the bottle aside. He grabbed one of the condoms, opening it with a twist.

"That's good to know," he said, finger curling towards him. "But I never had that worry. You, on the other hand, well...you can be quite dense."

"I don't think what we had was 'love'," Law stressed. "It was...comfort."

"Comfort?"

"You knew what I was about, I knew you - there's no helping it."

Sanji considered this, hitting his hip to make him turn towards him. He gave Law a frown once he did. "All your talking shrunk your tiny dick."

Law examined this for himself, nudging at the organ with a frown. "I never had this problem with the others."

"You talk a lot when you're insecure," Sanji said with a sigh, grabbing his moist dick and giving a couple of twisting strokes. "Frankly, there's nothing for you to feel insecure about. This thing is...without a title. Right now it's sex. Later, it's awkward conversation while we try to figure out what we actually liked in each other. Who knows what happens after that?"

"Why would I feel insecure?"

After a few moments, Sanji dropped his hand. Smeared left over lube into Law's hip. He wore a guilty look. "I don't know," he replied softly, but his expression said enough.

Law looked uncomfortable as the obvious hung in the air between them. "I...couldn't help you if you didn't want to be helped."

Sanji nodded in agreement. After taking a deep breath he confessed, "If I didn't break your heart then, I...definitely broke mine. But maybe it had to happen because that was the mood back then. I was stubborn and had to learn the hard way because nobody could have changed my mind. And you know that. You know that better to anyone because that was you, too."

Law reluctantly had to agree but he didn't show it.

Sanji looked at him, fiddling with the condom. "I think it's necessary to be cautious. Not just you, but me, too. I think it's okay to feel this way. But...I think it's also stupid to pretend."

"No one is pretending anything here."

"But I'll take you up on your challenges and you will be the one that feels stupid, _and_ ," he added loudly as Law made to protest, "it's not up to me how what when you feel, that's your own responsibility. Like you said, I'm not going to chase after you. Im not going to push you. That's up to you."

Law grumbled, folding his arms as he turned onto his stomach to rest his chin onto them. He glared at the headboard while Sanji set the condom aside and wiped his hand on his own thigh.

"I came to you because I never stopped feeling someway about you. Not going to lie about that. That would've been stupid to lie about. But I'm not going to insist you be truthful with yourself because you already got this far without me in your life and it's fine, but you need to be straightforward with yourself and know that I can tell when you're lying."

"You cannot."

Sanji gave him a pointed look and Law avoided looking at him while he wondered when he was obvious about his lies. He thought himself a straightforward person about his thoughts and feelings.

"Stop lecturing me in the middle of sex," Law then complained, sitting up on his knees. "You always want to talk about feelings and politics when I'm in the mood."

"I do not," Sanji had to laugh as Law gestured for him to turn over onto his stomach. Once settled, he grabbed the condom to hold while he felt Law work to harden his dick against his ass. Pulling lightly at the edge of the lubricated rubber, he waited for Law to prepare himself before handing it back to him once he snapped his fingers.

Resting his chin on his folded arms, he said, "I think things will be easier this time around. You're more relaxed if you're being obvious about your choices, and I have a different mindset to things."

"You assume that what we had is going to happen again," Law grumbled as he tossed the condom aside and snatched up the other. Once he had it on, he poked around a bit until Sanji shifted to receive him and he could work his way in. Slowly, with consideration. "I enjoy having my choices."

"Yeah, it looks like it," Sanji said with a wince, trying to relax enough to let the other man's dick in. "Bad choices always lead up to better ones."

"One day I'll make on a good choice but today isn't that day," Law promised, hands on Sanji's hips as he watched himself slowly disappear into Sanji's body, "I'll definitely make a better choice with someone who doesn't talk a lot."

Sanji pushed up onto his knees, hands reaching behind him to clutch what he could of the other man, his body aligning against his. His breath was short and choppy as his fingers caressed lightly over Law's skin, reached up to smooth over the short strands of hair at the back of his neck.

"Me, too," he complained, feeling the hot throb at his ass, the familiarity of the act. "I want someone who doesn't question everything while his dick is up my ass. I just want to be fucked so I can wash up and leave."

Adjusting his hold from Sanji's hips to run his hands up and down the length of his sides, Law struggled to focus on the act while he waited for permission to move. He inhaled deeply of the familiar scent of Sanji's skin, the familiar crooks and angles at his hands. His fingers focused briefly on the younger man's nipples as his skin seemed to sing at the feel of Sanji touching him in return.

He leaned down to bite lightly at his ears, feeling him tense and catch his breath. He licked the shell before moving his hips slowly, looking for cues. One of Sanji's hands reached back to curl into his hair, the other curling around Law's hips. He forced him to pause while he struggled to adjust, breath tight.

Law ignored the signal with a rough thrust, Sanji changing his grasp to brace himself against the headboard. "Only your body tells me the truth," Law grumbled against the side of his head, Sanji grunting in response.

"Cheesy," he complained breathlessly. "Fucking cheesy."

Sanji barked out a laugh, grunting lightly as the pressure built. With one hand he braced himself, the other moving down to stroke himself. Law fisted his hand into Sanji's hair, forcing his head to the side so he could bite at his neck. Sanji moaned noisily, shuddering against him. He had to release himself to hold himself tightly, his skin breaking out in goosebumps. Law licked the areas he bit, enjoying the other man's reaction. He focused attention to the tendons in Sanji's neck before moving up to his earlobes. Tugging with his teeth before licking into the shallow hole above it. Sanji shivered again, nails digging briefly into Law's hip. He scratched lightly as their hips moved in tandem, headboard banging lightly against the wall.

Minutes later, Sanji cursed noisily as his face and neck reddened with his orgasm, his head hanging over the edge of the bed while Law pounded at him from over him. He stroked himself until he couldn't anymore, legs weak as Law kept them spread. He was still moving, personally satisfied as Sanji suffered a fast orgasm compared to his stamina. Sanji lifted his head as his breath left him choppily, but his expression was determined. He reached up to pull Law's head down, wrapping his legs around his sweaty hips.

He spoke dirty while licking the other man's lips, pushing up against him and clenching with his strokes. Scratched his back and bit his shoulders, squeezing his legs at the same time. It didn't take long after that before Law shuddered over him, Sanji squeezing his glutes in the way Law liked when he reached his point. Massaging roughly once the man relaxed over him, forehead tucked up against Sanji's head, Sanji struggled to get his wits back.

Both of them breathed heavily, bodies stuck together with combined sweat. But Sanji couldn't breathe and pushed him off to the side while settling for space. His arms then hung off the edge of the bed while Laws fell to the floor. After a moment, Sanji leaned against him and felt for assurance in a suspicion that hit him suddenly.

Once he felt the condom he relaxed and Law laughed.

" _Finally_ ," Sanji commented with a sigh. "Peace and quiet."

Law chuckled again and couldn't formulate any more thoughts. He looked over at the man that wiped his forehead and face with both hands. He couldn't stop himself from reaching out to settle his own hand over his chest, feeling the reassuring thump of Sanji's heart. He squeezed and had to admit to himself that he wanted to settle back into this. It was too familiar, too comfortable, and it felt right in a way that he couldn't find elsewhere. He wanted it.

Sanji dropped a hand over his and gave him a reassuring squeeze.

: :

"Well? It's a thing now, huh?"

Law crammed his mouth with a chicken wrap while Penguin waited for his answer. But he got it because of the way Law avoided the question.

Penguin sighed. "Well...I guess it is what it is."

Law shrugged. "The sex is good."

Penguin made a sour expression. "I don't want to hear that."

He looked over to the kid sitting at the table, who was near tears. The batting cages were active, and the trio were taking advantage of the lunch time specials at the grill.

"Not that it's world news," Law added, dipping his wrap into mustard, "but...sometimes when you find a habit you like, it's hard to think of it as a bad thing. And I'm working on admitting these things to myself."

Penguin looked uncomfortable. But he had to admit that this was progress. Law admitting these things was better than hearing him deny and pretend while lying that he wasn't affected. He didn't like the idea of this; he didn't like the potential for disaster. But he had to admit that both of them were trying. In the days after his arrival, Sanji seemed easier going and positively subdued. Law seemed calmer. It was hard continuing to think suspiciously when his friend seemed in such a better mood.

"You'll get over him once you realize your mistake," the kid sniffled, Penguin looking at him with immense confusion. "Guys like that don't stick around for very long."

Law eyed him with consideration then asked, "Where'd you come from?"

Penguin interrupted the blow-up once the kid slammed his hands down on the table to scream at him. He asked Law, "Then you're out with it?"

"If people want to ask, they'll get an answer."

"Um...what...what does Lamie think?"

"She doesn't get to decide what I do. This is payback."

Penguin scoffed at him, looking sour. He rapped the table with his knuckles. "He still isn't forgiven for the parking lot thing."

"He did it because he understood me the most," Law said slowly. "And that's all I'll say about that."

"You almost _died_."

"But if he'd stopped it, Doffy would still be alive and I'd be planning for next time."

Penguin frowned, considering it. He then muttered, "I'm still angry about it."

"You guys can feel one way about it but in the end we're the ones fucking."

Penguin sighed, having to accept it. He looked at the kid, who was fiddling with one of the ripped holes in his jeans then noticed Law looking off to the side. It was hard to deny how his expression lit up.

"God, he's such an idiot," Law muttered, but there wasn't any sort of bitterness in the tone.

"Luffy being here is going to cause everyone problems," Penguin said, digging out some aspirin from his jeans pocket. He sighed heavily once again and washed the pills down with his soda while the kid looked over with a bitter expression. Luffy immediately veered towards them, scanning their food options, both Law and Penguin hording their food to their chest with protective measures. Sanji looked at the kid, who instantly slunk away from the table and headed for the exit.

He set his brand new bat down onto the table while Luffy headed for the grill. "I'm here."

"About time," Law commented, wincing at the sight of his baseball tee that hung too loose at the shoulders, tucked into a pair of skinny jeans that left nothing to the imagination and sneakers that had just left their box. " _God_. You look like a _dork_. When you're out doing manly things, please dress like a man. No one wants to be seen with you."

"Eyes _up_ , then." Sanji pulled on his baseball hat and smirked at him. "Well, let's get to it. I don't want to be here all day. I've got a date."

"With who? Momma's boy?" Law asked, sliding off his stool while abandoning his food. Both of them walked to the cages, snapping (flirting) at each other. Penguin watched them go. He shook his head and reached over to finish the rest of Law's food.

It wasn't up to anyone else to ensure happiness, but considering the circumstances, those two sure had it made.

* * *

 **A/N:** Yes…THAT Sandra…I love her like she loves her younger men XD

 _ **Thank you Naghi-Tan, Harmonica Smile, Sarge 1130, Greeny, Snowflake97 and Hallconen for reviewing, but also thank you all**_ for reading this story! Quite honestly, Sanji was supposed to permanently disappear without a resolved ending. It had to coincide with the title of this story– buuuuuttttt OP Chapter 931 changed all that. I'm riding the waves of LawSan being acknowledged as a ship and not just a crack of my imagination! I'm happy and showing it!


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